Lazy Days Into Winter

You know when you get a song stuck in your head and can't stop humming it or singing to yourself? Even as you grow tired of repeating the same lines, you can't stop yourself; if you're awake, there it is, stalking the corners of your mind.

I've been having the same sensation for the past few weeks, but with a single quote that I've heard in two different places over the course of about a month.

"How you spend your days is how you spend your life."

Every time I sit on my ass and do nothing (even when nothing-doing is well-deserved, like after cleaning the living room windows and scrubbing the bathroom) it rings in my head like a school bell. It's become an automatic response, and I know why.

I have a history of wild and improbable ideas. Things I really, truly desire to try or just plain get done. But, I also have a magnificent history of letting the enormity of those ideas push me into ambition-less funks where nothing gets done because all I can think of is the impossible-seeming glory that'll result from the end product.

If you didn't already know, I'm screwy.

So I know this quote from, I believe, Annie Dillard is my mind's way of pushing me forward. And yet, as the words reverberate in my own mental voice, all I can seem to do is what needs to be done: empty the dishwasher, clean the windows, do the laundry, feed the cats, take a bath, pay bills, run books back to the library...

I don't want to leave this Earth only having done what I needed to. I want to finish my screenplay and build on my other ideas, write my books and get them published, sell my photographs, spiff up this blog even more, go to networking events and not vomit from fear beforehand, travel wildly and make money doing something I enjoy. You know, among other things.

I suppose I've made some small steps recently. Last week I signed up for a digital storytelling class that may lead to work (Paid? God, I hope paid.) with our local PBS station. Last night HUBS and I went mini-golfing in the dark. That may not sound like a big step, but I'd never been mini-golfing before and it was on my list of things to try. We had fun and I foresee us doing it again soon.

I want to know, how do you spend your days and how do you want to spend your days going forward?

Dammit Grooveshark! And, Tuesday Tip Day!

I fully intended to file the first half of this post yesterday. But, as you can partially see from the title, I was having trouble with my nifty little widget. But! Today I finally figured the thing out and now I present to you the inaugural (pretend it's still Monday, y'all...) Music Monday!

See, I've decided to start some weekly features here on citygirl to keep things fresh for me and you. I love music. Almost as much as I love movies, self-help books and TV shows that make me feel warm and things that sparkle. Also? I think I've got pretty fine taste in music and I have a knack for finding cool new music.

The playlist above is a gift for when you're in a turn off the TV, wrap yourself in a big sweater and ruminate over your life's many dilemmas mood. Just a little bit of rock, some soul, some oldies and some pure fun pop for when you need a bit of background music.

In other news, there's also a weekly feature for today! From now on Tuesdays will be Tuesday Tip Day.

Today's Tip: When trying to save money, use half. I've been using half a dryer sheet for months now with no change in the static free-ness of our clothes. Try it. Half a slice of cheese on your sandwich, half a tank of gas if you're not driving much these days, half of that giant cookie you probably shouldn't eat all in one sitting anyway. You'll stretch your resources and save some dinero.

Editor's Note: If you have trouble playing the songs, let me know. I don't want to have to put a smackdown on Grooveshark, but I will for you internet.

Television: The Best Ever Reason To Stay On Your Ass? Discuss...

My apologies for the dearth of posts this week. HUBS and I have undertaken a deck renovation project that was supposed to take one weekend but has instead lasted all freakin' week long. We are sorer and tireder (yeah, I made those up) than we thought we'd be, but we plan to finish (For Real!) tonight. Let's all pray we make it through.

So, we're several weeks into the new TV season now. I fully admit that I've become mighty jaded in my old TV viewing ways. It used to be that I was always excited about some new show or another, but now I've just been burned too many times by stuff that sounded good but turned out iffy.

Even when I spy something right up my sci-fi/fantasy/government conspiracy/ooh-I-like-that-actor alley, instead of thinking Wooo, I'm there baby! my mind can only work itself up to We'll see, fuckers. We'll see...

But! This doesn't mean I don't find at least a couple of shows to try out every year. Here's what I'm watching and what I think about the new crop of ass-planting entertainment.

1) The Event: As far as I'm concerned this is the only reason to watch TV on Monday nights. (Don't talk to me about How I Met Your Mother. I've watched it about 15 times across the past umpteen seasons and laughed a total of two times. That's just not good enough HIMYM. Not good enough at all.) The first episode didn't grab me immediately like Lost, Supernatural, The X-Files or 24, but they did make me want more and didn't irritate me a single time during the hour. It's growing on me; I like that I can figure some stuff out, but not everything. Thanks for surprising me, The Event.

2) Hawaii Five-0: HUBS is kinda crazy for this show, and I've never known him to like your standard issue cop drama. I've been watching it with him, but Lord knows why. Aside from the scenery and the fact that I'm glad Jin and Sharon have jobs again, it's not really doing anything for me.

3) Raising Hope: The only reason I watched this was because of all the good press it got, and that first ep was hilarious. The following shows haven't been quite as funny, but I'm enjoying the cast and where they're going with things. It's absolutely worth a look if you haven't seen it yet.

4) Undercovers: I want to love this show like I love a cool, fall day, but I just don't. And? I can't even explain why it's letting me down. A show staring black people that has nothing to do with them being black and also isn't an insipid half hour comedy? I should be eating this shit up! They get to be sexy, in love, funny, deadly, gorgeous and super skilled at wildly difficult things! But the show is still sorta boring! And yet I keep watching! Because I feel I have to!

5) Hellcats: Was anybody else expecting to hate everyone in this show, only to catch the repeat of the pilot and realize it doesn't make heads explode with bitchy teen drama mediocrity? That's what hit HUBS and I when we caught the show this week, totally by accident. I'll actually be looking for this one next week.

6) Outsourced: I've been watching this every week even though the pilot only made me laugh once. And I haven't been completely amused by any of the other episodes either. I think I'm watching it as a place-holder for the sublime Parks and Recreation. They better still be bringing my show back at mid-season. You hear me NBC?!

What fall shows have you hooked? Or semi-hooked, as the case may be?

And...We're Old!

I had no idea things would fall apart this quickly. I mean, I much prefer getting old to the alternative (Death? Yeah, until we find a way to actually turn back time, death is the only other way...), but that doesn't mean it's not odd how our bodies can change so fast.

For instance? I can't stay up all night anymore. I know! It's super sad and shit! Well, really I can still stay up, but the aftermath is exhausting.

The last time HUBS and I spent the night awake was probably around April. It was fun; coffee and hot chocolate were imbibed, movies were watched and internet browsed. But, for the entire week after I. Was. Ruined. For the first time in months I had to sleep until noon every single day, and then after a few hours awake I was tired again.

Then, around August, we both discovered we were having difficulties making it to our (now standard) bedtime of 1 a.m. We had gotten in the habit of watching Craig and then drifting off to sleep. But now? We usually fall asleep on the couch by 10:30 or 11.

I suppose it won't be long now until we're eating dinner at 4 p.m., hitting the sack at 8 p.m. and starting our day before the sun does. Where's my Denny's discount?

Can anybody else feel middle/old age creeping up on them? What's it doing to you?

Flurry

The activity around here today has been mostly in my head, but did, nonetheless, give me that oh-my-God-must-remember-it-all-and-get-it-done head rush feeling I dislike.

But, I've still managed to:

1) Supervise the putting in of a new front door and make note to call tomorrow so they can fix a weird missing wood chunk thing.

2) Mostly figure out the best way to pay off our debts.

3) Sign up for my first ever bank CD.

4) Find an easy recipe for dinner.

5) Register my Panera Bread rewards card.

6) Walk almost two miles just in the house.

7) Shower and get clothes on just in time for the door guy to show up.

8) List all our outstanding credit card debt.

9) Do minor chemical exfoliation to some dark spots (thanks zits!) on my face.

10) Get 50 free business cards at moo.

11) Find the best stain for our deck and the cheapest power washer to clean it with first.

And I've got other stuff I still need to do! Like actually cook dinner and make some more phone calls. I am not fond of getting things done, but only in a way that makes me feel like my life is nothing but busywork. That's how I've felt all week.

How busy was your day today? Are you doing any of the things you want to do?

Weekend Wonderful

It's unbelievably nice to have some money on the weekends. Here's what we did with a bit of ours.

1) Took my mom out to lunch and shopping for her birthday (she's 60) on Saturday. Our haul totaled 1 lip balm, 1 fingernail polish and 1 body butter. We were gone for six hours. Clearly we are shopping superstars. I'm thinking of a rematch sometime this week. Let me tell you, though, it was so nice to be able to treat my mom to lunch. I haven't been able to do that in years.

2) Went grocery shopping at three different stores. Spent more in one grocery trip then we ever have and finally stocked up on some things. Had a deliriously good time at Sunday night's Festival of Trying Different Things. Also? You need to buy this now. And eat it. It's the best freakin' icy treat in the world as far as I'm concerned.

3) Ate out without worrying that we really should have been eating beans and rice again. On Friday HUBS and I managed a $20 dinner at Olive Garden, and Sunday afternoon was all about happy hour specials at La Salsa, where we spent $11 total. By the way? I think our general new rule-of-eating-out-thumb will be to get an appetizer, share one entree and maybe get one drink that we share while the other person gets water. I know eating out is not the best use of funds, but dammit, I find it completely enjoyable!

4) When I was with my mom, HUBS was walking around the strip malls close to our house. He got some stuff we've been wanting/needing for awhile. When I got home he introduced me to our new Foreman Grill, his new Nike Air shoes and Mizzou baseball cap, and the St. Louis Browns cap he got as a Christmas gift for his grandfather. HUBS also told me about a certain sparkly something he got me as a late anniversary/birthday present! He claims it's well hidden, but let's see how long it takes me to happen upon it while cleaning.

On tap for next weekend is finally washing/staining our deck and possibly getting Luanne groomed. She's developed a ton of fur clumps that brushing simply is not taking care of, and trying to cut them out myself was nearly impossible with all her squirming and clawing and questioning of my motives.


You can't really see the extent of her fluff here. She's like a sheep cat.

How was your weekend?

Why Is It...

Drawing courtesy here

That every time I'm with HUBS at his job and we're alone there into the night, I fear a zombie invasion?

I'm so odd.
____________________________________________________________

So, what are you guys doing this weekend? Anything fun? Can I come?

Is It Fall Yet, Or Not?

After quite a few days of unseasonably cool weather, we're about to hurtle back into the 80s again this weekend.

This is bad because anything over 75 and sunny feels like an oven to me.

This is good because we will finally have the right combination of money and warm, but not ass-killing hot temperatures in order to stain our back deck. Something we haven't done in two years because of our financial issues.

I anticipate HUBS doing most of the staining while I supervise (i.e. kick back with a magazine and a Black Cherry Freeze and pay no attention to the work being done at all. Hi HUBS!)

Have You Heard The One About The 35-Year-Old Woman And Her 401K?

It goes like this:

So a woman works for the same company for almost 10 years, right? And, she hates it almost the whole time. But then she finally leaves, happy to be free and really happy to have built up a nice little nest egg in her 401k.

The woman has a degree from a good university and a steady work history, she thinks she'll finally have a good job that she enjoys within a few months. But, the woman was wrong. The economy dips to the ninth circle of Hell shortly after she leaves her old, hated job and she can't get hired. Not even Best Buy, Walmart or Target will take her.

So, when almost three years have gone by and all unemployment benefits have run out, the woman and her husband are in deep, deep, shitty credit card debt. They are scared and angry. They know they should have done things differently: lived more frugally and had the woman back-burner the dream job search sooner. But also! They weren't out buying yachts and crap. They mostly used the credit to pay for much needed (sudden) home/car repairs and groceries.

The woman talks to 10 Consumer Credit Counseling agencies. Some won't offer any deals at all because of the negative income the couple has at the end of the month. The others offer deals that they still cannot afford.

The woman gives in and gives it all to God. She's tired of the phone calls, the crying, the constant math-doing and bill shuffling. She's tired of the stress, the sleepless nights, the headaches, body aches and the constant beans and rice eating, the woman is gassy enough without all that.

That woman? She lets go of her fear and obstinacy and sees one way out. She cashes in her 401k.



I freely admit that when HUBS brought up the idea of using my 401k to help us out of this jam it made me incredibly angry. Not because he suggested it. Because it felt like I would then have nothing to show for my unnecessarily long stint at a job I mostly despised.

Then last Saturday, after yet another talk with a creditor, I felt something change. The idea of doing this big, major thing made me feel free. Things will still be tight, but not can't-afford-groceries-must-eat-the-same-things-day-and-night tight.

I can see that I needed this; to have a financial fuck up so big that I had to use my retirement fund to fuel my rescue. And, if we had done this over a year ago, when HUBS first suggested it, there would have been considerably less money to work with.

I can also see what a blessing it is that I had that option in the first place. (Well, last place really. Believe me when I say using your retirement fund to bail yourself out is always an absolute last resort option.) Some people get into this kind of bind and only have bankruptcy to look forward to.

I am committed to not using credit cards until we dig ourselves out of this mess totally, and then only sparingly. I am committed to finding an in-the-meantime job until someone realizes how fabulous I am and pays me lots of moolah to write. I am committed to living within our means and helping HUBS do the same.

Thank God, y'all.

Word To The Wise

If you're using the NuvaRing for birth control, don't skip a month because you don't have enough money for the prescription. Find the cash, yo. Especially if you were prone to heavy periods prior to starting on the thing, because your body? She will not like that.

I skipped my ring usage back in July, and as a result had my period for almost the full month of August and a heavy period in September. I'm tellin' you, it's like my four years on the thing didn't matter at all! And? Do you know how stressful it is to have low-grade bleeding for three weeks? I've never used any other form of lady-time-interruptus birth control, so I don't know if this would happen with the others, but...Gah!

The one ring...it really does rule them all.

Show Your Knees!

These are totally as good as Naomi Campbell's knees...I'm just sayin'.

I had an epiphany recently. Last month, I bought and started wearing a pair of shorts. And these were not just any pair of shorts, oh no. These shorts show my knees. I know, I know, that sounds ridiculous, so let me give you some back story.

I have not worn shorts since sometime around 1995 when I was still in college. At the time, the only shorts I wore were guys shorts. They weren't tight or showy and they hid my knees. Oh, my knees. They've been a sore spot of mine since I was a wee child. When I was about 10 years old I decided my knees were best left an unseen entity by the known world.

My issues with them were many and varied:

1) They were badly scarred and discolored from an accident when I was 6.
2) They were fat.
3) They were stretch-marked from all that fast food I ate.

Alright, so I only had three issues with my knees, but they were bigguns y'all! And until last month I'd firmly committed myself to never letting them see the light of day. (Aside from the odd trip to the pool, which brought up so many other body traumas that my fatty, marked-up knees actually became the least of my concerns.)

So, what happened in August? Well, I was shopping for another pair of work appropriate walking shorts. You know, something in a nice, tailored style that would let my legs breathe a little but not show too much. I was browsing one of my favorite sites when I saw these:


photo courtesy OneStopPlus.com

Oh my God, I thought, they're so cute! And they were ten bucks, so I bought them. I got them home and tried them on. They were downright cozy, those shorts! Nice, airy fabric with a nice color and nice pockets. I felt good in them.

Until I looked down and saw my knees. There they were, two banes of my existence just hangin' out and saying How Do! to the world at large. Dammit, I thought, can't keep 'em.

I had resolved to send them back. But, over the course of a week I tried them on for my mom and HUBS and put them on at least twice just to look at myself in them again, something I never do. Generally when I buy clothing, that's it. I try it on, I like it, I buy it, I cut the tags off and put it away. I couldn't do that here. There was a new kind of feeling I had when I put these shorts on. I felt nervous and excited and free and scared. Like I was doing something naughty; maybe even something that the general population wouldn't approve of...And? It felt good.

I decided to cheat a bit: I'd wear the shorts out once, and if I felt uncomfortable or kept tugging at them or kept looking to see how others were responding to The Knees, I'd send them back. Do you know what mighty amazing thing happened? I totally didn't care what random strangers might be thinking! And I was comfortable! And I didn't tug at them once!

I was freeeeeeeee! Over the course of the next month I wore my new Freedom Shorts about two or three times a week. Now I'm thinking of getting tights (something I haven't worn since about 2000) so I can keep rockin' my freedom as the weather gets cooler.

The lesson here, I think, is that so often we tell ourselves what we can't do/shouldn't do because of our or others' outdated ideas of ourselves. People! I missed out on shorts because, decades after I made the decision to keep them under wraps, I figured that was still the best option for me. If I'd tried to wear shorts earlier, who knows when I would have realized that I didn't need to hide anymore.

So? Just do it! At least once every few years, see how it feels to show your flabby upper arms (been there; busted that fear with my sleeveless wedding dress two years ago), your raggedy feet, your varicose veined calves and yes, even your fat, imperfect knees.

One day you may find clothing that makes you feel good, even with your (former) dislikes flashing the world.

So? What Do You Think?

It was really time. After writing this blog for almost a full five years, things were starting to feel tired, cramped, dark and old. I wanted something brighter, fresher and with more room for my photos.

So, after taking a couple days off and lots of naps, I feel a bit renewed. We'll be back to regular posting tomorrow and I'm going to commit myself to three or more posts a week.

I hope you like the new look. Now, go have something awesome for dinner!

Another New Thing I'm Trying

I know that I can be negative. It's one of the things about my personality that haunts me most. I've been prone to depressed cynical-ness since I was a little kid.

So, in an effort to recognize good stuff more, I'm going to try bitching about what I need to bitch about...And then writing down an upside to the problem at hand.

It'll go like this: HUBS and I have very little money for groceries. The good thing about that is that I've had to get seriously creative and have come up with some cool little recipes all on my own.

See that photo above? I made that all by my lonesome! No cookbook, cooking show or semi-divine inspiration from Daisy. Here's what I did:

Heat enough olive oil in a large skillet to cover bottom. Slice 2 or 3 medium potatoes (I use Yukon Gold) to no more than 1/4 an inch thick and layer in pan with sliced onion, fresh basil, pepper, sea salt and deli sliced honey ham. Cook without turning until the bottom layer is nice and crispy, then, flip the whole thing over and let that side get golden. Feel free to add more olive oil if you think things are sticking to the pan. I usually flip it one more time to let the stuff in the center get crispy, and then I put a lid on it for about 10 minutes to make sure all the potatoes are done through.

While all that's cooking I put a bed of field greens or baby lettuce (I prefer baby lettuce) on plates, drizzle on some red wine vinegar and sprinkle on some cheese (parmesan, reggiano and asiago work well). When the potatoes are done, throw them on top and you're ready to eat! The whole thing takes about half an hour.

Chow down, lovelies!

Why We're All Gathered Here Today

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I write this blog and what it's supposed to mean. Let's face it, there are trillions of blogs out there (I read a fair number of them), and in trying to decide if I really want to start publicizing this blog (mainly to drum up freelance writing work and buyers for my photographs), I've been ruminating on 'what it all means, man.'

I love writing. I love getting my thoughts out. And even though I'm not very vocal in person, I love the idea that someone, somewhere is listening to me. CITYGIRL started because, frankly, everyone else was doing it and I'd grown tired of the standard method of journaling. At the time I was really active on FLICKR, feeling more involved in life and starting to get out more offline as well. I wanted to connect with folks more; the internet was making that a lot easier for my shy-ass self.

It boils down to this: CITYGIRL makes me feel connected. I've gotten a bit of flack for complaining/not grabbing life by the balls/dwelling on the negative/dot dot dot/xyz, and here's the thing: I don't care. This is my personal journal. I talk about my life. Ups, downs, in-betweens, mistakes, triumphs, confusions and delusions, one and all.

What benefit does that have for you, the average blog reader who could pour themselves into a myriad of inspirational, designy, self-helpy, feel-good-all-the-time blogs? It's this: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. As much as I love being inspired, seeing beautiful things, helping myself and feeling good, life doesn't always bring the beauty full time, no matter how hard we may try to get it to do just that or attempt to always see the silver lining.

I want my readers to know that they can come here in their darkest hour and see someone else who has:

1. Waited way too long to leave a job she hated
2. Found solace in a lonely grocery store isle so she could fart in peace, only to have to abandon it quickly when a stranger interrupted her gassy session
3. Been unemployed for almost three years
4. Lived on beans and rice for a full week
5. Traveled alone and loved it
6. Let yet another job she hated make her actually, physically ill
7. Taken jobs just to make money
8. Had heavy periods
9. Waited until she was 31 to have sex
10. Refused to date because it seemed like too much bullshit
11. Eaten too much chocolate
12. Gotten too overweight
13. Driven back from an Ikea road trip with a rented SUV filled so full she couldn't see out any windows but the front...in a torrential rain storm
14. Sat on the couch for too many hours on too many days in a row
15. Racked up way too much credit card debt
16. Never really felt very feminine, despite her totally committed love of pink, purple, purses, shoes, clothes, makeup and sparkly things
17. Refused to budget and made lame attempts to build up a savings account
18. Taken only 3 airplane trips in her entire life (NYC, Austin TX and Las Vegas)
19. Loved too many kitty cats
20. Given up or delayed acting on too many dreams
21. Lived life in fits and starts
22. Been afraid to go to parties
23. Cried so hard as she crossed the street she almost got hit by a car
24. Been so depressed nothing mattered, not even herself
25. Had a maxi pad flip over during the day so that she had to cut it out to change it
26. Gotten angry when friends and family don't stand up for themselves
27. Given good advice but failed, continually, to use that good advice in her own life
28. Not wanted to have kids
29. Tried to start her own business/work as a freelance writer/sell her creative wares with low overhead
30. Lived a wonderful, yet mistake filled life

This is what it's about for me: letting others know they're not alone in their weirdness, failings, fumblings, consternations, joys, miseries and downright freakishness. I'm there, too! And even if I don't hear from you, I know you're out there. I feel less alone, hopefully you feel less alone too and we can all ride off into the burnt amber sunset together.

Yay!

Feelings

HUBS and I were out and about Friday in a very popular area. It was a nice night; people were walking, dining outside, going to concerts, shopping in boutiques. It made me wistful. I'm starting to get that Friday-night-just-got-paid-wanna-spend-some-money-honey feeling.

You know that feeling. It shouts, I have a job, I worked hard all week and now I'm gonna have some real fun for a couple of days. Honestly, as much as I really want to not have the weekends be the end-all-be-all like they are when you have a job that feels like work, I miss having my weekends mean something. Right now the weekends are just like every other day.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love to love the next job I get. But, to get that feeling back, I'd settle for enjoy mostly.

What's your favorite thing to do on weekends?

Changes

I've been silent for a while here. Mostly because I've been working on getting a more cohesive web presence together. Look!

I like that there's one site where people can access all my online articles, blogs, photo portfolios, stores and consulting info. The next step will be updating this blog and my photo blog. I'm hoping to get that done within the next week. I've also got an idea for either an e-book or e-course on photography. Are you guys interested in either of those? Would you pay, say $15 to take part in something like that?

Also, let me know what you think of the flavors.me page and all the links. Any input from those of you who like the blog would be greatly appreciated!

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

We Will Not Talk About...

- How our air conditioner went out last Thursday and I had to ask my mom for money to get it fixed.

- How once I got to her house to pick the money up I collapsed into a tearful heap, finally told her how screwed up all our finances are and apologized for letting her down and being a loser.

- How, when I got back home and talked to the repair man, the money she gave us wouldn't be enough anyway because we'd need a brand, spankin' new air conditioner. Hello $4,000!!

- How we had to get a credit limit increase on the same card we used to buy the furnace in January to pay for the new air conditioner. Thank God they allowed it or we'd be completely fucked!

- How the cats went a little bit nutty from the 95 degree temps in the house and then being locked in the basement for several (several) hours to keep them cool.

- How, even though I called in Thursday to say I may or may not be in to work, the company I was working for fired me and the temp agency will now never work with me again (that's right, I've been fired by a temp agency).

- How I fear that I totally sabotaged that job by possibly not making myself clear when I called in the first time and then resisting the later urge to call back and tell them I definitely wasn't coming in.

- How I've been repeating the mantra I make $100,000 a year 25 times a day for the past week, hoping it will come true by way of making me work harder...Or by magic, either way is fine with me.

What we will talk about is this...



God! These things are so good! We had the full sized ones sometime last year and I wasn't impressed. But, the minis? Somehow a thousand times more tastier. Yes, I said more tastier. You should eat these.

You Have Reasons To Be Excited!

I've been meditating at work. See, I need something to keep me focused on positive stuff during the breaks between calls (which can last anywhere from a few seconds to 10 minutes). I wrote down some affirmations to repeat to myself in the down time. They do seem to be helping me deal with work.

Last night as I was repeating one of my sayings (I have reasons to be excited) I realized that I was actually feeling sadder and sadder. So I made a list of my reasons to be excited.

Here goes:
-we're closer to fall
-we have $115 extra coming to us this month
-we might get into consumer credit counseling or debt relief
-I won't be doing this job for much longer
-I've done this work now and know I never want to do it again
-I've had another book idea & started working on it
-I still have gas in my car
-I might finish a book I got from the library in time to return it in two days
-I have a car
-we have pet food & litter to last a couple weeks
-we have shelter & some food
-I have a free career counseling session scheduled (for today, actually)
-found job & photo selling opportunities online over the weekend (thanks Sugar!)
-we are healthy and not dead
-no one has died for a while (As I wrote this one I was afraid I was jinxing it. Sure enough, HUBS and I found a very small black kitten in the road last night, he'd been hit by a car. Just a few hours after writing how nice it was to not have death hovering over us, there he was laying in the street. I picked him up and said a little blessing, but can't for the life of me think of a name for the little guy. I hope he went quickly.)

The net effect is that I wrote all this cool stuff that I've got going for me (we've got going for us) and yet when one bad thing happened it really did ruin what was left of my night.

I pray that you all have reasons to be excited that make the bad stuff bearable.

Happy Wednesday :)

Clearly This Is Not Going To Work

Sunday, at work, I came up with a schedule to help me plan my time so I can actually get stuff done with this freaky night time work. It's a good, reasonable itinerary. See?

get ready for bed 11:30pm
bed 12:30pm
up 8:30am
blog 9am
book work 9:30am
exercise 10am
coffee & reading 10:30am
enter contests & internet randomness 11am
nap? 12pm
lunch 1pm

It works in things I know I should be doing (exercising and working on that book idea I haven't looked at since April) and things I already do daily. There's just one problem: I hate it.

I hate being told what to do when, even by my own self, apparently. As I was writing my plan I could feel freedom falling away as I became resistant to every action in every time period. You mean I have to go to be at 12:30? And, what if I don't wanna blog first thing in the morning? Hey, who do you think you are anyway!?

Doing five random things a day has generally become pretty easy for me now. But I was looking for a way to fill my morning with things that really matter to me. Another problem I see is that there's really no breathing room here. If something comes up or I sleep late the whole plan is thrown into disarray. Like yesterday, when I ended up doing not much of anything important before work, including my list of five things to get done. I didn't even get those taken care of after work.

The prospects just ain't lookin' great, here.
--------------------------------------------------------------

In other news, I spent all my post-dinner time at work last night farting. I blame the hummus. And my wonky digestive system. And the propensity of women in my family toward excessive gassiness as they age.

Damn you heredity! Daaaaaammmnn yooooouuuuu!! *shakes fist at belly*

Very Early

Remember being happy without reservations? Me neither, but I do remember things being easier.

I've been awake for about half an hour. It's 7:06am, I got up to pee and someone happened to be mowing their lawn. Which meant it was a bit noisy. Which, in turn, meant I couldn't get back to sleep quickly. Which, therefore, meant that as I was trying to sleep I started thinking.

Thinking. Dreaded, dreaded thinking.

When I was at work last night I made a tiny list of things I wanted to buy/do with the money I'm going to get today; the money I made at work last week (thank GOD for weekly paychecks).

It was a small, rather modest list that went like this:

Buy
-Stray Food
-HUBS undies
-Green Tea Growth Treatment
-Hot Dogs
-Beef
-Sausage
-Tater Tots
-Schnucks Asiago Rolls
-Frozen Veggies
-Cereal
-Coffee
-Canned Goods
-Brown Sugar

Do
-$3 in savings?
-54th Street anniversary dinner?
-$10 Verizon?
-Other Bills?

The questions marks are because I didn't know how much of my check we'd get to play around with after paying bills, but until HUBS gets paid next Friday. Turns out it's only $8.

HUBS let me know this last night when he finally got home around 11:05pm, after doing about six hours of work gratis for the second night in a row because his school district (as large and acclaimed and fairly well-off as it is) has no money left for overtime pay.

He was freaked out about his gas card. It's now basically maxed out, meaning we won't even be able to put gas in our cars if we're out of cash. I'm guessing if it comes to that, one of us is going to have to take the bus to work. And that 'one of us' is probably going to be me.

Here I am, working again, and it's still not enough. HUBS was talking about trying to sell the house last night. I'm going to have to get a part-time job during the day. Or, find someone to pay me for my writing. Because it's good, right? You like this blog post and the others and my writing is mainly what makes up these posts, right?

Sorry guys. Just a little early morning depression. Thanks, as always, for listening. And, if you have any freelance writing job leads, let me know. (Yes, I'm totally serious about that.)

Have a great weekend :)

Careery

Come to mamma...

It's 10:59pm and I'm hungry. That's what I get for having popcorn for dinner at work because I was too lazy to fix a proper meal to lug along.

Also, HUBS is not home yet. I've tried calling him at work, but, well, see...My cell phone got shut off Monday. So, I've got his cell in case I need to make calls during the day. And since he's rarely at his actual desk at work, he's generally not around to hear the phone.

Not to harp here, guys, but I'm really fucking hungry. But I want to wait for HUBS to get home so we can eat together. Dammit.

In other news, I went in to work today with a positive, go-get-em attitude. I filled the time between calls by writing down all the recipes I've been coming up with lately. I plan to enter a shit load of cooking contests and win so much money that I never have to work for the man again. The End.

I know a lot of my problem with traditional office-type jobs is my attitude. I tend to get bogged down in the boredom and hatred and slog through every little task. Having a little assignment for the down time helped me avoid that today. And? That was nice.

Is Anybody Else Sweating Through Their Clothes Yet?

This is pretty. Heat stroke is not.

I feel quite a bit better today. Mostly because HUBS was home from work and I got to take his air-conditioned car to my job-o. And, since his car's all new and spiffy-like, it has a temperature gauge. Guess how hot it was when I got into the car?

ONE HUNDRED AND ELEVEN DEGREES!

Jesus, Pete and Mike, y'all!!!

Stay cool everybody!

Blarg...

Ick, sucky day, ick.

Tomorrow will be better, right?

I hope you all had a better day than me.

So, Citygirl, How's Work Going?

Well, it's going just fine, internet. Thanks for asking. Aside from the heat and lack of air circulation in the office, things are mostly alright. The people are nice and so far I've made $294.

Monday was interesting. I kept getting random, shooting pains in my right boob and had to keep grabbing and massaging it. Inappropriate at the office? Sure. Do I care? Only for an additional two bucks and hour, so...no.

On Tuesday I tried to look real nice (we can basically wear whatever we want), so I put on my green sateen walking shorts that I bought at Walmart a couple of years ago. Well, it's butt-fucking hot outside and I have no air conditioning in my car and, as I said, it's kinda hot and stuffy in the office as well. About an hour into fanning my way through the work day I adjusted my pants and noticed two huge panty line shaped sweat spots on the front of my pants. Awesome. Not at all embarrassing. I swear. Thank God I was able to fan them dry before I needed to get up from my desk.

The only bad thing about the job (aside from the boredom) is getting off work at 9:30pm. It's screwing with my eating. I have dinner at work, but as soon as I get home and see HUBS all I want to do is sit down and have a meal with him. I had just been eating a piece of cake after work (bad enough), but last night I gave in to full-on fast-food-o-rama. He had just gotten home and wanted a shake from Steak-n-Shake and Burger King, so, naturally, I joined him. One mocha shake, Whopper Jr, and a shared order of medium fries and onion rings later I felt sorta disgusted with myself and way too full.

Though, I must say, the food was so, so, gooood.

I Didn't Tell You About The Ants, Did I?

Last Sunday was awesome. I cannot tell you guys how wonderful it is to walk into your kitchen at 10 am on a Sunday morning to find ants swarming all over the counter, sink, stove and cabinets. Actually, I can tell you: IT WAS HORRIFYING.

Now, for the past couple of months I'd seen ants here and there around the house. Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I did something about it by drawing a chalk outline around all the windows (I saw this work - ants really don't like chalk), which is where I figured they were coming from. I didn't see any ants for a few days and then BAM! Kitchen Ant Farm City.

As you can imagine this was way worse than having a couple of ants in the living room, bedroom and bathroom. Since, you know, the kitchen in where our food is. I had to spray the sink, counter tops, cabinets and floors about three times in two days, and it took until last Friday for me to stop seeing any ants at all. And, at the same time all this was going on, we discovered we have an actual fucking hole in our bathroom sink pipe. Since nothing is ever easy around here, the hole is in the pipe that goes into the wall, not the one we could easily replace. Yay!

Home ownership is such a joy, isn't it?

Taking Care Of Business

Don't let his cool exterior fool you. Tux loves money.

So I got word from my temp agency today that the job will officially last 2 1/2 weeks (starting tomorrow...EEEEK!). We've got some things we definitely need to buy with that money a little at a time. Here's the list, so I don't forget important stuff (Or get my hands on a check and go Oooh, money! Must. Have. Expensive. Cheeses.).

Things To Get

1) 2 forms of birth control. Uh, since we're really strapped right now I have been without my standard, mandatory two birth control thingies: Nuva Ring and Conceptrol.

2) Giant litter box with lid. In the past three months we've gone through about four litter boxes. We're having logistical issues with liner ripping and size which have led to boxes being thrown out in anger because they're literally crapped up and to having to pick up loads of litter and doody off the basement floor. No more. We've got our eyes on a box at PetCo.

3) Water filter. Our faucet filter was supposed to be replaced early last month. We'll need to get that done now.

4) Pet meds/Tux's annual vet visit. We've got three cats to keep Revolutioned up. A six month supply lasts two months split among them. And? It's time for Tux to get all his shots.

5) Food. Oh God, y'all. We had to seriously truncate our grocery shopping last time. I had to forgo buying animal crackers, mayo and chips, and we still spent more money than we should have. I am going to buy some good food. And, yes, I will buy at least one expensive-ass cheese.

6) An item of clothing, possibly a blazer. The interview suit I got two years ago is way too baggy and unstructured on me now. I fully intend to have it tailored when I get something more permanent, but until then, I at least need a blazer that fits better and won't kill me in the heat.

7) Anniversary-worthy dinner out. We're not talking about spending 100 bucks, but at least 50. This will likely involve booze.

That'll probably about do it for sort-of-extraneous spending from my temp job. It feels good to know that I'll be contributing financially again. Fuck, it really feels good.

Two Years And A Good Hat Later...

This is HUBS. Today, we've been married for two whole years. It occurred to me earlier that these two years have probably been filled with more strife than they would have otherwise, since I left my job mere months before our wedded union. Like how we're not going out or getting gifts tonight because we're out of significant amounts of cash for the next two weeks.

But, hopefully the next 3 to 4 weeks will be easier. I got called today for a temp assignment that should last at least that long. It's a telemarketing job. As excited as I am about making some money again, I'm a bit nervous too. I don't want to hate it. I hate hating things! Well, I start Thursday; let's all pray that I enjoy this enough to not cry at work for the next month!

Cooking And Eating And Things

Fresh green beans, brown rice and pork chops. I killed it!

A couple of weeks ago I bitched about food/cooking/summertime heatwave stuff, and wouldn't you know it, just a couple of days later I made the fab meal above. Here's how I made it.

Green Beans
HUBS' parents had given these to us from their garden the day before, but I didn't want to boil them because A) that's how I always make them and B) we had just had them like that at his folks' house. I decided to fry them in margarine. I know, I know...It sounds like it's horrible for you. Well, it tasted fucking fantastic so let that be a consolation. I washed and snapped the beans while margarine was melting in the skillet, and added sea salt and cracked pepper once I put them in. As they cooked I chopped up some almonds and stirred them around with the beans. When that stuff was almost done I added light feta cheese to the pan so it would get all melty.

Pork Chops
Baking was out of the question since it was almost 100 degrees outside. (Yes, we have central air. Why do you ask?) I got another skillet, sprayed lightly with cooking spray, salted and peppered the chops and threw them in.

Brown Rice
While all this other wonderfulness was going on I cooked a pot of brown rice with two chicken bullion cubes for flavor. I think that little trick is one of the best culinary things I've come up with lately. You don't need to add anything else to that rice.

I am completely proud of this meal! And, I've made a few good ones since this, too. Of course, now we're mostly out of dinner-type food, and since I have to wait until HUBS gets paid to go shopping we had a different kind of dinner last night. It's what I like to call a Side Dish Dinner. This is where you doctor up easy side dishes as much as possible to make them dinner-worthy. We had mashed potatoes from two mixes (loaded baked potato and sour cream and chives flavors) with Kraft whole wheat mac & cheese (with Mexican corn, sun-dried tomatoes, hot sauce and chopped turkey pepperoni added). It was surprisingly filling and good.

How are you guys beating the heat in the kitchen these days?

What They Don't Tell You

Small splurge #1 thanks to my mom: two rings from girlprops.com that I've been lusting over for Four Whole Months. Thanks Mom!

I've been largely unemployed for over two years now (minus the 5 months at the
warehouse) and I've realized something. Being unemployed makes you cheap.

Overall this isn't a bad thing. I look for deals more often, use more coupons (even though I must say that I've always been a bit addicted to deals and coupons anyway), and wait a lot longer to buy things if I buy at all.

The part I don't like is that even the most reasonable prices seem too high for everything, all the time. HUBS and I both have the occasional stomach problems, meaning we go through tons of toilet paper. I cannot tell you how many times I've looked at the price for my favorite kind of TP and thought Dammit! $6.98! Who do they think I am? King Midas, for fucks sake! And, really, I know $7 for 12 double rolls of my favorite TP is a reasonable indulgence. I mean, it amounts to about $14 a month, unless I have a coupon.

Clothes, jewelry and other accessories give me the same feeling. Logically, I know $40 isn't bad for a well-made blouse, and it's really good for something like a dress or blazer, but if anything costs more than $10 I don't want to pay for it. Actually, not only do I not want to pay for it, but I usually rant and curse and rave against the manufacturer. Who do they think they are? Those piece a shit shoes aren't worth $98! They don't even cover the whole foot! God Damn them...!



Another small bit of loot included these girly things: lip balm, glitter eye shadow and glitter nail polish. I think there may be a theme there.

The net effect is that I want to buy less. I honestly don't want things the way I used to. Even magazines are less appealing, since I'm not using them to get shopping ideas like I used to. The idea of shoes and purses and jewelry is nice, but I'm pretty much sticking with my list of wants for what to buy when I can, a little at a time. Impulse purchases are pretty much non-existent now. And that's nice when you have little disposable cash and no credit to speak of.

Being unemployed is keeping me out of trouble. Finally.

Ahhh...

So ends an entire week of HUBS on vacation. He's quite the Type A personality, so we did spend last Monday, alone, at his office so he could finish a project that he felt was going to take over his thinking if it went undone while he tried to vacay.

As so often happens when I accompany HUBS to work, it turned into an hours long extravaganza. We spent 11 and a half hours there. Him working, me reading books, magazines and going through a collection of new links to see what I wanted to look into further. I actually got a lot done myself. After, at 2:30 in the morning because that's when we left his office, we went to Denny's for coffee and apple pie a la mode. Going anywhere at that hour feels like a little adventure, doesn't it?

It was good to have you home HUBS. We did way more stuff then I thought we would (I'll fill you guys in over the next week). Can't wait 'til next time.

Summertime

How was your July 4th? I hope it was all awesome and shit, 'cause mine totally was, despite the oppressive heat, excessive sunshine, rainstorm, dust storm, sweaty, salty, excessive walkingness of it all.

HUBS and I were planning a nice trip across the river to Alton IL for their probably laid-back, small town 4th fest. Then on Sunday when I was looking for all the details, we realized they do all their celebratory stuff BEFORE Independence Day. Shitty small town! You have lost our business! Be ashamed, Alton!

HUBS was determined to do something, so he scrambled and stumbled upon the happenings in O'Fallon MO. For absolutely no money we could park at a local high school, take a shuttle to their ballpark/recplex/superfuncenter watch Toad the Wet Sprocket, Eve 6, Five for Fighting and then see fireworks.

Ummm...Yes!



Toad the Wet Sprocket. Rock stars don't wear underwear, so they were probably safe.

We got there in plenty of time to set up beach towels on the lawn for Toad, but as much as I love them they were not enough to make me un-notice the ridiculous heat. I can honestly say it liquefied my panties. I had no underwear left, people. There was, blissfully, the occasional light breeze, but that damn sun was beating down like a muthafucka. Luckily, I had an umbrella to shade my sensitive self.

That umbrella also came in handy because it rained like an angry bitch for about three hours; one of which we spent under the only non-food or game related shelter in the area with roughly 100 other fest-goers. I don't think I've ever been trapped outside in the rain before. I swear, new experiences all the time around here. Interesting.



Waiting for the rain to slow down. It was nice to not sit on the ground for a while.

After listening to the second band (under my umbrella), getting some very good carnie food (BBQ chicken nachos and funnel cake) and watching HUBS take a picnic bench nap, I decided to do another pre-total-darkness photo walk while band #3 was on.




Can I just say? When I got back a little boy had sat beside my spot and, really, I couldn't tell which of us smelled worse. My thought process went something like this: Ooh, he stinks. Wait, is that...me? No, that can't be me. I don't smell like that when I stink. But, my underwear did evaporate several hours ago and my lady bits have been soggy the whole time. When did that last happen? God only knows what effect that's had on my natural, delicate, sexy flower-like scent.

Anywho, it wasn't long before we moved to the main stage field for fireworks, which were amazing because they always are.




After a packed day of sitting, standing and a modest amount of walking I was not prepared for what happened next. Instead of taking the shuttle back to our car, we elected to walk back.

How this happened is not important. What you need to know is that it seemed like we were parked just around the corner and down the street, but we were not. We were actually parked around the corner and down 52 STREETS.

The walking was crazy-making. And to do it without panties on while not killing anyone in an outrageous fit of hot red rage was a special feat I am completely proud of.



Let's all be glad I didn't kill this woman. She probably wouldn't have deserved it.

For two days after that my hips hurt. I still have a heat rash on both arms and my neck and destroyed, poofy hair. I also believe the walking led to some kind of nerve damage in my right arm; it felt, for days, like it was itching from the inside, possibly from too much sudden exercise. The best part? It was all worth it.

Happy 4th, y'all!

First Order Of Business...

Calling the bank tomorrow morning to see if they would please not hit us with 4 overdraft fees for the bounced debit card purchases.

I don't like that this has happened yet again, but I can honestly say I'm not tremendously upset. I think I may have really gotten to the point where I get that getting angry, in most cases, doesn't really get me anywhere constructive. Yeah, it's fun, even cathartic, sometimes to just get it out, but it doesn't usually solve the problem that made me mad in the first place.

Let's all pray that I can convince the bank to relax a bit tomorrow.

Good night, all.

Again With The Food

An especially good meal. From September.

Summer. Hot. We've been having an early heat wave here in St. Louis, and aside from the fact that this means I've been carrying icy cold water with me whenever I leave the house, this also means the idea of cooking (on the stove, in the oven) makes me sad.

It's got me longing for my good old single days when I could just eat a bowl of cereal and a popsicle and be done for the night. With HUBS around? This will never do.

See, he needs meat. All day, all night; 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. If we're not eating sandwiches twice a day (lunch and dinner) this means cooking. On the stove. Or, God help us all, in the oven.

I am tired of cooking everything I cook. Rice. Pasta. Chicken. Pork chops. Steak. Sausage. Beef in its many forms. Vegetables. I just want to stay cool, y'all, but HUBS won't let me!

And don't mention fast food to me. Really. Or HUBS cooking. I'm sick of all the fast and semi-fast food in the city, and HUBS can only cook three things: pasta (blah), burgers (eh) and fries (we're about 75% potato now).

This house holds scores of recipes, it's not the preparation that's stale. It's the food. How, internet, how can I satisfy my meat lover and my desire to not cook during the summer? Advice please! Tell me!

Candy Good!!

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM&M

Have you guys seen these? We tried them a couple of months ago and loved them. The ratio of pretzel to chocolate to candy is exactly right, plus there's a teeny bit of salt with the pretzel that makes everything pop. Yum!

HUBS has been buying an insane amount of candy lately, especially M&M's. I'm usually pretty good with eating my favorites (reds and blues - I swear they taste the best) and leaving the rest to him, but lately I've been M&Ming like a fiend, too. Not good.

Maybe it's backlash from when I was a kid and my mom never allowed me to have candy in the summer. Gum and mints were ok, but she was positive that anything else was bound to have worms in it. Apparently this happened a lot when she was a kid, so she finally learned her lesson. I have to say, there was one time my dad decided not to listen to her silly candy fears and bought a Bit-O-Honey. He took a bite and, sure enough, found a worm.

I just realized that story has no business in a supposedly appetizing post about good candy you should try. Oh well, here we are anyway.

Have a nice weekend!

Awesomeness is Awesome!

HUBS and friend. Let's call him Zombie Apocalypse.

You know how when you get back from vacation, and you spend a couple of days getting back into your routine (doing laundry, working with stupid people, making lunches...), it can feel like you were never gone at all? That's how I've been feeling this week, because Saturday was so much fun it felt like a vacation.

HUBS only has one friend, Zombie Apocalypse, from when he was growing up that he still keeps in contact with. About a month ago he let HUBS know that he and his wife would be heading through St. Louis on their way home to Ohio from Oklahoma, and asked if they could stay with us. Of course we said yes. HUBS and ZA haven't seen each other for, hold on now...15 YEARS!!

We were both looking forward to Saturday; it prompted me to clean some things I've been neglecting (blinds, walls, window sills, baseboards) and it's the only concrete opportunity we've had lately to socialize with people who are not family or ourselves.

Anyway, the day was so much fucking fun! I think I was nervous, because I barely got any sleep the night before, but we all got along like we see each other all the time. I'd never met either ZA or his wife, Gentle Teacher, but everything was just plain awesome!



We went to:

The Gumbo Shop for lunch.

The St. Louis Art Museum, The Old Cathedral and The Arch for touristy stuff.

Ted Drewes for Route 66 historical frozen custard goodness.

Miso for sushi dinner.

There was lots of talking, laughing, political commiserating and bonding. Gentle Teacher had brought her do along and we let him stay in our bathroom while we did our running around. I was a lot calmer about having a dog in the house when she told us he was a therapy dog for autistic children; I knew he'd be well trained and unlikely to tear anything up.



I swear, this is one of the best, fullest days we've had in a long, LONG time. I want to know more people and do more things with them! I want to talk to folks and have them in my house! I want to socialize like a normal adult! I want to have mutual friends with HUBS so we can go on double dates! Double dates!! I want to have fun like this on a weekly basis!

WEEKLY!!! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea! Yea!

Sundays Are For Parents

Today was Father's Day. I hope everyone who's a good dad or who has a good dad was able to enjoy the day.

I was reading through an old issue of Real Simple a couple of weeks ago that happened to be from June some years ago. They had a special where they asked readers to tell them about their favorite piece of advice from their dads. It got me thinking; I don't remember my dad giving me a single bit of advice. Really. Nothing.

I wasn't bothered by this, I just found it odd. Do I not remember just because I don't like him? Or, did he honestly not advise me on stuff when I was growing up? Strange.

And then I realized that my mom has given me lots of advice, but I don't specifically remember most of it. It was generally lots of sage-y, most-adults-know-this-stuff type of advice. Except for her advice on fighting. I actually remember the exact moment of that talking-to.

We were in the car, and I think it was after I got into my one and only fight in school when I was 12. I distinctly remember my mom telling me to "fight to kill" whenever I needed to so that others would be reluctant to mess with me. I mostly remember that because, even at the time, I thought the sentiment was a bit...excessive. But, I did appreciate knowing that mom would be ok with it if I killed someone in self-defense.

Thanks Mom. Happy Father's Day.

Today Was...

One of those days when I tried to get things done and the universe said NO, NO, NO. Couldn't clean up the basement, couldn't apply for a HELOC, couldn't send a message to my credit card company through their contact page.

Also? I'm having stomach issues left over (I think) from my sudden illness Tuesday morning. (Take my word for it, if you think the milk is bad don't drink it!)

Ick.

I Am Completely Relaxed

Really...I feel, for the first time in two years, like it's all honestly going to be alright. Maybe I'm finally out of anger, confusion, bitch-fire. Maybe it's because of the book I read last month, Steering by Starlight.

One of the basic ideas is that you know when you've made the right decision about something because you'll feel free. That's exactly how I felt in January 2008 when I left my job and exactly how I felt last month when I decided to never return to the filthy warehouse to work. They called me back early last month, and I went for four days.

Then I thought about what was happening: I spent two of those days crying at work, two more taking extended bathroom breaks where I played games on my phone. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach every night before I went in and each morning when I woke up. I could never get to work on time (that was something that started back in March) no matter how early I got up. This was all just like my other job all over again. I know me. If I hadn't quit I'd be there for several years before I got the nerve.

So, here we are. Still not much money coming in and way too much going out. We have bills we can't pay and groceries we can't buy. But, I somehow feel calm. Calm like never before. I actually don't care why. I'm just glad I've got it, and hope I can turn that calm into the confidence I need to get my ideas off the ground.

Pray for me, y'all.

Just Call Me Crotchety McGibbons

I'm becoming mighty prickly.

I think not having a good, close group of friends is making me grouchy. See, we have these neighbors. They moved into the nice, big house next door late last fall. And since then they have proceeded to host every kind of party and get-together known to man. Housewarmings, dinner parties, baby showers, wedding showers, study groups and God only knows what else. Sometimes, like last week, they have two parties within a couple of days.

Sometimes the entire street is lined with cars...for them. Often our parking spots right in front of our house are taken. This irritates me and HUBS more than you can imagine. And, since we're both overly introspective people we know why that is. It's not because of the parking spots, really. It's because they have friends.

People who willingly spend oodles of time with them, talking/laughing/commiserating/celebrating/dining and all the other things friends do with each other.

I'm incredibly embarrassed by this. HUBS and citygirl are jealous. Jealous of nice, fun-loving people who brought us cookies when they first moved in, again on Christmas day and left Valentine's treats for us.

We've been meaning for months to ask them out for coffee. They're young and seem nice and not-at-all-crazy (unlike so many of our neighbors) and they live right next door. Aside from the fact that we've had a lot going on, I think the real reason we haven't manned-up and done it is that we're scared and intimidated. Can two people who haven't had close friends is several years (that's us) make friends with two people who have gaggles of buds (that's them)? Will they like us? Will they think we're weird and move to get away from us? They are social and they are liked, can people who are THAT LIKED like us?

I know all we can do is try, and that the worst that would likely happen is we won't hit it off. I'm really awed by my inexperience in the making-friends area of this big ball of odd we call life.

Any suggestions from the internet?