Fiscally Speaking

Photo

Remember how I told you about losing my one, semi-steady writing job a couple of weeks ago, and how energized I was by the opening up of new opportunity? Well, now the abject terror has set in.

Aside from the ridiculous amount of bills we have, I fully believe that our second highest expenditure is on food. So, last night while HUBS and I were going over our monies and moving bills around so we'd have some cash for the edible stuff, I made a proposition I've been wanting to make for weeks now: We need to stop eating out.

I realize this doesn't sound like a mighty idea to many of you, and Lord knows that when I was single I barely ate out at all. But, it's become way too much of a way of life for us. Especially HUBS. I realize that he's worn out after a 10 or 12 hour day, but if he gets home and I don't feel like cooking that somehow seems to translate to FAST FOOD YAY YUM!! for him.

I'm constantly having to say No, you know we don't have much cash to work with. We can make sandwiches, make soup, eat leftovers...And then HUBS' face falls and he pouts like a child who doesn't understand money stuff and he says OK with that hangdog expression.

As much as we are both tired of the pinch, I'm really tired of having to constantly be the bad guy. So, as of last night a one week Spending Freeze is on. Here's how we're going to do this:

Spending Freeze 2011-2012

1) We will buy groceries and only eat those groceries for the next seven days.

2) There will be no fast foods, restaurant trips or convenience foods/beverages from places like Quik Trip.

3) Coffee, tea, lunches and dinners are made at home.

4) If we run out of something, say, iced tea mix, we get more iced tea mix and not a 32 ounce cup of ready made iced tea.

5) When we get through seven days, we do it for another week...And another, and another. Until HUBS and I get used to not relying on Taco Bell/Pen Station/etcetera to fill our tired bellies.

I'll be frank here, since I barely leave the house this isn't going to be that hard for me. But HUBS? He dies a little inside when he sees food on TV, even if we are currently eating something he's declared delicious. He's all about his burgers, fries, tacos and subs. So, thank you in advance HUBS, for your complete cooperation on this. Doesn't it feel better already?

What do you need to stop spending so much money on?

Have You Heard The One About The 35-Year-Old Woman And Her 401K?

It goes like this:

So a woman works for the same company for almost 10 years, right? And, she hates it almost the whole time. But then she finally leaves, happy to be free and really happy to have built up a nice little nest egg in her 401k.

The woman has a degree from a good university and a steady work history, she thinks she'll finally have a good job that she enjoys within a few months. But, the woman was wrong. The economy dips to the ninth circle of Hell shortly after she leaves her old, hated job and she can't get hired. Not even Best Buy, Walmart or Target will take her.

So, when almost three years have gone by and all unemployment benefits have run out, the woman and her husband are in deep, deep, shitty credit card debt. They are scared and angry. They know they should have done things differently: lived more frugally and had the woman back-burner the dream job search sooner. But also! They weren't out buying yachts and crap. They mostly used the credit to pay for much needed (sudden) home/car repairs and groceries.

The woman talks to 10 Consumer Credit Counseling agencies. Some won't offer any deals at all because of the negative income the couple has at the end of the month. The others offer deals that they still cannot afford.

The woman gives in and gives it all to God. She's tired of the phone calls, the crying, the constant math-doing and bill shuffling. She's tired of the stress, the sleepless nights, the headaches, body aches and the constant beans and rice eating, the woman is gassy enough without all that.

That woman? She lets go of her fear and obstinacy and sees one way out. She cashes in her 401k.



I freely admit that when HUBS brought up the idea of using my 401k to help us out of this jam it made me incredibly angry. Not because he suggested it. Because it felt like I would then have nothing to show for my unnecessarily long stint at a job I mostly despised.

Then last Saturday, after yet another talk with a creditor, I felt something change. The idea of doing this big, major thing made me feel free. Things will still be tight, but not can't-afford-groceries-must-eat-the-same-things-day-and-night tight.

I can see that I needed this; to have a financial fuck up so big that I had to use my retirement fund to fuel my rescue. And, if we had done this over a year ago, when HUBS first suggested it, there would have been considerably less money to work with.

I can also see what a blessing it is that I had that option in the first place. (Well, last place really. Believe me when I say using your retirement fund to bail yourself out is always an absolute last resort option.) Some people get into this kind of bind and only have bankruptcy to look forward to.

I am committed to not using credit cards until we dig ourselves out of this mess totally, and then only sparingly. I am committed to finding an in-the-meantime job until someone realizes how fabulous I am and pays me lots of moolah to write. I am committed to living within our means and helping HUBS do the same.

Thank God, y'all.

We Will Not Talk About...

- How our air conditioner went out last Thursday and I had to ask my mom for money to get it fixed.

- How once I got to her house to pick the money up I collapsed into a tearful heap, finally told her how screwed up all our finances are and apologized for letting her down and being a loser.

- How, when I got back home and talked to the repair man, the money she gave us wouldn't be enough anyway because we'd need a brand, spankin' new air conditioner. Hello $4,000!!

- How we had to get a credit limit increase on the same card we used to buy the furnace in January to pay for the new air conditioner. Thank God they allowed it or we'd be completely fucked!

- How the cats went a little bit nutty from the 95 degree temps in the house and then being locked in the basement for several (several) hours to keep them cool.

- How, even though I called in Thursday to say I may or may not be in to work, the company I was working for fired me and the temp agency will now never work with me again (that's right, I've been fired by a temp agency).

- How I fear that I totally sabotaged that job by possibly not making myself clear when I called in the first time and then resisting the later urge to call back and tell them I definitely wasn't coming in.

- How I've been repeating the mantra I make $100,000 a year 25 times a day for the past week, hoping it will come true by way of making me work harder...Or by magic, either way is fine with me.

What we will talk about is this...



God! These things are so good! We had the full sized ones sometime last year and I wasn't impressed. But, the minis? Somehow a thousand times more tastier. Yes, I said more tastier. You should eat these.

Very Early

Remember being happy without reservations? Me neither, but I do remember things being easier.

I've been awake for about half an hour. It's 7:06am, I got up to pee and someone happened to be mowing their lawn. Which meant it was a bit noisy. Which, in turn, meant I couldn't get back to sleep quickly. Which, therefore, meant that as I was trying to sleep I started thinking.

Thinking. Dreaded, dreaded thinking.

When I was at work last night I made a tiny list of things I wanted to buy/do with the money I'm going to get today; the money I made at work last week (thank GOD for weekly paychecks).

It was a small, rather modest list that went like this:

Buy
-Stray Food
-HUBS undies
-Green Tea Growth Treatment
-Hot Dogs
-Beef
-Sausage
-Tater Tots
-Schnucks Asiago Rolls
-Frozen Veggies
-Cereal
-Coffee
-Canned Goods
-Brown Sugar

Do
-$3 in savings?
-54th Street anniversary dinner?
-$10 Verizon?
-Other Bills?

The questions marks are because I didn't know how much of my check we'd get to play around with after paying bills, but until HUBS gets paid next Friday. Turns out it's only $8.

HUBS let me know this last night when he finally got home around 11:05pm, after doing about six hours of work gratis for the second night in a row because his school district (as large and acclaimed and fairly well-off as it is) has no money left for overtime pay.

He was freaked out about his gas card. It's now basically maxed out, meaning we won't even be able to put gas in our cars if we're out of cash. I'm guessing if it comes to that, one of us is going to have to take the bus to work. And that 'one of us' is probably going to be me.

Here I am, working again, and it's still not enough. HUBS was talking about trying to sell the house last night. I'm going to have to get a part-time job during the day. Or, find someone to pay me for my writing. Because it's good, right? You like this blog post and the others and my writing is mainly what makes up these posts, right?

Sorry guys. Just a little early morning depression. Thanks, as always, for listening. And, if you have any freelance writing job leads, let me know. (Yes, I'm totally serious about that.)

Have a great weekend :)

Careery

Come to mamma...

It's 10:59pm and I'm hungry. That's what I get for having popcorn for dinner at work because I was too lazy to fix a proper meal to lug along.

Also, HUBS is not home yet. I've tried calling him at work, but, well, see...My cell phone got shut off Monday. So, I've got his cell in case I need to make calls during the day. And since he's rarely at his actual desk at work, he's generally not around to hear the phone.

Not to harp here, guys, but I'm really fucking hungry. But I want to wait for HUBS to get home so we can eat together. Dammit.

In other news, I went in to work today with a positive, go-get-em attitude. I filled the time between calls by writing down all the recipes I've been coming up with lately. I plan to enter a shit load of cooking contests and win so much money that I never have to work for the man again. The End.

I know a lot of my problem with traditional office-type jobs is my attitude. I tend to get bogged down in the boredom and hatred and slog through every little task. Having a little assignment for the down time helped me avoid that today. And? That was nice.

Blarg...

Ick, sucky day, ick.

Tomorrow will be better, right?

I hope you all had a better day than me.

First Order Of Business...

Calling the bank tomorrow morning to see if they would please not hit us with 4 overdraft fees for the bounced debit card purchases.

I don't like that this has happened yet again, but I can honestly say I'm not tremendously upset. I think I may have really gotten to the point where I get that getting angry, in most cases, doesn't really get me anywhere constructive. Yeah, it's fun, even cathartic, sometimes to just get it out, but it doesn't usually solve the problem that made me mad in the first place.

Let's all pray that I can convince the bank to relax a bit tomorrow.

Good night, all.

I'm Selling Things...Wanna Play?

Money talk bores Tux. And, sorry, not selling the cat.

So, in an effort to help fund some things I want to do and help take a bit of financial pressure off of HUBS, I've got some stuff I'm purging in order to make a bit of cash.

First off, I'm selling movies, TV on DVD collections, bellydance and yoga fitness VHS tapes, books and video games here at half.com. The movies are only $1 to $1.50! I'm selling season 1 & 2 of Angel, seasons 1, 3 & 4 of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and editions of the graphic novel continuations of both shows (among other things)...For some pretty good-ass prices if I do say so myself!

I'm also doing the ebay thing. I'm selling a cool pair of UNWORN sandals, lightly used Martha Stewart with Wedgwood bone china and 2010 Mazda 3 floor mats. Yay!

Now, here's where the big stuff comes in. I've tried selling magazines on ebay before and have never gotten any hits, so I'm eliminating the middle-man here and going directly to the source...You guys!



I'm selling my Glamour magazines. For 2009 I have April, May and July through December. For 2010 I have January through April.



I'm sending my People StyleWatch mags to a better home, too. The issues are May 2009 through December 09/January 2010 (June/July and Dec/Jan are combined issues).



If you love InStyle, I can help you out! I've got the June 09, July 09, September 09 and special Fall 2009 makeover issues available. I also have three UK editions of the magazine, which retail in the US for $8.50 (yes, I'm a bit embarrassed I spent that much on a magazine). The UK editions are May 09, July 09 and March 10.



Home design fans can have my back issues of Elle Decor from April 09 through March 10.



If you need a mixed bag, how about this: Harper's Bazaar (April and June through October 09), Marie Claire (October and November 09), Elle (June 09) and Cosmo (October 09).



If photography's your thing, I've got a fine collection of American Photo magazine, May 09 through February 10.

Now, for the details. All magazine are $1! I'd prefer to sell them by title as listed above, but if you buy at least five issues I'll be willing to split them up. If you buy a huge stack, they'll be shipped in a flat rate Priority Mail box. Priority shipping costs (which you pay) will range from $4.95 to $14.50, but you'd basically have to buy all the magazines I've listed for me to need a box that big! Shipping for a small magazine order, let say five to eight titles, will be $8. All payments will be via Paypal.

If none of that sounds like it's up your spending alley, I also have a gorgeous photo blog where you can buy prints of any photos you see there. Go here and look at the side bar for details.

Phew! Now, go forth and email all your fashion fiend, bellydancing, Angel and Buffy loving friends. Tell everyone you know! Help me let the masses know that the Sale. Is. ON!

Fit

I wish the title of this post referred to my firm inner thighs and tight abs, but unfortunately I'm talking about the kind of fit you have instead of are.

For a while earlier this year I was having a lot of these, throwing things and yelling and such. I had one again last night. This time, though, I hit HUBS in the stomach and when he said "Hey, what the fuck?" and backed away I threw a bag of crackers at him. Dammit.

Why did I get so upset? He'd just come home, right before 9pm, after saying he'd be home at 5:30 and then saying he'd really be home at 7:30. I had just finished eating without him (I hadn't had anything but toast all day; I tried to eat soup after I found out about the liver thing, but I think I was too worried to eat. So, after getting sick to my stomach I took about a 4 hour nap.).

I was mad that even though I'd called him and told him about the medical stuff, he didn't seem worried, or to care that I was worried. I was really hoping that he'd be home early so I could talk to him and be comforted and such. Plus? My computer keeps crashing and had just done so. So I wasn't able to get started on the story I'd been procrastinating on, like I'd wanted to.

It was one of those feelings like nothing is ever going to be right again. We literally never have any money for anything other than bills anymore, and are dangerously close to having no credit left either. We even had to take a cash advance from one of my cards last week to avoid getting overdraft fees in our checking account and to have some money for something. I really just can't seem to find a job. I put in four applications for retail places on Monday and no one has even called.

Nothing feels right. And, yeah, I was taking some undeservered stuff out on HUBS when I hit him, but I also feel like he hasn't been caring for me like he should. We've talked about this at least 3 times since I've been sick this month. I know he's been working insane hours to make overtime money for us, but when I was sick he still had to be asked and told to do things for me.

I mean, I got dizzy everytime I bent over and I still had to request that he do a little laundry. Do you realize how hard it is to go down a flight of stairs (to the basement) when you're weak and dizzy? He wouldn't so much as load the dishwasher without my prompting. Until I yelled at him. Got angry and told him to "help me dammit!"

Do you know he wouldn't even go get me a hamburger? Just a plain McDonald's hamburger. He didn't come out and say no, it was more like "Well, let's just wait and see after I finish this and we can go together blah blah blah." Fuck, I didn't feel like leaving the house. Basically, after a hard, long week at work he was finally getting to goof off online like he likes to and didn't want to deal with me (which he actually said to me, though not in so many words) when I asked him a whopping 4 hours later why he didn't just go get me a God damn burger already? Oh, and I happened to confront him about this when we were finally on the way to getting my burger, after I'd been hungry for, yes, FOUR HOURS.

I don't think I'm being outrageous here, to expect a little care from my husband when I get ill. Especially since I literally do everything for him when he's sick, and he gets sick A LOT. I even stuck by him when he got some flu-like thing a few months after we got together, when he thought he, wait for it...MIGHT HAVE AIDS. Yeah, and honestly, I think he deserved to get hit a little, though not for everything I hit him for.

This no-job-no-money-no-credit pressure is too much after 22 months of unemployment. I think we need counseling.

I Am Very Inconsistent

I've had that thing happen again where some bad stuff happened and I wanted to write about it, but just couldn't. So, I didn't write at all for a month and a day. Here's what's been going on...

1) July 4th started out fine, HUBS and I went to review a bar/club for my $100 a week job and the food and drinks were good. We were planning to go see fireworks later that night. It was a nice afternoon...Until we pulled up to our house.

A smallish orange cat (who looked a lot like the 5 to 8 other smallish orange cats we have around here)was laying in the street near our neighbor's SUV. I parked as fast as I could, jumping out and running over to him (it was a him, I checked). Someone had hit him and just kept going. I picked him up and tried to make him move, we were planning to get him to the emergency clinic, but he was already gone.


Here lies Oliver...

I then stood in front of our house, holding the smallish, dead orange cat and cried for about 20 minutes. HUBS finally got me to put him down and went to get a shovel so we could bury him. While HUBS dug I thought of a name for the little guy, Oliver. We buried him under our flower bed in the back, and I cried for probably a total of three hours. Someone hit him, and just left him in the street...

Needless to say that ruined our 4th of July. We tried to watch fireworks later, but left the house too late to get any kind of good spot. That pissed me off even more. For about a week after this sadness we tried in earnest to get another cat from the Humane Society but couldn't decide between two of them (luckily one got adopted), and then we ran out of money anyway. Which leads me to #2.

2) By July 14 it was pretty clear that we were totally out of money. I used up the last of my unemployment extension at the end of June and my $100/week gig doesn't exactly help cover much. HUBS moved all our bills (even the mortgage and my student loan - which I've never been late on in the 12 years I've been paying it) to his next pay day. I suspended our savings deductions and transferred what little was in there to pay bills. Then I made a really hard decision: I went to my mom for money. Again.


We suck.

P.T. helped us out in April with a huge loan that kept us afloat for about 6 weeks. Right after she gave us that money (literally a day later) she got laid off herself. She kept telling me that she was ok financially, so I took a chance and called her and asked her for anything she could help with. I immediately regretted it and felt like a stupid child. I'm a married woman who's been on her own for 11 years and twice in just a few months I've had to ask my mother for money.

She gave us another huge loan, enough so that we could pay things a couple days late instead of 10. I went to pick the money up after doing something that may help me get a job. Hence, #3.

3) The unemployment offices have free job workshops that I've completely neglected the entire time I've been jobless. I finally decided to go to the resume and interviewing workshops on the 14th and 15th of this month. What did I find out? My resume, which I thought was pretty good, was a total piece of crap.

Why? Two reasons...a) I had too many types of things on there (reception/admin stuff, film/entertainment stuff and writing/photography stuff), which made me look like I didn't know what I wanted instead of looking multi-talented and well-rounded and b) I hadn't listed any accomplishments in my jobs.



Now, I'd heard of this "accomplishment" thing, but I hated my receptionist/admin work so hard that it was difficult for me to think in terms of doing anything in those positions that could be labeled as such. It took me a week after the workshop to finally redo my resume, and once I started thinking, it wasn't so hard. The lady who ran the seminars actually looked it over (I decided to start with dreaded recep/admin work since it is what I've done the most of) and approved it.

It's been a few days since then, I haven't used it to apply anywhere. What the fuck is wrong with me, you say? I'm scared. Scared that even now that I have the perfect resume I still won't be able to get a job.

I'm not just inconsistent, I'm monumentally fucked up.

4) I've also applied for another UE extension. I should find out this week if I've gotten it. Cross your finger for me people. And if you pray, please do that too.

Oh. That Finally Makes Some Sense.

I bet HUBS looked like this when he got his allowance as a kid. Then he went and blew it all on his first Playboy.

Somewhere around May 7 I got another call from the unemployment people. I have to say this was the first conversation I'd had with them since they took my benefits away where the person on the other end made the whole situation make sense.

Here's what the guy told me: I had two pools of money available that they could give me benefits from, and part of the investigation process was to see which I was eligible for. One stash was from an extension on my original claim, that I was eligible for immediately (YES!!!), the other was government money that I'd only be able to get if I was actually an employee somewhere (as opposed to doing freelance work). To get that money I'd need to make $1300 as an actual employee.

Another thing I didn't know? You can only file for unemployment against a company one time, and get those benefits for one year (unless you qualify for an extension of those benefits). If you're making a new claim, it has to be with a new company.

It took a while for me to really understand what he was saying to me. But he was blissfully patient. It all boiled down to HUBS and I getting a huge deposit (from all the weeks we got nothing) on the day we did BOWL STROLL 2009!!! We'll actually be ok for a little bit.

Thank God.

Easter Sunday

To my absolute horror.

I hope everyone out there who celebrates Easter had a good one this year. Especially since mine kinda sucked.

I was up early, trying to get some things done before HUBS and I had to leave for the two hour trip to his folks in mid-Missouri. I could have sworn we should have some cash in our account left over from his last paycheck. I looked at our account. Not only did we not have anything left over, there wasn't enough to cover all our bills until his next pay day.

We'd be about $400 short. Having already paid some of last months bills with one of my credit cards I felt absolutely desperate and panicked. I called the only person I could think to: my mom.

I called on the pretense of only wishing her a Happy Easter, just so I could back out of asking for money if I needed to. She asked how I was and I broke down. I told her about not getting unemployment for the past 6 weeks and that we had no money to pay our bills and that we've been living off my credit cards and that we never have money for groceries. Stuff I had been avoiding telling her because I was hoping it would get better; hoping it wouldn't come to this.

PT told me it would be ok and to stop crying. She asked how much I needed and I told her. She said to calm down and come over.

I didn't feel like putting on clothes, but I knew this unplanned trip would make us late for HUBS' parents, so I did. HUBS was still in bed, I told him I was running to my mom's, kissed him quickly and left. I cried most of the way there.

PT hugged me when I got there. And, I started crying again. Shit, it was days ago now and I'm crying again thinking about the fact that I'm 34 and married and had to ask my mom for money.

She gave us far more than the 400 bucks I asked for. I protested, but took it anyway when she kept counting money out to me. PT tried to cheer me up by telling me that everybody goes through hard times and that right now this is just what I need to deal with. She also revealed that she was without a job for 2 years in the '70s. I figure this was when she was still at home with my grandmother but basically grown.

I thanked PT a lot and left about a half hour after getting there. I cried on the way home, then put a large portion of the cash in the bank.

All of this is a long way of saying that my Easter felt totally fucked. I then had to go to HUBS' family and pretend to be happy that Jesus was risen and I was with his folks, even though all I wanted to do was scream and curl up into a little ball and cry myself tired.

Revelation

I was reading this today and I think I had a breakthrough.

Maybe I can't find a job because that's not what I want. I had "a job" and hated it for 8 of the 9 years and 5 months I was there - no matter what I did. I left that place because I wanted more than just "a job." I wanted to enjoy my work. I wanted to actually use my brain and talents. I wanted freedom. I wanted better money for work I enjoyed and couldn't wait to do.

So, if this is my block to finding work, what does it mean? We need money, another real income, but I will never be happy with "a job." What do I do? Do I stop praying for exactly the thing I don't want (because the Universe knows I don't really want it anyway)? Do I go back to praying for meaningful work I can enjoy? Even if it means I don't work again for another year?

What the hell do I do???

How Could I Have Known?

How I feel: I'm stuck in a tree with my tail in the air and I'm flashing my big orange balls to the world.

Remember how I said I made a huge mistake last Wednesday, without any clue it was going to be a mistake? Well, not only did I not realize I was about to do something stupid, I actually thought I was going to be helping our financial situation. Here goes...

After calling Citibank (they still haven't called me back, by the way) I was feeling bold and decided to do something I'd been meaning to do for a couple months. I called our bank to see about lowering the interest rate on our credit card with them. The only reason we even have the card is because we kept overdrawing our bank account due to my unemployment and getting the card was the only way to have overdraft protection. If your account gets low, they give you a cash advance from the card to cover your checks/payments/bills/what-have-you.

So, this card now has an almost $2500 balance. We pay $20 a week and the interest rate fluctuates between 20% and an astronomical 65% (no, I am not exaggerating). Here, much to my dismay, is what happened:

citygirl: Yeah, I wanted to see if we could lower our interest rate.

credit card bank lady: Ok, let me ask you some financial questions.

ccbl: (after questions about our jobs and income) Alright, I can't lower your interest rate right now because you're only using the card for cash advances. But, I have to tell you that I did lower your credit limit to $2500.

citygirl: Ok...Wait...What?

ccbl: I had to lower the credit limit on the card. With your lack of income right now I can't justify having any more money put on this card. If things change you can always call and ask to have the limit raised.

citygirl: So...Wait. You're saying we now only have $84 left on this card, because you reduced our $8000 limit to $2500, which is right near our current balance. So we have no more cushion?

ccbl: Yes. I'm sorry, it's just not good business for us to have you use this card any more.

citygirl: Ok. Ok...Bye?

I think she may have apologized again before hanging up. So, let me break down what just happened. HUBS and I used to have a cushion if we were running out of money in our bank account to pay for stuff. Now...We don't. All because I just wanted to lower our ridiculous interest rate. That bitch at the credit card took away the cushion. Now if we overdraw our account it'll be just like old times: a $35 charge for going over + whatever the amount is we were trying to pay. Yay!

I managed to remain calm until I got off the phone. And then I started to panic. I called HUBS to let him know what happened and apologized, "How could you have known?" he said.

The more I talked to HUBS the angrier I got and the more I wished I had cursed out the ccbl. No, it wouldn't have done any good, but what did I have to lose at that point? I have literally been daydreaming, all week since then, about the things I should have said to that heifer. Times like these are exactly why God did not give me the power of a witch, because that woman would now be newly unemployed and homeless and if she has a husband he'd be unemployed too. Also, I think I'd make her bald and fat and toothless for good measure.

Holy Jesus, my heart is racing now thinking about it again. All of our credit cards are almost maxed out and now if we overdraw the account we'll just be totally fucked.

Do You Know Where You're Going To?

Again with Wednesdays. I have been without unemployment for three weeks and we are suffering financially. I decided to call the UE people again and see what I could do to clear this shit up so I can actually get the money in my UE account.

I was determined to stay calm. This was the first time in a long while that I got a black lady on the phone. She told me the longest part of the review program was over, so that's good. I asked who I could talk to to finally take care of this, and here's how it went:

UE black lady: No one. I'm sorry, but there's a whole process to this and there were people ahead of you. But the longest part of the review is over, so someone should call you any day now and that'll be it.

citygirl: Ok, so, you're sure I can't just talk to somebody and end this right now? I mean, I have no money and I can't find a job and we can't pay our bills. (crying now) I worked for 10 years at one place and I applied at Target and Best Buy but they won't hire me. No one will. I don't know what to do.

UE black lady: Oh honey, I understand, I like to be proactive too and take care of things any way possible as soon as possible, but there's just no way.

citygirl: (crying harder now) See, this started because when I applied for my new extension I answered one stupid question wrong and instead of listing my last full time job I listed my stupid freelance job because they were the last people to pay me. There wasn't a place for me to explain my situation. They wanted all these blanket answers...

UE black lady: Oh, yeah. That'll do it. Anytime there's different information it flags the system and then they have to go through all the reviews and it just takes as long as it takes.

citygirl: (sobbing) So, I have to wait? And, by the time they get everything cleared up I could be out of my house and on the streets. That's how this works?

UE black lady: I am so sorry, but you really can't do anything. I know it seems like we don't care, but we have a process for everything and we have to follow it. Listen, just live your life. Enjoy your family and your friends and live your life. You will be alright. Ok? I'm going to pray for you. You'll be alright.

citygirl: (sobbing and dissolving simultaneously, it's really fun - you should try it) Um (deep breath so I can keep speaking), ok. Ok. Thanks for (more deep breathing) talking to me. Bye.

UE black lady: No problem, sweetheart. Bye, now.

See? This is what I'm talking about. Even though I was crying and hurting and angry she managed to somehow make it a little bit better. This black lady should train all the other UE phone people on how to talk to the distressed unemployed, and she should get a ton of money to do it, too. She may not actually care, but she was able to make it sound like she did. Her voice was calm and clear and she never sounded irritated, rushed or frustrated with me. I love you, UE black lady.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After our conversation I got proactive. I looked around for paid online survey companies and signed up. I made a list of places I haven't applied to that I need to look into. I called Citibank and asked for help with our currently $400+ monthly bill and they're scheduled to call me back today with a new payment plan. I vacuumed every room and the baseboards and even got up all the random cat fluff along the walls that the vacuum doesn't usually get.

I was on a roll. And then I did something stupid. Without any idea that it was going to be stupid.

More on that later.

editor's note: Why is it that when I type "black angel" into a google image search I get all the demonic, scary pictures? Why was it necessary for me to type in "african american angel"? I swear, white people kill me...

Wednesday Was Bad

This is how my mind feels. See those bright spots? That's my anger.

I have now gone two weeks without getting my unemployment benefits. HUBS and I have no money, he got paid on the 13th and after bills (which hit within a few days) we had $50 left in our account. I reluctantly moved most of the money I've been scraping to save ($10 a week since last August, which amounted to almost $300)into our account to take care of the mountain of additional bills that we'll need to pay before he gets paid again.

Why am I not getting my UE money, even though I have a balance in there, you ask? The short answer is that when I filed to get this new extension I fucked up ONE GODDAMN QUESTION. The UE people freaked out, called me twice (in conversations that totalled almost an hour) with bullshit questions I'd already answered and now my case has to go to committee before I can get anymore money.

The first UE conversation was Monday. I talked to that heifer for half an hour. Then Wednesday another chick called me with even more questions. She was trying to explain something to me, but it made no fucking sense so I told her that. Then I began to cry, curse and screamed something to her like "I've been unemployed for 14 months so give me my fucking money so I can pay my fucking bills!" and hung up the phone.

HUBS had been sleeping in (he took a sick day), but he came out to try to comfort me. After he kissed me on the head I threw my mug filled with ice water across the room and smashed a ceramic coaster against a bookcase when I threw that too.

I then went into the bedroom where HUBS had retreated to protect himself from flying objects and screamed. Louder than I've screamed since I had my nervous breakdown in college.

"Do you know I applied at Target," I asked HUBS in the scariest voice ever. "And they sent me an email turning me down? I worked at the same company for almost 10 years and I can't get a fucking job at Target. But every fucking 15 year old in the fucking country can walk into the store and get a job. What the fuck did I do wrong? This feels personal. Like the universe is really, specifically fucking with ME."

I'm starting to wonder if I'm supposed to be doing something special with this time, and that's why I can't get a job yet. It's as if the powers that be have given me this time, but I can't get over, you know, not having enough money for food and bills and stuff to get out of my head and figure out what I'm supposed to be fucking doing.

I seem to have a knack for doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. And not being able to make the best of it. At. All.

Opportunities: All Dried Up

I've had a long and stressful two weeks since HUBS' birthday. Let's start with the first issue, shall we?

By Friday the 13th I was dangerously close to my unemployment running out and not knowing yet if I was getting another extension. (The geniuses at the Missouri unemployment office refuse to tell you if you get an extension until your current balance runs out. So, if you, like I did, have $64 left in your account, you won't be able to find out if you get more help until that pitiful-non-bill-paying money has been given to you, leaving no time to scramble for anything that pays. Fuckers.)

I decided to use my ace-in-the-hole and called the temp agency I signed up with in November. Here's how that went:

citygirl: I signed with you a couple months ago and wanted to start working.

agency chick: Ok. What kind of salary were you looking for?

citygirl: Fifteen dollars an hour.

agency chick: Oh, well, we don't have anything at that rate right now.

citygirl: Alright. What do you have now?

agency chick: We've got customer service jobs for $8 an hour.

citygirl: Oh...Uh...Well...Wow...That's less than I get from unemployment...And I can barely pay my bills now...(has stroke, panic attack and wets herself simultaneously)

I think I managed to finish with something about calling them back if I change my mind and hanging up quickly. What the fuck, y'all? I started shaking and began to cry hysterically. What the hell do I do now?

I called HUBS at work, still crying. He tried to calm me down, like always, but it didn't work. All I could think was, I had a job and left it, what the shit did I do to myself?

The following Monday I applied for a bunch of jobs through Office Team. They called me in for their testapalooza which lasted for 2 or 3 hours just like at the other temp agency. I lowered my asking price to $10 an hour, the equivalent of my unemployment. Again, I did good on everything. I called this Monday to get work. They said they'd call when they had something for me.

It's Friday at 3:47 pm. Guess who hasn't gotten a call fucking yet?

Luckily, I did get a 13 week unemployment extension.

Every time I have hope it just blows away in the winter wind.

Money Is Cool!

Due to my financial savvy, HUBS and I are now the proud owners of a $80.73 nest egg. I know! It's like, if there's an emergency now we won't even have to beg for change by the side of the road. We can totally plunk down three Jacksons and be like BOO YAH, BABY! Got it covered.

How about that?