Friday, June 15, 2012

Happy Friday: Is It Time For A Nap, Yet?

Hello, lovelies! I hope you've all had a well-worked day in prep for a weekend of lounging by the pool, reading trashy novels on the deck while burgers sizzle on the grill, partying or whatever else you may have planned.

HUBS and I have some Father's Day festivities, but other than that, our weekend is an open book. Since we have temps in the 90s in St. Louis, I can assure you that I will be spending as much time as possible under the roar of any available AC.

Now, let's take a look at some interesting internet things, shall we?

1) I'm not sure what to make of this. Vagina funnel, anyone?

2) I can't be the only one who wonders if the beauty products I pick up really do what they claim to. If you shop at BeautySage, you'll know they work and are worth the dough.

3) I'm majorly intrigued by True & Co., an online bra club where all bras cost $45.

4) Music and photography lovers will enjoy this look at some iconic jazz greats from the 1930s and '40s.

5) If you're planning to be out and about this weekend, you might want to get some help from the Oh Ranger! Park Finder app and the UV Detector app. I wish the UV Detector was available on Android but it doesn't appear to be. Oh, well. I just got another excuse to stay indoors!

That's all for this week, friends. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there. And everyone else? Enjoy your weekend!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Tuesday Tipday: How To Make The World Seem Less Horrible


There are times when it all gets to be too much. Even if your life is going pretty good, it can be difficult not to become obsessed with the screwy stuff going on around you. Anxiety about the state of things can lead to a host of physical and mental issues. Sometimes, a glass of wine at dinner just isn't enough.

Here are some tips to keep your brain from overloading on the deep and overwhelming problems of the world.

5 Ways To Make The World Feel Less Shitty

1) Stop paying attention, already: My first journalism class in college made us watch the news every night as homework. It wasn't long before the horrors of the mid-1990s were keeping me up at night. I simply knew too much. As soon as I finished that class I was done with the nightly news. It took me years to watch again on a regular basis. And you know what? You don't need to worry about not knowing enough, because the big stories will still get through. So give the constant CNN watching/political website reading/thrice daily major newspaper readings a break. Just long enough for your mind to stop spinning.

2) Focus your attention: No one person can do something about everything. Pick the stuff that most bothers you or that you feel you can work on the best and concentrate on helping with those issues. Volunteer at a food pantry. Raise money for homeless animals. Work at a non-profit that helps abused children. See? Don't you feel less scattered, angry and scared now?

3) Stop talking to her: Don't look at me like that, you know exactly who I mean! Anyone who's had more than one friend or close acquaintance in life recognizes The Negativity Queen. She doesn't just call to vent. She calls because her world is coming to an end and she needs your help. NOW. She calls after waking up from a drunken stupor and realizing her roommate shaved off all her vagina hair and she should probably move. With your help. In the next hour.

It doesn't even matter if she's making bad choices that lead to these catastrophes or if the bad just seems to follow her unassuming person around. Don't respond to the emails or return the calls for a bit. You've got stuff going on too, and there's nothing wrong with tending to your own business without someone else's drama clouding your mind. And yes, The Negativity Queen can be a guy. So, the next time you get a message from your buddy Frank about how his wife found out he cheated on him, threw his things into the driveway and set them on fire and he needs a place to crash; it's OK to pretend you're out of town.

4) Stress is for people named Ridge: I think there's a kernel in many of us that watches the news and goes, Crap. At least my life isn't that bad! The problem, of course, is that you're using another person's real misery to pump yourself up a little. I have a better idea, one that's helped me tremendously: Melodrama. A good soap opera or tear-jerker will give you the same result without actual lives being in ruins. Search for "soap opera death scenes", "soap opera fights" or "soap opera revelations" on Youtube. You'll feel better in no time.

5) Relax, worry gets you nowhere: I know, it's not easy to stop the crazy train once it gets going. That's how I had a panic attack in a grocery store parking lot after realizing I'd left my coupon book somewhere. But, if you can head the train off when you hear the gears starting up you'll be a lot better off. Have that wine. Watch a funny movie. Read a trashy magazine. Find what calms you and use it to stop the torrent of anxiety that's bubbling up. Sometimes the little things really can help.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Music Monday: What In The Natural Hell

He won't be blowing any horns today...

Hello, all. Did you have good weekends? I certainly hope so, because I need to share a small story with you.

Yes, I took a blog break last week. That is not foremost in my mind right now. What is? The crazy morning I had in the first hour and 15 minutes of my day.

I woke up at 8:45. The first thing I noticed upon opening the bedroom door was that one of our cats had expelled a bit of furball. Not unusual for this lot. I commenced to checking all the carpet and pillows and furniture for more traces (Tux tends to start in one spot and then proceed to carry on all over the house), then headed to the bathroom for more inspection.

I parted the blinds to do my daily check of the garden, since I was near a garden-facing window. Wow, what did I see, you ask? A FREAKING DEAD ANIMAL LAYING RIGHT IN MY GARDEN. NEAR MY FUCKING VEGETABLES!

Now, in the past year I've seen two dead mice in the yard. One was even headless. That, however did not prepare me for what appeared to be a poor dead rabbit in the garden. Not. At. All.

I was honestly quite shaken and feeling a bit sick to my stomach. What happened? Why didn't whatever killed the poor thing carry it off and finish it? What if it was eating from my garden and something in there killed it?

More likely, there was a life and death struggle in my back yard sometime overnight. And we didn't hear it.

Actually, now that I think about it, hearing it wouldn't have done any good. If I'd heard a struggle in our back yard (which was pitch black last night), I wouldn't have gone out there. Who does that? Only big-boobed, blond horror movie women.

HUBS and I went out to get it up. Then, as soon as we open the back door, what do I see? TWO BIG-ASS FUCKING SNAKES RIGHT BY THE DECK! One had part of it's body in our basement window.


I was primed to stay on the deck, but HUBS couldn't get the rabbit on the shovel, so I had to go help him. Which, of course, meant that as soon as I stepped into our snake infested yard and got near him, he got the damn rabbit on the shovel (the poor thing died with it's eyes open).

We got it into a black trash bag I'd lined with grocery bags and poured vinegar over it to try to make sure nothing would mess with it before we could get the sanitation department out here to pick it up.

The only lucky moment? It waited to rain until after we got back inside. Well, that, and I suppose it was lucky that we didn't actually see the bunny I'm gong to call Bernard get attacked. Because, crap, what would we have done about that?

Wow, thanks for letting me vent. Music, now?


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