Happy Friday! Courtesy Of Our Friend, Tina Fey

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I told you earlier this week that I was reading Bossypants, right? Well, I finished today. There are lots of good things going all through that book, but I especially enjoyed Fey's names-for-things-no-one-has-yet-named and catchy phrases. In fact, I think several of them would make awesome band names. So...

Imaginary Band Names Via Tina Fey

1) Stunted Brain Cloud
2) Crazy Assache
3) Ball of Fingers!
4) Coordinator of Toddlery
5) The World-wide Parental Anxiety System
6) The Terror Burps
7) Crotch Biscuits (My personal favorite!)

Now! Internet revelry!

1) These stupid folk could learn from these people from back in the day.

2) Positive thinking makes you taller! (Or something like that.)

3) Tired of looking at that box full of jewelry that you got every time your ex needed to apologize for doing something majorly stupid? Get some money for that shit, already.

4) Learn how deepening your understanding of health, sexuality and fashion can make you the bees knees.

That's it for me friends! Enjoy the weekend!!

The Day I Just Gave The Fuck Up And Ate Cookies For Breakfast

This photo has nothing to do with my post. I just love the idea of a chocolate candy Jesus. There's even a halo! That, my friends, is art.

I know. I haven't posted for two days! Would you forgive me if I told you I was neck-deep in Tina Fey's Bossypants? If only for the fact that that sentence sounds dirty but isn't, you should really forgive me.

This week so far has been another in a life-long line of weeks where I disappoint myself. Other than reading and temporarily working out some financial issues, I've not done much. I haven't emptied the dishwasher or done laundry or written a single query letter or applied for any day jobs.

In fact, I'm going to go so far as to say that I haven't done any housekeeping stuff simply because I don't want to use cleaning as a convenient excuse for why I've done zero important work stuff. You know what I mean.

It's like when you have to tell your kid their ferret died, but instead you scrub all the walls in the house with a toothbrush so you can go to bed saying Well, I'm glad I finally got that done. That was some important shit that should have been done months ago so you can forget about the actual important shit that should have been done today because it's hard and you don't want to think about it right now.

I'm slowly coming to two realizations which I'm successfully letting paralyze me: ONE-The things I want are hard and will take loads of work and dedication. TWO-I am, minute by hour by day by week by year by decade, wasting my life. And instead of doing something about this, like dedicating myself to working hard and not wasting my God-given time, I've frozen up. I eat cookies for breakfast and spend all day reading books and watching TV shows by people who have jobs I'd like to have.

In my barely defensible defense, I actually only had one cookie for breakfast today. And that was preceded by a nice healthy bowl of Dulce de Leche Cheerios. Of course, I also had coffee and popcorn for lunch, so who knows? Maybe I'm imagining virtue where there is none.

What have you eaten for breakfast lately that your mother would not approve of?

Happy Monday: Lord! The Stress!

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Things That Are Stressing Me Out Today

1) I've been on and off my period twice in the last week...Over a week before I was due to have my period at all.
2) Paypal is being a dick.
3) My tummy hurts.
4) My back hurts.
5) Ebay is being a dick.
6) People who hire people are being dicks.

Things That Make Me Happy Today

1) Pandora on my TV!
2) Final payment arrived from dead freelance writing job!
3) Cobbling together $28 from various online survey companies/accounts!
4) Clearing out internet bookmarks I don't use!
5) YouTube on my TV!

Speaking of YouTube...