Thursday, March 20, 2008

Job Search Facts

1) If you've gotten to the point where you believe any job ad that says you can make "Thousands from home every day!", you need to step away from the computer and take a nap.

2) 50% of all job searchers will go insane before they find suitable employment. At least, this is how it feels.

3) When you've been sending resumes out for eight weeks and have only had two interviews, it can make you want to kill someone.

4) A job search that seems futile can lead to sleeplessness, too much sleeping, too much eating, not enough eating, too much sitting, not enough exercise, procrastination or insanity (see 2 & 3).

5) I'm tired of looking for work.

6) I'm also tired of being tired of looking for work. I mean, I get to sit at home all day. Why should I complain?

7) Yahoo! Hot Jobs is a suck-ass job search site. I type in "photography" and get five pages offering me work as a porn star.

8) Putting searches in feeds for google reader is the best thing in the world.

9) When you don't understand the title of the job, it may be a sign that you should not apply for it.

10) Likewise, if the job description makes you want to eat your own head, you might not be suitably built for it.

11) Cartoons, Oprah, repeats of Sandford and Son and any soap opera are death knells for a productive job search. Turn the damn tv off!

12) Would these HR people really be inundated with calls if they didn't post "NO CALLS PLEASE" on all their ads? Really? Douches...

13) If you look long enough without any decent leads you'll begin to feel useless and worthless.

14) While I understand that looking for work online is easier than leaving the house at 8:30am everyday and going from business to business filling out applications and begging to speak to someone with the power to hire you, it doesn't make the process any less assie (pronounced like "Lassie" without the L, meaning - like an ass).

15) Cartoons, Oprah, repeats of Sandford and Son and any soap opera are legitimate reasons to stop looking for work, recline and have a sandwich!

Photo curtesy of NBC's The Office, which is another good reason to stop job searching.


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