I Am Not My Hair

Why is hair sometimes such an emotionally charged thing? Women are especially prone to worrying about this; since all men really have to deal with is the possibility of going bald, they do get it easier. But, women? We have a lot more to think about with regards to hair.

We worry ourselves over getting the right length, shape or color. Does it go with my skin tone? Does it make me look too old or too young? Does it look professional enough, or freeing enough? We endure mild forms of torture with a variety of chemicals and hot as hell tools to get it all just right. Or so we think.

Well, I am done. I stopped all the fussing with heat a few years ago. I simply got tired of trying. And now I've decided to stop with the chemicals. As of early this summer I stopped relaxing my hair, after 23 years of holding fast to unnaturally straight (for me) tresses.

For those of you who don't know, having your hair relaxed is no joke. That stuff is potent. If you leave relaxer on too long it can dissolve your hair or burn your skin. And yet, millions of women take the risk for kink-free strands.

We also blow dry or flat iron our hair into submission. And, many Black women will remember having their hair done in the kitchen as children with a hot comb. This was a metal comb that was sat on the open fire of a stove and then raked through the hair to straighten it. I know! It was insanely capable of burning the shit out of you if the person doing the combing wasn't really careful. Or if you moved. Oh, God. If you moved, forget about it!

My freshman year of college in 1993. Long before having to endure styling over bald spots.

My reasons for going natural were two-fold. In 2008 my hair fell out and it's never really recovered. I'm hoping that getting rid of the bi-monthly usage of harsh chemicals will help my hair finally grow back. (I did see a doctor who specializes in hair/scalp issues, by the way. None of the stuff he gave me helped.) Also? HUBS and I just couldn't afford the cost of upkeep anymore. It cost $50 every time I got my hair relaxed. Considering our previous financial situation, I actually started to feel guilty when I went to the salon. I was always thinking about the bills we could pay with that cash or the groceries we could buy.

The downside now? I'm embarrassed to say it, but I have no idea how to care for my natural hair texture or how to style it in this weird in-between stage. And I have no idea what to do with it once it's fully natural.

I was never good at futzing with my hair anyway. I've never had the arm strength for all that hands-over-head stuff that creative styling requires. Now? Thank God I own a lot of scarves, headbands and bobby pins, because I'm in some combination of those things daily.

So I'm waiting. Waiting for my hair to normalize. Waiting to figure out a way to look polished with whatever my kinky/curly hair will turn into when all the relaxer has grown out. Waiting for a new freedom that I wish I'd been brave enough to dive into ages ago.

Domesticity And The Hulk

I did an amazing amount of cooking yesterday. HUBS and I needed something we could eat for dinner, plus we'd run out of bread so I could make sandwiches for him to take to work and there weren't any interesting sweets in the house. So, at around noon, I just decided to make everything.

The bread was first. I'd been wanting to try making Irish Soda Bread for some time, and since we currently had no bread and no extra cash to buy a loaf, this was the perfect opportunity. One big round mass of bread cut in half makes two loaves perfect for sandwich slices. It's also good warmed up and dipped in my mix of olive oil/cracked pepper/balsamic vinegar/grated Parmesan.

After the bread success, I decided to start on dinner by cooking a small pot of red beans. I have never done the whole soak-beans-overnight-first thing because my mom never did it. You sift through the dried beans to get the crappy ones and any rocks out, set it to boil and leave it for hours. Adding water so they never dry out or burn. Does it take a while? Yeah, I think this pot took roughly six and a half hours. But, if you're like me, you've got plenty of other things to do with that time.

Then I jumped into cleaning lettuce. What's that you say? Why am I cleaning lettuce? Because...It's from my garden! I grew that awesome butter lettuce you see and I'd cut some of it last Friday and needed to get cleaning so it wouldn't wilt to death in my fridge.

Can I share a secret with you? I got tired of washing lettuce long before I finished the gig. Also? There's still a shit-ton of lettuce in the garden. I'm afraid we won't be able to eat it all before it starts to bolt and turns bitter. I don't want the only real crop I have to go to waste! And even if we do eat it all, eventually it will turn cold and I'll have to buy lettuce again. Blah! Unnecessary fears!

My lettuce work turned into a scone making adventure. Back when I was living with my mom I made scones all the time that used yogurt. We don't have any yogurt and I wouldn't have felt like tracking down that recipe anyway, so I used one from Ms. Martha instead. I used half whole wheat flour and added the zest from one lemon to the mix. They turned out superbly and are already on their way to being all ate up.

Then I started on the sofrito. This was another thing I'd been meaning to make for months but hadn't. Since I was trying to think of something different for dinner, this was as good a time as any to jump in. The recipe didn't call for any seasoning other than cilantro (I used dried), so I added some salt and some hot madras curry powder. That did the trick, and you can use sofrito on just about anything.

While the sofrito cooked I watered the garden and pulled some weeds. HUBS came home after I finished my shower and I made noodles while he cleaned the litter boxes. We ate and I felt tired but good. I'd put in an honest day's work and got a lot out of it. Then, it happened.

I was putting the food away so I could go to bed and watch Craig in Scotland. I had a good two cups of sofrito left after using some for dinner. I put the lid on it and was about to walk it over to the refrigerator when...the container flew out of my hand, landed on the floor and spilled half of my sofrito.

Friends, there is nothing I hate more than wasted food. Add to that the fact that I'd used almost all of our tomatoes, my only red pepper and a whole onion...I was irate. I became so angry that it would be fair to say I Hulked Out. I threw a roll of paper towels and accidentally hit Tux. I crumpled up a pie pan and a platic storage bowl. I cursed and screamed and acted like a complete fool. And I couldn't quite stop myself.

At least, I felt like I couldn't. My rational mind, which I guess had worked enough for that day, was totally checked out. My immediate thought was That's what I get for working hard. You work hard and you get shit on anyway so why try?

See? Completely screwed up.

What's worse is that I got so angry I made myself sick to the stomach. Plus, I woke up angry today and had a horrible cuss-filled morning because of it. And that bout of glowing ire literally wore me out. I feel fuzzy headed even after a long nap. I've got a dull ache in my brain that a good meal couldn't even take care of, and it's all because of ONE CUP OF SPILLED SOFRITO.

I am nothing if not a teensy bit fucked up.

Relief Is A Wonderful Feeling

Finally! We closed on our refinanced mortgage today. We'll save about $100 a month, which is a very welcome position to be in.

We've had quite a few bouts of luck in the past week or so. HUBS and I have both made some extra cash. He landed a computer consulting job, and I did a stint as a medical research guinea pig (They took some blood, I tasted some stuff...The pay was pretty good for 18 hours of non-work.). I've also been making a bit doing surveys online.

I already mentioned our day trip on Saturday and our weekend filled with eating nice food I didn't cook.

Things feel slightly lighter right now, and that's nice. Plus, yesterday, I did this:


I know, that looks like nothing, but it's not. It's a garden, people! If all goes well, we'll be able to save even more money by not buying every vegetable and herb under the sun...Because we'll be growing some of them ourselves! Don't get me wrong, I do not delight in outdoor activities and the relatively small amount of time I've put in so far (three hours yesterday and one and a half today) have proven that gardening will be a workout. But, we need to do all we can to limit our expenses, so I'm willing to give this a try toward that end.

The only thing I'm battling right now are my own bad habits. For the past month I've been eating dessert twice a day. I even went so far on some days as to skip meals so that I could eat another dessert. Now, I'm no nutritionist, but that can't be good. As much as I believe in daily dessert breaks, even I must admit that's not a pattern that should be sustained.

I was able to eat one dessert yesterday, though the craving for another post-dinner was so strong I actually felt anxious and antsy not caving for about 40 minutes. Let's all hope I can keep up my resolve.

What's good in your life right now? Have you sucessfully broken any bad habits?

Fiscally Speaking

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Remember how I told you about losing my one, semi-steady writing job a couple of weeks ago, and how energized I was by the opening up of new opportunity? Well, now the abject terror has set in.

Aside from the ridiculous amount of bills we have, I fully believe that our second highest expenditure is on food. So, last night while HUBS and I were going over our monies and moving bills around so we'd have some cash for the edible stuff, I made a proposition I've been wanting to make for weeks now: We need to stop eating out.

I realize this doesn't sound like a mighty idea to many of you, and Lord knows that when I was single I barely ate out at all. But, it's become way too much of a way of life for us. Especially HUBS. I realize that he's worn out after a 10 or 12 hour day, but if he gets home and I don't feel like cooking that somehow seems to translate to FAST FOOD YAY YUM!! for him.

I'm constantly having to say No, you know we don't have much cash to work with. We can make sandwiches, make soup, eat leftovers...And then HUBS' face falls and he pouts like a child who doesn't understand money stuff and he says OK with that hangdog expression.

As much as we are both tired of the pinch, I'm really tired of having to constantly be the bad guy. So, as of last night a one week Spending Freeze is on. Here's how we're going to do this:

Spending Freeze 2011-2012

1) We will buy groceries and only eat those groceries for the next seven days.

2) There will be no fast foods, restaurant trips or convenience foods/beverages from places like Quik Trip.

3) Coffee, tea, lunches and dinners are made at home.

4) If we run out of something, say, iced tea mix, we get more iced tea mix and not a 32 ounce cup of ready made iced tea.

5) When we get through seven days, we do it for another week...And another, and another. Until HUBS and I get used to not relying on Taco Bell/Pen Station/etcetera to fill our tired bellies.

I'll be frank here, since I barely leave the house this isn't going to be that hard for me. But HUBS? He dies a little inside when he sees food on TV, even if we are currently eating something he's declared delicious. He's all about his burgers, fries, tacos and subs. So, thank you in advance HUBS, for your complete cooperation on this. Doesn't it feel better already?

What do you need to stop spending so much money on?

Tuesday Tipday: Birthdays, Finally Good For Something!

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I've been indulging in freebies for months now via several websites and eclubs, but a post on one of my favorite freebie blogs has put my modest efforts to shame.

Hey, It's Free! shows a pretty comprehensive list of companies that hand out free stuff to eclub participants on their birthday (not to mention, throughout the year). I just spent about a half hour scanning the list and signing up for things. It's a good idea to get yourself an email address just for this type of thing, so you don't gunk up your professional email with coupons. Just remember to check it regularly!

My favorite offers so far? Look no further than Steak 'n' Shake, Red Robin and Noodles.

Isn't getting to eat good food for free lovely?

Make Money Spending Money

It's early. 5:33 a.m. to be exact, and I've been up for about an hour. Luanne had another, totally unexpected (and expensive) issue pop up yesterday and Shakes (the other stray we took in at the same time) is acting funny and will likely need a vet visit sometime this week. Also, HUBS worked on my beloved Jezebel, but it was no use. I will need a new laptop. Long story short, I was having trouble sleeping as worries crept into my head.

One thing I meant to do yesterday but didn't have time for was to check out Ebates, so I did that first thing this morning. Uh, did you guys know that you can get some cra-za-zee cash back shopping through that site? Magazines.com, for instance, has 26% cash back! That's ridiculous! If you subscribe to a lot of magazines that'll really add up.

As usual, I'm late to the party. But now that I know, here I come free money!