Weekend

Oddly enough, even though I don't go to work anymore I still really love the weekend, or the idea of the weekend. Mostly I think it's because HUBS is home and we can watch movies and chill and surf the internet together (separate computers).

I also hate weekends a little bit, too. Every Sunday I have to finish applying for jobs for the week so I can send in my report to the unemployment people and get my check for the coming week. I almost always end up crying when I search job boards because it takes forever to find something decent to apply to. Here's how the paranoia goes: I don't find any jobs worth applying to, I have to lie about the number of jobs to the unemployment office, they exercise their right to have me show proof that I sent out a certain number of resumes and find out I lied and send me to prison.

Have a great weekend everyone. Pray for me...

Long Time Gone

I know. Before yesterday's post it'd been over a month since I posted anything. Honestly I'm feeling a little boring right now, not to mention stressed.

See, the wedding fervor (as reletively minor as it was) is over and so is the honeymoon. I'm even over longing to be back on vacation. Now there's only one thing on my plate again...job searching. It's boring and scary and I feel lonely and useless quite often. How fun would it be to read about that everyday? Right, well imagine actually feeling it and writing about it all the time.

I've been out of work for a full 9 months. I've had 2 interviews that went nowhere and gotten not-even-part-time work as a freelance writer/photographer for a website. Sending my resume's to friends and asking for leads didn't help. Signing up for numerous networking sites hasn't helped.



Money is really tight, and when I say tight I mean HUBS and I have roughly $400 leftover every month for non-bills. It has to take care of groceries, gas in the cars, perscriptions, doc visits, personal grooming products, etc. Not to mention all the little household extras that pop up. Like the tree that was uprooted in our backyard because of the remnants of Ike (see the above tree that used to stand up straight). The cost to remove said tree before it crushes our fence and neighbor's dog house (maybe with dog in it)? Around $500. This money is also know as things-we-put-on-credit-card-because-we've-used-all-our-savings-and-this-is-kinda-urgent. We've used a lot of that kind of money and the bills are now outrageously high.

Any ideas? From anyone? How the fuck do I get a decent paying job that won't bore me to tears? For me that means something where I can write creatively or take pictures or help with marketing or pr. What the shit am I doing wrong?

Again with the Phelps

So, just when HUBS and I were finally getting over our Olympic-based Phelps Fatigue (HUBS' phrase), the boy had to go and host the season premiere of SNL. I fully admit that I couldn't commit to watching it. I'd surf over to my local NBC station, sit for a few seconds and then start flipping channels again. It's not like I have anything against the guy, I just got tired of ALL THE PHELPS LOVE ALL THE TIME. Like other folks weren't winning gold medals.

Back to SNL. Did Lil' Wayne's second song make anyone else feel like they were going to have a seizure? How about a stroke? Actually, now that I see him in that photo I realize that that's enough to cause me to seize out.

Pre-Wedding Prep

First off, let me just say that I know it's been eons since I posted on a regular basis. July really took it outta me. Even though we had a relatively simple, small wedding (we invited about 75 people) it was still a nerve-wracking process. I took it upon myself to get creative and actually make some stuff myself.


Like the invitations. I used postcards because the postage is still kinda cheap and just asked people to rsvp to my email or phone number. I got card stock which ended up being too thick for the stupid printer at Kinko's (I had to use their card stock, since I'd intended to use my own, though, they didn't charge me for it), flowered rubber stamps, ink pads in gold and purple, and played around with free fonts until I found a cool one. I think they turned out well.


I also made the programs myself. I used another free font that I found and even made a monogram myself. This wasn't as hard as it seems, but because I got angry every step of the way, it took longer. Getting the positioning of everything on the program right took quite a bit of time. I wanted it big enough so that our old relatives could read it and yet small enough to fit on one page. HUBS helped, and we finally got it to work. I forgot to have them printed early, so we had to run to Kinko's RIGHT BEFORE we left for the wedding. So, um, we were late...We meant to get to the hall at 11am and instead it was more like 11:20. We got there and pretty much everyone we invited was already there looking at us like we were crazy because we weren't ready yet. After all that, you know what? Hardly anybody took a program. I'm still pissed about that...


I made the flower girl "basket" myself. This was actually a cone made from card stock that I stamped with one of my invite stamps and ran a ribbon through for a handle. If you try this, use regular paper, the card stock is harder to cone-ify.



I also made simple bouquets for myself and my one attendant, my Lady of Honor (I don't like Matron of Honor, who can feel cool with that title?). That's her above with the flowers. Doesn't she look pretty? Since I was a total lazy-ass the day before the wedding, I had to run around right before closing to the stores I was planning to get my flowers from. I didn't even know what exactly I wanted, I just knew I wanted white and purple if possible. I tried Trader Joe's first, but they were closed when I got there. I drove like a maniac down the street to Whole Foods. I considered lots of different flowers, but most of them, though pretty, were very stem-y. Meaning, they'd take a lot of work to get in bouquet-carrying form. I was about to walk off with peonies or something when I spotted cheap ($5 a bunch), small, purple and white mini calla lilies. I got two purple bunches, one white and one where each flower had both colors and left a happy woman. I made the bouquets the following morning, that's right, a couple of hours before the wedding. I may be the best procrastinator in the UNIVERSE.



I had my regular hair lady perfect my do for the hitchin' day, but I was not about to get up at the crack of dawn. I went in the day before, around 6pm. I got out a lot later than I thought I would and this is why I was rushing around looking for flowers at 10pm that night. My mom got her hair done at basically the same time. Here we are in our rollers, which is comical mostly because we NEVER get our hair set in rollers. EVER. And, because we look silly.


Also, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize publicly to HUBS. See, I don't know if you remember, but around mid-June I decided to stop taking my depression meds. I had headaches and dizzy spells for about two weeks because of it and thought everything was ok then. But, around July 1 I began to experience the worst mood swings of my entire life. HUBS and I both think it was the last vestiges of me coming down off my meds. I would spend one day crying almost all day, and then the next day I'd be furious all day about everything. And we aren't talking regular anger, either. I would yell and scream and curse and throw things and hit things, I even hurt my hand so bad after an episode that I had to put a heat patch on it and it was sore for several days. This back and forth lasted right up until July 19, the day of the wedding. Then, I was fine. And, thank God, I've been fine since. So, HUBS, I'm sorry and thanks for listening to my rants, getting out of the way when I threw stuff and holding me when I cried. Jesus, I'm glad that's over.

Wedded Bliss

So, I'm all hitched up, internet!

More details to follow, but for now, enjoy some lovely photos...


Two weeks before the wedding I did a makeup test. I did my own makeup, and since I almost never wear more than lip gloss I needed to get my head around powder/mascara/concealer/etc... It turned out pretty good.


These gifts were from FI-ance's boss. I loved the way they were wrapped and loved what was inside, dishwasher and microwave safe china!


I made this box for cards to use at the reception. I spray painted a shoebox gold, used a flower stamp with purple ink around the sides of the top and added chip board letters and fake purple mesh leaves. Look at citygirl! Gettin' all crafty and such!


We got some gifts prior to the wedding and after waiting a couple of days I just couldn't take not opening them anymore. Is it wrong that I love getting stuff? It is? I totally don't care.


You guessed it, this is us. By the way, it took some thinking but FI-ance is now HUBS. I tried calling him hubby, but it just sounded too precious and soccer mom-ish. HUBS is much better.

Happiness, Or Not

Wow. I've been away from the blogsphere for quite a long time. And really, I wish I could tell you guys that I've been doing lots of cool, interesting stuff. But, here's what I've been occupying my time with:

1) I've written one feature and am working on another for the website I'm doing freelance stuff for. My next deadline is Tuesday and as usual I'm terrified I'll suck out loud.

2) I finally got our wedding invites in the mail on Wednesday. I made them myself, had the little buggers printed at Kinko's, made my own stamps with my photos on them at zazzle.com, stamped them with gold flowers for ornamentation and mailed the lot of them. Since I apparently haven't had to count anything since, I don't know, college or something, I ordered too many stamps and printed too many invites. We cannot afford to waste all that moolah spent, so somebody's getting a postcard thank you note to use up the 27 cent postage. It was a bit of work getting the wording and general idea just right, but SO HUGELY FUCKING WORTH IT. We ended up saving about $1,000 by doing the invites at home and not paying for silly RSVP card postage. YAY!

3) I have been riotously sick for the past week. The worst of it was last Sunday. FI-ance and I went out to eat the Friday before. I was fine Saturday, but had the bulk of my previous night's dinner as leftovers that same day and, HOLY JESUS ON BUTTERED TOAST. Positively the worse case of food poisoning I've had since I was in college. I had to camp out in our loverly bathroom for a WHOLE TWO HOURS. I had to send FI-ance to the gas station down the street so the poor boy could pee (and get me some Sierra Mist to settle my achy stomach). My belly was sore for two days after the initial blast. FI-ance thinks one of those evil salmonella tomatoes got me, there was one on my sandwich. O.N.E.

Also giving me fits this week? I'm off my don't-be-crazy-and-sad meds. I decided to do my own detox when I lost my insurance and found out keeping myself in happy pills would cost $150 a month. Besides, I feel significantly less hopeless and lonely and crazy than when I started the dope. The thing about my particular drug is that you have to taper off, stopping suddenly gives you severe dizzy spells and headaches. Thank God I didn't have to do daily driving this week. I would wake up fine, eat a little lunch and promptly have to return to bed 'cause things were spinning and fading in and out and hurting like a muthabitch. Other than the invites I literally got zilch done this week. I'm still pretty tired and listless, but I feel more like a normal person now.

4) I went in for my yearly checkup on Monday and found out I have hit a new all-time high fucking weight: 254. I'm now in a race against my heart disease/diabetes/high blood pressure prone heritage to lose weight before something really horrible happens to me. I couldn't muster enough energy to exercise this week, but I had already started the yoga/walking/toning stuff again. I started drinking only water when we eat out. I leave food on my plate. And I even bought a book. Problem is, I feel like I'm getting fatter everyday.

5) My hair is still falling out. I've been doing a lot of careful hair-combing, looking at the loose strands and going, "Ah, well, dammit."

6) I don't know if this is going on where you are, but it's outrageously hot here. Do you remember what happens to me when it gets hot? That's right, y'all. I turn into the Supreme Grand Mega Bitch On Wheels In All The Land. Which land, you ask? Fucking all of them. To put this as mildly as possible, I fucking hate hot weather and I fucking hate having the sun on my skin during the summer. The room FI-ance and I get hitched in will probably have to be chilled to 40 degrees before I can re-solidify for the ceremony.

So, what has the internet been up to while I was away? Hmmmm?

Incidents

So, I never told you guys, but back in March Fi-ance and I had an incident. I got in the bed early one night while FI-ance was still in the office checking stuff out online. I stayed in bed a while, but couldn't sleep. I got up and went into the office and yelled, jokingly, "You lookin' at porn?" FI-ance got all flustered: "What, no. What?" I laughed, got on my computer for a bit and them went to bed again and finally slept.

The next night, we were both heading to sleep at the same time. We started talking and, I don't remember how it came up, but FI-ance revealed that he actually was looking at porn the night before. Now, let's understand something. I'm not a prude or unrealistic. We have in the past talked openly about his computer porn stash. Hell, I've even looked at it with him. And I've certainly seen my share of dirty pics on my own.

To find out that suddenly FI-ance was lying about his porn usage really hurt my feelings. Also? It immediately brought to mind a slippery-slope situation wherein FI-ance begins to lie about things that don't matter and then things that do. Frankly it kinda freaked me out that my boy, who is forthcoming in some many things (loving porn, past girlfriends, embarrassing situations, particularly rough times in the bathroom) would lie about something we've talked about so frequently. I was so hurt it actually made me cry, internet, which FI-ance won't know until he reads this.

I told him my issues with the lying. He apologized profusely and promised to never do it again. FI-ance also bought me flowers a couple days later as a continued apology, which is why the above picture is titled Because He Was A Dick.

Update: FI-ance saw the picture on my photoblog and protested the title. I suppose the title He Did a Dicky Thing would be more appropriate.

Aw Yeah, Baby!

Thank the sweet Lord. After taking two days off because I just couldn't deal, I'm almost done with my website gig. Many of the last places I was assigned turned out to be closed for business, so instead of having 20 I'm down to about 13. Yea for the short life span of restaurants!!

Also on tap for this weekend: Ordering the wedding cake. The bakery has a bug up its ass about having us trek to their original location to sign the papers. It's at least a half hour away in a part of town that confuses and frustrates me because I'm not used to it. I'm going to try to get them to fax the contract to the location that's RIGHT DOWN THE DAMN STREET FROM US so FI-ance and I don't have to deal with that irritating drive again (we had to do it for the cake tasting a couple months ago).

As a side note, do you see the hair on the person in the picture? That's about the state of my coif right now because I'm completely afraid to touch it unless I'm putting my bald juice on. I'm due to get another relaxer in about a week and I really, really, really hope I don't end up more bald from it. Holy crap, you guys, it's a little bit scary.

Oh My God, Y'all!

I am exhausted. A few weeks ago I landed a part-time gig writing restaurant profiles and taking photos for a new website associated with a local news station. My deadline is this Sunday and I still have a ton to do. Why? I don't know...Maybe...MY OUTRAGEOUS LEVEL OF PROCRATINATION? This job requires lots of driving around, talking on the phone and dealing with strangers. None of which I am particularly thrilled about. And entering the info in the site's database? Unfortunately a lot like the crap I did at my previous full-time job. But, I AM FINALLY GETTING PAID TO WRITE AND TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS. How unreal is that? As much as I love that fact I still manage to complain all the way home. I've got like 15 or 20 places left to do (yeah, by Sunday night) and after working about five stressful hours yesterday, I am taking today off.

The best part of the job is that I could end up writing features for the website. When the producer first contacted me I gave him about ten story ideas. Internet, pray for me! I would really fucking like for this to lead to feature writing, AKA more money!!

Having some actual responsibilities for the past few weeks has been really strange. I've had to wake up at a decent hour, make tons of phone calls, put on non-pajama clothes and go places. I have found myself seriously missing lolling about searching for jobs online and, basically, not really doing anything. I spend so much time staring at my computer now that I've been neglecting my blog writing/reading. All I want to do after editing photos, writing profiles and entering database info is to stare into a tv or fashion magazine filled space. I haven't been on Facebook or LinkedIn and I had to skip a girls night get-together two Fridays ago.

But, I'm actually making some of my own money again. And for the first time in my life I'm getting that money as a writer and photographer. I'm tired, but basically pretty happy.

Coming Back From Baby Mama Last Week

FI-ance is wriggling in his passenger side seat as I drive. I notice that he's frolicking in his own nethers.

FI-ance: Sorry, sorry. My right ball's been bugging me all night.

Citygirl: What's it doing? Taunting you? Telling bad jokes?

FI-ance: Yeah, yeah...Cut it out. No, it just...moves.

Citygirl: You've been having a lot of trouble with your man bits lately. Are you wearing the right size underwear?

FI-ance: Well, yeah. They feel fine.

Citygirl: 'Cause you know, if I'm wearing the right size bra my boobies don't just go all over the place. They sorta stay where I put 'em.

FI-ance: You women have no idea, do you?

Citygirl: We sure as hell don't.

Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures

Some Good News

Remember last Saturday when I found out my hair was falling out? Well, the day wasn't all bad...Just mostly bad.

The first good thing? My hair stylist, who I'd never met before, thought I was 17. Seventeen, internet. That was amazing and made me giggle quite a bit.

Most importantly, though, I did go to my mom's place and try my dress on. It looks good. But since it's champagne I don't think my beloved purple hair clip will work with it. My mom zipped me into it but was afraid to zip it all the way. I think I might have a bit too much back fat for it. My mom suggested some all-over Spanx, which means officially everyone in the world must know about those things. I'm really against the whole restrictive clothing idea, but I broke down and bought one anyway.

By the way, the best thing that happened on Saturday was my mom giving me loads of straight up cash. I mean, more actual money than I've ever seen in my life. Since she's preoccupied with my grandmother and doesn't have much time for wedding shopping/planning she gave FI-ance and I some money to help out. We were able to finally get a photographer because of the windfall. Yay, Mommy!

I was also able to do something I haven't been able to do since I quit my job - go shopping and buy ANYTHING I wanted to. I got some wedding stuff: the Spanx, gold shoes, pens for the guest book, paper for my homemade invites and programs, shimmery nude nail polish, Laura Mercier lip gloss ($22, Holy God!!). But I also got some completely frivolous stuff. A couple of Michael Kors purses on ebay, two pairs of Lane Bryant jeans and some panties, Forever 21 jewelry, a Sephora shopping spree. The best part about this is that I spent around sixty bucks or less at each place. See? Even when I have dinero aplenty I still shop smart.

!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING EARTHQUAKES! OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING EARTHQUAKES! OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING EARTHQUAKES!

Aces!

I went to get my hair done today and guess what? My hair is falling out! Yay! Because life doesn't suck enough now I'm flirting with my own version of male pattern baldness! I swear, could I have had a better Saturday? No...No I do not think so.

For the past two months or so I had noticed that it seemed like a lot of hair was coming out when I combed it. But I thought, maybe, it was just because I hadn't had a relaxer put in since January. Then, around this Thursday, I remember clearly saying to myself, "Self, I think my hair is falling out," not really thinking it was ACTUALLY FACTUALLY TRUE.

My stylist showed me the damage today. There is a semi-circle of semi-baldness filled with stubble on top of my head. She told me to get to a dermatologist right away, and said it could be stress from job-searching. She also made grand (and thankfully successful) efforts to hide my scalp under my new hairdo. And, to make all this even better, now I have to go to the doctor WITHOUT ANY INSURANCE so that I don't end up cue-balling it for my wedding in a couple months.

God Dammit People. What the fuck else is going to fall apart here?

Because Weddings Are Funner Than Job Searches

A big piece of this wedding puzzle has been solved, internet! I bought my wedding dress! From Nordstrom.com! In their plus sizes section! It was only 200 bucks! And my wonderful Godmommy is sending me a check for it!

Because I am girly, but wedding-indifferent, I have not tried it on yet. I've had it, still in its unopened box, for over a week. Does that make me weird?

At any rate. My plan is to go get my hair done tomorrow, then head to my mom's house to try it on and discuss accessory options. Also, my mom called last weekend and said she had something for me and something else entirely for me and FI-ance. I think this means money, although I'm not sure what she could be giving me alone. This should be interesting.

As I've said before my mom is terminally stressed. She works at a job where she is on her feet all day and then goes home to take care of my grandmother. Because of my g-mom's so-so, up-and-down health mom rarely leaves home to do anything but grocery shop. This is important because she will need something cool to wear to the wedding, and I really, really wanted her to wear the suit pictured above. I showed it to her ages ago, but since she couldn't make up her mind and wasn't sure and thought oh, maybe, now, NOW internet, it's not being sold anymore. We will have to get her out of the house and into a mall dressing room. Several of them, probably. It will doubtlessly turn out to be somewhat stressful since my lovely mom can almost never make up her mind.

I'm thinking now about how I'll do my hair and makeup for the wedding. I want it all to be pretty and simple since I'm doing it myself. I figure I'd get my hair did the day before in some wavy/curly style and then just do some combing and fluffing the next day. As far as makeup, I just really want to not look like a big greaseball for the wedding. I've been scouring wedding sites for ideas and they've only been marginally helpful. Martha Stewart and InStyle Weddings have been around for at least 10 years each and they only had a handful of ideas on their sites. Bitches...

I am especially in love with the 2nd pair of gold flats above and the feathered hair pin. I haven't gotten the shoes ($98! For flats! Fuck!) but I ran out last weekend and got that pin. Originally I didn't want any hair adornment since I plan on some fancy earrings (something like the ones pictured) but I saw it and got all giddy and heart-fluttery and knew it had to be mine.

Now all me and FI-ance need are a photographer, his attaire for the day and, yeah, someone to actually marry us!

About That Job...

It recently occurred to me that I never told you about the second interview I had with a local marketing company. Internet, that was two weeks ago, why didn't you remind me?

My first challenge with this was that it wasn't really an interview. It was a shadow day where you get to follow one of their people around to see what your day would be like if you started working for them. I needed to be there from 9am to 5pm. Do we recognize the problem yet? That's right, I haven't gotten up that early (much less stayed awake for that long and been away from home the whole time)since January 15! But whatever. I got up, put on my "interview" pants and a nice sweater. I got there on time and fairly alert for the un-Godly hour, and met up with my shadow buddy, Garth.

Let me just take the time to thank Garth for being nice, personable and not at all creepy or serial killer-like. Especially since we spent AN ASS-LONG time in your car together.

We had to drive over an hour to get to his sales territory in Where The Fuck, Illinois. Maybe you've been there? It's between a skanky pool of water along the side of the highway and a Super Walmart.

Anywho. Garth and I ran from one business to another, while I listened as he tried desperately to make some sales. It was depressing. Not just because the idea of sale, Sale, Selling! for a living makes me feel icky and bored, but because he only got two stinky sales. We went to maybe eight places and his daily goal is, get ready...Thirty or Forty!

I also have to say that, were I alone on this particular trip, there are several places I NEVER would have gone into. Like the pawn shop with the very obvious BULLET HOLE in the glass of the front door. And? When I got home I smelled bad. Like BO, old Fritos, wet dog and feet. Everything I was wearing had to be washed and/or aired out. Thank God my interview suit is washable.

Now, I'll admit that I wasn't crazy about the idea of doing business-to-business sales for an office supply company (yeah, it's that boring) going into this. But, I was willing to push through a few months of crap to possibly get to something creative like copywriting or coming up with marketing campaigns. Alas, such a trajectory is not possible with this particular company. They believe in promoting from within, but what's the prize you get for putting up with B2B bullshit? The best thing they could come up with? Learning their accounting practices and running your own branch office. Really, y'all? You mean one day, if I sell really, really hard, I'll get to sit in an office and do math all day? For reals? Gee...Thanks.

Photo above "I'm so unexcited, and I can't hide it."

Job Search Facts

1) If you've gotten to the point where you believe any job ad that says you can make "Thousands from home every day!", you need to step away from the computer and take a nap.

2) 50% of all job searchers will go insane before they find suitable employment. At least, this is how it feels.

3) When you've been sending resumes out for eight weeks and have only had two interviews, it can make you want to kill someone.

4) A job search that seems futile can lead to sleeplessness, too much sleeping, too much eating, not enough eating, too much sitting, not enough exercise, procrastination or insanity (see 2 & 3).

5) I'm tired of looking for work.

6) I'm also tired of being tired of looking for work. I mean, I get to sit at home all day. Why should I complain?

7) Yahoo! Hot Jobs is a suck-ass job search site. I type in "photography" and get five pages offering me work as a porn star.

8) Putting searches in feeds for google reader is the best thing in the world.

9) When you don't understand the title of the job, it may be a sign that you should not apply for it.

10) Likewise, if the job description makes you want to eat your own head, you might not be suitably built for it.

11) Cartoons, Oprah, repeats of Sandford and Son and any soap opera are death knells for a productive job search. Turn the damn tv off!

12) Would these HR people really be inundated with calls if they didn't post "NO CALLS PLEASE" on all their ads? Really? Douches...

13) If you look long enough without any decent leads you'll begin to feel useless and worthless.

14) While I understand that looking for work online is easier than leaving the house at 8:30am everyday and going from business to business filling out applications and begging to speak to someone with the power to hire you, it doesn't make the process any less assie (pronounced like "Lassie" without the L, meaning - like an ass).

15) Cartoons, Oprah, repeats of Sandford and Son and any soap opera are legitimate reasons to stop looking for work, recline and have a sandwich!

Photo curtesy of NBC's The Office, which is another good reason to stop job searching.

Purr Factor

I'm having quite the busy week.

Monday: First unemployed job interview. It was a marketing company. Did not get called back for the second interview. They can kiss my ass.

Tuesday: Snow storm. We got between 6 to 10 inches of snow in most of the St. Louis area. FI-ance didn't have to go to work. Nice day.

Wednesday: Court day for our suit against the previous owner of our house. We lost. FI-ance was angry for most of the day after that, I managed to calm him down (finally) with The Wire.

Thursday: Interview with a different marketing company. Did get called back for 2nd interview, which happens Monday. Yay! Hope! Begin scanning my 80 million polaroids and pictures from my Diana+.

Tomorrow: Call about paperwork to become offical creditors of roofer-who-was-paid-but-never-fixed-our-roof-and-then-filed-for-bankruptcy. Send resumes to more companies that will probably ignore me. Apply for unemployment, just in case. Sign contract for wedding/reception hall.

Saturday: Go to cake tasting for free wedding cake we will get for our wedding reception. Take photo from Martha Stewart Weddings of how I want cake to look. Try to relax or something.

Sunday: Go to local church to hear talk on "evil". Head to registry event at Macy's, get goody bag and sign up to win free things. Go to mom's after to show her all the ideas for wedding. Prepare for Monday's interview.

This may be the most busy I've ever been. Ever!

Here We Are

It's for real now. Friday, February 29 (yeah, that's this Friday) is my last pay day and last day for insurance. I still don't have a job, and today I made handy work of not being productive. I slept a lot.

On a positive note me and FI-ance have finally come close to finding a place to house our wedding/reception. We've got two tastings, one this week and one the next, in order to make our final decision. And, I've also given myself a deadline of this week to decide on a dress.

So, yeah, no pressure here.

On Tap For Today

1)Washing my hair and taking a shower. I got some of that Ojon stuff that people have been talking about for a couple of years. It's outrageously expensive, so I found a set of shampoo/conditioner/deep treatment stuff on ebay. My hope is that I will finally have found the thing that will totally help my hair recover from a horrendous hair cut (really more of a chopping)I had three years ago. My hair, which used to be fairly long and thick, is still a shortish, choppy mess that I can never quite style right. Pray for my hair, internet.

2)Doing job stuff. I'm not completely in an application mood yet so I'm starting off by checking out Facebook and working on my Variety magazine profile.

3)Watching Supernatural, taping LOST and eating pizza that someone will bring to me so I don't have to head out in our St. Louis ice storm. Yay!

This Is What Staying At Home Is Like?

First off internet, let me just tell my psyche to stop it. I've been having the most atrocious nightmares for the past week now. I can't remember all of them, but the highlights include: me having to kill vampires with a crew that gets picked off one by one and eventually I'm all alone and have to go hide in a tree; me getting a ride home from a friend's dad and having thousands of tiny white spiders crawl out of nowhere and cover me, I jump out of the car while it's moving and rip my clothes off in public; and, the most recent one, me in high school working on some major project and having somebody steal part of it right before I finish, it ends with me in the hospital after having a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah, stop jacking with me subconcious!

I will admit right now that I have not applied to as many places as I thought I would have by now. But, seeing as how I'm looking to finally get paid for writing or taking pictures I have applied to every musuem, gallery, ad agency, radio station and soon tv station I can think of. So far, nothing. I'm using Monster, Vault, Variety magazine and several local job engines. I'm running out of ideas and it scares me. I have two weeks until the money and insurance stops. I'm really afraid that I'll have to get another shitty office job that I'll hate and stay at too long so that we can keep paying bills and, I don't know, also afford one of the cheapest Netflix subscriptions there is.

Also, since the joy in my life never ever stops, I think my depression may be deepening because of this job stuff. I'm still taking my anti-crazy pills, but I've been sleeping A LOT. Like, 10-12 hours a day. I set my clock and just can't wake up. When I was working and found myself with a day off I'd automatically wake up around noon...Not anymore babe. And you'd think I'd get tired of sleeping, but no, not me apparently. It also just occured to me that I haven't had much of an appetite. And while I would love to lose some weight, depression is not really a valid solution for that issue.

I've found myself falling back into the soap opera trap. That is, for those who are unaware, where you arrange your days around certain afternoon entertainment. Now, since I'm sleeping all the time I usually miss All My Children, As The World Turns and One Life To Live. But, lucky me, I still get to check out The Young and the Restless, Guiding Light and General Hospital. And yes, that is all but two of the soaps currently still on the air. Thank God I don't have SoapNet or I'd be watching old episodes of Another World too.

I'm a sick, sick lady.

Photo "In Case Sarah Checks In" curtesy of superbirthdaysupply.com