Friday, September 09, 2011
Happy Friday, all my peeps! I hope you're ready for a perfect weekend, because, why would your weekend not be perfect, am I right?
I had a bit of a wrench thrown into my perfectly planned day this morning. I had just finished brushing my teeth when someone called from a company I had applied for a job at last Friday. I know, this doesn't sound bad at all, right? Except for the fact that I have a tendency to over-think this job/money stuff.
After we got done with about a half hour of phone interviewing and I called PT to tell her what happened, I called HUBS. And as I spoke to him, I started to panic.
This hasn't happened since early this year, but now that I've looked it up on the trusty ol' Web MD, I can say for sure that I've been having actual panic attacks. Not just panicking or freaking out, but having actually medically defined PANIC. ATTACKS.
I know what you're thinking, why would the first step of a job offer make me panic? Well, the job would be full time and require some Saturdays, meaning it would eat up all the possible times for me to interview my chefs and bartenders, meaning if I got it I'd have to stop writing.
And if I stopped getting paid for writing in order to take a "stable" job with a reliable paycheck that I'd undoubtedly dislike, I would completely negate the decision I made to leave my previous job to do more creative, enjoyable work. You know, just for the money. Which HUBS and I desperately need.
All these attacks start the same: a get a bit nervous, then fearful, and then I begin to pace and talk fast and my heart races as I become angry at getting scared and worrying before anything has even happened; I start to have trouble catching my breath and I sweat and talk even faster and start to cry and...You get the idea.
The only thing that calmed me down today was HUBS saying that he'd rather stay poor than have me take another full time gig I'd hate that would remove most possibility of me being able to get paid to write (in the capacity that I write now, anyway). Well, that and recalling the fact that TUX threw up on the living room wall as I was doing my phone interview. HUBS laughed and it was all good again. Thank God for HUBS, y'all.
Of course, none of that panic does anything. Especially considering that within an hour and a half of the interview I got an email saying other people were more qualified for the job, so phew! On the upside, all that pacing (about an hour's worth) gave me a good start on today's cardio. Score!
Aaaaaanyway...On to brighter things. This fascinating place we call the internet has recently offered up some new and interesting corners to explore and I feel the need to share with my lovelies. Do you ever feel like the web is overwhelming? I do. I sit down with a set idea of what I want to read/do online. But, suddenly I've got 18 tabs open that are filled with things I have to read even though I didn't know they existed just moments before.
Oh well! On to linkage and happy weekends!
*Free, downloadable music mixes!
*If you were a reader of Sassy magazine as a teen or Jane as a young adult, you'll probably did this.
*Meet Madeline, she just moved to a part of the country where she doesn't know anyone.
*Make your ideas happen!
*Handy guides to help us navigate the good stuff online and apply tech tips to our lives.
*This movie was amazing and I'll be getting the soundtrack as soon as someone sells it on half.com.
*All the cool business, tech, social media and design news/tips you could want in one place.
*25 FREE calling cards until 9/23!
That's all from me for now, but tell me: Does the internet ever overwhelm you?
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
You know, we really should have known better. And by 'we' I mean me and about half of the women in my immediate family.
Imagine the scene: It was after midnight on a steamy Monday morning it late July. We all knew we should be heading for sleepy time, but decided to take one last click around the TV dial before lights out. What did we find? A segment on HSN promising a four-pack of comfortable yet supportive bras for even the biggest busted of us: the Ahh Bra. Oh, my. We are awake now.
I called my mom. What? Why did I call my mom? Because I wear a 40DD. Do you know how hard it is to find a bra that'll hoist my ladies appropriately and still feel all-day-long comfy? I'll tell you: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
I needed to see if she saw it too, or if it was just a late night/early morning mirage; this magical bazoom master. PT saw it, and she was, like me, enthused but leery. After an hour of watching HSN models of varying bustage parading in front of us, we broke down. I went to my laptop and ordered a pack for each of us.
A week later, I had the much-lauded mammary manager in my hot little hands. And you know what? They were extremely comfortable and it was impossible to tell I was wearing a bra without looking down. Also? If you were looking at me, you wouldn't have been able to tell I was wearing a bra either, since my nipples still pointed south as I wore the thing.
I took PT her set to see what she thought, having already decided to return mine. The results were even worse for my poor mom: the bras smashed her boobies into a lumpy uni-boob.
And with that, WE WERE DONE!
So, lesson learned, my people! We listened to all those rabid fans who called in that night and paid no attention to the customer rating on the HSN website, which is only 2.4 stars out of five. Reading the reviews I can see the Ahh Bra is either love it or hate it. And while we didn't hate it we didn't love that shit either. I've already got plenty of bras that feel good but don't hold worth a damn. I don't need to spend 50 bucks on more of those.
Has anyone out there found a good, comfortable bra?
Monday, September 05, 2011
Alright, I'm no more of an expert than your average always-thinking-about-losing-a-few-pounds person, but I have hit on a bit of a breakthrough. I think I may have gotten rid of my food guilt. Let me explain.
Last Thursday I ate like a pig. It may have been the period hormones, or maybe I was just feeling lazy and let my guard down, but either way I lost it. I spent the day filling my face with pizza, mixed nuts, trail mix, peanut butter, chips...I. Went. To. Town.
Now, I've been using a program on my smart phone, My Fitness Pal, to track what I eat since I got the phone in July. At the end of the day when I saw that I'd gone way over every dietary limit I'd set for myself, do you know what happened? Nothing. Not only was there not an ounce of guilt or beating myself up or internal bad-mouthing, but I actually remember looking at the numbers and thinking Wow, I don't feel bad about that at all.
And, before you go telling me I'm setting a bad example, you should know that I was back to normal the next day. It was fascinating. There was no crying or begging God to help me lose weight or binging-because-I-screwed-up-Thursday-so-I-might-as-well-say-fuck-it-and-give-up. I remained calm and did what I needed to do. Suddenly, I was free.
You can be free, too. Though I admit that I'm not sure how I beat the cycle* I think it mostly involves not putting all my focus on food, weight loss, exercise or diets.
I now weigh 234, which I know would just kill a lot of people. But, it's much better than 254, so I'm ok with it until I lose even more weight (Or even, really, if I don't). My ultimate goal is to get at or just under 200. I realize that still sounds like a lot, but I wear a very comfortable size 14/16 at that weight and feel quite light.
Here's what I think has helped me:
1) Track that food. I know it sounds boring, but you'd be amazed how much it helps to see exactly what you're eating and what kind of calories/fat/sodium/vitamins/etc. you're taking in. Instead of making me obsessed with the numbers, it's just made me more informed. And information feels good.
2) It's all exercise. We need to stop only thinking in terms of running five miles or spending hours at the gym. Clean your house, walk in place while you watch your favorite TV show, garden, do squats when you're brushing your teeth, park as far away from the store as possible so you have to walk more...It's all exercise. Every step is better than no steps.
Get a good pedometer and keep track. They say 10,000 steps should be the goal, but even when I do a good amount of walking the most I usually muster is a bit over 6,000. That's better than 0, so I'm cool with it.
3) Stop being afraid. You will have good days and bad, stop letting the threat of less than healthy days scare the holy bejesus outta you. Food is not the enemy, we need it to live. It's fear that keeps us trapped in these odd food patterns that make us do stuff we know we shouldn't on a regular basis.
I used to read a lot of Geneen Roth back in the day when I was trying to figure out how to stop binging. One of the things she says is to buy all the stuff you're not allowing yourself to have and let yourself enjoy those foods. Eventually, you won't feel like you need to have gobs of them any more. I think this is what's happened to me with fast food. We've had so much of it in the past two and a half months that I can't really stand the idea of burgers/fries/onion rings/fried chicken now.
4) Pay attention. I haven't had seconds in months. I used to have the hardest time stopping when I was full. There were times where I'd actually eat until I felt like I was going to throw up because I'd eaten so much I'd made myself sick. The whys behind that are many, to be sure, but the important thing is to eat slowly enough to realize when you've had enough and stop. It might not be easy, but it's a major factor in enjoying what you eat.
5) Smaller portions made easy. If you're not getting the hang of #4, try forcing yourself to eat less by using smaller plates. This will trick you into thinking you're eating a full plate, when it's really not.
6) Stop demonizing certain foods. Barring anything you're actually allergic to or not allowed to have for health reasons, you should be able to eat whatever you want, whenever you want as long as you pay attention to your body and stop eating when you get full. Chocolate frosting by the spoonful? Ok. Pie and ice cream? Yes. Pizza with everything? Why not. Stop when you get that tightness in your tummy and you'll be alright.
7) Dear God, think about something else! It's possible that because so much of my mental space in the past couple of years has been taken up with family deaths, money problems and joblessness that I was able to think about losing weight without letting it take over my every thought process and that that was what allowed me to actually lose weight.
I'm not suggesting you stress out to lose a few pounds, but I am suggesting that you get in the habit of doing things you enjoy and talking to people you have fun with about non-dietary stuff. Don't let this take over your life. Remember, you are more than a dress size! Especially if you're taking all the right steps.
*You know how it goes: you eat too much of the supposed wrong thing then punish yourself by skipping meals and next thing you know, you're binging on giant bagels because you haven't allowed yourself a single thing to eat all day. Then you punish and binge and punish and binge into infinity. Blah, right?
How has everyone's long weekend going? Is there lots of BBQ and laughter? I sure hope so. HUBS and I are about to head to my uncle's for a cookout and I fully intend to stuff my face.
But! Not too much, since I just found out from my doctor that I've lost an additional 10 pounds for a total of 20 pounds lost over 23 months. Yea, right?
In honor of a much smaller me, I thought Music Monday could celebrate some tunes from my previous, lighter-weight days. So, enjoy the music and memories my lovelies!