Music Monday: I'm Reading My Ass Off

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I'm so proud of myself, people! A couple of years ago I pledged to start reading more books, and I've outdone myself this month. I just finished the 912 page Kushiel's Dart this morning. After only three weeks of reading.

This is a huge deal for me. First of all, I rarely read anything that long. In fact, I think I've only read one novel approximate in length, and that was just last summer. Also, I'm a pretty slow reader. I like to fully imagine the world in my mind, go over good parts again and use different voices for characters in my head to make the story as real as possible. So, yeah, it can take me a while to get done.

But, I finished! And just in time for the online book club discussion tonight. Head over to Vaginal Fantasy Hangout at 8pm PST tonight if you're interested. I find the discussions entertaining even if I've never read the book!

I returned the book to the library today and decided to jump into the second book in the series. This one is 700 pages. Plus I've put Shadow of Night on hold so I can start on that when it comes out next month. And that? That is almost 600 pages. I will be busy for the foreseeable future.

Now! Music!

Happy Friday: Spring To Winter In One Day

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Even though we've had a super-mild winter here in Missouri, days like today help remind us that mid-western weather is completely unpredictable. Just when I was feeling crazy for indulging in my yearly boot craving, the temperature dropped 20 degrees, the sun hid behind ominous clouds and the winds began howling.



Lordy, I love looking at boots. Much more than plain shoes. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that, as a large-legged lass, I can't wear any old boots. In fact, boots that go past my ankle rarely zip all the way up. This means no cheap boots from Payless or Target for me. I've got 18 inch calves over here!



The last boots I got, for my birthday in 2010, were from Torrid. Those aren't even real leather and they cost 70 bucks! If that doesn't sound like a lot to you, let's remember that since going full-on freelance I think everything that costs more than $10 is too expensive, so, my perspective? She is skewed.



Don't boots just make you feel cozy and loved and safe and happy? Like you're in your own little cocoon of warmth and style and joy? Yes? I knew we had a lot in common. Enjoy the weekend, friends!



* Photos from Nordstrom, Delia's and Lands End catalogs.

A Question For The Ladies

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Do any of you stare at your boobs forlornly and then pull or push them up higher with your hands as you imagine your faded youth and the even saggier boobs to come?

Alright, fine. Don't participate! But, you know what? I've been doing that after almost every bath or shower and sometimes when I'm just changing my clothes.

I think it's mostly because this new boob low was reached just a few months ago. Actually, I had just gotten used to the previous hang level when I looked down in the bath one day and thought Oh, OK...I guess this is where they like to be now...Oh, well...

This is going to sound extreme, but the aging process does appear to be a bit like a car wreck. There's no schedule to the atrocities and when you pass a new tangle of twisted metal and confused passengers you are absolutely horrified. And yet, you cannot look away.

I'm not loosing sleep over these things: the increased ear wax, pendulous breasts, odd smells, gray facial hairs, memory loss or preponderance of whiskers. I'm just ready to feel less like I'm in free-fall. You know?

Clearly, I'm Worried About My Boobs

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Isn't it funny how our minds work? For the past couple of weeks I've been having a very brief recurring dream: I'm right out of the shower and looking down at my breasts. They are pitiful. Completely deflated, lying flat against my chest and as droopy as the day is long. It's a short, unattractive sight...And then the dream is over.

I just had the dream again last night, and I have to say, I had no idea I was worried enough about my boobies to have dreams about them. A quick Google of "sagging breast dreams" turned up meanings that made no sense for my life at all.

Is it possible I just need to do more wall push-ups and wear sturdier bras during my down time? It's. Possible.

What do you keep dreaming about that you didn't realize was that big of a deal to you?

Consumer Warning: Useless Brassieres!

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You know, we really should have known better. And by 'we' I mean me and about half of the women in my immediate family.

Imagine the scene: It was after midnight on a steamy Monday morning it late July. We all knew we should be heading for sleepy time, but decided to take one last click around the TV dial before lights out. What did we find? A segment on HSN promising a four-pack of comfortable yet supportive bras for even the biggest busted of us: the Ahh Bra. Oh, my. We are awake now.

I called my mom. What? Why did I call my mom? Because I wear a 40DD. Do you know how hard it is to find a bra that'll hoist my ladies appropriately and still feel all-day-long comfy? I'll tell you: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I needed to see if she saw it too, or if it was just a late night/early morning mirage; this magical bazoom master. PT saw it, and she was, like me, enthused but leery. After an hour of watching HSN models of varying bustage parading in front of us, we broke down. I went to my laptop and ordered a pack for each of us.

A week later, I had the much-lauded mammary manager in my hot little hands. And you know what? They were extremely comfortable and it was impossible to tell I was wearing a bra without looking down. Also? If you were looking at me, you wouldn't have been able to tell I was wearing a bra either, since my nipples still pointed south as I wore the thing.

I took PT her set to see what she thought, having already decided to return mine. The results were even worse for my poor mom: the bras smashed her boobies into a lumpy uni-boob.

And with that, WE WERE DONE!

So, lesson learned, my people! We listened to all those rabid fans who called in that night and paid no attention to the customer rating on the HSN website, which is only 2.4 stars out of five. Reading the reviews I can see the Ahh Bra is either love it or hate it. And while we didn't hate it we didn't love that shit either. I've already got plenty of bras that feel good but don't hold worth a damn. I don't need to spend 50 bucks on more of those.

Has anyone out there found a good, comfortable bra?

Tuesday Tipday: Don't Prostitute Your Daughters

In many cases, a covering up is apropos.

But, you knew that already. Right?

Word To The Wise

If you're using the NuvaRing for birth control, don't skip a month because you don't have enough money for the prescription. Find the cash, yo. Especially if you were prone to heavy periods prior to starting on the thing, because your body? She will not like that.

I skipped my ring usage back in July, and as a result had my period for almost the full month of August and a heavy period in September. I'm tellin' you, it's like my four years on the thing didn't matter at all! And? Do you know how stressful it is to have low-grade bleeding for three weeks? I've never used any other form of lady-time-interruptus birth control, so I don't know if this would happen with the others, but...Gah!

The one ring...it really does rule them all.

So, Citygirl, How's Work Going?

Well, it's going just fine, internet. Thanks for asking. Aside from the heat and lack of air circulation in the office, things are mostly alright. The people are nice and so far I've made $294.

Monday was interesting. I kept getting random, shooting pains in my right boob and had to keep grabbing and massaging it. Inappropriate at the office? Sure. Do I care? Only for an additional two bucks and hour, so...no.

On Tuesday I tried to look real nice (we can basically wear whatever we want), so I put on my green sateen walking shorts that I bought at Walmart a couple of years ago. Well, it's butt-fucking hot outside and I have no air conditioning in my car and, as I said, it's kinda hot and stuffy in the office as well. About an hour into fanning my way through the work day I adjusted my pants and noticed two huge panty line shaped sweat spots on the front of my pants. Awesome. Not at all embarrassing. I swear. Thank God I was able to fan them dry before I needed to get up from my desk.

The only bad thing about the job (aside from the boredom) is getting off work at 9:30pm. It's screwing with my eating. I have dinner at work, but as soon as I get home and see HUBS all I want to do is sit down and have a meal with him. I had just been eating a piece of cake after work (bad enough), but last night I gave in to full-on fast-food-o-rama. He had just gotten home and wanted a shake from Steak-n-Shake and Burger King, so, naturally, I joined him. One mocha shake, Whopper Jr, and a shared order of medium fries and onion rings later I felt sorta disgusted with myself and way too full.

Though, I must say, the food was so, so, gooood.

Just For This Week

In accordance with national "Acceptance of Having My Period" week, I've done mostly nothing by way of exercising. I did a couple of loads of laundry on Monday and Tuesday, so I went up and down the stairs a few times. And one day I did some wall push-ups 'cause I was feeling sluggish. But mostly, hell-to-the-no with actual, scheduled exercising.

And I'm just saying...feels pretty good.

By the way, this is a national occasion because if I were in, I don't know, Alabama, I'd still be avoiding physical activity.

That's right, baby.