Tuesday Tipday: How To Care For Others Without Losing Your Mind

My mom cared for my grandmother for 10 years of her life. For the last eight of those years, they lived together.

The most important thing for P.T. was my grandmother. While that's completely understandable and commendable, it meant mom did things like go a whole day without eating, forgetting to take her blood pressure pills and skipping her own doctor's appointments.

In short, P.T. lost her mind.

If there's one thing I've learned in the six weeks I had to help HUBS while he was on medical leave, it's that the person you love may be sick, but if you devote all your time to them you'll lose yourself, neglect yourself and get bitter.

Here are my tips for staying sane when caring for loved ones.

How To Care For Others Without Losing Your Mind

1) Calm down. It's hard to be in pain. But I know that it's also incredibly difficult to watch someone else experience pain (especially if you love them and can't do anything to help them). Try to find constructive ways to release that anxiety. Scream into a pillow, punch a stuffed animal. Watch a reality show filled with stupid people (That's 99% of reality shows! You won't have trouble finding one!) and yell at the screen. Yessss...Better.

2) You matter, too. Get regular checkups. Take your medicine. Bathe, for God's sake. But! Don't just do the things you have to. If life is chock-a-block with responsibilities but no fun, you'll get miserable pretty damn fast. Find time to read your favorite magazines, work on your illustrations or have coffee with a friend. You'll be a better care-taker if you remember that your body and mind need nurturing too.

3) Don't fear boundaries. In order to get all this "me" time in between medication schedules, procedures and appointments, you might need to tell your patient that there are certain times of the day and/or week when you'll be doing your own thing. If taking a three hour bath while you drink wine and watch porn is the only thing that'll relax you, step up and let them know you need that time. You porn addicted winos, you.

4) Separate is not equal. If you're dealing with someone whose mental or physical functioning has dropped dramatically, it can be hard to separate them from their illness. Thereby making it easier to get mad when they do/say bone-headed things. Remember - they are not the illness. Now, if they constantly treat you like crap, that will need to be discussed. But, a bit of poor attitude is to be expected when a long-term debilitating condition sets in. Get mad at the condition and find a way to lighten the mood for both of you.

Are these steps easy? Not at all. Plus, it'll take some self-control not to fall back into a them-them-them mindset. But, as doing yoga and going to bed early have taught me as of late, you'll be glad you made the effort.

Have you ever cared for a sick family member or friend for a long period of time? Hit the comments and let us know how you coped.

Music Monday: It's In The Way You Use It

I love fall. I mean, love fall and its weather with a passion. I got the chance to drive around on Sunday and relax in the presence of pretty, pretty leaves. It was nice, and I hope you are all enjoying the cooler, more colorful days we're having.

HUBS is still in pain. He has now had two cortisone shots in his back and is taking some kind of muscle or nerve relaxant along with his pain meds. It's not helping. Plus, he had to go back to work as of today, where he had to stand in pain most of the day since sitting feels even worse.

I don't know what to do for him anymore and it hurts and makes me angry and sad and frustrated. As you can likely guess, it's doing wonders for my depression!

I mentioned before that I've been seeing a therapist again. On Saturday she suggested I talk to my doctor and go back on mood meds. Which made me cry. I'm not ashamed of taking drugs to feel more like a normal person, I just hoped I was done with that when I stopped taking Wellbutrin four years ago. But, considering the state of my unhappiness right now, and the fact that my therapist doesn't feel the tips in The Depression Cure alone can lift me to a normal level, I might as well.

Another thing screwing with my emotions? My stupid hair! To put it mildly, it's a 20 mule team cluster fuck up there. Oh, well. I'm going to keep trying new techniques to see if I can come out of this transition without going bald.

Enough of the pity party! Music!

Music Monday: Bait & Switch

Rudy doesn't believe this either.

Well, well, well...Look who's shown up again on a Monday. These continue to be some of the most trying times HUBS and myself have had.

Luckily, my health issues are basically cleared up, and we're experiencing the kind of financial relief that can only be understood by anyone who's been unburdened of several thousands of dollars in debt.

But...

But, HUBS is still pretty bad off. He had an MRI last week and we found out he's got a bulging disk and another disk that about to bulge. He's been in tremendous pain for a full month and nothing has helped him get back to work or fix the problem enough so that he can live normally. Not the physical therapy, or the major pain medication, or the cortisone shot he had last Thursday which was directed right at his bad disks.

Actually, about that shot. The orthopedist told us it should take up to 48 hours for it to kick in and HUBS to experience some relief. He called the doc this morning, since, clearly, that didn't happen. What did the doctor tell him this time? That it could take up to a full week for the cortisone to work.

You know what? If that was the maximum amount of time for him to get back to some semblance of normal, why did he not tell us that before, during or immediately after HUBS got the shot? On top of that, this doctor apparently makes it a policy to never take people off work for injuries like this. So, now HUBS is using sick days to cover his time off, because if the doc won't sign off on staying at home worker's comp won't pay for it.

I SMELL A CONSPIRACY! WORKER'S COMP SENT US TO THIS DOCTOR FOR TREATMENT, WHO JUST HAPPENS TO NOT REMOVE PEOPLE FROM WORK DUTIES. MEANING, HE'S EFFECTIVELY SAVING THE WORKER'S COMP PEOPLE MONEY. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT'S A GOOD MOVE FOR THE PATIENT TO GO BACK TO WORK.

Yeah, I said it! I'm on to you medical conspiracy fuckers!

Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest! Let's listen to some music now, I need to calm down...

It's Possible We Have A New Cat

This is Rudy Huckleberry. So named because when we first saw him the week after we returned from vacation, his nose was bloody and red (as in our favorite reindeer). I know what you're thinking, What kind of surname is Huckleberry? Well, here's your answer for that.

After seeing him hanging out with the only remaining stray from the original group for about a week, we started seeing him only by himself. As you can imagine, I was worried. Clearly he's too damn small to be roaming the streets alone. Then about three weeks ago, as HUBS left for work, we spotted him on our front porch.

He was wet and covered in ants and pretty obviously hadn't eaten in days. After HUBS left I came back inside, outfitted myself with rubber gloves and a bath towel that's basically a rag and went and caught him. This wasn't hard since he was weak from malnourishment; I let him smell my hand for about five minutes and then scooped him up.



He's been living in our bathroom ever since. We have to keep him sequestered until he has all his shots/parasites taken care of so he doesn't give anything to our other felines, and so far things are going pretty good...With three exceptions.

Last night he and Shakes got into a paw war underneath the bathroom door (there's just enough room down there for some determined kitty paws). Unfortunately, Shakes got hold of one of Rudy's back paws and ripped the shit out of it with his claws. The poor guy bled kinda bad but he's walking and running alright, luckily. He's also having some stomach troubles today and hasn't eaten much. But I'm hoping we can take care of that at a vet visit tonight.

You know, though, how I know I really, really like cats now? Two weeks ago, right after I started him on some anti-parasite meds, I went to check on him and noticed he seemed uncomfortable. That led me to notice some hangers-on in Rudy's personal cat area, which I got paper towels to take care of.



Turns out the dingle berries weren't what was bothering him. [WARNING: CAT CONVERSATION ABOUT TO GET GRAPHIC REAL FAST!!] Rudy had parasites sticking out of his kitty butt. Yes. I know. And, no lie, you guys: I pulled them out*.

That, my friends, is kitty love and devotion. No shit.


*If you need to forget that image, check here. Awesomeness is assured.*

Tuesday Tipday: Unsick Your Cat!

As you know I've been dealing with some mighty stubborn sick cat issues for the past six weeks or so. And, as of last Friday the kittens all have upper respiratory illnesses. We had to take them to the vet on Sunday to get antibiotics for them. (This would have been a complete budget buster, by the by, had I not lobbied to pay only one visit fee and then presented a coupon I found for our vet that gave us a free initial kitten exam. Meaning? All we had to pay for was the $11.40 medicine. Yes, my friends, couponing works.) They're still wheezy, sneezy and runny, but at least they are a lot more energetic than over the weekend. I take this as a positive sign.

Luanne still has her feeding tube in because she's refusing to go to food and just eat on her own. If I bring her food and water, she'll partake, but has rarely gone to sustenance willingly. Also, she keeps throwing up tiny amounts of food or water once or twice a week. After about a week of no vomiting, yesterday and today she puked again. But, this time? I noticed string in the vomit, i.e. she's actually ingesting that sweater they keep her in (to hide the feeding tube) when she cleans herself. So! Yay for additional issues!

I say all of this to lead you into a brief sick cat maintenance tutorial, via my two years experience with caked up kitty eyes, snotty noses, baby wipes, backside cleanings, forced feedings and worry filled nights.



SICK CAT 101

1) Pay close attention. Have they been sneezing? Are they congested? Do they seem to be eating and playing the same? If you've got a congested cat who doesn't seem to be eating much, get them to the vet ASAP. If they don't eat enough they could end up with fatty liver disease, which can be deadly but is easily treated if caught early.

2) Tricks to get your kitty buddy to eat. Things that might work are changing up their normal diet by adding super smelly wet food and heating it up to really release the odors or even adding clam juice/tuna juice to dry food to up the funk factor for their little noses. I've also heard that pumpkin is something cats like, so you can try enticing them with a bit of that. Just try to get them to eat something. But, make sure not to give them anything with onions or garlic, they have severe reactions to them, which would make the situation a shit ton worse.

3) Syringe feeding is an option. Alas, it is not an easy one. There will likely be much struggling, no matter how much they actually end up liking the food you're forcing on them. Be sure to get syringes and food amounts from your vet so you feed them enough to maintain their weight and health. Hill's Science Diet has the perfect food for this. Scoop it into the syringe and hold the cat steady, making sure their butt is up against something so they can't back away. Put a hand on the cat's head so you can press each side of their jaw with a finger simultaneously. Once you do this the jaw will open easier and you can squeeze the food in. Massaging the cat's neck will encourage them to swallow and not spit out their gruel. Ha! We know tricks, you squirmy felines!

4) Dammit! Nunna that shit worked. Now what? You might need to get them a peg tube. This will make feeding them and giving them water/medicine a lot easier, since you won't be forcing stuff down their throat. Be prepared for an expensive procedure (Luanne's cost $1,340), and some up keep in addition to actual feedings. You'll likely get extremely detailed instructions from your vet, but the biggest things are making sure to flush the tube with a set amount of water before and after feeding, being sure the feeding process lasts for at least 20 minutes and cleaning the tube with hydrogen peroxide at least twice a day. When cleaning, get in there really good and wipe the tube and stomach down so that no gunk cakes up (and it will if neglected).

Phew! now, aside from all that, keep doing whatever you usually do with your cat. Petting them, playing with them, talking to them and watching King of Queens reruns with them. You want to keep them as calm and comfortable as possible while they recover.

So, I hope this helps. But, really, I hope you never need this info. Having sick pets sucks all kinds of ass. Yes, sir. All. Ass.

A Lot...And Yet, Not So Much

Luanne: our little Elizabethan poet.

Well, my holy fucking Lord. This has been quite a couple of weeks. I'm gonna break things down into bullet points so my weary mind can process the info as easily as possible.

-Kitten Update: They opened their eyes last week on the same day I took Luanne to the vet specialist. Today I noticed that one of them was cleaning a paw, so they're starting to pick up good kitty habits. Also last week? Miller's kitty mama instincts kicked into high gear and she moved the kittens from the safe, clean, padded box we made for her.

I heard kitty yelping and went downstairs to find that Miller had somehow moved the box a good 15 feet. The box was upside down and her BlackKitten was half trapped underneath. I moved the box and she ran off with BlackKitten. Where did she move them, you're wondering? To my 20 year old base drum that can best be described as a dusty bug graveyard. Oh, well. At least they're all safe.



-Luanne Update: I took Luanne to the specialist last Tuesday and was told that she simply wasn't getting enough food or water via forced syringe. We had to have a feeding tube installed. It made feeding and giving her water a lot easier. Luckily she hasn't had any complications from the surgery.

As I was in the waiting room, I noticed that her left eye was cloudy. I started to panic, and, naturally, my mind went straight to cancer: What the fuck! God, please don't let her have retinoblastoma! What if that's really why she stopped eating! Please don't let her go blind!

Guess what else happened? After we spent almost $2,000 getting her a feeding tube and fancy diagnostic tests she decided to start eating again. The. Very. Next. DAY. That's our little Luanne cat. Perfect fuckin' timing.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's doing a bit of eating on her own. But, that procedure took up a huge chunk of living expenses. And! Feeding her via tube, while easier, is still no picnic. For a few days I was doing 4 feedings a day, plus cleaning the opening in her belly twice a day. There's a whole specific procedure that goes along with this thing. It's time consuming and tiring.

The specialist had given her a new antibiotic and after one dose of that fucker she could smell her food and was basically back to breathing normally. Obviously, if she ever gets sick again, we're going right for the Zeniquin. We're now down to two feedings a day, thank God. Hopefully, within the next week or so, we can get her tube taken out.

-Me Update: I'm not sure what exact parameters are used when people say "I threw my back out," but I do know that last Thursday, Friday and Saturday I was in an awesome amount of pain. Until the incident I was doing pretty good. I'd done some stretching and yoga Thursday morning and was feeling sort of strong and capable and less tired. Then I took a couch nap. When I tried to get up a couple of hours later I moved funny or twisted wrong or somehow angered God Almighty and the Devil, because I was suddenly fucked.

Every position hurt: sitting, standing, bending, laying on my stomach, back or either side, moving or being still. I took two Excedrin, which did precisely N.O.T.H.I.N.G. and went to bed in semi-agony. I returned to my old standby, Advil, Friday morning and was hoping to have a relatively easy day of feedings and nappings to rest my back. Especially since I had to get up at the ass fucking crack of dawn ( I've said fuck a lot in this post, haven't I? Indeed, and it's completely appropriate in every instance. Word.) to take Julia in to get fixed. (By the way, that surgery went fine. Except for the tapeworm they had to call me about that afternoon. Yay! Additional expenses!)

Not so fast, Jackson! I was almost done with Luanne's first feeding when the food stopped going through the tube and the syringe kept popping out and spewing food all over the place. I tried massaging the tube where it met her skin, like her nurse suggested if the tube got blocked. But, it didn't work. They also suggest forcing 5 to 10 cc's of carbonated beverage into the tube to help clear it. Guess who didn't have any soda in the house? Can you also guess who had to get her hurtin' ass to Walmart and looked like a crack head while doing so? Ooh, you guys ah wicked smaaaaat.

I also had to rush Luanne back to the specialist when her tube got blocked again on Monday. This time I really couldn't fix it. They had to loosen the flange that keeps the tube from slipping too far in. Luckily, her weight was good, her eyes were mostly cleared and her nurse gave me an A for keeping things clean. That's all amazingly good news, but we all know that sudden doctor's appointments are stressful, right? I will be so, so glad when everyone is totally healthy again.

Speaking of which, I was also constipated for about a week. I know, I know! Y'all just love to hear about constipation. It fills your hearts and makes your lives sing! My point is that I think stress and back pain caused it. Isn't it horrible how stress and pain fuck with all kinds of things that aren't directly related to the stressor, or the area of pain?

On the up side, A couple of days ago I started feeling like a real person again. I even exercised for over a half hour yesterday. EEee!

-HUBS Update: We haven't had sex in over a month. I feel really bad about it, but I also feel too tired and bothered with other stuff to give sex any effort. A therapist might help, but that shit ain't free, unfortunately.

God, I'm tired just going over it all. Enjoy your Thursday night TV folks! And, as always, thanks for listening.