Wednesday, August 11, 2010

You Have Reasons To Be Excited!

I've been meditating at work. See, I need something to keep me focused on positive stuff during the breaks between calls (which can last anywhere from a few seconds to 10 minutes). I wrote down some affirmations to repeat to myself in the down time. They do seem to be helping me deal with work.

Last night as I was repeating one of my sayings (I have reasons to be excited) I realized that I was actually feeling sadder and sadder. So I made a list of my reasons to be excited.

Here goes:
-we're closer to fall
-we have $115 extra coming to us this month
-we might get into consumer credit counseling or debt relief
-I won't be doing this job for much longer
-I've done this work now and know I never want to do it again
-I've had another book idea & started working on it
-I still have gas in my car
-I might finish a book I got from the library in time to return it in two days
-I have a car
-we have pet food & litter to last a couple weeks
-we have shelter & some food
-I have a free career counseling session scheduled (for today, actually)
-found job & photo selling opportunities online over the weekend (thanks Sugar!)
-we are healthy and not dead
-no one has died for a while (As I wrote this one I was afraid I was jinxing it. Sure enough, HUBS and I found a very small black kitten in the road last night, he'd been hit by a car. Just a few hours after writing how nice it was to not have death hovering over us, there he was laying in the street. I picked him up and said a little blessing, but can't for the life of me think of a name for the little guy. I hope he went quickly.)

The net effect is that I wrote all this cool stuff that I've got going for me (we've got going for us) and yet when one bad thing happened it really did ruin what was left of my night.

I pray that you all have reasons to be excited that make the bad stuff bearable.

Happy Wednesday :)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Clearly This Is Not Going To Work

Sunday, at work, I came up with a schedule to help me plan my time so I can actually get stuff done with this freaky night time work. It's a good, reasonable itinerary. See?

get ready for bed 11:30pm
bed 12:30pm
up 8:30am
blog 9am
book work 9:30am
exercise 10am
coffee & reading 10:30am
enter contests & internet randomness 11am
nap? 12pm
lunch 1pm

It works in things I know I should be doing (exercising and working on that book idea I haven't looked at since April) and things I already do daily. There's just one problem: I hate it.

I hate being told what to do when, even by my own self, apparently. As I was writing my plan I could feel freedom falling away as I became resistant to every action in every time period. You mean I have to go to be at 12:30? And, what if I don't wanna blog first thing in the morning? Hey, who do you think you are anyway!?

Doing five random things a day has generally become pretty easy for me now. But I was looking for a way to fill my morning with things that really matter to me. Another problem I see is that there's really no breathing room here. If something comes up or I sleep late the whole plan is thrown into disarray. Like yesterday, when I ended up doing not much of anything important before work, including my list of five things to get done. I didn't even get those taken care of after work.

The prospects just ain't lookin' great, here.

In other news, I spent all my post-dinner time at work last night farting. I blame the hummus. And my wonky digestive system. And the propensity of women in my family toward excessive gassiness as they age.

Damn you heredity! Daaaaaammmnn yooooouuuuu!! *shakes fist at belly*


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