Heal Thyself!

So, aside from trying to get better and help HUBS get better this past month, I've also been reading a book that was suggested to me by a reader of this blog (Thanks, Jeri!).

The Depression Cure was written by a doctor who created a drug-free program to help people kick their depression symptoms in the ass.

What I love most about the program is that everything is doable, inexpensive or free and based on some pretty simple ideas. Since we tend to close ourselves off from life when we're depressed, we end up making things worse because, guess what? We need to get some exercise, hang out with people, sleep a solid part of the night, go outside and see the sun and do things we enjoy so that we stop dwelling on our problems (perceived and real).

I haven't fully implemented all of his ideas, mostly because there's still a bit of upheaval around these parts, but I am happy about what I've been able to do so far.

1) I'm taking an omega 3 supplement because it's been shown to help with mood.

2) I've been using Breathe Right strips since Friday, and they have greatly helped my ability to sleep through the night. (With the exception of Monday night, when I was up for an hour and 40 minutes dealing with a bout of food poisoning. I'm done with you, Applebee's.)

3) Now that it's cooler outside, I've been spending a lot more time outside in the sun. Not purposely soaking up the sun, but not actively staying to the shadows when I'm outside, either.

4) With all our HUBS medical trips of the past few weeks, I've probably talked to more people this month than I have all summer. Even though doing so much of it was annoying at times, I know it's better than locking myself away in my cat-filled house on a daily basis.

5) I let HUBS talk me into swimming last week. His physical therapist said it would be good for his back and leg, and he found a place with a whirlpool, sauna and steam room to help with my congestion that we could try for free. And, you know what? I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was free. We went in the middle of the week at night so hardly anyone was there. The pool was a balmy 84 degrees so it didn't shock to get into or out of. The whirlpool without bubbles was to die for. You have my heart Jewish Community Center. You. Have. My. Heart.

6) I've become completely absorbed in the games on my phone. Ruminating is one thing that will make depression worse every time. I needed to get my mind off things and turned to my neglected game apps. It has worked tremendously. I even had HUBS futz with my phone to give me more storage space so I could add more games. I'm loving the freedom it's giving my brain!

I plan to do more as I feel better. Honestly, I feel like I have some control over my symptoms for the first time in my life. If nothing else, this program works just by giving me hope of being able to beat this thing. Plus, I'll have a nice list of steps I can take to make things better when I start to get down.

If you're battling the blues or full blown depression, I cannot say enough to recommend getting your hands on this book. I really believe it will help.

Do you have any tried and true methods for beating back the blues? I'd love to hear them, so share in the comments!

Tuesday Tipday: How To Look (Sorta) Good When You Feel Like Crap

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Well, well. I'm finally almost getting over my feeling of being exiled by illness. And while I'm no where near 100%, I am bolstered by a good bath and hair combing.

Why are those things so important? Because when you're sick, whether those are physical or mental blahs you're dealing with, it's easy to get mired in bed with ratty hair and dirty pajamas. Sometimes that's OK. But sometimes, you absolutely need to leave the house. And when that happens, you should try to look presentable enough that everyone you come into contact with doesn't frown upon seeing you and ask, "Do you want me to call someone for you?"

Here now? My tips to look less like the crap that you feel.

How To Look (Sorta) Good When You Feel Like Crap

1) Get up slowly. OK, so you have to be somewhere. If at all possible don't make this a first-thing-in-the-morning kind of appointment. In my experience, that will just make you angry. Shoot for an out-the-door time of 10 or 11 am. That way you can roll out of bed, relax for a bit and then ease yourself into presentability. Also? Don't pretend you'll be any more ready for leaving the house after noon. Give yourself too much time, and it will just get harder to be motivated. And you know it.

2) Some grooming is essential. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I am the most kempt person while ill. I am not. But when you need to show your face to the world, you gotta do something. If you can't get with brushing your teeth, eat something that smells good before you leave. Nobody can use their breath as a knockout weapon after having peppermint candy or a chocolate chip cookie.

Don't feel like combing your knotty mess of hair? This is what scarves, hats, ponytails and razors were invented for. Too tired to bathe? Clean the essentials. Yeah, those essentials. (Though I must say, a cap full of bleach in a hot-as-I-can-stand tub full of water always does wonders when I feel like shit.)

3) Eat. Something! Maybe you've been losing precious nutrients through no volition of your own during this time and you're a bit afraid of ingesting anything that will upset the delicate balance of your tummy. If you're going to keep your wits about you in the world at large, you'll need some food in you.

Saltines and Sierra Mist may not be exciting, but they'll stop you from fainting in Sears. So will a bit of white rice with sugar (no milk or butter unless your illness involves no intestinal difficulties...trust me if you haven't learned this lesson for yourself) or dry toast.

4) Decoration becomes you. Put on your best looking, non-confining clothes. Lip balm if you're a guy, lip gloss and blush (if you can stand it) for the ladies. Add big shades for your undoubtedly weary eyes and nice, but comfy, shoes. There! That wasn't so hard! Now, get out of the house and get your shit done so you can crawl back into bed as soon as possible.

Tuesday Tipday: How To Be A Dick

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It's fairly easy to be beloved by all. I mean, aren't there enough tomes teaching us how to click with others or win friends and influence people?

If you really want to be original, you need to be daring. And if you want to be daring? Be a dick. Here's how.

How To Be A Dick

1) You are the most special of special people. Don't let anyone forget it. Especially people who've never met you before.

2) There's nothing wrong with interrupting people to correct their supposed knowledge in front of others. How else will they learn?

3) Why do people try to talk to you about their problems? How could they not know that your problems are much more problematic? You have so much to teach these plebeians about pain.

4) Small victories are for sissies. When some blow hard is going on about finishing the first chapter of his novel, feel free to feign interest. Gloating is for superstars and that, my friend, is you.

5) Don't return their call. Ever.

6) Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but honesty isn't. So, yeah, she totally looks fat in that and you can't be afraid to tell her. She shouldn't have asked if she didn't want to know.

7) You have wonderful taste. Go ahead and invite folks to dinner at that $100 a plate restaurant you love.

8) No, don't offer to pay for them. Yes, you're basically made of money, But if they couldn't afford the place they should not have come.

9) Yes, they're boring and badly dressed. But you can't deny them the pleasure of your company. You're too good looking and your suit costs too much money for that.

10) Crop-dusting keeps it away from you. What could be more important?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Make The World Seem Less Horrible

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There are times when it all gets to be too much. Even if your life is going pretty good, it can be difficult not to become obsessed with the screwy stuff going on around you. Anxiety about the state of things can lead to a host of physical and mental issues. Sometimes, a glass of wine at dinner just isn't enough.

Here are some tips to keep your brain from overloading on the deep and overwhelming problems of the world.

5 Ways To Make The World Feel Less Shitty

1) Stop paying attention, already: My first journalism class in college made us watch the news every night as homework. It wasn't long before the horrors of the mid-1990s were keeping me up at night. I simply knew too much. As soon as I finished that class I was done with the nightly news. It took me years to watch again on a regular basis. And you know what? You don't need to worry about not knowing enough, because the big stories will still get through. So give the constant CNN watching/political website reading/thrice daily major newspaper readings a break. Just long enough for your mind to stop spinning.

2) Focus your attention: No one person can do something about everything. Pick the stuff that most bothers you or that you feel you can work on the best and concentrate on helping with those issues. Volunteer at a food pantry. Raise money for homeless animals. Work at a non-profit that helps abused children. See? Don't you feel less scattered, angry and scared now?

3) Stop talking to her: Don't look at me like that, you know exactly who I mean! Anyone who's had more than one friend or close acquaintance in life recognizes The Negativity Queen. She doesn't just call to vent. She calls because her world is coming to an end and she needs your help. NOW. She calls after waking up from a drunken stupor and realizing her roommate shaved off all her vagina hair and she should probably move. With your help. In the next hour.

It doesn't even matter if she's making bad choices that lead to these catastrophes or if the bad just seems to follow her unassuming person around. Don't respond to the emails or return the calls for a bit. You've got stuff going on too, and there's nothing wrong with tending to your own business without someone else's drama clouding your mind. And yes, The Negativity Queen can be a guy. So, the next time you get a message from your buddy Frank about how his wife found out he cheated on him, threw his things into the driveway and set them on fire and he needs a place to crash; it's OK to pretend you're out of town.

4) Stress is for people named Ridge: I think there's a kernel in many of us that watches the news and goes, Crap. At least my life isn't that bad! The problem, of course, is that you're using another person's real misery to pump yourself up a little. I have a better idea, one that's helped me tremendously: Melodrama. A good soap opera or tear-jerker will give you the same result without actual lives being in ruins. Search for "soap opera death scenes", "soap opera fights" or "soap opera revelations" on Youtube. You'll feel better in no time.

5) Relax, worry gets you nowhere: I know, it's not easy to stop the crazy train once it gets going. That's how I had a panic attack in a grocery store parking lot after realizing I'd left my coupon book somewhere. But, if you can head the train off when you hear the gears starting up you'll be a lot better off. Have that wine. Watch a funny movie. Read a trashy magazine. Find what calms you and use it to stop the torrent of anxiety that's bubbling up. Sometimes the little things really can help.

Tuesday Tipday: Taming Your To-Dos

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Yesterday I told you about a book I read last week that offers tips for getting things done. The book was 18 Minutes, by Peter Bregman.

It's a quick, insightful read that I finished in just two days. I think the most important thing about this book isn't even the time management system he came up with, but the little nuggets of knowledge sprinkled throughout. Witness...

1) Pausing can help you make a smarter next move.

2) If your whole identity is wrapped up in one thing (your job, your status as a parent, the amount of money you have in the bank...) then the loss of that one identity will cripple you.

3) If you don't know what your life is about, you'll waste all your time even if you work your ass off.

4) Understand your obsessions and you'll be clued in to your natural motivators.

5) Passions are things you enjoy working at even if you feel like you're failing at them.

See? His book is filled with tidbits like this that make total sense as soon as you come across them.

What I love about his to-do system is that it's based not just on all the things you need to do on a daily basis (I've put "DISHES" and "LAUNDRY" on many a to-do list), but on your overall goals for the year. So, if you've decided you need to make new friends and dress better in 2012, each day should be spent focusing on activities that help you achieve those goals.

Bregman's idea is that only around five percent of your day should be spent on the laundry-dishes-buy-another-20-rolls-of-TP to-dos of life. Because, if that's all your days are made up of you won't get where you want to be and will end up feeling you've wasted your limited, precious time.

After plotting my goals for the year and making a rather extensive to-do list last week, I found it completely overwhelming to complete in one day. So, I did what I do best and put the whole thing off. Yesterday I woke up with a renewed interest in giving it a go. I didn't come anywhere near getting my 10 item list done, but as of right now I've only got four things left.

A couple of hours ago it occurred to me that no one is forcing me to make a daily to-do. For the foreseeable future I'll be making weekly ones. I don't think this would have seemed like an option before reading this book, and I don't know why. Bregman talks a lot about knowing your strengths, weaknesses and what makes you different and then tailoring your life so that everything is optimized for the way you work and get things done.

I love crossing off my to-dos, but if my day is too structured (even while working from home) I feel trapped...So, weekly to-do lists! I feel so much lighter now!

18 Minutes is a great book to pick up if you want some insight into how to make your productive days really matter. Give it a try.

What does your ideal getting-things-done day look like?

Tuesday Tipday: Losing Weight The Easier Way

Alright, I'm no more of an expert than your average always-thinking-about-losing-a-few-pounds person, but I have hit on a bit of a breakthrough. I think I may have gotten rid of my food guilt. Let me explain.

Last Thursday I ate like a pig. It may have been the period hormones, or maybe I was just feeling lazy and let my guard down, but either way I lost it. I spent the day filling my face with pizza, mixed nuts, trail mix, peanut butter, chips...I. Went. To. Town.

Now, I've been using a program on my smart phone, My Fitness Pal, to track what I eat since I got the phone in July. At the end of the day when I saw that I'd gone way over every dietary limit I'd set for myself, do you know what happened? Nothing. Not only was there not an ounce of guilt or beating myself up or internal bad-mouthing, but I actually remember looking at the numbers and thinking Wow, I don't feel bad about that at all.

And, before you go telling me I'm setting a bad example, you should know that I was back to normal the next day. It was fascinating. There was no crying or begging God to help me lose weight or binging-because-I-screwed-up-Thursday-so-I-might-as-well-say-fuck-it-and-give-up. I remained calm and did what I needed to do. Suddenly, I was free.



You can be free, too. Though I admit that I'm not sure how I beat the cycle* I think it mostly involves not putting all my focus on food, weight loss, exercise or diets.

I now weigh 234, which I know would just kill a lot of people. But, it's much better than 254, so I'm ok with it until I lose even more weight (Or even, really, if I don't). My ultimate goal is to get at or just under 200. I realize that still sounds like a lot, but I wear a very comfortable size 14/16 at that weight and feel quite light.

Here's what I think has helped me:

1) Track that food. I know it sounds boring, but you'd be amazed how much it helps to see exactly what you're eating and what kind of calories/fat/sodium/vitamins/etc. you're taking in. Instead of making me obsessed with the numbers, it's just made me more informed. And information feels good.

2) It's all exercise. We need to stop only thinking in terms of running five miles or spending hours at the gym. Clean your house, walk in place while you watch your favorite TV show, garden, do squats when you're brushing your teeth, park as far away from the store as possible so you have to walk more...It's all exercise. Every step is better than no steps.

Get a good pedometer and keep track. They say 10,000 steps should be the goal, but even when I do a good amount of walking the most I usually muster is a bit over 6,000. That's better than 0, so I'm cool with it.



3) Stop being afraid. You will have good days and bad, stop letting the threat of less than healthy days scare the holy bejesus outta you. Food is not the enemy, we need it to live. It's fear that keeps us trapped in these odd food patterns that make us do stuff we know we shouldn't on a regular basis.

I used to read a lot of Geneen Roth back in the day when I was trying to figure out how to stop binging. One of the things she says is to buy all the stuff you're not allowing yourself to have and let yourself enjoy those foods. Eventually, you won't feel like you need to have gobs of them any more. I think this is what's happened to me with fast food. We've had so much of it in the past two and a half months that I can't really stand the idea of burgers/fries/onion rings/fried chicken now.

4) Pay attention. I haven't had seconds in months. I used to have the hardest time stopping when I was full. There were times where I'd actually eat until I felt like I was going to throw up because I'd eaten so much I'd made myself sick. The whys behind that are many, to be sure, but the important thing is to eat slowly enough to realize when you've had enough and stop. It might not be easy, but it's a major factor in enjoying what you eat.



5) Smaller portions made easy. If you're not getting the hang of #4, try forcing yourself to eat less by using smaller plates. This will trick you into thinking you're eating a full plate, when it's really not.

6) Stop demonizing certain foods. Barring anything you're actually allergic to or not allowed to have for health reasons, you should be able to eat whatever you want, whenever you want as long as you pay attention to your body and stop eating when you get full. Chocolate frosting by the spoonful? Ok. Pie and ice cream? Yes. Pizza with everything? Why not. Stop when you get that tightness in your tummy and you'll be alright.

7) Dear God, think about something else! It's possible that because so much of my mental space in the past couple of years has been taken up with family deaths, money problems and joblessness that I was able to think about losing weight without letting it take over my every thought process and that that was what allowed me to actually lose weight.

I'm not suggesting you stress out to lose a few pounds, but I am suggesting that you get in the habit of doing things you enjoy and talking to people you have fun with about non-dietary stuff. Don't let this take over your life. Remember, you are more than a dress size! Especially if you're taking all the right steps.



*You know how it goes: you eat too much of the supposed wrong thing then punish yourself by skipping meals and next thing you know, you're binging on giant bagels because you haven't allowed yourself a single thing to eat all day. Then you punish and binge and punish and binge into infinity. Blah, right?

Are You There God? It's Me, Citygirl...

Dear Almighty,

I'm writing this as an open prayer. To get it all out and force myself to stop.

We cannot worry anymore. HUBS and I cannot sleep at night. We're snappy and bitchy and twitchy and irritable. Even when we're happy we're sad. It all feels like too much; like a dreary dead end that we can't turn around from.

And we're trying. Trying to stop the worry, the ruminating, the wallowing, the stressing, the fear. We are: breathing deeply, counting to 10, praying, pleading, meditating, yoga-ing, stretching and discussing. It helps for a bit, and then feels meaningless.

So, I'm now (actively and publicly) giving it all to you. Surrendering every fear, stress, worry, anxiety and its ilk.

About...

Luanne's health issues
My joblessness
My depression
My restlessness
My inactivity
My indecision
My procrastination
HUBS' exhaustion
Our money problems
Our anger
Our anxiety
Our fear of our own futures
Our lack of hope
Our lack of complete faith
Our entitlement
Our reckless desires...

And all the other negative, scary stuff.

I ask that you take these things and help us figure out a way through, up, over, around or under them. And if we can't figure out a way, please help us somehow be ok anyway.

Many thanks,
XO

Citygirl

Eat This Sandwich

Holy crap, it's like a god.

Everyone loves a grilled cheese sandwich. Well, everyone who loves cheese loves a grilled cheese sandwich. And if you don't love cheese you can't be American...Or human, so I've got no interest in what you eat, anyway.

But, cheese loving people all over the world need to find a way to make and eat this sandwich. Now, I've made grilled cheese all kinds of ways over the years. I think, though, that I've finally made the best one ever. You will need about four thinly sliced pieces of apple (I used a Pink Lady), three different types of cheese (for me it was fontina, Borden pepper jack and a shredded Italian blend), honey ham, good wheat bread, cracked pepper, Italian seasoning and cooking spray.

Now, lay out your first piece of bread and cover it with a cheese slice, top it with the apple slices, more cheese, cracked pepper, ham, Italian seasoning, cheese, and last piece of bread. Spray both sides with cooking spray and, here's what I think really makes a difference, put the sandwich in a hot panini press or Foreman grill. After a few minutes you can turn the sandwich 45 degrees to get cross-hatched grill marks, but as you can see from the photo it's not a requirement.

Take it off the grill and dig in. Oh. My. Gawwwwwwwd. The best part, the thing I found so amazing, is that it stayed hot the entire time I ate it. I've never made a grilled cheese that didn't get cold two seconds after I took it off the stove. Never.

Ok, finish your sandwich, wipe your mouth and hands and thank me. Aren't you glad you read this blog? I knew you would be...

Tuesday Tipday: Christen Your Year!

The TV through my new year's champagne glass. I had 10 sips instead of my usual two, and I'm all the better for it.

Well, happy 2011, all you internet denizens! We're four full days into the new year and I bet a lot of you have made resolutions or set goals for the months ahead. I haven't made a resolution for years now. For me, the idea of New Year's Resolutions had come to mean some activity I'd promised myself I'd do, only to inevitably give up the effort weeks later. And then the next year I'd make the same promises to myself all over again, with the same pitiful results.

I've decided to look at things differently this year. Not writing down concrete goals has gotten me almost nowhere, so last Thursday I took a quiet moment to do two things: list the accomplishments from 2010 and list what I wanted to do in 2011.

If you're like me, and have the tendency to get procrastinatory (New Word Alert) on your dreams out of fear (of change, new things, the unknown, success, failure...I could so totally go on), then I can tell you that starting with my successes really helped. It made me look back over the year thoughtfully, so that I was able to notice even the smallest victories.

Why do the small victories matter? Because the small ones get you to the big ones. I was able to see that I really did get some stuff done last year and that it's completely possible, if I keep going, to get even more done in 2011.

Then, earlier today I was reminded of an idea I'd come across around this time last year. Individual goals are great, but a good way to plan for the completion of those goals is to think about what you want your life ahead to be like in general. You can do this, as I've decided to, by christening your year.

Now, depending on what you've been going through and what you want for 2011, this might be easy or require more pondering. But the basic process is simple, just consider what you need more of to be happier in the coming year. Do you want to be more connected to the world around you? Then connectivity is your word for 2011. Maybe you'd feel better if you slowed down. In that case a word like quiet or relaxation could be for you.

This just helps you crystallize what all your smaller goals should ultimately do for you. Here is what I've decided: I want 2011 to be a year of Expansion. I need to cultivate more of basically everything in my life: connection to others, freelance work, money, fun, adventure, travel, passion, good health, doing for others, love and on and on.

What I realized by looking at the past year (and years before) is that my world, my life, has gotten mighty small. While I'm very, very glad to have HUBS, our cats, this house and a fine collection of photographs taken since I was a little girl, I need a bigger life. Bigger experiences, more adventure and definitely more hard work.

So, today's tip? Christen your year! Sit down and figure out what bullseye you want to hit this year by aiming at those smaller targets. It just might help everything come into view.

I'd love to know: what's your word for 2011?