Thursday, June 17, 2010
One of those days when I tried to get things done and the universe said NO, NO, NO. Couldn't clean up the basement, couldn't apply for a HELOC, couldn't send a message to my credit card company through their contact page.
Also? I'm having stomach issues left over (I think) from my sudden illness Tuesday morning. (Take my word for it, if you think the milk is bad don't drink it!)
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Really...I feel, for the first time in two years, like it's all honestly going to be alright. Maybe I'm finally out of anger, confusion, bitch-fire. Maybe it's because of the book I read last month, Steering by Starlight.
One of the basic ideas is that you know when you've made the right decision about something because you'll feel free. That's exactly how I felt in January 2008 when I left my job and exactly how I felt last month when I decided to never return to the filthy warehouse to work. They called me back early last month, and I went for four days.
Then I thought about what was happening: I spent two of those days crying at work, two more taking extended bathroom breaks where I played games on my phone. There was a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach every night before I went in and each morning when I woke up. I could never get to work on time (that was something that started back in March) no matter how early I got up. This was all just like my other job all over again. I know me. If I hadn't quit I'd be there for several years before I got the nerve.
So, here we are. Still not much money coming in and way too much going out. We have bills we can't pay and groceries we can't buy. But, I somehow feel calm. Calm like never before. I actually don't care why. I'm just glad I've got it, and hope I can turn that calm into the confidence I need to get my ideas off the ground.
Pray for me, y'all.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I'm becoming mighty prickly.
I think not having a good, close group of friends is making me grouchy. See, we have these neighbors. They moved into the nice, big house next door late last fall. And since then they have proceeded to host every kind of party and get-together known to man. Housewarmings, dinner parties, baby showers, wedding showers, study groups and God only knows what else. Sometimes, like last week, they have two parties within a couple of days.
Sometimes the entire street is lined with cars...for them. Often our parking spots right in front of our house are taken. This irritates me and HUBS more than you can imagine. And, since we're both overly introspective people we know why that is. It's not because of the parking spots, really. It's because they have friends.
People who willingly spend oodles of time with them, talking/laughing/commiserating/celebrating/dining and all the other things friends do with each other.
I'm incredibly embarrassed by this. HUBS and citygirl are jealous. Jealous of nice, fun-loving people who brought us cookies when they first moved in, again on Christmas day and left Valentine's treats for us.
We've been meaning for months to ask them out for coffee. They're young and seem nice and not-at-all-crazy (unlike so many of our neighbors) and they live right next door. Aside from the fact that we've had a lot going on, I think the real reason we haven't manned-up and done it is that we're scared and intimidated. Can two people who haven't had close friends is several years (that's us) make friends with two people who have gaggles of buds (that's them)? Will they like us? Will they think we're weird and move to get away from us? They are social and they are liked, can people who are THAT LIKED like us?
I know all we can do is try, and that the worst that would likely happen is we won't hit it off. I'm really awed by my inexperience in the making-friends area of this big ball of odd we call life.
Any suggestions from the internet?