Music Monday: What In The Natural Hell

He won't be blowing any horns today...

Hello, all. Did you have good weekends? I certainly hope so, because I need to share a small story with you.

Yes, I took a blog break last week. That is not foremost in my mind right now. What is? The crazy morning I had in the first hour and 15 minutes of my day.

I woke up at 8:45. The first thing I noticed upon opening the bedroom door was that one of our cats had expelled a bit of furball. Not unusual for this lot. I commenced to checking all the carpet and pillows and furniture for more traces (Tux tends to start in one spot and then proceed to carry on all over the house), then headed to the bathroom for more inspection.

I parted the blinds to do my daily check of the garden, since I was near a garden-facing window. Wow, what did I see, you ask? A FREAKING DEAD ANIMAL LAYING RIGHT IN MY GARDEN. NEAR MY FUCKING VEGETABLES!

Now, in the past year I've seen two dead mice in the yard. One was even headless. That, however did not prepare me for what appeared to be a poor dead rabbit in the garden. Not. At. All.

I was honestly quite shaken and feeling a bit sick to my stomach. What happened? Why didn't whatever killed the poor thing carry it off and finish it? What if it was eating from my garden and something in there killed it?

More likely, there was a life and death struggle in my back yard sometime overnight. And we didn't hear it.

Actually, now that I think about it, hearing it wouldn't have done any good. If I'd heard a struggle in our back yard (which was pitch black last night), I wouldn't have gone out there. Who does that? Only big-boobed, blond horror movie women.

HUBS and I went out to get it up. Then, as soon as we open the back door, what do I see? TWO BIG-ASS FUCKING SNAKES RIGHT BY THE DECK! One had part of it's body in our basement window.

JESUS, NATURE! LEAVE ME ALONE, ALREADY! I GET IT, YOU RUN THIS BITCH!!

I was primed to stay on the deck, but HUBS couldn't get the rabbit on the shovel, so I had to go help him. Which, of course, meant that as soon as I stepped into our snake infested yard and got near him, he got the damn rabbit on the shovel (the poor thing died with it's eyes open).

We got it into a black trash bag I'd lined with grocery bags and poured vinegar over it to try to make sure nothing would mess with it before we could get the sanitation department out here to pick it up.

The only lucky moment? It waited to rain until after we got back inside. Well, that, and I suppose it was lucky that we didn't actually see the bunny I'm gong to call Bernard get attacked. Because, crap, what would we have done about that?

Wow, thanks for letting me vent. Music, now?

Totally Uncalled For

Remember that garden I planted a couple of weeks ago? Well, nothing's grown yet. I know it hasn't been that long, but I'm worried that our recent cold snap has screwed up the garden's potential.

I'd really hate for this first garden outing to be a bust. Especially since I was getting used to doing things outside in the yard. Yes, that sounds odd. But when you despise hot weather, insects and reptiles it's not difficult to be afraid of a snake and wolf spider infested yard (Why did I have to look that up? Now I'm all creeped out and itchy). It took about a year for me to realize that wandering through our yard could bring some rather unexpected results.

Also? It would be awesome if the garden could produce veggies because Mother Nature has decided to be a complete bitch. On Saturday? I found a tick dug deep into my left side.

I know! When I first saw it that morning I thought it was a skin tag. It was basically the color of my skin, and who among us has not discovered a scar/mole/pimple/stretch mark that wasn't there the day before? Later I was looking at it and kind of flicking it around when I noticed...the legs. Sweet Lord Almighty!

The resulting hour was filled with me asking HUBS to confirm the tickness, having him pull it out with tweezers, watching him set it on fire and then me taking a shower and washing all the clothes I'd worn that week while crying and trying not to have a full blown panic attack as I contemplated Lyme disease. Does that sound extreme? Sorry, I didn't grow up in a Yellowstone National Forest. I'm a city girl who has never been feasted on by a tick and never thought such a country-life type of thing would happen to me. I was in shock, OK?

So, really, garden. I'm going through a lot for you, including being turned into food. You'd better damn well grow and grow good. Hear me?

Well, I Won't Be Going Here Anytime Soon...

That's right, the whole state is now off limits until they get this shit under control. Ick!