Friends In High Places

Debby, during our trip to Branson

My best friend Debby died seven years ago on a hailing, storm-ridden morning in Spring. Actually, I don't know if she considered me her best friend. We never talked about it or analyzed it, we just up and started doing everything together one day.

We worked at the same company. I was the newbie, and also the youngest non-intern there. She took me under her wing, asking me to do something with her during our off hours one day. It was so long ago now that I can't even remember what it was. But, it wasn't long before we were visiting new restaurants together, having pizza parties during the Golden Globes and gossiping about co-workers and bosses and people we didn't know. We took shopping road trips to Branson and Schaumberg, IL, went to movies on weekends, did concerts after work, pulled pranks on our office manager together and dissected the latest episodes of Gilmore Girls and The X-Files over extended coffee breaks.

I don't think I ever told Debby everything. Like about how lonely I'd been before we started hanging out. Or how I'd never been on a date and was a virgin. I certainly never mentioned that I'd always felt like a loser. But it really didn't matter. Because with Debby around everything was better. Brighter, happier, bolder, more interesting and exciting.

Debby was really quite different from me. She was a few years older (You'll think it's silly, but I never asked her age. Again, it didn't matter.) and the kind of outgoing, outspoken person that many people loved. (Unless they disliked her. Which was usually either because she'd put them in their place or was obviously liked by more people then they were.) She'd been around and done stuff and known people, which I hadn't.

She also had the kind of loud, addictive laugh that would stop the whole office and have our co-workers asking What? What's so funny? Tell me! Debby was also the best gift-giver I've ever known. Mention a thing once, briefly and in passing, and you were guaranteed to have it either on your birthday or at Christmas. Guaranteed.

Debby was not the only best friend I'd ever had. There were Danielle and Chiquita in grade school. Sara in high school. Emily in high school, college and a few years after college. I'd never quite had a friend like Debby, though, and I don't know if it'd be possible to have a friend that cool again. But, I'd like to try.

I'm now four years deep into my friend desert. After quitting the company where I met Debby, I was left with one friend from the old co-working gang who keeps in touch on a regular basis. We meet once a year for our shared birthday and email a few times beyond that. She's got three kids, a husband, a full time job, is running her own business on the side and doesn't even live in the same state as me. This is why we see each other once a year.

Emily found me on Facebook last year and we talk on the phone every month or so. Why don't we hang out? She's got a husband who works crazy hours and a rambunctious three-year-old...Oh, yeah, and in the past year she's moved from Boston to Chicago to a beach-side city in California. I still lay my head down in our hometown of St. Louis every night.

I need some girl talk. Some shopping trips and concert-going hijinks and female bonding sessions that begin with crying and end with raucous laughter. As nice as my family is, I need face time with other women who are not related to me.

If you're looking for the same thing, but are anxiety-ridden about trying to friend folks as an adult (like me), you should read the book I finished last week. MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche. Rachel found herself in a new city without her network of besties around and decided to go on one friend date a week for a whole year. It took guts (Debby would approve), but it worked.

And when you're feeling weary and alone there's nothing better than knowing that someone walked the path before you and made it work.

A Nice Thought

You tell 'em, Joan!

Music Monday: Traveling Songs

Earlier in the month, while HUBS was taking some time off for Spring Break, we did a little day tripping that I'd completely forgotten to tell you about.

We drove to Kimmswick, MO via Imperial, MO. Our first stop was in Imperial. We went to lunch at a Jack n the Box (I know, it's so touristy of us to eat food we can get basically anywhere in the country) and then headed to the Mastodon State Historic Site. We opted out of the museum to save some cash, but the grounds were nice, though I must warn those of you who fear caterpillars to stay away at this time of year. The place is filled with them!

After walking around and dodging those fuzzy little critters for a few minutes, we headed on to our destination. Downtown Kimmswick is essentially filled with nick-knack shops and eateries. It's also a tiny old river town. If you park your car you can walk the whole thing in a couple of hours.

Half way through our walk we stopped at The Blue Owl Sweet Shoppe and got this giant treat:

This involves apple pie, ice cream, caramel, whipped cream and cherries. It was understandably awesome. All in all, not bad for a 30 minute drive outside of St. Louis.



Where have you been recently that's close to home but nothing like it?

Sunday Dinner: Roasted Potato Leek Soup

A few weeks ago we went from being able to bank on 75 or 80 degree days to plunging back into what felt like winter weather. And in the weeks since then we've gone from one extreme to the other seemingly every day.

After watching a Ina Garten work her magic while waiting for my final late March medical guinea pig work to be done, I decided to make her Roasted Potato Leek Soup. Of course, since this is me we're talking about, I made some changes. This recipe is adapted from hers, though.

Roasted Potato Leek Soup

1 lb Yukon Gold potatoes, cut into 3/4 slices, unpeeled
1 lb red potatoes, prepared as above
4 leeks, well cleaned, chop white and light green parts only
1/4 cup olive oil
salt and cracked pepper
3 cups arugula/spinach
1/2 cup dry white wine
4 cups chicken stock, homemade if possible
1 12 oz can evaporated milk
8 oz light sour cream
McCormick Hot Madras Curry Powder, optional
1 11 oz can Green Giant Southwestern Style Corn, optional
1/4 cup Parmesan

Get your oven to 400 degrees and arrange your leeks and potatoes in a single layer on a cookie sheet that's got some olive oil (or cooking spray) on it. Salt and pepper everything, drizzle some more oil on top and roast for 40 to 45 minutes. Throw your arugula/spinach in there and roast it all long enough for them to wilt, about 4 to 6 minutes. When that's done, pour your wine right onto the pan and scrape up any crispy bits. If things are still stuck, you can use some of the stock to help.

Now, pour all that into a big old pot. Add the rest of your chicken stock, the milk, sour cream and canned corn if using. Using an immersion blender, get everything all ground up to your desired chunkiness (of course, if you don't have an immersion blender you can instead dump the veggies into a food processor). Get the pot set over medium heat, add your seasonings to taste and get it hot. Pour into bowls, top with cheese and enjoy.

This was so good! Perfect for a chilly night. And if you're only feeding a couple of people, it will last at least a week for leftovers. I'll definetly make this again. Thanks, Ina!

A Nice Thought

Totally Uncalled For

Remember that garden I planted a couple of weeks ago? Well, nothing's grown yet. I know it hasn't been that long, but I'm worried that our recent cold snap has screwed up the garden's potential.

I'd really hate for this first garden outing to be a bust. Especially since I was getting used to doing things outside in the yard. Yes, that sounds odd. But when you despise hot weather, insects and reptiles it's not difficult to be afraid of a snake and wolf spider infested yard (Why did I have to look that up? Now I'm all creeped out and itchy). It took about a year for me to realize that wandering through our yard could bring some rather unexpected results.

Also? It would be awesome if the garden could produce veggies because Mother Nature has decided to be a complete bitch. On Saturday? I found a tick dug deep into my left side.

I know! When I first saw it that morning I thought it was a skin tag. It was basically the color of my skin, and who among us has not discovered a scar/mole/pimple/stretch mark that wasn't there the day before? Later I was looking at it and kind of flicking it around when I noticed...the legs. Sweet Lord Almighty!

The resulting hour was filled with me asking HUBS to confirm the tickness, having him pull it out with tweezers, watching him set it on fire and then me taking a shower and washing all the clothes I'd worn that week while crying and trying not to have a full blown panic attack as I contemplated Lyme disease. Does that sound extreme? Sorry, I didn't grow up in a Yellowstone National Forest. I'm a city girl who has never been feasted on by a tick and never thought such a country-life type of thing would happen to me. I was in shock, OK?

So, really, garden. I'm going through a lot for you, including being turned into food. You'd better damn well grow and grow good. Hear me?

That's All For Now

I don't have any photos of Grandaddy G. So, instead, I offer this picture of my husband and his older sister when they were little ones.

Grandaddy G passed away on Thursday. HUBS, PT and I went to the funeral yesterday morning. It was a nice service, and since he was in the Army they had military rites done at the cemetery.

A bit about Grandaddy G:

- He was a gunner in WWII
- His 92nd birthday would have been in two weeks
- He was always nice to me, and from what I've heard he was always nice to everyone else, too
- He enjoyed the fact that I could always pick him out in super old photos that I'd never seen before
- He loved restoring old cars and worked on them until a couple a years ago
- He was a loyal fan to the end of the St. Louis Browns and until recently still liked to talk about the 1944 World Series
- When he got back from the war he built his own house
- He loved animals
- He loved sweets but had to stay away from them since he'd been diabetic for years
- Because he was diabetic for so long, many of his nerve endings were damaged so he ended up being in far less pain than he would have been otherwise. Talk about everything happening for a reason...

It's impossible (I would think, anyway) to go to a funeral or watch someone deal with a life threatening illness and not consider (Reconsider?) what you're doing with your own time. When I heard the news on Thursday I found myself thinking Well, that's it. The last of HUBS and my grandparents. In 20-30 years our parents will be next. And 20-30 years after that, if we're all lucky, it'll be our turn.

I'm feeling the time crunch, is what I'm saying. For some reason, another 60 years tops just doesn't seem like much right now. Of course, it'll seem like less later because it'll be less. Suppose I better get to work.

Expansion Ahoy!

Imperial caterpillar

Friends! I did something semi-bold yesterday. I spent two and a half hours in the morning volunteering at The St. Louis Area Foodbank!

Why is this a big deal? Because, it involved going someplace I'd never been before, talking to strangers and being stuck with them for a few hours. The last time I did any volunteering was for the CineVegas film festival in 2006, and that was a mostly selfish endeavor. It was also easier since I'd been there the year before and knew a lot of the returning volunteers/staff, and, you know, it's Vegas. There's no shortage of stuff to talk about with strangers.

This was different, and I must say, I aced it! I worked my ass off packing and unpacking donations. I also spent my time working with a nice retiree named Fred from Memphis. We talked! I socialized with people I'd never seen before! I got out of the house for something other than errands! I helped people! Yay!

Our volunteer group actually finished early because we worked so efficiently. At the end of our shift the volunteer manager left hand outs that listed our stats. We processed 8,811 pounds of food which translates to 7,193 meals for the hungry. Isn't that cool? I'll definitely be back.

I signed up through VolunteerMatch on Monday for this gig and also contacted a couple of other places (a no-kill animal shelter and a not-for-profit news site) about volunteering for them, also. I like this. I get to help others and myself at the same time. If I weren't so chicken around strangers I would have done this much sooner!

What have you done lately that you loved enough to wish you'd done sooner?

That's How It Goes

HUBS' grandfather has liver cancer. In one week he went from being basically fine to not really recognizing his family. Since he's 91 years old (his birthday is actually in a couple of weeks) and the cancer wasn't found until it was very far along, there's no treatment that wouldn't make things much worse for him. Right now his family is just trying to keep him comfortable.

On Easter, HUBS and I met his parents at the house Grandaddy G shares with HUBS' uncle. We had the annual Easter dinner there without any of the usual fanfare. It was just us five around the table eating as his Grandaddy G rested in the hospital bed that hospice workers brought for him.

When we were about to eat dessert, a priest came to give him last rites. Apparently he was just coherent enough to follow what was going on and mouth responses at the appropriate times, but I didn't notice this. I was too busy trying not to cry, especially once HUBS' mom teared up.

I know how important that is to Catholics. Part of me was afraid that whatever is keeping Grandaddy G here would have its hold loosened by the rites and he'd die soon after. I've never seen anyone or thing that was significant to me or a loved one die. Not my grandmother, uncle, cousin or even Luanne. I was slightly terrified of being around for that. And so was HUBS.

There was a moment on Saturday when his parents had called and said Grandaddy G was doing badly and we should come over then, just in case he didn't make it to Easter. HUBS didn't want to go. He didn't want to be part of a death vigil; watching his beloved grandfather (his last grandparent, by the way) slowly fade away while he and the rest of us did nothing, because there was nothing we could do.

He also didn't want to know he might die and not try to get there to see him one last time. HUBS was torn. To the point where it, this horrible situation that many of us will come to at some point, made him angry. I told him he didn't have to go. I told him not to think about what his parents, sister, cousins, uncles or anyone else might say to him if he decided not to go. What was important was that he'd be able to look back on this day, and be alright if Grandaddy G died and he decided not to be there.

As we got ready to leave Saturday, he called his parents back and found out that his grandfather was doing much better. Well enough that his mom told us not to worry about the two hour drive that night, but to wait until Sunday as was originally planned. HUBS was clearly relieved.

Yesterday, his parents and uncle moved Grandaddy G into a nursing home in their small Mid-Missouri town. The same one that has taken care of two of HUBS' other ailing grandparents once the family couldn't care for them anymore. HUBS came home from work feeling tired, ignored, frustrated, disrespected...Sadness makes everything bad feel worse.

Music Monday: Take Care

Well, this was a decidedly different kind of Easter for us. It wasn't as bad as we thought it would be, but it wasn't exactly a ton of laughs, either. I'll explain more tomorrow.

I hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. We took a little trip on Friday, which I'll talk about later in the week. Today, though, it was hard to completely concentrate on anything. I did manage to sign up for a couple of volunteering projects through Volunteer Match, one of which is this Wednesday, so I'll be sure to let you know how it goes.

Now, let's relax a bit, shall we?

Happy Friday: Holidays and Such

Possibly the best sandwich I've ever made. Pretzel bun, peppers, pickles, apple, tomato, pepper cheese, honey ham...And yes that is a pumpkin and a tiara in the background. Don't pretend there's nothing odd in your house.

Hey, friends! It's shaping up to be a cool, but clear Good Friday. We've got family visits and new things planned, so let's hope it stays rain free during the days and warm enough not to ruin my new garden. Happy Easter to all who celebrate it!

On to some webby goodness...

1) If you need a new kind of photo gift, or are just trying to spruce up the old abode, ceramic tiles might be a good idea.

2) The web-only shows are popping up like April showers. Squaresville is one of the latest.

3) Geek Goddess Felicia Day has a new YouTube channel, Geek and Sundry for "the very best of indie geek culture."

4) All the cooks out there will appreciate the Garject, a device to help you cook with the fresh stuff without getting the scent all over your hands.

5) Stop your junk mail with the free PaperKarma smartphone app.

That's all for me. Have a great weekend, lovelies!

Relief Is A Wonderful Feeling

Finally! We closed on our refinanced mortgage today. We'll save about $100 a month, which is a very welcome position to be in.

We've had quite a few bouts of luck in the past week or so. HUBS and I have both made some extra cash. He landed a computer consulting job, and I did a stint as a medical research guinea pig (They took some blood, I tasted some stuff...The pay was pretty good for 18 hours of non-work.). I've also been making a bit doing surveys online.

I already mentioned our day trip on Saturday and our weekend filled with eating nice food I didn't cook.

Things feel slightly lighter right now, and that's nice. Plus, yesterday, I did this:


I know, that looks like nothing, but it's not. It's a garden, people! If all goes well, we'll be able to save even more money by not buying every vegetable and herb under the sun...Because we'll be growing some of them ourselves! Don't get me wrong, I do not delight in outdoor activities and the relatively small amount of time I've put in so far (three hours yesterday and one and a half today) have proven that gardening will be a workout. But, we need to do all we can to limit our expenses, so I'm willing to give this a try toward that end.

The only thing I'm battling right now are my own bad habits. For the past month I've been eating dessert twice a day. I even went so far on some days as to skip meals so that I could eat another dessert. Now, I'm no nutritionist, but that can't be good. As much as I believe in daily dessert breaks, even I must admit that's not a pattern that should be sustained.

I was able to eat one dessert yesterday, though the craving for another post-dinner was so strong I actually felt anxious and antsy not caving for about 40 minutes. Let's all hope I can keep up my resolve.

What's good in your life right now? Have you sucessfully broken any bad habits?

Music Monday: Getting Around

It was a nice weekend folks. We got out, took a road trip, ate some good food, saw a movie and did some different things. Here's our weekend by the numbers...

96.4 - Miles driven each way
1 - Number of road trips taken
4 - Hours in the car
3 - Meals eaten away from home
2 - Live turtles trying to cross the road at different points in Illinois
2 - Number of cars from opposing lane of traffic that drove toward me head on in an attempt to pass the car in front of them
0 - Pant wettings when the aforementioned terror occurred...but it was very, very close
3 - Farm equipment graveyards passed


1 - Home of Popeye driven through
4 - Times I got teary-eyed during Hunger Games
5 - Instances the dystopian future of Hunger Games made me angry
2 - Arguments had
1 - Nap taken
5 - Desserts eaten

So, how was your weekend?

Happy Friday! Today Feels Pretty Good

It's a warm day at the end of a slightly stressful week where I got a nice amount of stuff accomplished. Plus? We might finally be done with our refinancing. Hopefully we can wrap everything up early next week - after a month and a half of dealing with numbers, paperwork and screw-ups that were not our fault. Phew! Let's get on to some interesting internet things...

1) I don't know much about this program yet, but the creator of Sessions says he just wants to help you exercise more. NanoWorkout might be good, too.

2) Make believe movie posters are all the rage. The creativity never ceases to amaze.

3) If you're a writer who constantly gets distracted by the internet, Ommwriter could be exactly what you need.

4) Are you tired of getting inundated with email updates from all your social media accounts, but don't have time to change all your preferences? Ding!

5) Forget all about that bad day and laugh a little at other people's discomfort!

Ah...Now, get off the computer and do something fun this weekend...Really, go!

A Nice Thought

Indeed...

Conflicting Reports Be Damned!

Here it is, everyone. I've either done something brave or really stupid. Tired of all the conflicting reports on what the correct things are to put on a resume, I finally said Fuck All! and made something that is, for me anyway, totally new. The old format, even though it was approved by a resume writing instructor at a local college, didn't get me anywhere. I believe this one is more interesting and yet still tells people all the basics. Also? I started applying for jobs with this resume today.

Well, what do you think?

Music Monday: Something Different

...

Who else is looking for a job? Have you noticed, like I have, that no matter how many articles you read by career coaches, headhunters, professional resume writers and HR honchos that there's always another set of similar pros who'll tell you to do the exact opposite thing when writing a resume? You have! Aren't you tired of it?

Well, I am. And since the resume that I went to a resume class to write and had rubber stamped by a resume writer who works at a local college is clearly not working, I've decided to try something new. Yesterday, I spent two hours writing another resume. I do not mention that I'm "creative" or "detail-oriented" or good on the switchboard. I do not mention that I'm a writer who's good at writing. What I do mention is that I like cats, alliteration and laughing.

Yeah, it sounds goofy, but since the old way isn't working I'm trying something different: telling more of my story with my resume, while also letting whoever reads it in on the fact that, yes, I am capable of holding down a job. I'm going to do a bit more work on it tomorrow, post it for you and then start using it to apply for jobs. Wish me luck!

Now! Music!

A Nice Thought

Tuesday Tipday: Taming Your To-Dos

...

Yesterday I told you about a book I read last week that offers tips for getting things done. The book was 18 Minutes, by Peter Bregman.

It's a quick, insightful read that I finished in just two days. I think the most important thing about this book isn't even the time management system he came up with, but the little nuggets of knowledge sprinkled throughout. Witness...

1) Pausing can help you make a smarter next move.

2) If your whole identity is wrapped up in one thing (your job, your status as a parent, the amount of money you have in the bank...) then the loss of that one identity will cripple you.

3) If you don't know what your life is about, you'll waste all your time even if you work your ass off.

4) Understand your obsessions and you'll be clued in to your natural motivators.

5) Passions are things you enjoy working at even if you feel like you're failing at them.

See? His book is filled with tidbits like this that make total sense as soon as you come across them.

What I love about his to-do system is that it's based not just on all the things you need to do on a daily basis (I've put "DISHES" and "LAUNDRY" on many a to-do list), but on your overall goals for the year. So, if you've decided you need to make new friends and dress better in 2012, each day should be spent focusing on activities that help you achieve those goals.

Bregman's idea is that only around five percent of your day should be spent on the laundry-dishes-buy-another-20-rolls-of-TP to-dos of life. Because, if that's all your days are made up of you won't get where you want to be and will end up feeling you've wasted your limited, precious time.

After plotting my goals for the year and making a rather extensive to-do list last week, I found it completely overwhelming to complete in one day. So, I did what I do best and put the whole thing off. Yesterday I woke up with a renewed interest in giving it a go. I didn't come anywhere near getting my 10 item list done, but as of right now I've only got four things left.

A couple of hours ago it occurred to me that no one is forcing me to make a daily to-do. For the foreseeable future I'll be making weekly ones. I don't think this would have seemed like an option before reading this book, and I don't know why. Bregman talks a lot about knowing your strengths, weaknesses and what makes you different and then tailoring your life so that everything is optimized for the way you work and get things done.

I love crossing off my to-dos, but if my day is too structured (even while working from home) I feel trapped...So, weekly to-do lists! I feel so much lighter now!

18 Minutes is a great book to pick up if you want some insight into how to make your productive days really matter. Give it a try.

What does your ideal getting-things-done day look like?

Music Monday: New System

...

Last week I read a new book about planning and organizing your time, and today I tried out the system listed in the book. I'll write more about the specifics tomorrow, but for now it's obvious that this isn't going to be easy to manage.

My previous system was pretty simple. I made a list of five things I needed to get done and that was all I concerned myself with for the day. The problem, I found, was that I did the easy stuff, shied away from and avoided the difficult/scary stuff and came away with a day where I got things accomplished...But very little that would actually move my life forward.

I needed something else. Something that wouldn't overwhelm, but that would also push me to do the things I fear. As much as I liked the book I read, I'm not sure this is it. It is a step in the right direction, though, because I did manage to do something scary that I've been avoiding for a week.

So, a tiny victory leads us to some awesome new-week music...









What's your system for getting difficult things done?