These Are My Thighs

I made the mistake of going to my beloved Gap outlet store this weekend. Why was it a mistake? Because I knew what was going to happen. I'd find pants in my size (18 to 20...yeah, I know) try them on and be disappointed. I wish I could just blame the Gap. Say that they've started making things like crap, but it ain't true.

So I found a ton of cheap pants to try on. I took about 12 pairs into the fitting room, and NONE of them fit me. Not even the size 20s. The only thing that stopped me from crying is that the boy was there. When I got done he was sitting in front of the fitting room waiting for me. He sounded shocked when I said that not-a-one of those pants (oh, except for the sweats, which were a XXL)fit my ass.

"You mean they didn't fit the way you like them to, or they didn't fit?"

"They didn't fit."

"So, they just..."

"I couldn't even get some of them on."

"Ok. Even the 20s?"

"Even those."

I could tell he was horrified. Not just because he realized his fiancee was a giant, but because he saw I was upset by the same realization.

"Do you think that maybe it was just those pants? The way they're made?"

Bless his country heart for trying to make this all the Gap's fault. I fessed up, I've gained a lot of weight. I didn't give him the exact number, but revealed that pants I wore in the spring don't fit now. Last time I went to the doctor I was 220 lbs. I'm kinda tall, so I'm capable of carrying it without looking like an oompa loompa, but still. I'm way too heavy. I told myself I wouldn't get past a size 20 and I seem to have done it anyway.

"This'll be ok," he says. "We need to exercise more. If we just stick to walking and playing frisbee every day, it'll take awhile but we'll get in shape. I can stand to lose about 10 pounds. And, I'd never suggest you lose weight 'cause I think you look great, but if you're worried about it this will help you too."

Theoretically this is easy. Stop eating so much junk so often and get off your ass. But I love sitting on my ass! When I sit on my ass I can watch movies and tv and read books and magazines. I'd love, really to get back to 180lbs. Going up the boy's two flights of stairs would be so much easier. Everything would be easier.

How did I let myself get so lazy?

And The Hits Just Keep A'Comin

Wouldn't you know it? I'm not free yet. My Panamanian replacement had some difficulties and was promptly fired on Tuesday afternoon. I got called into the boss' office and told "We've got a problem..." I was not happy, but here's the deal: I work the front from open until my lunch, then after lunch whoever they can pull from the rest of the office will take over. I still get my new salary, and my permanent replacement starts in 1 week. I agreed to do it, hoping that it'll buy me some points with my boss.

Still, though, I'm outrageously happy about the new job. And I've hardly ever had to get on the phone. That? Is. Amazing.