Dear High Kitty Emperor Tuximillion Howard G.J.
We love having you around and realize that you officially run our respective homes depending on where you are staying at the moment. However, we respectfully request that you halt some of your more troubling activities. Such as:
1) Biting our feet
2) Biting our ankles
3) Hanging from our arms by your fangs
4) Jumping at our defenseless faces
5) Clawing my hair
6) Shitting on the floor (yes, this only happened once...BUT STILL)
7) Fur turding on the carpet (linoleum only, please)
8) Slapping me (I do appreciate that there was only one occurrence here, also)
9) Pawing my boyfriend's pee stream (I never want to have to hold your paws under warm running water again)
10) Pawing my boyfriend's Hello-And-How-Are-You? (I promise that his balls are not at all like the jingly balls we buy you)
Also, we regret to inform you of this most disturbing new development that came to our attention this morning in the wee hours:
11) Don't ever, Ever, EVEREVEREVER jump onto the boyfriend's goodies as he's trying to sleep or AT ANY OTHER TIME. You could have killed him. And we most assuredly will need those later. Or right now. To soothe our frayed cat-attacked nerves.
citygirl and the boy *currently wearing a cup around the cat*