Friday, January 06, 2006


I can't find any good deals on the two phones I picked out on ebay! All the "buy it now" prices are over $100! Who do these fuckers think they are? Fuckin multi-media conglomerates?!?! Why do these damn things cost so much anyway? All I fuckin want is a new goddamned ass-fuckin cell phone so I don't look like I stepped outta a fuckin time warp when I pull that shit from my bag!! The harder it is to find one at a reasonable price the more I want one NOW!

Please go to the verizon store with me later tonight so I don't murder any innocent bystanders in my quest for a new technological implement with which to make wireless calls. I will try to have my attitude de-bitchified by then so as to not bitch-you-up unfairly.

*walking into de-bitchification chamber*

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I Know

I should be working on something else: screenplay, resume, dinner, a cleaner apartment. But I enjoy this, this thinking of you and us and we. Maybe I would have been more productive the past five weeks had we not met. The fucking truth is that that's just crap. I make lists and have dreams and plan goals but rarely act. So you've stopped nothing. In fact, I can feel you pushing me gently toward the things I want (just like you're supposed to). I tell you my ideas and you eagerly aid and abet. Love it. Love every damn thing about it.

If I get moody and quiet at your mention of something I want for myself, ignore it. That would be my natural tendency to lie back and let life wash over me. I get scared, still. I used to be afraid of everything. Newness and change especially, even the good kind. Even with all my progress I fear the challenge of something different. I wholeheartedly understand insecurity; the deeply rooted feeling that I just cannot be good enough, cannot live up to my desires. I admit a certain lack of ambition. My greatest successes only in my mind's eye. Right now my thoughts are more firmly planted in your reality. Thank God you are a part of my reality.


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