Music Monday: Kick In The Butt

So, HUBS and I have been getting out and among people a little bit. We joined a Meetup group for sci-fi and fantasy fans and have been to three events, only, since we were late to the last two, we didn't get to actually talk to anybody. But! It got us to the art museum and the science center when there were a lot of people there, some of them dressed like various Doctor Who's.

Also, I've been signed up for a nerdy women's group for months. I kept signing up for events and then chickening out at the last minute and not going because I got too nervous to talk to new people.

Well, this weekend I went.

It was a bit easier, since it wasn't just a random sit around and try to think of things to say to strangers kind of meetup. The meeting was based on The Happiness Project, a book from a few years ago about a woman trying to figure out what would really make her happy. The goal of the group is for each member to pinpoint her values and put together 3 or 4 things we really want to work on that we believe will make us happier.

I, of course, have two huge lists of things to pull from. Two huge lists of goals from the beginning of the year that I've barely worked on as we enter the last half of 2013.

I need this kick in the ass. I'm hoping having a group of ladies who are all trying to get better and improve their lives to go back to and be accountable to will help me make those small moves every day that I know I need in order to feel better and brighter.

Constant, external motivation seems to be what moves me along. Motivation really doesn't come from within with me. I don't know why, and it doesn't actually matter. The important thing is finding what will push me and using it, even if it looks like something that shouldn't move me.

Ahhhhh...Let's relax a little. MUSIC!









What gives you a kick in the ass?

I Might Be A Terrible Daughter

I talked to my mom on Monday. It had been a while since I spoke to her, I probably called her a week or two ago.

Being an only child who sometimes neglects to call her mom on a regular basis, I have often considered myself not the best kid in the world. But when PT called me Monday, well, I realized just how shitty I am.

PT had, apparently, called me on Saturday and left a message, but I hadn't listened to it or even noticed that it was her that called me because I'm sometimes crappy about picking up messages.

She revealed that last week was hard for her. I said, "Have you been sick?" And PT replied, "No, Adrienne, you know mom died on February 16."

Oh, shit. I forgot about the anniversary of my grandmother's death.

Of course she had a shit week! And I wasn't there for her. Even though at the beginning of this month I reminded myself to call mom around anniversary time. But, I didn't put it on my calendar, so I was wrapped up in my own bullshit and let it completely slip my mind.

She didn't give me any grief over it, but I know she wishes I'd called her. I could hear it in her voice. And you know what? I forget every year.

PT and her mom were very close. I know how hard her illness and death were (are) on mom, but I can't remember to do this one very basic thing for her once a year.

I don't know why this is. Really. Is it just my never-ending mental crap? My general dislike for talking on the phone (thanks to my 9 1/2 years as a receptionist/admin)?

Who the hell knows. I put a reminder on my calendar so I won't forget next year. Though, it doesn't change the fact that I feel I shouldn't have to do that.

My grandmother was a cool, calm lady who bought me my first purse, gave me a love of hats, never cursed and "smoked" cigarettes by lighting them and letting them burn out in the ash tray. Every time I think about her I wonder why I don't miss her more. Then I feel bad about it. Then I push those feelings way, way down because I really don't need anything else to feel bad about.

Maybe what I really am is a terrible granddaughter.

Dammit.

How do you deal with tough family things you'd rather stay away from but know you shouldn't?

Music Monday: The Try

Ever feel like life is just a series of failed effort? That's how I'm feeling now. On Thursday I went to see an ear, nose & throat doc because I was doing everything my general doc told me to do but wasn't seeing my sinus infection get any better. I found out two important things on that visit.

1) Everything my GP told me to do was making me worse.
2) I don't actually even have a sinus infection!

So, yea for mis-diagnosis and taking meds that make you sicker! Now I'm putting double antibiotic up my nostrils, irrigating my nose (freaky) and taking a cheapo version of Mucinex. You know what? I'm actually getting better. After just four days. When I've been dealing with this nose crap for six months. Visits to specialists may cost $40 bucks a pop, but next time some weird shit goes down with my body that's where I'm headin'.

A lot of you really responded to my last post about dealing with change. I'm glad of that. Even as I am still mired in the seeming impossibleness of it all. Also, I've been taking care of a flu-ridden HUBS for the past few days (he's sleep-all-day-and-don't-eat sick, that's BIG for him), and in my effort to not get sick myself I've been (barely) sleeping on the couch and living in my own hazy, daydream kinda world.

But, now! The good thing about skipping Music Monday last week is that I've accumulated a lot of good music. I feel like sharing, people. Because it's easy.









Break me off some of that effort, friends. I think it's the stuff dreams are made of.