Happy Friday: Web Wanderings & Panic Attacks

Happy Friday, all my peeps! I hope you're ready for a perfect weekend, because, why would your weekend not be perfect, am I right?

I had a bit of a wrench thrown into my perfectly planned day this morning. I had just finished brushing my teeth when someone called from a company I had applied for a job at last Friday. I know, this doesn't sound bad at all, right? Except for the fact that I have a tendency to over-think this job/money stuff.

After we got done with about a half hour of phone interviewing and I called PT to tell her what happened, I called HUBS. And as I spoke to him, I started to panic.

This hasn't happened since early this year, but now that I've looked it up on the trusty ol' Web MD, I can say for sure that I've been having actual panic attacks. Not just panicking or freaking out, but having actually medically defined PANIC. ATTACKS.


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I know what you're thinking, why would the first step of a job offer make me panic? Well, the job would be full time and require some Saturdays, meaning it would eat up all the possible times for me to interview my chefs and bartenders, meaning if I got it I'd have to stop writing.

And if I stopped getting paid for writing in order to take a "stable" job with a reliable paycheck that I'd undoubtedly dislike, I would completely negate the decision I made to leave my previous job to do more creative, enjoyable work. You know, just for the money. Which HUBS and I desperately need.

All these attacks start the same: a get a bit nervous, then fearful, and then I begin to pace and talk fast and my heart races as I become angry at getting scared and worrying before anything has even happened; I start to have trouble catching my breath and I sweat and talk even faster and start to cry and...You get the idea.

The only thing that calmed me down today was HUBS saying that he'd rather stay poor than have me take another full time gig I'd hate that would remove most possibility of me being able to get paid to write (in the capacity that I write now, anyway). Well, that and recalling the fact that TUX threw up on the living room wall as I was doing my phone interview. HUBS laughed and it was all good again. Thank God for HUBS, y'all.

Of course, none of that panic does anything. Especially considering that within an hour and a half of the interview I got an email saying other people were more qualified for the job, so phew! On the upside, all that pacing (about an hour's worth) gave me a good start on today's cardio. Score!

Aaaaaanyway...On to brighter things. This fascinating place we call the internet has recently offered up some new and interesting corners to explore and I feel the need to share with my lovelies. Do you ever feel like the web is overwhelming? I do. I sit down with a set idea of what I want to read/do online. But, suddenly I've got 18 tabs open that are filled with things I have to read even though I didn't know they existed just moments before.



Oh well! On to linkage and happy weekends!

*Free, downloadable music mixes!

*If you were a reader of Sassy magazine as a teen or Jane as a young adult, you'll probably did this.

*Meet Madeline, she just moved to a part of the country where she doesn't know anyone.

*Make your ideas happen!

*Handy guides to help us navigate the good stuff online and apply tech tips to our lives.

*This movie was amazing and I'll be getting the soundtrack as soon as someone sells it on half.com.

*All the cool business, tech, social media and design news/tips you could want in one place.

*25 FREE calling cards until 9/23!

That's all from me for now, but tell me: Does the internet ever overwhelm you?

Why Is It...

Drawing courtesy here

That every time I'm with HUBS at his job and we're alone there into the night, I fear a zombie invasion?

I'm so odd.
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So, what are you guys doing this weekend? Anything fun? Can I come?

Have You Heard The One About The 35-Year-Old Woman And Her 401K?

It goes like this:

So a woman works for the same company for almost 10 years, right? And, she hates it almost the whole time. But then she finally leaves, happy to be free and really happy to have built up a nice little nest egg in her 401k.

The woman has a degree from a good university and a steady work history, she thinks she'll finally have a good job that she enjoys within a few months. But, the woman was wrong. The economy dips to the ninth circle of Hell shortly after she leaves her old, hated job and she can't get hired. Not even Best Buy, Walmart or Target will take her.

So, when almost three years have gone by and all unemployment benefits have run out, the woman and her husband are in deep, deep, shitty credit card debt. They are scared and angry. They know they should have done things differently: lived more frugally and had the woman back-burner the dream job search sooner. But also! They weren't out buying yachts and crap. They mostly used the credit to pay for much needed (sudden) home/car repairs and groceries.

The woman talks to 10 Consumer Credit Counseling agencies. Some won't offer any deals at all because of the negative income the couple has at the end of the month. The others offer deals that they still cannot afford.

The woman gives in and gives it all to God. She's tired of the phone calls, the crying, the constant math-doing and bill shuffling. She's tired of the stress, the sleepless nights, the headaches, body aches and the constant beans and rice eating, the woman is gassy enough without all that.

That woman? She lets go of her fear and obstinacy and sees one way out. She cashes in her 401k.



I freely admit that when HUBS brought up the idea of using my 401k to help us out of this jam it made me incredibly angry. Not because he suggested it. Because it felt like I would then have nothing to show for my unnecessarily long stint at a job I mostly despised.

Then last Saturday, after yet another talk with a creditor, I felt something change. The idea of doing this big, major thing made me feel free. Things will still be tight, but not can't-afford-groceries-must-eat-the-same-things-day-and-night tight.

I can see that I needed this; to have a financial fuck up so big that I had to use my retirement fund to fuel my rescue. And, if we had done this over a year ago, when HUBS first suggested it, there would have been considerably less money to work with.

I can also see what a blessing it is that I had that option in the first place. (Well, last place really. Believe me when I say using your retirement fund to bail yourself out is always an absolute last resort option.) Some people get into this kind of bind and only have bankruptcy to look forward to.

I am committed to not using credit cards until we dig ourselves out of this mess totally, and then only sparingly. I am committed to finding an in-the-meantime job until someone realizes how fabulous I am and pays me lots of moolah to write. I am committed to living within our means and helping HUBS do the same.

Thank God, y'all.

A Bear Will Not Be Eating My Head This Year, No Siree

See those buildings? I prefer being around things like that. Yeah.

HUBS and I had a ridiculously hard week last week. We worked our silly little asses off and I will talk about it at some point, but not right now.

Right now, I will discuss with you, internet, how I, citygirl, almost went into the woods.

HUBS' folks rent some cabin thingy in the middle of Nowhere, MO called Bunker Hill. Every year his parents and his sister, Tiny Sarcasm's family go up there for a weekend. This year they invited us.

Now, I have said this many times on this blog and elsewhere, but here it is again: I do not like outdoorsy things. I do not like bugs, sleeping in cabins, going to outhouses, wild animals running amok, being in the middle of nowhere, or excessive no-one-around-to-hear-me-scream quiet. His people know this. And yet, they invited me to the woods.

I'm sure it was perfectly innocent. Anyway, HUBS really wanted to go, so (for him and for him only) I briefly considered it. But, only on the condition that he do several things for me in return. Boy, making this list was fun...

If I Go To The Woods 8/1/09

1. Small trip to see band I like and HUBS hates. (There aren't many of these, but I'm sure I could find at least one)

2. Two days of Tickle With Impunity. (I get to tickle him, he does not get to ask me to stop)

3. Pluck or shave all body hair I distrust. (HUBS has weird little hairs here and there that he simple refuses to let me remove. This would be my shot)

4. Four days of loading & emptying dishwasher. (He refuses to do both things unless he sees I'm really angry about something else, and yet I almost always do both by myself)

5. Go to museum 1 day every weekend until I say stop. (He likes museums, so this isn't really punishment just a way to get us to do this thing I've been talking about for months now)

6. Paint my toenails. (HUBS has such an aversion to my feet, even when sparkling clean, that this would be too good to pass up)

7. Four days of no slap blocking. (Occasionally, HUBS does things that I need to give him a little whack on the arm/chest/back for. Here, he is not allowed to block me)

8. Two nights of cooking dinner, not burgers/fries/pasta. (He claims this is all he can cook, he's pretty smart though, so I'm sure he can read recipe instructions)

9. Five days of facing me when we talk in bed. (HUBS looks like a pirate when he lays in bed, I like to see this when we talk, but he often turns away from me to "rest that side". Not this week, buddy)

Since I will not be getting paid for the assload of deep, hard physical labor I did last week on HUBS behalf, I'm considering putting these into practice as payment even thought we're not going into the woods. Wait, you say. Why aren't you going into the woods? Well, two awesomely good reasons.

One. It would cost money (!). And, two, the very same day his parents called about us going, just hours later when I was napping, I had a dream that I was standing in the woods near a creek minding my own business and a bear came up behind me and ate my head off my body in one bite. So, no, I really do not think so. At all.

But hey, HUBS' folks, thanks for asking.

He Loves Them More Than Me

Again with the critters.

HUBS and I took off for Target in Beesley (his yellow car) last night. I was driving and again I was fighting off a spider on my window. It was on the side-view at first and I tried to kill it, but missed. After rolling up my window and taking off, it wedged itself between the window and the little flap that keeps the window sealed.

Luckily, as long as we kept moving it stayed put. I was actually able to remain calm. There was minimal screaming and absolutely no crying. Yay, me! I mean, until I stopped the car in the parking lot at Target. Then I went insane.

citygirl: Ohhhhhhh, my God it's running get out and kill it get out and kiiiillll ittttt!!!!!!!!

HUBS: Ok, ok. Calm down, I need a napkin or something.

citygirl: AHHHHHHHHHCCKCKCKCKCKCK!! Moving running ACCCKCKCKCKCKAACACACACKKKKK!

HUBS: Alright, geez. I'm out...

Then, you guys, the unthinkable happened. HUBS had a very simple set of instructions: get out of the car, kill the spider. Um...he KNOCKED IT OFF THE CAR. With his precious napkin.

I'm like, what did you just do? You know what happened last week, how the hell do you not JUST KILL THE FUCKING SPIDER? HUBS actually watched it skitter off, to terrorize another day. I bet it crawled back onto his car. Why would it not? Nobody bothered to teach it a lesson, right?

Fine, HUBS. I see how you are. Just wait until the next time you're being attacked by wild dogs or something. Do you think you'll get any dog-killing power outta me? No sir. No sir, not at all...