Music Monday: This Might Work Out

Ah, rainy, cool Monday. How is everyone today? I, for one, am getting things done like gangbusters. Last night I started a to-do list for today, but instead of stopping at daily, shop-keeping things, I decided to add a couple of things that can be completed in one shot from my two lists of goals for the year.

Isn't that a great idea? I can hear you saying Yes, and I can also hear you asking me why I didn't think about doing this before. My answer is two-fold: a) My brain is broken, and b) I'm also a weirdo, so...you know...

I also thought it would be a good idea to spread things out over several days. Usually I make a relatively short list day by day and try to keep an idea of future to-dos in my head, but, well, you must know where I'm going with this. I CAN ABSOLUTELY NEVER KEEP FUTURE TO-DOS IN MY HEAD. It's just too hard. So, something finally clicked in my sick, sad brain and I decided to write things down for the next day of the week once I fill up whatever day I'm working on with stuff-to-do.

I know! It's like I turned into a to-do list genius over the weekend! Yaaaaaayyyy!!

Now, let's do some music!









What are you getting done lately?

Friends In High Places

Debby, during our trip to Branson

My best friend Debby died seven years ago on a hailing, storm-ridden morning in Spring. Actually, I don't know if she considered me her best friend. We never talked about it or analyzed it, we just up and started doing everything together one day.

We worked at the same company. I was the newbie, and also the youngest non-intern there. She took me under her wing, asking me to do something with her during our off hours one day. It was so long ago now that I can't even remember what it was. But, it wasn't long before we were visiting new restaurants together, having pizza parties during the Golden Globes and gossiping about co-workers and bosses and people we didn't know. We took shopping road trips to Branson and Schaumberg, IL, went to movies on weekends, did concerts after work, pulled pranks on our office manager together and dissected the latest episodes of Gilmore Girls and The X-Files over extended coffee breaks.

I don't think I ever told Debby everything. Like about how lonely I'd been before we started hanging out. Or how I'd never been on a date and was a virgin. I certainly never mentioned that I'd always felt like a loser. But it really didn't matter. Because with Debby around everything was better. Brighter, happier, bolder, more interesting and exciting.

Debby was really quite different from me. She was a few years older (You'll think it's silly, but I never asked her age. Again, it didn't matter.) and the kind of outgoing, outspoken person that many people loved. (Unless they disliked her. Which was usually either because she'd put them in their place or was obviously liked by more people then they were.) She'd been around and done stuff and known people, which I hadn't.

She also had the kind of loud, addictive laugh that would stop the whole office and have our co-workers asking What? What's so funny? Tell me! Debby was also the best gift-giver I've ever known. Mention a thing once, briefly and in passing, and you were guaranteed to have it either on your birthday or at Christmas. Guaranteed.

Debby was not the only best friend I'd ever had. There were Danielle and Chiquita in grade school. Sara in high school. Emily in high school, college and a few years after college. I'd never quite had a friend like Debby, though, and I don't know if it'd be possible to have a friend that cool again. But, I'd like to try.

I'm now four years deep into my friend desert. After quitting the company where I met Debby, I was left with one friend from the old co-working gang who keeps in touch on a regular basis. We meet once a year for our shared birthday and email a few times beyond that. She's got three kids, a husband, a full time job, is running her own business on the side and doesn't even live in the same state as me. This is why we see each other once a year.

Emily found me on Facebook last year and we talk on the phone every month or so. Why don't we hang out? She's got a husband who works crazy hours and a rambunctious three-year-old...Oh, yeah, and in the past year she's moved from Boston to Chicago to a beach-side city in California. I still lay my head down in our hometown of St. Louis every night.

I need some girl talk. Some shopping trips and concert-going hijinks and female bonding sessions that begin with crying and end with raucous laughter. As nice as my family is, I need face time with other women who are not related to me.

If you're looking for the same thing, but are anxiety-ridden about trying to friend folks as an adult (like me), you should read the book I finished last week. MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche. Rachel found herself in a new city without her network of besties around and decided to go on one friend date a week for a whole year. It took guts (Debby would approve), but it worked.

And when you're feeling weary and alone there's nothing better than knowing that someone walked the path before you and made it work.

Ahh...The Muse

Inspiration is a tricky thing, isn't it? No matter what you're working on (article with a looming deadline, painting, photo essay, book proposal or business plan) that urge to create is essential. So when the muse isn't with you, what do you do?

In many things getting started is the hurdle that can help. At least, that's what everyone says. Begin, the logic says, and let things flow until you find something that resonates with you and gets the juices flowing. And this is what I often do. It does help, but sometimes it feels empty.

I've never been much of a "fake it 'til you make it" person. It's not that I don't believe it works; it just usually doesn't get me to a genuine place. Say I'm having a crappy day and someone smiles at me in the grocery store. I always smile back, but it doesn't make me any happier or ease my anxieties. I frequently feel like a poseur for doing it, like I'm not being myself in the moment. And I don't like that. I don't like doing things just because I'm supposed to. I want to want to do nice things, kind things, generous things.

Maybe it's childish, but I want to create because I've been struck by an idea and moved in some way that I want to share with others. I suppose it's incredibly naive, especially for someone who's been writing, painting, playing music and dreaming up fantastical inner worlds for almost 40 years to desire more frequent light bulb moments. But, there you go.

Do you get inspired to begin, or begin to get inspired?

Compadres

I've been chatting via email with another blogger about making and keeping friends, and how difficult it seems to be (for some of us, at least).

When I was a kid, I always had a couple of buddies I did things with: going roller skating or swimming, having sleep overs, heading to the movies, passing notes in class...But I was never one of those people with a gaggle of amigos surrounding me at all times. I was quiet, studious, lacking in confidence, overweight, well-mannered, four-eyed and frequently riddled with acne. Any one of those things could have knocked me out of cohort competition, but I suspect the combination was what really did me in.

I spent the occasional moment, as a young'n, wondering why more people didn't like me, but I was basically fine with having only one or two close friends. Now, of course, I've been without close friends who live nearby for several years.

It's odd. Even when I was young and thinking about friendship two things never occurred to me: completely changing who I was to fit in more and concern over my future ability to make friends. I guess it seemed like I'd always be able to run into someone somewhere who had things in common with me.

Creating and maintaining friendships is like money management, or brewing the perfect pot of coffee. No one teaches you that stuff. They all just assume you'll get it or that you'll ask the right questions and then they can help you. Clearly, it doesn't always work that way.

What have you learned about friendship since becoming an adult?

A Question For The Ladies

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Do any of you stare at your boobs forlornly and then pull or push them up higher with your hands as you imagine your faded youth and the even saggier boobs to come?

Alright, fine. Don't participate! But, you know what? I've been doing that after almost every bath or shower and sometimes when I'm just changing my clothes.

I think it's mostly because this new boob low was reached just a few months ago. Actually, I had just gotten used to the previous hang level when I looked down in the bath one day and thought Oh, OK...I guess this is where they like to be now...Oh, well...

This is going to sound extreme, but the aging process does appear to be a bit like a car wreck. There's no schedule to the atrocities and when you pass a new tangle of twisted metal and confused passengers you are absolutely horrified. And yet, you cannot look away.

I'm not loosing sleep over these things: the increased ear wax, pendulous breasts, odd smells, gray facial hairs, memory loss or preponderance of whiskers. I'm just ready to feel less like I'm in free-fall. You know?

Expansion Is Awesome!

Photo

Look at me internet! I did something new and scary this week. Friends, I finally went to a networking event!

I know this may not sound like a big deal to many of you, but the idea of throwing myself into a room full of strangers and talking about myself is, horrifying? Alarming? Sweat-producing? Vomit-inducing? Yeah, all that and more, trust me.

I almost didn't go. The two previous nights I'd gone to bed past 2 a.m., so I was seriously sleep-deprived. I also needed a shower and was in an assy mood (because of the no sleep thing). But? But, I pulled myself together in a couple of hours and went anyway! Yes, dammit!

Every time I considered not going I felt really disappointed in myself. Which is a far cry from the other times I'd vaguely planned to go to a networking event and then crapped out on myself. Normally, I decide to stay home (sometimes for actual reasons, but mostly for chicken-shittery) and that's it. I ruminate over how I should have gone for about two minutes and then forget it.

This time, though, when I've been talking about EXPANSION this year and haven't actually done much of it, I could tell that I would really hold this not-going against myself. If I didn't go now, when the year is half over, I figured I never would. The very least I could do was go and see what happened, right? I figured if I got there and it was really an animalistic orgy I could always leave early.

Of course it wasn't that bad! It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had, or anything (due to the terror), but I didn't embarrass myself, either. So, Yay! Plus, I got some leads from a couple of the other networkers that could really help me out vis-a-vis more freelance work.

I'm planning, again and for real, to go to another event from a different networking group next Tuesday. I'll let you know how it turns out!

What was the last scary task you completed that you'd been meaning to do forever?