Really...?

Holy crap, you guys. It's raining again! I thought we were done with this stuff for at least a month, after having it rain for the ENTIRE MONTH OF OCTOBER.

HUBS and I went to a movie showing at The St. Louis International Film Festival last night. It was at one of our antique theaters (above) with character and only one screen. We had to stand out in the cold, blustery rain for a half an hour because a director Q & A was still going on inside and the audience from the previous film was just hanging around. Angry-making! Thank God I had an umbrella and was at least wearing a sweater and jacket, but we both needed scarves and gloves and winter coats for that shit.

Also, HUBS is a wizard...

Well...Ok

Yup. It's pretty obvious to me now - I think I'm depressed again. And I don't mean that random depression that comes when you think about something upsetting and then goes on its way when you watch your favorite tv show. I'm talking about the real, lasting depression that had me on Effexor for about five years.

Other than my anger/rage issues, I've also been feeling really overwhelmed. Even though I know in reality I barely do anything. I have three stories to write every week for my one freelance gig and two stories a month for the other gig. But...But I often feel like I have no time to do what I want or need to. There's this constant nagging in my brain to do a huge list of things, and thinking about this list makes me tired, saps whatever little energy I have and leads to me not wanting to do anything. So, often, I don't.

Last week during a moment of bright, shining clarity when I woke up in the middle of the night, I had a realization. What did I realize? I'm bored. That's right, I'm bored with my main source of income, writing bar/club reviews for an entertainment website.

I'm tired of the running around and the low pay and not getting reimbursed for the cash I spend on food and drink and having to put these excursions on my credit cards and racking up more debt and never knowing when I'll get paid or how much they'll decide to give me when I do.

This week, for instance, I'm doing a special on pies for Thanksgiving. The last time I did one of these holiday themed specials my pay was knocked down to $50 instead of my usual $100 because I didn't talk about enough different things. So, this time I asked my editor how many places I'd need to visit to get my usual fee. He said eight. One piece of pie from eight separate restaurants. Do you know how much running around that is? And how much money spending that is? For only 100 fucking dollars? Shit, I am tired.

And no matter how many jobs I apply for, I just can't keep up that hopeful feeling I had briefly that something with full-time money is around the corner. Just. Can't. Do it. I actually had another interview on Wednesday last week. During the interview the woman revealed that I would only get, at most, $7.75 an hour for this job. I'd wanted $10, which I thought was reasonable and already really, really shitty. It was a front desk job at a local YMCA; haven't heard from her and don't think I got this one either. Even though I have eight years experience handling front desk stuff.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be good for anymore. This whole process is demoralizing.

Hate.

October!

Dammit, October! Stop raining all the time, already. It's depressing. And makes my basement wet. And makes it hard to drive to my job interview in Belleville, IL. A place I know nothing about other that it's a half hour drive into another state. Yeah, October, it was real sweet how you didn't even start raining today until I left the house for my interview. Nice work, October!

STOP IT!!

Ok, I Can Breathe Now

This plant is currently unbloomed (of course), but the photo fits my lighter, more hopeful mood.

I got the results of the second blood test for my liver issue on Monday. My enzyme level has gone down to 72, which is still too high but a lot better than 153. It's looking more and more, to me anyway, that it's just because I was sick. The nurse I talked to last Friday said that could be the reason.

Even so, I've been ordered not to drink alcohol until after my check up on December 30, when my doc will take more blood and redo the test again to see if it's gone down more. I am fine with that. I told my editor at the online magazine where I do bar reviews what was going on, and I was so glad he didn't freak out about me not being able to drink.

Also, I am glad that it no longer looks like I might have something seriously wrong with me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the way, I had a job interview for a part-time receptionist job a couple of weeks ago that I did not get. I had to talk to two people that day, and I think the second one saw through my I'd-love-to-stay-here-a-long-time-in-this-position bullshit (they were looking for someone to do part-time for about a year and then move to full time permanently).

And, that's sorta ok. In fact, it's real ok, because I've just applied for three writing jobs that could be very cool. And I've got an interview for one tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Hmmm...I Feel Better

Could it be because the sun is shining but it's still chilly outside?

Methinks so...

Fit

I wish the title of this post referred to my firm inner thighs and tight abs, but unfortunately I'm talking about the kind of fit you have instead of are.

For a while earlier this year I was having a lot of these, throwing things and yelling and such. I had one again last night. This time, though, I hit HUBS in the stomach and when he said "Hey, what the fuck?" and backed away I threw a bag of crackers at him. Dammit.

Why did I get so upset? He'd just come home, right before 9pm, after saying he'd be home at 5:30 and then saying he'd really be home at 7:30. I had just finished eating without him (I hadn't had anything but toast all day; I tried to eat soup after I found out about the liver thing, but I think I was too worried to eat. So, after getting sick to my stomach I took about a 4 hour nap.).

I was mad that even though I'd called him and told him about the medical stuff, he didn't seem worried, or to care that I was worried. I was really hoping that he'd be home early so I could talk to him and be comforted and such. Plus? My computer keeps crashing and had just done so. So I wasn't able to get started on the story I'd been procrastinating on, like I'd wanted to.

It was one of those feelings like nothing is ever going to be right again. We literally never have any money for anything other than bills anymore, and are dangerously close to having no credit left either. We even had to take a cash advance from one of my cards last week to avoid getting overdraft fees in our checking account and to have some money for something. I really just can't seem to find a job. I put in four applications for retail places on Monday and no one has even called.

Nothing feels right. And, yeah, I was taking some undeservered stuff out on HUBS when I hit him, but I also feel like he hasn't been caring for me like he should. We've talked about this at least 3 times since I've been sick this month. I know he's been working insane hours to make overtime money for us, but when I was sick he still had to be asked and told to do things for me.

I mean, I got dizzy everytime I bent over and I still had to request that he do a little laundry. Do you realize how hard it is to go down a flight of stairs (to the basement) when you're weak and dizzy? He wouldn't so much as load the dishwasher without my prompting. Until I yelled at him. Got angry and told him to "help me dammit!"

Do you know he wouldn't even go get me a hamburger? Just a plain McDonald's hamburger. He didn't come out and say no, it was more like "Well, let's just wait and see after I finish this and we can go together blah blah blah." Fuck, I didn't feel like leaving the house. Basically, after a hard, long week at work he was finally getting to goof off online like he likes to and didn't want to deal with me (which he actually said to me, though not in so many words) when I asked him a whopping 4 hours later why he didn't just go get me a God damn burger already? Oh, and I happened to confront him about this when we were finally on the way to getting my burger, after I'd been hungry for, yes, FOUR HOURS.

I don't think I'm being outrageous here, to expect a little care from my husband when I get ill. Especially since I literally do everything for him when he's sick, and he gets sick A LOT. I even stuck by him when he got some flu-like thing a few months after we got together, when he thought he, wait for it...MIGHT HAVE AIDS. Yeah, and honestly, I think he deserved to get hit a little, though not for everything I hit him for.

This no-job-no-money-no-credit pressure is too much after 22 months of unemployment. I think we need counseling.

What The Fuck Now?

So, my doctor's office called today about the blood work I had done yesterday. Something's wrong with my liver. There's some enzyme that's supposed to be at 40, but my level is something like 153. I have to go in for more blood work tomorrow.

I'm a little bit scared.

Oh, Thank God

After getting the flu suddenly the day after my mom's birthday about two weeks ago, I finally feel a bit like a real person again.

I was fine on Tuesday. But as soon as I woke up Wednesday I had severe body aches, a roaring headache and dizziness. Do you know how unpleasant it is to get dizzy every time you bend down or stand up. It makes doing pretty much everything really hard. And a bit dangerous.

Also not good for someone who makes a scant living reviewing food? I could eat, but very little tasted right. There were three options with food: tasting basically ok, tasting like an old tree stump or tasting like something that might make me vomit. Even now, there are some things I kinda can't stand the idea of. Milk, oatmeal and ice cream being the prominent three of those things.

On the up side, I have lost weight. I tried to put on my favorite jeans (size 22) yesterday and they slid right off without me unbuttoning or unzipping them. So, yea for the flu?*

I started exercising again yesterday, but totally by accident. I went to the mall to drop off some job applications and pick up a few more. Therefore I ended up doing a lot of walking. Which totally wore me out for the rest of the day. I'm still sorta fatigued, which I hate. I did manage to do 30 minutes of toning/light walking today, so hopefully that'll help. I'm also going to the doc tomorrow for a check up, maybe he can tell me what else I can do to fully kick this thing.

Unfortunately we have other sick beings in our house, too. But I'll let you in on those tomorrow.

*By the by, my skin after a bout of fever? Excellent!

This Is It

It's go time, people. Here's my weight loss plan:

1) Exercise everyday, with a goal of 30 min a day (I will be counting housework and errand running-especially those days when I spend 3 hours walking around Wal-Mart or the grocery store)
2) Eat three meals and two snacks a day
3) Stop eating at 10pm (unless it's fruit, I'm giving myself that)
4) Stop eating when I'm full
5) Fast food no more than 2x a week, with goal of 1x a week or less

That's all I've come up with so far, but I think that's a good start. I've successfully exercised 4 days in a row this week. Monday I did 15 min of step aerobics. It was a pitiful endeavor, but I kept moving. Tuesday I did 30 min of toning exercises. Wednesday was a 1/2 hour walk that made me cry I was so tired during it. And Thursday I spent an insane amount of time at Wal-Mart and the grocery store. This included parking farther away than usual, lugging 2 giant kitty litter containers and 3 gallons of bleach, and taking several trips to and from the car to get everything in the house. I totally think that counts, especially since I held my stomach in and kept my glutes tight the whole time.

My ultimate goal is to lose a pound a week for the next 53 weeks, so that by this time next year I'll be back in a size 14/16. That may sound huge to a lot of people, but I work at that size. And, even when I was exercising my ass off everyday (two hour workouts daily) I only got down to a size 12. I'm hoping this endeavor will be more manageable and still allow me to stop getting winded from taking a shower.

Well, there, it's all public now. Help me, you guys!

So, Um...Yeah. Not Good, Citygirl...

Eating delectable food like this for work probably isn't helping much.

I just got back from the doctor. I had really convinced myself that I was holding at 245 pounds. Unfortunately I've finally topped 250. I now weigh 253 pounds. Shit.

I'm not gonna say stuff's really going to change now. I've said that so many times in the past few years and I can just never get off my ass and do anything. Actually I don't know what I'm saying or planning or anything. I'm just disgusted with myself.

Blah.

Have You Noticed...?

Joy

The days are cooler and shorter.
The leaves are beginning to fall.
Hot chocolate suddenly seems like a good idea again.
Yay!

Things We've Done Recently

We have had an interesting time of it lately. Here's what's been going on...



1)On the first Tuesday of this month, I noticed a opossum hanging out in our neighbor's driveway in the middle of the day. And it freaked me out, I thought that's all we need now, opossums running amok during the day. Well, by the same time the following day, that poor thing was dead. I guess it was sick and disoriented and that's why it was hanging out during daylight.

2) Almost two months to the day after this, I found another cat left in the road in front of our house. HUBS was at work, so I had to dig the grave myself. I don't think I'd ever really used a shovel before, and I was not very good at it. A lot of that had to do with it being hot and me being very sad. I named her Sheila and put her in the little dirt pile left after we got the tree in the front yard removed. Our neighbor, Fred, saw me digging and when he realized why got very upset. He puts out food and water for the strays like we do. When I said that someone must have hit her with their car her responded angrily with "Who! Who hit her!" and I appreciated his seeming desire to find the person and make them wish they had driven more carefully.

Then, two days later on Saturday, after a night of really hard, ridiculous raining, I went to put out food for the strays and found another kitten in the street. It was all very dramatic; me running through our flooded front walk, out into the rain and picking him up. He was wet and cold and already long gone. I brought him into the house and covered him in our doormat until HUBS could find a spot to bury him. I named him Stanley. RIP Sheila 9/3/09 and Stanley 9/5/09.


Boat. Not as big as you may have imagined.

3) That same day we went to Grafton, IL to see life-sized reproductions of Columbus' Pinta and Nina in dock. I was too upset about Stanley and Sheila to have a good time. Also, we went with his parents. They thought I was just tired. I realized that every time I've seen them this year has been on a day I was already in a crap-ass mood about something else. God only knows what they think is wrong with me!

4) With three cat deaths in two months we (me, HUBS and Fred) were starting to think it was time to get some of the strays adopted. Fred and I made calls to the Humane Society of MO, but they don't pick up strays. Animal control will give out humane cages to catch the animals, but a) they only give you one at a time, and that would take forever around here where we've got about 30 cats wandering our street; and b) if they don't have room for them after getting a clean bill of health, they still euthanize them. None of us wanted that, so we're leaving the cats alone. I still can't decide if that's really the right thing, though. Ideas?


Manny and the freakish eyes.

5) Life hasn't been all bad. For a brief period of time last week, we adopted a praying mantis that was hanging around our windows. HUBS named it Manny, which could be short for Manuela if it was a female. It was odd how responsive it was. More so than any other bug/insect I've seen. If you looked out the window at Manny, his head would immediately swivel to look at you. And if you moved around in the window you could actually see his eyes following you. HUBS looked up some mantis facts and found out they have 5 eyes, can see 60 feet and their heads turn 180 degrees. Freaky! After two days Manny moved on (we hope none of the kittens got him) and now we kinda miss the little freak.

6) During one of my many times at the window watching Manny, I accidentally saw him poop. Don't ask.

7) In a break from watching Everwood Season 2 or Friday Night Lights Season 3, I looked out to make sure no cats were in need anywhere. I found a baby opossum and a kitten eating the remainder of the food I'd put out that day. That damn kitten just couldn't leave well enough alone, and kept trying to play with the opossum's thick, ugly tail while it was eating. Opossum baby was coming real close to attacking the kitten because of it, so I stepped outside hoping to scare them off. Uh, you know they both just stood there and stared at me, right? For like a full two minutes, before opossum baby finally ran away. Baby animal crisis averted. See how brave I am when I can hide most of my body behind our front door?

8) Last Friday night, on our way to one of my bar reviews, we saw a opossum get run over by a car. Now, let me just say that I am no opossum fan. They are creepy, disgusting looking and I've heard they're pretty mean. But, I don't want to watch anything suffer, and Goddammit that thing suffered. It was horrible to see. I'll leave it at that.

9) With all this death-of-animals stuff going on, I asked my mom last week if she thought it was some kind of sign. She believes in that type of thing and so do I. I mean, I was starting to worry that God, The Universe, Whatever wasn't getting through to me about something so they were using dead animals to get me to notice what the fuck ever I need to notice. My mom didn't think so, and that really helped ease my mind. It might sound crazy, but there you go.

10) Speaking of my mom, we went to a job fair together last Wednesday with one of my aunts. Mom got laid off after her brother died back in April and hadn't really been looking for work much yet, but heard that the companies at this fair didn't need to see people with degrees, which was good for her. Unfortunately, she got some misinformation. But we still got our resumes to the company she was hoping to talk with. And, I got lots of goodies from the company tables at the fair. Thank you Brown Shoe Company, I've always wanted a tiny pomegranate lip balm!

11) I also spent a day last week trying to help my mom get her room organized. See, she's become quite the hoarder of paper; she's thrown very little away for the past 14years. Her bedroom is filled with bags, boxes and baskets of old bills and mail. How did this happen? Oh, that's easy; it's my bastard father's fault.

See, back in 1994 when he left her, he bought over $3,000 worth of crap for his new place on their shared credit card...And then filed for bankruptcy. So, for years and years they came after my mom for the money. For things she never bought or even saw. She has been afraid to throw anything away for fear that if she couldn't hide from them anymore she wouldn't have the proof that she never bought that crap and shouldn't have to pay for it.

That crap finally fell off her credit report in 2002, but she can't stop saving things. When I went into her room last week I realized that she even has papers under her pillow and comforter, under the bed, in the closet and in the laundry room. I didn't know how bad it was. So I decided to help her get things straight. I was there one day from 10am to almost 7pm and we cleared out three baskets filled with old bills, receipts and pay stubs dated 1995 to 1998. We have a long way to go.

12)Last Friday our house was almost eaten by a woodpecker. I heard this horrible noise that sounded like someone was trying to pick open our locks, looked out the window and saw nothing. The noise kept coming, and it was freaking out Tux, too. I looked out again and this time looked toward the top of the door and found the bird pecking away at the door frame. I beat on the door and got it to leave for a bit, but it came back to the same spot and tried to make a home. Finally the thing got tired and went someplace else. Is that crazy, or what?


Miller, on the left, with her sister Harris. Miller is currently the only stray that likes to have us pet her.

13) Again with the death. I woke up Monday afternoon (that's right, I'm unemployed and loving the freedom) and saw a dead bird on the sidewalk. One of our favorite strays, Miller, eventually came and picked it up. I hope the bird wasn't diseased, I would hate for Miller to get sick and not be able to help her.

14) Do not believe the hype about ladybugs. When I was burying Sheila, one landed on my arm and bit the shit out of me leaving a nasty little bump behind. I am not happy with you, ladybug!

15) We have a bar stool in a corner of our bedroom where I keep a favorite pair of shoes. I went to put them on Saturday and found a cricket up there with its...Aw hell, I'm gonna say it, poop. What is it with us and droppings?


I'll have a special paw gun made if I have to, Sebastian.

16) And...Just a few minutes ago, I watched one of the strays (we call her Sebastian) fight a pretty big snake...IN OUR FRONT YARD. It wasn't just in the front yard, either. It was dangerously close to the front door. Sebastian kept getting tired and walking away to lie down for a bit, and every time I hoped she'd come back with a tiny little gun and blow that snake away. I watched her for over a half hour, and then ran around putting glue boards (thank you, Orkin Man!) down near every basement window, the front door and two openings around the back door on our deck.

Can I just say, internet, I'm tired of nature, death and shit. Absolutely wiped.

Splendored Thing

Puppy love...But not in the truest since of the phrase.

Back during Hell Week '09, when I helped HUBS finish an insane amount of work at his job the week before school started, I took a little break one time and sat my tired ass down at a teacher's desk to rest. I looked around her space a bit and came on a note written for her by a student last school year.

Here, for you now, the awesomeness that was the letter she had taped to a filing cabinet:

"You are like a sweet apple in a tree. When I sad (not a typo, this kid was only like 8 years old when he wrote this) you comfort me. Trust me I've seen your heart. Mrs. K you are a work of art. You are so pretty I can't close my eyes. And just like my mother you haven't told any lies."

She's so pretty that the boy can't close his eyes, y'all! Lordy, somebody's passions run deep already!

A Bear Will Not Be Eating My Head This Year, No Siree

See those buildings? I prefer being around things like that. Yeah.

HUBS and I had a ridiculously hard week last week. We worked our silly little asses off and I will talk about it at some point, but not right now.

Right now, I will discuss with you, internet, how I, citygirl, almost went into the woods.

HUBS' folks rent some cabin thingy in the middle of Nowhere, MO called Bunker Hill. Every year his parents and his sister, Tiny Sarcasm's family go up there for a weekend. This year they invited us.

Now, I have said this many times on this blog and elsewhere, but here it is again: I do not like outdoorsy things. I do not like bugs, sleeping in cabins, going to outhouses, wild animals running amok, being in the middle of nowhere, or excessive no-one-around-to-hear-me-scream quiet. His people know this. And yet, they invited me to the woods.

I'm sure it was perfectly innocent. Anyway, HUBS really wanted to go, so (for him and for him only) I briefly considered it. But, only on the condition that he do several things for me in return. Boy, making this list was fun...

If I Go To The Woods 8/1/09

1. Small trip to see band I like and HUBS hates. (There aren't many of these, but I'm sure I could find at least one)

2. Two days of Tickle With Impunity. (I get to tickle him, he does not get to ask me to stop)

3. Pluck or shave all body hair I distrust. (HUBS has weird little hairs here and there that he simple refuses to let me remove. This would be my shot)

4. Four days of loading & emptying dishwasher. (He refuses to do both things unless he sees I'm really angry about something else, and yet I almost always do both by myself)

5. Go to museum 1 day every weekend until I say stop. (He likes museums, so this isn't really punishment just a way to get us to do this thing I've been talking about for months now)

6. Paint my toenails. (HUBS has such an aversion to my feet, even when sparkling clean, that this would be too good to pass up)

7. Four days of no slap blocking. (Occasionally, HUBS does things that I need to give him a little whack on the arm/chest/back for. Here, he is not allowed to block me)

8. Two nights of cooking dinner, not burgers/fries/pasta. (He claims this is all he can cook, he's pretty smart though, so I'm sure he can read recipe instructions)

9. Five days of facing me when we talk in bed. (HUBS looks like a pirate when he lays in bed, I like to see this when we talk, but he often turns away from me to "rest that side". Not this week, buddy)

Since I will not be getting paid for the assload of deep, hard physical labor I did last week on HUBS behalf, I'm considering putting these into practice as payment even thought we're not going into the woods. Wait, you say. Why aren't you going into the woods? Well, two awesomely good reasons.

One. It would cost money (!). And, two, the very same day his parents called about us going, just hours later when I was napping, I had a dream that I was standing in the woods near a creek minding my own business and a bear came up behind me and ate my head off my body in one bite. So, no, I really do not think so. At all.

But hey, HUBS' folks, thanks for asking.

This Is What Happens When HUBS Is Stressed

So, this week has been insane for HUBS and I. Due to construction at the school he works for, he now has ONE FREAKIN WEEK to do THREE WEEKS WORTH of work. This have driven HUBS to severe fits of construction-man anger over the past month. And, because I am a lovely human being who didn't want to see her husband go insane, I offered to help.

On Monday we worked 13 and 1/2 hours (with meal breaks, of course). I was riotously exhausted that night but couldn't, for some reason go to sleep when I hit the bed. HUBS was pumped from getting a good start on all the work and tried to get me to sleep. Turning off the tv, turning on the tv, turning the tv volume down. At one point he put it on a Berenstain Bears cartoon on PBS and, apparently, I finally drifted right off after hours of torturous non-sleep.

Then, about an hour later, I got a poke in the shoulder from HUBS. He had something to tell me. I looked at him.

HUBS: (grinning wildly from ear to ear, eyes wide open and pointing downward as he lay in the bed staring at me) WHO'S GOT BALLS??!!

citygirl: (looking at the HUBS crotch, seeing nothing out of the ordinary) What?

HUBS: WHO'S GOTTT BAAAALLLLLS?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!! (maniacal giggling)

I didn't say another word. In fact, all I did was turn over and go back to sleep. But I remember thinking "This is how stress fucks with you? Really? God dammit!"

Let me tell you, internet, the next morning was quite interesting. HUBS had to take me out to breakfast for that one...

Some Good

About two weeks after this happened, we discovered a family of kittens living under our deck. See...



There were four orange kittens and a mom hiding there. What's interesting is that when we found Oliver in the street I was afraid he was the one who'd come to eat when I put food out and meow all the time. It was a raspy, growly meow that I liked to hear. Turns out, it was this momma cat. I've named her Harley.



They moved out after about a week and headed for our neighbor Fred's backyard, but we still see them around. And, we've been visited by the new kitten family (we call mom Harris, she has blue eyes) living in the empty yard next door.

All of this is by way of saying, this almost makes up for Oliver. Though, I do worry about those kittens a lot.

My Weekend Was...

Eventful.

Friday was...


Guster!

A walk around the Arch grounds taking photos with HUBS
A free riverfront concert from Guster
A fireworks display over the river
A walk through the drunken denizens of Laclede's Landing
A snack at Morgan Street Brewery
A trip home at midnight that took a half hour to go 10 blocks
Fun


Snap, crackle, pop, bang

Saturday was...


Yum cubed

Cooking fried cinnamon toast, an omelet and bacon for a late breakfast
Eating Pillsbury Break 'n' Bake Cinnabon cookies right after
Seeing Happy-Go-Lucky & Grey Gardens (the Drew & Jessica version) & liking them
Taking a long nap with HUBS
Leaving at 9pm for dinner at La Salsa
Loving the new restaurant
Impulsively driving around for a showing of (500) Days of Summer
Catching a band playing in the Loop
Finding out 411 will give you movie show times

Sunday was...

Blissfully staying at home all day
Getting work done
Resting
Eating
Enjoying

Hope you had a good weekend too.

Internet, Why Didn't You Tell Me?

Oh my God, y'all...

Last night HUBS and I went to see Julie & Julia. It's a really good movie and I'll be reviewing it here next week. It's the rare girly movie that has nothing to do with finding a man or keeping a man. Finally, you Hollywood fuckers!

Anyway, that wasn't my revelation. We went bowling after the movie and I sucked ass really hard. I did so bad it actually depressed me. So when we went to the grocery store later to find HUBS some black cherries, I looked around for something I could snack on past 10pm that wouldn't make me feel worse about myself. I stopped in the jelly isle and saw the Lemon Curd.

I thought, really? On toast? Oh heavenly heavens, yes! On toast! I got home, grilled up some cinnamon bread in the skillet with some of that I Can't Believe This Is What We're Calling Butter, Now stuff and slathered on a thin layer of the curd, just in case it tasted like ass.

But, OHMYJESUS...It was so fucking good! Why has no one told me about this before? I mean, I'd heard of it but I didn't know it could be a breakfast/snack implement. Dammit internet! Let me know things!

Really, everyone should just run out right now and try the stuff. Open the jar right in the store and just stick your tongue in it. You will be so, so glad you did.


Photo from here

For Women Who Have Considered Rogaine When Vitamins Are Not Enuff

We know I wouldn't look this good without hair, right?

At least I was considering it, until I read the website and saw it only works for hereditary female baldness. Dammit stress related hair loss!

Not Bad

I'm sorta happy for now.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I feel like I have irons in the fire and I'm starting to really get things going for myself.

Looking over what I wrote on Monday, I realized I completely left out the good stuff that's happened lately. Like, I got more (Paid, yay!!) work through the website I've been writing for. So now I make a whole $200 a week. Not nearly enough to get us out of the hole, but a definite step in the right direction (you know, the 'more money' direction).

Also, and this is really huge for me, I published a book of my photos on Blurb.com. I know! Now...I still need to try to publicize it. If there's a photo-lover who's close to you, please check out the book. I think it would make a great gift, especially if they enjoy what I like to call "urban artifacts", old signs and doors and such.


Holy shit! This is my book!!

Take a look here. And, you can also vote for me to get the People's Choice Award for their Photography Now contest on the same page. I'd love it if you could help me out!

While I was working on my interview questions yesterday for a piece I'm writing for the website, I came across a few open freelance positions at a well-known, used-to-be-underground local weekly magazine. I was so excited that I dropped the research and applied immediately. I'd be writing about food again, and hopefully getting more money so, keep your fingers crossed for me!

And, two weeks ago I happened upon one of those e-invite sites, pingg.com. I'd actually never heard of it before, but I looked around a bit because they had some really cool art for some of the invites. Then I read some of the artist profiles and realized none of them are famous. So I sent an email to the submission lady and she said she'd love to consider my stuff for their artist's series. On Monday (she told me to wait until after she got back from vacation) I sent her 30 images to peruse. I'm fuckin' excited about this, too! Again, dear readers, cross your fingers!

What else? Oh yeah, I'm considering putting an ad on Craigslist as a funeral photographer for hire. I know it sounds strange, but at two of the three funerals I went to earlier this year I was actually asked to document the occasion. There has to be someone else who'd like this service, right?

And, look at my photoblog. I'm so proud of myself for figuring out how to post really big photos. The small pictures were kind of a waste, since my file sizes are so big. This is much, much better!

Look at me, internet! I'm doing things!