Tuesday Tipday!

Man, I am tired! I don't know what's going on with me this evening, but when the clock hit two? I was done for. Unfortunately, I was still in my first digital storytelling class and still had to write my SLIFF movie wrap-up. I have never had a tougher time writing, I don't think.

Today's tip is all based on the day I've had. When you need to sleep, do it. When you need to slow down, do it. When you need to lock yourself away from the world and be alone, go ahead and get it done. You'll just make things worse if you wear yourself out, even if you think it's for all the "right" reasons.

Now, off to eat a cookie and sleep.

Changes

I've been silent for a while here. Mostly because I've been working on getting a more cohesive web presence together. Look!

I like that there's one site where people can access all my online articles, blogs, photo portfolios, stores and consulting info. The next step will be updating this blog and my photo blog. I'm hoping to get that done within the next week. I've also got an idea for either an e-book or e-course on photography. Are you guys interested in either of those? Would you pay, say $15 to take part in something like that?

Also, let me know what you think of the flavors.me page and all the links. Any input from those of you who like the blog would be greatly appreciated!

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

Ways To Free Myself From This Drudgery

A ray of light...From my brain.

During one of my breaks at work last week, on a particularly blah day, I wrote down all my ideas for getting out of my job and keeping future work experiences like this to an absolute minimum.

1) Send my book mock up to possible publishers. (I started writing a book last month. I haven't written much in the past couple of weeks, though. I hit a block and feel like I need to get a mock up together to recharge me. Plus, having that would help attract publishers...I hope.)

2) Funeral photography. (I know how this sounds, but I've photographed so many funerals in the past year that it's occurred to me there may actually be a market for this kind of, admittedly weird, service. An ad on Craigslist may be the thing to get this started.)

3) Screenplay ideas. (Ok, I've got a mostly finished screenplay that I've been working on since I took a beginning class in 2004. I'm truly embarrassed by how long it's taking me to just finish the thing. Although, I did enter it into a fairly high profile contest two years ago, and I was really proud of myself for that. Anyway, I've got about four other ideas floating around in my head that I'm committed to finally writing down and making notes on. So there, subconscious fear of failure/success.)

4) Script consulting. (I still mean to hang out a shingle for this. I took film classes in 2005 and 2006 where one of the things I studied was how to critique a screenplay. Getting my next idea up and running will help me get this one started.)

5) Movie review blog. (In 2006 I started writing film reviews for a website. I still do it, but it's never paid any money. I want it to start paying money. Period.)

6) More web writing. (I've got a few ideas for pieces that'll work for additional websites and the ones I already write for.)

I've taken the day off work today since yesterday was icky and irritating and I needed to get some things done. I fully plan to get to work on real things today, not just read blogs, nap and watch soaps all day.

So, here we go...

Well...Ok

Yup. It's pretty obvious to me now - I think I'm depressed again. And I don't mean that random depression that comes when you think about something upsetting and then goes on its way when you watch your favorite tv show. I'm talking about the real, lasting depression that had me on Effexor for about five years.

Other than my anger/rage issues, I've also been feeling really overwhelmed. Even though I know in reality I barely do anything. I have three stories to write every week for my one freelance gig and two stories a month for the other gig. But...But I often feel like I have no time to do what I want or need to. There's this constant nagging in my brain to do a huge list of things, and thinking about this list makes me tired, saps whatever little energy I have and leads to me not wanting to do anything. So, often, I don't.

Last week during a moment of bright, shining clarity when I woke up in the middle of the night, I had a realization. What did I realize? I'm bored. That's right, I'm bored with my main source of income, writing bar/club reviews for an entertainment website.

I'm tired of the running around and the low pay and not getting reimbursed for the cash I spend on food and drink and having to put these excursions on my credit cards and racking up more debt and never knowing when I'll get paid or how much they'll decide to give me when I do.

This week, for instance, I'm doing a special on pies for Thanksgiving. The last time I did one of these holiday themed specials my pay was knocked down to $50 instead of my usual $100 because I didn't talk about enough different things. So, this time I asked my editor how many places I'd need to visit to get my usual fee. He said eight. One piece of pie from eight separate restaurants. Do you know how much running around that is? And how much money spending that is? For only 100 fucking dollars? Shit, I am tired.

And no matter how many jobs I apply for, I just can't keep up that hopeful feeling I had briefly that something with full-time money is around the corner. Just. Can't. Do it. I actually had another interview on Wednesday last week. During the interview the woman revealed that I would only get, at most, $7.75 an hour for this job. I'd wanted $10, which I thought was reasonable and already really, really shitty. It was a front desk job at a local YMCA; haven't heard from her and don't think I got this one either. Even though I have eight years experience handling front desk stuff.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be good for anymore. This whole process is demoralizing.

Hate.

Ok, I Can Breathe Now

This plant is currently unbloomed (of course), but the photo fits my lighter, more hopeful mood.

I got the results of the second blood test for my liver issue on Monday. My enzyme level has gone down to 72, which is still too high but a lot better than 153. It's looking more and more, to me anyway, that it's just because I was sick. The nurse I talked to last Friday said that could be the reason.

Even so, I've been ordered not to drink alcohol until after my check up on December 30, when my doc will take more blood and redo the test again to see if it's gone down more. I am fine with that. I told my editor at the online magazine where I do bar reviews what was going on, and I was so glad he didn't freak out about me not being able to drink.

Also, I am glad that it no longer looks like I might have something seriously wrong with me.
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By the way, I had a job interview for a part-time receptionist job a couple of weeks ago that I did not get. I had to talk to two people that day, and I think the second one saw through my I'd-love-to-stay-here-a-long-time-in-this-position bullshit (they were looking for someone to do part-time for about a year and then move to full time permanently).

And, that's sorta ok. In fact, it's real ok, because I've just applied for three writing jobs that could be very cool. And I've got an interview for one tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Not Bad

I'm sorta happy for now.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I feel like I have irons in the fire and I'm starting to really get things going for myself.

Looking over what I wrote on Monday, I realized I completely left out the good stuff that's happened lately. Like, I got more (Paid, yay!!) work through the website I've been writing for. So now I make a whole $200 a week. Not nearly enough to get us out of the hole, but a definite step in the right direction (you know, the 'more money' direction).

Also, and this is really huge for me, I published a book of my photos on Blurb.com. I know! Now...I still need to try to publicize it. If there's a photo-lover who's close to you, please check out the book. I think it would make a great gift, especially if they enjoy what I like to call "urban artifacts", old signs and doors and such.


Holy shit! This is my book!!

Take a look here. And, you can also vote for me to get the People's Choice Award for their Photography Now contest on the same page. I'd love it if you could help me out!

While I was working on my interview questions yesterday for a piece I'm writing for the website, I came across a few open freelance positions at a well-known, used-to-be-underground local weekly magazine. I was so excited that I dropped the research and applied immediately. I'd be writing about food again, and hopefully getting more money so, keep your fingers crossed for me!

And, two weeks ago I happened upon one of those e-invite sites, pingg.com. I'd actually never heard of it before, but I looked around a bit because they had some really cool art for some of the invites. Then I read some of the artist profiles and realized none of them are famous. So I sent an email to the submission lady and she said she'd love to consider my stuff for their artist's series. On Monday (she told me to wait until after she got back from vacation) I sent her 30 images to peruse. I'm fuckin' excited about this, too! Again, dear readers, cross your fingers!

What else? Oh yeah, I'm considering putting an ad on Craigslist as a funeral photographer for hire. I know it sounds strange, but at two of the three funerals I went to earlier this year I was actually asked to document the occasion. There has to be someone else who'd like this service, right?

And, look at my photoblog. I'm so proud of myself for figuring out how to post really big photos. The small pictures were kind of a waste, since my file sizes are so big. This is much, much better!

Look at me, internet! I'm doing things!

Are We Alcoholics Yet?

We drank all these and more, y'all! The one in the lower left corner? That's absinthe and it was outlawed for 95 years and only recently became legal in the states! It made HUBS' tongue numb!

Back in early April I got a $100 a week job reviewing bars and clubs for an entertainment website. They want me to focus on booze, which is not my strong suit. In fact, until I got this job I had never had a full drink of any sort in my whole life. I never liked the taste of alcohol and didn't see a reason to booze it up just because other people did.

Well, maybe you can chalk this up to my recent high stress levels, but...um, I've been drinking. A lot. Like, sometimes, two whole drinks a week. That, my internet friends, is a ton for me. And, guess what? I kinda like it. I never finish anything I end up not liking, but when I get something good (for me that means sweet and light on the booze) drinking the whole thing makes me feel very adult. Like I know exactly what I want (I don't), how to get it (I wish) and how to act once I reel it in (I couldn't possibly).

We each have to have at least two drinks for my editor to be satisfied we tested enough of each bar/club's spirits. This has meant a lot of mixed drinks for me and HUBS. And since we don't get reimbursed for food and drink on top of the hundred they pay me, we usually feel the need to finish everything. Which means if I don't like something HUBS will try to drink it all, along with his two drinks...Which also means HUBS sometimes comes away rip-roaring-rootin'-tootin-thinks-peeing-in-the-alley-is-fun drunk. Let's all pray my sweet HUBS doesn't become a lushy hobo because of this, ok?

Thank God for small jobs. Now, if I could only rack up about five or six other small gigs that each pay $100/week. Fuck, you guys. HUBS and I would be set!