Saturday, February 16, 2008

This Is What Staying At Home Is Like?

First off internet, let me just tell my psyche to stop it. I've been having the most atrocious nightmares for the past week now. I can't remember all of them, but the highlights include: me having to kill vampires with a crew that gets picked off one by one and eventually I'm all alone and have to go hide in a tree; me getting a ride home from a friend's dad and having thousands of tiny white spiders crawl out of nowhere and cover me, I jump out of the car while it's moving and rip my clothes off in public; and, the most recent one, me in high school working on some major project and having somebody steal part of it right before I finish, it ends with me in the hospital after having a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah, stop jacking with me subconcious!

I will admit right now that I have not applied to as many places as I thought I would have by now. But, seeing as how I'm looking to finally get paid for writing or taking pictures I have applied to every musuem, gallery, ad agency, radio station and soon tv station I can think of. So far, nothing. I'm using Monster, Vault, Variety magazine and several local job engines. I'm running out of ideas and it scares me. I have two weeks until the money and insurance stops. I'm really afraid that I'll have to get another shitty office job that I'll hate and stay at too long so that we can keep paying bills and, I don't know, also afford one of the cheapest Netflix subscriptions there is.

Also, since the joy in my life never ever stops, I think my depression may be deepening because of this job stuff. I'm still taking my anti-crazy pills, but I've been sleeping A LOT. Like, 10-12 hours a day. I set my clock and just can't wake up. When I was working and found myself with a day off I'd automatically wake up around noon...Not anymore babe. And you'd think I'd get tired of sleeping, but no, not me apparently. It also just occured to me that I haven't had much of an appetite. And while I would love to lose some weight, depression is not really a valid solution for that issue.

I've found myself falling back into the soap opera trap. That is, for those who are unaware, where you arrange your days around certain afternoon entertainment. Now, since I'm sleeping all the time I usually miss All My Children, As The World Turns and One Life To Live. But, lucky me, I still get to check out The Young and the Restless, Guiding Light and General Hospital. And yes, that is all but two of the soaps currently still on the air. Thank God I don't have SoapNet or I'd be watching old episodes of Another World too.

I'm a sick, sick lady.

Photo "In Case Sarah Checks In" curtesy of


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