I Might Be A Terrible Daughter

I talked to my mom on Monday. It had been a while since I spoke to her, I probably called her a week or two ago.

Being an only child who sometimes neglects to call her mom on a regular basis, I have often considered myself not the best kid in the world. But when PT called me Monday, well, I realized just how shitty I am.

PT had, apparently, called me on Saturday and left a message, but I hadn't listened to it or even noticed that it was her that called me because I'm sometimes crappy about picking up messages.

She revealed that last week was hard for her. I said, "Have you been sick?" And PT replied, "No, Adrienne, you know mom died on February 16."

Oh, shit. I forgot about the anniversary of my grandmother's death.

Of course she had a shit week! And I wasn't there for her. Even though at the beginning of this month I reminded myself to call mom around anniversary time. But, I didn't put it on my calendar, so I was wrapped up in my own bullshit and let it completely slip my mind.

She didn't give me any grief over it, but I know she wishes I'd called her. I could hear it in her voice. And you know what? I forget every year.

PT and her mom were very close. I know how hard her illness and death were (are) on mom, but I can't remember to do this one very basic thing for her once a year.

I don't know why this is. Really. Is it just my never-ending mental crap? My general dislike for talking on the phone (thanks to my 9 1/2 years as a receptionist/admin)?

Who the hell knows. I put a reminder on my calendar so I won't forget next year. Though, it doesn't change the fact that I feel I shouldn't have to do that.

My grandmother was a cool, calm lady who bought me my first purse, gave me a love of hats, never cursed and "smoked" cigarettes by lighting them and letting them burn out in the ash tray. Every time I think about her I wonder why I don't miss her more. Then I feel bad about it. Then I push those feelings way, way down because I really don't need anything else to feel bad about.

Maybe what I really am is a terrible granddaughter.

Dammit.

How do you deal with tough family things you'd rather stay away from but know you shouldn't?

5 Foods I'm Clearly Addicted To

I like to eat. It's that simple. As much as I know I need to watch what I eat (and I try to), I just really, really love me some F.O.O.D.

Whenever I'm trying not to eat like a pig, these are the foods that can seriously trip me up.

5 Foods I'm Clearly Addicted To

1) Potatoes. My initial instinct is to blame my mom for this one. Apparently, while PT was preggers with me, there was a period of time where she could only eat potatoes without getting sick. Of course, I realize that means it was my fault she could only ingest potatoes and not her fault that I'm addicted to potatoes. Really, any form of tater is good for me. Fries, baked, gratin, mashed...Fried. I had a lightening bolt moment a couple of weeks ago. HUBS makes this thing he calls Crazy Potatoes; he nukes about 6 or 7 of them, mashes them up and adds a shit load of butter and sour cream. As you can imagine, they are really good. One night I was eating these taters off the communal plate and it hit me that I'd probably had 4 whole potatoes. No one needs that many in one sitting as a side dish to dinner! What was I doing?! So, I've stopped eating the Crazy Potatoes. Luckily, it's not as hard as I thought it was going to be.

2) Bread. My God. This is really all I need. Some veggies and a crapper load of bread and I've got myself a meal. I'm open to any variety except rye and black. And, because of that, I had to reign myself in several years ago. I try to stick to 4 pieces of bread a day or less. That includes bagels, cornbread, rolls, crackers, pitas, and flatbreads. Keeping my bread desires tamped down is a lot harder than my need for potatoes, but we all have our crosses to bear.

3) Cheese. I used to stick with American, mozzarella and cheddar. Then I discovered Colby, Monterey jack and pepper jack. Now I also eat provolone, gouda, fontina and specialty cheeses mixed with berries or rosemary or nuts. God! The shit is just good. It literally makes everything better. My hips are probably made of 50 percent cheese. And, honestly? I'm OK with that.

4) Chocolate. This must be an age thing. I was fine with chocolate when I was young, but I wasn't crazy for it. When I was a teen I craved sweets but never chocolate specifically. Then I moved out of my mom's place after college and discovered chocolate chips melted with peanut butter. That was all it took for me to have occasional moments where I space out and daydream of eating my way out of a vat of warm, melted chocolate with a box of vanilla wafers to scoop the sweet stuff up. This is the number one reason I started exercising again; so I can continue eating this insane level of chocolate without getting diabetes. Oh, yes.

5) Dessert. Speaking of sweets...Know what I used to do? As a kid, I'd wait until my dad was at work and my mom was asleep. I'd sneak into the kitchen, get the cream cheese out of the fridge, set myself up next to the sugar bowl on the table and stick thinly sliced bits of cheese into the sugar and eat them. That, my friends, is a dangerous sweet tooth. Let's understand, I don't consider fruit dessert. I can eat fruit for an after dinner snack, but it's not the same. Dessert must be ooey, gooey and bad for me in order for me to consider it true dessert. Give me your cakes and pies, your muffins and scones, your donuts and cookies. I will eat them and have fruit some other time.

What foods are you addicted to?

Music Monday: That'll Do, Pig

...

I am on a roll, people! Friday I told you about my efforts to live a significantly more fulfilling life. I started this weekend by making my two lists, as I promised myself I would. It took some doing, but I think I've got the makings of some solid plans for this year. Here we go!

38 Life Things For 2013

1) See live roller derby
2) Visit a state fair
3) Visit a renaissance fest
4) Dress up and go out to a fancy restaurant
5) Leave some food on my plate at a restaurant
6) Jump on a trampoline
7) Get to know someone new
8) Dance at a club
9) Wear (p)leather that isn't on shoes or a purse
10) Eat alone at a nice restaurant
11) Cook 1 new dish a week
12) Read a book in one day
13) Photo walk twice a month
14) Try stilettos
15) Go to a Meetup
16) Take at least two road trips
17) Talk to random people when I run errands
18) Work away from home twice a week
19) See a pow-wow
20) See live music
21) Limit pre-5pm TV to two hours a day Mon-Fri
22) Practice reading faster
23) See a movie with PT
24) Spend 1 day monthly with nothing but music
25) Hang out on our deck
26) Make a souvenir collage and hang it
27) Take a class that's not online
28) Walk in Forest Park
29) Go to a music festival
30) Paint again
31) Learn a simple guitar song
32) Study Spanish again
33) Master winged eyeliner (or any eyeliner)
34) Ditch the "uniforms" and wear different clothes
35) Spend a work day writing
36) Dress up, go to a casino, blow $5
37) See a burlesque show
38) Watch a parade live

There! The idea with this list was to get me (and HUBS, too) out and about more. I'll keep you apprised of my progress (I worked away from home today and only watched two hours of TV!). Let's breathe a sigh of well-planned relief with some music!

Music Monday: December, Thanks!

Well, I trust everyone had pleasant holiday times with family and friends. Now it's New Year's Eve. Didn't that happen fast? It was a year ago today I lost my writing job. I am determined to live happier and more fully in 2013. Toward that end, here's my December appreciation list.

December, Thanks!

1) Thanks to nature for letting me harvest some of the cauliflower I planted late this year. It survived a couple of frosts and then grew during the crazy, inexplicable mini heatwave we had in November.

2) Thanks to Purina Farms for the dog show. It was nice to do something different.

3) Thanks to HUBS for helping me bake our Christmas gifts. We've been buying stuff for people for so long that none of it feels like it matters. I might make gifts from now on.

4) Thanks to my wonky car battery for needing me to drive everyday to keep it charged. I tend to let myself get stuck in the house for days at a time, but, this way, I get out and I've seen more of my city than I have in years.

5) Thanks to my sensible nature for being able to talk my precision-minded mom down when she called me freaked out about getting paid an extra $1.52 on her last check. She's so weird! PT thought she couldn't use her money because of it! I convinced her to put aside that amount in change at home and then act as she normally would. That way if her company wanted their money back she could just give it to them.

6) Thanks to nature (again) for snowing during the holidays.

7) Thanks to fashion magazines for finally giving me an idea of what to do with my increasingly wild natural hair that actually works.

8) Thanks to Zoloft for not wrecking havoc on my internals as I try to feel better.

Now, let's do music!









Tell me, what are you thankful for in December?

Music Monday: I Will Not Be One Of Those People!

Well, welcome back to everyone who enjoyed a Thanksgiving break last week. Ours was pretty mundane; HUBS, PT and I went off to his parents' house to eat, talk and eat some more. I was surprised my mom came along, she's always invited to their various holiday celebrations, but has only gone once. She found out she would have a four day weekend, though, and it changed her mind.

Remember how I told you about my birthday last week? And how old I was feeling? Well, I've really got a lot of work to do now. I do not want to be one of those old people who takes medicine day and night, spends all their time at the doctor or who looks and feels older than they are. Aside from the birthday, the thing that's brought this on is my stupid sinus infection. I had to get another round of meds from the doctor, know what? If I count the vitamins I take, I know have seven daily rounds of health additives.

Um...I'm only 38! That's too many pills and sprays and gummy chews and oils for someone who's not even fucking 40 yet!

I cannot wait to be over this infection so I can go back to preventative medicine. While that will help me not feel so old, I also need a serious attitude adjustment. I know you're only as old as you feel, so I need to keep my mind and body active enough to slow the atrophying.

I'm declaring it here and now: I REFUSE TO AGE WITHOUT A GLORIOUS, FUN-FILLED FIGHT.


There! Take that, body and bad, depressive attitude!

Now, let's get pumped!









How do you keep feeling young?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Care For Others Without Losing Your Mind

My mom cared for my grandmother for 10 years of her life. For the last eight of those years, they lived together.

The most important thing for P.T. was my grandmother. While that's completely understandable and commendable, it meant mom did things like go a whole day without eating, forgetting to take her blood pressure pills and skipping her own doctor's appointments.

In short, P.T. lost her mind.

If there's one thing I've learned in the six weeks I had to help HUBS while he was on medical leave, it's that the person you love may be sick, but if you devote all your time to them you'll lose yourself, neglect yourself and get bitter.

Here are my tips for staying sane when caring for loved ones.

How To Care For Others Without Losing Your Mind

1) Calm down. It's hard to be in pain. But I know that it's also incredibly difficult to watch someone else experience pain (especially if you love them and can't do anything to help them). Try to find constructive ways to release that anxiety. Scream into a pillow, punch a stuffed animal. Watch a reality show filled with stupid people (That's 99% of reality shows! You won't have trouble finding one!) and yell at the screen. Yessss...Better.

2) You matter, too. Get regular checkups. Take your medicine. Bathe, for God's sake. But! Don't just do the things you have to. If life is chock-a-block with responsibilities but no fun, you'll get miserable pretty damn fast. Find time to read your favorite magazines, work on your illustrations or have coffee with a friend. You'll be a better care-taker if you remember that your body and mind need nurturing too.

3) Don't fear boundaries. In order to get all this "me" time in between medication schedules, procedures and appointments, you might need to tell your patient that there are certain times of the day and/or week when you'll be doing your own thing. If taking a three hour bath while you drink wine and watch porn is the only thing that'll relax you, step up and let them know you need that time. You porn addicted winos, you.

4) Separate is not equal. If you're dealing with someone whose mental or physical functioning has dropped dramatically, it can be hard to separate them from their illness. Thereby making it easier to get mad when they do/say bone-headed things. Remember - they are not the illness. Now, if they constantly treat you like crap, that will need to be discussed. But, a bit of poor attitude is to be expected when a long-term debilitating condition sets in. Get mad at the condition and find a way to lighten the mood for both of you.

Are these steps easy? Not at all. Plus, it'll take some self-control not to fall back into a them-them-them mindset. But, as doing yoga and going to bed early have taught me as of late, you'll be glad you made the effort.

Have you ever cared for a sick family member or friend for a long period of time? Hit the comments and let us know how you coped.

Happy Friday! Trying To Live My Own Lessons

Mom before me, in January of '72.

Boy, did I ever get smacked in the face with my own theories this week. My mom, who I've been worried about since she got laid off right after my uncle died in spring 2009, finally got a job on Wednesday. She starts work tonight.

And? I'm jealous.

I know! I just talked about this on Tuesday. PT did not get my job. Her getting a job does not mean that there is one less job for me. I have some good stuff going on. I woke up at 4:44 this morning because I couldn't breathe (that's not the good thing; anyway, I think I have a sinus infection) and ended up applying for two jobs online and filling out two applications that had been sitting around for a week.

So, I need to let you know that PT getting herself a job really does make me happy and less worried. But I happen to also be completely envious. She's applied for exactly two jobs in her three years of unemployment and she nailed the second one. I've put my name in the race for, what must be, a couple of hundred jobs and aside from two short temp gigs...Nothing.

PT will be leaving for work soon, I have to call and wish her luck, so here are some internet wanderings for your enjoyment this weekend.

1)If you're interested in continuing your education, Mashable has a list of ways to do it online.

2) Brain Pickings has had some interesting articles on sleep and why it's good for every aspect of our lives.

3) Margaret Atwood has 10 honest rules for writing fiction. This list is great for all the writers out there (in here).

4) Lifehacker has the scoop on a web app that'll let you license your Instagram pics.

5) And for a little comedy, Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney is not impressed and Expendables 2 stars before they were famous.

Enjoy the weekend, lovelies!

Happy Friday

The weeks pass so fast, don't they? I remember when I was still an office-goer how long each week seemed on Mondays. Then, no matter how horribly the individual days droned on, suddenly it was Friday and we could all breathe a sigh of relief that we'd have whole days to ourselves.

HUBS and I have nothing of note planned. I'll be going to get my hair did tomorrow and plan to drop off PT's Mother's Day gift. Sunday we'll take Julia to the vet to see about his yearly shots and what's going on with his oddly placed fur loss.

I will try, all in all, to Do My Opposite so the days don't fade away from me surrounded by a cloud of freaked-out-by-doing-new-thingsness. And maybe, just maybe, I'll bake some homemade scones.

Have a great weekend everyone! Hopefully some of these things will make the days more interesting:

1) I just finished reading Girl Walks into a Bar by Rachel Dratch of SNL and King of Queens fame. You will like this book. How do I know? Because one chapter is titled How to Care for Your Fuckin' Baby. Go! Read and enjoy!

2) If you've seen The Avengers (and really, you should), you might enjoy this thank you that director/writer Joss Whedon posted on a fan site.

3) Old school art/photography/design lovers will like the magazine cover archive at Ad Art Gallery.

4) Artsy-cool maps from Stamen include digital watercolors of whatever city you search for.

5) I just discovered Trombone Shorty and think you should get to know him, too:

That's All For Now

I don't have any photos of Grandaddy G. So, instead, I offer this picture of my husband and his older sister when they were little ones.

Grandaddy G passed away on Thursday. HUBS, PT and I went to the funeral yesterday morning. It was a nice service, and since he was in the Army they had military rites done at the cemetery.

A bit about Grandaddy G:

- He was a gunner in WWII
- His 92nd birthday would have been in two weeks
- He was always nice to me, and from what I've heard he was always nice to everyone else, too
- He enjoyed the fact that I could always pick him out in super old photos that I'd never seen before
- He loved restoring old cars and worked on them until a couple a years ago
- He was a loyal fan to the end of the St. Louis Browns and until recently still liked to talk about the 1944 World Series
- When he got back from the war he built his own house
- He loved animals
- He loved sweets but had to stay away from them since he'd been diabetic for years
- Because he was diabetic for so long, many of his nerve endings were damaged so he ended up being in far less pain than he would have been otherwise. Talk about everything happening for a reason...

It's impossible (I would think, anyway) to go to a funeral or watch someone deal with a life threatening illness and not consider (Reconsider?) what you're doing with your own time. When I heard the news on Thursday I found myself thinking Well, that's it. The last of HUBS and my grandparents. In 20-30 years our parents will be next. And 20-30 years after that, if we're all lucky, it'll be our turn.

I'm feeling the time crunch, is what I'm saying. For some reason, another 60 years tops just doesn't seem like much right now. Of course, it'll seem like less later because it'll be less. Suppose I better get to work.

I Just Realized We Should Have Known My Dad Was A Dick All Along

Me and my mom in the mid-1990s. I know I was in college, because OH MY GOD I LOVED THAT SHIRT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE!


Alright, I didn't just realize it. It's more like I realized it last Thursday. Here's what happened.

I started thinking about the one screenplay I've completed, which is mostly based on the things that actually happened when my dad walked out on PT (yes, that's my mom). I was going over some things and my mind landed on the fact that, in the screenplay, the dad character calls the mom character by a shortened version of her actual name. Which the mom happens to hate. This is directly taken from what really went on with my folks.

And then it hit me: No one who cares about someone would call that person by a name they dislike on purpose.

PT's name is Clementine. According to her, she's hated her name since birth. Because of that, no one ever calls her by it, she goes by Tina. But, the entire time I was growing up and right through their divorce, do you know what my dad called her? Clem.

I know what you're thinking, Well, that's not her full name. Here's the problem: PT HATED CLEM MUCH MORE THAN SHE HATED CLEMENTINE.

It was blatantly obvious. Every time my dad said her name, PT would cringe, grimace or roll her eyes a bit. There were even times when you could see her go from happy to disappointed when she heard his moniker for her.

What's even worse is that I can remember PT telling him, on many occasions when I was little, that she didn't want to be called Clem. But, what did he do? He kept right on calling her Clem.

What kind of person does this? Only an arrogant, selfish, uncaring DICK...That's who. How could I not have put this (as far as I'm concerned) critical bit of info together as evidence of his DICKness sooner?

Maybe it's one of those things where I was too young and too close to it. I knew PT hated what he called her and that it sucked that he did it anyway, but I had to get to 37 years old without having any contact with the man for 16 years to really piece together what his denial of her simple request meant: I DON'T THINK HE EVER CARED ABOUT HER. NOT REALLY.

And that makes me so sad for my mom, who spent 22 years in a marriage where she wasn't truly valued. I suppose the little things do matter a lot.

Dammit...now I'm crying.

Music Monday: Christmas Time? Already?

Hello lovelies! Are we all as ready for Christmas as we want to be? I, for one, am not. I'm really not feeling the spirit this year. HUBS and I did all our shopping in one fell swoop back in July, but I have yet to wrap anything or put up an iota of decorations. I've failed to listen to any of my favorite Christmas music or watch any significant amount of holiday cartoonage.

What's up with me?

Even the fact that a group of carolers hit the ghetto to serenade our neighbors last night (about a half hour before we had to call the police to report hearing gun shots, by the by) didn't do much to brighten my blah mood. I don't even know if PT wants to cook this year or not. I told her it didn't matter either, way, which is true, yet I now find myself wondering if cooking the usual Christmas meal would help get me in the mood.

Maybe some songs can help out right now...





Wait...





Something's...



Happening...



Yes! It's working! Woooooooooo!!

How do you get in a holiday mood?


*If you're wondering what's up with the sweet potato, HUBS' folks grew it and gave it to us at Thanksgiving. That thing was like a new baby...but bigger!

Hump Day: The Revelation!

Welcome back, lovelies! I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving filled with food, fun and free time.

For the first time in over a decade, PT and I did not make our famous sweet potato pies. Mom just didn't feel like it. She also told me she didn't want to cook anything much, so I didn't go over on Thanksgiving Eve. Then, when HUBS and I got there the next night, she'd made everything we usually cook except for homemade dressing: candied yams, rolls, her mac-n-cheese and home-cooked veggies (corn on the cob and green beans with ham hocks).

Clearly she felt more like cooking then she let on.

HUBS and I spent the rest of the weekend eating leftovers, finishing up my birthday freebie food and watching movies. The beginning of this week was kind of dead; dreary, cold days that are good for sleeping late and lazing around, which is mostly what I did.

Today, though, was crisp and bright. I headed out to my local Panera Bread to get a small lunch and work on some writing ideas that have been twirling around the ol' noggin. It really was a nice time. I got some writing and reading done, including article ideas and a new screenplay that came out of watching Friends With Benefits this summer and finding it inadequate.



While I was flipping through my relatively new idea book I noticed something. All my previous entries were on Wednesdays. Then I looked through my to-do lists that I keep on my phone and noticed that quite a few of those were made for battling mid-week blues as well. Apparently, Wednesday and I have a love affair going on and I didn't even realize it!

Has this happened to anyone else? Where you've noticed that you get more done on a certain day of the week? I don't know what it is about hump day for me, but I've decided to go with it and declare it my ACTION DAY. The day when I'll jump into action every week, if not earlier.



Look at today. Aside from getting work done I even managed to work in some EXPANSION. I sat down next to a lady who was working on her laptop and we chatted a bit about the food, then did each other the favor of watching our things as we alternately took breaks or got up for coffee.

When she was about to leave I asked if she worked out of the restaurant a lot and when she said that she often did, I gave her my card and told her to call if she was planning to come over and wanted a friendly face to look after her things. She took it and then handed over one of her cards after I asked for it. So, yea! I might have a "work" buddy soon.

Hump Day is good!

Music Monday: Why Waste Time?

I could write scores about our exciting weekend of sleeping, sleeping, sleeping, going to IHOP, sleeping, sleeping, taking PT to Bandana's for her birthday and then sleeping some more. But, you'd likely feel just as enthused about that as Miller looks in the above photo. I know you'd rather just get straight to the tunes. Here we go!


Does anyone else think Taraji P. Henson looks like her?

Television! Television!

Unless you've been under a mossy rock for the past week and a half, you know we've been getting new fall TV shows. Yay! I've been watching as many as possible and hopefully by the end of next month I'll have a few new faves that I can look forward to each week.

Here's what I've seen so far:



Ringer: I cannot tell you how intriguing it was to find out that Buffy herself was coming back to TV. I missed the second episode, but plan to catch up online. I found this story of identical twins with screwy back stories interestingly twisty and something I can see myself getting into.

Up All Night: Normally a show about new parents probably wouldn't appeal to me. But, the average show about the newly parented doesn't generally star the likes of Christina Applegate, Will Arnett and Maya Rudolph, does it? I have to admit that I was hoping the show would be funnier than it's ended up being so far. But! I will keep watching for a few weeks to see if it amps up the laughs.

Free Agents: I wasn't planning on watching this one, but decided to give it a shot anyway. Again, not outrageously funny so far, but everyone is so likeable I find it hard to turn away during an episode. It's pleasant and just amusing enough, so, for now, it stays on my radar.

The Secret Circle: Oh, Jesus. We've got another teen supernatural show on our hands, folks. I never got into Vampire Diaries, but I've seen enough of it to know that The Secret Circle looks and feels just like it. It wasn't horrible, but one viewing is positively all I need.



2 Broke Girls: This one was another nice comedy that didn't knock me out laughing. If you've seen the previews you know the girls in question are a sassy brunette and a stuck up blonde. But the thing I really liked about it (and PT...and HUBS) was that the blonde is actually smart, industrious and rather tough. We all thought for sure she'd be dumb and so rich-bitchy that she'd begrudge her waitressing gig and hardly work. I'm so glad to have a sitcom surprise me! That's enough reason to keep giving this one a try for a while.

New Girl: Now, here's a comedy that really did it for me. I'm willing to put aside the improbability of someone as cute as Zooey Deschanel not being able to get a guy, because she and everyone around her brought the funny. If you haven't seen this one you should check it out.

The X Factor: Wow. Just...Wow. As soon as this singing competition went off for the night I wished it was still on. It was that compelling and entertaining. And? Simon didn't piss me off once last night. Fabulous!

Revenge: Oh, my. We're still trying the glittery night-time soap, are we? I must say, I either hated or couldn't have given less of a shit about any of these characters. I also don't know how they could possibly keep things going for more than a season. I wish Everwood was still on.

I'm looking forward to about six more new shows, airing through October 30, plus I'm watching all my returning faves (P&R!) and looking into other new shows. Is there anything better than curling up on the couch with a warm piece of pie and a good TV show? Is there?

What new fall shows have you liked so far? What are you still looking forward to?


All photos, here

Happy Friday: Web Wanderings & Panic Attacks

Happy Friday, all my peeps! I hope you're ready for a perfect weekend, because, why would your weekend not be perfect, am I right?

I had a bit of a wrench thrown into my perfectly planned day this morning. I had just finished brushing my teeth when someone called from a company I had applied for a job at last Friday. I know, this doesn't sound bad at all, right? Except for the fact that I have a tendency to over-think this job/money stuff.

After we got done with about a half hour of phone interviewing and I called PT to tell her what happened, I called HUBS. And as I spoke to him, I started to panic.

This hasn't happened since early this year, but now that I've looked it up on the trusty ol' Web MD, I can say for sure that I've been having actual panic attacks. Not just panicking or freaking out, but having actually medically defined PANIC. ATTACKS.


Photo

I know what you're thinking, why would the first step of a job offer make me panic? Well, the job would be full time and require some Saturdays, meaning it would eat up all the possible times for me to interview my chefs and bartenders, meaning if I got it I'd have to stop writing.

And if I stopped getting paid for writing in order to take a "stable" job with a reliable paycheck that I'd undoubtedly dislike, I would completely negate the decision I made to leave my previous job to do more creative, enjoyable work. You know, just for the money. Which HUBS and I desperately need.

All these attacks start the same: a get a bit nervous, then fearful, and then I begin to pace and talk fast and my heart races as I become angry at getting scared and worrying before anything has even happened; I start to have trouble catching my breath and I sweat and talk even faster and start to cry and...You get the idea.

The only thing that calmed me down today was HUBS saying that he'd rather stay poor than have me take another full time gig I'd hate that would remove most possibility of me being able to get paid to write (in the capacity that I write now, anyway). Well, that and recalling the fact that TUX threw up on the living room wall as I was doing my phone interview. HUBS laughed and it was all good again. Thank God for HUBS, y'all.

Of course, none of that panic does anything. Especially considering that within an hour and a half of the interview I got an email saying other people were more qualified for the job, so phew! On the upside, all that pacing (about an hour's worth) gave me a good start on today's cardio. Score!

Aaaaaanyway...On to brighter things. This fascinating place we call the internet has recently offered up some new and interesting corners to explore and I feel the need to share with my lovelies. Do you ever feel like the web is overwhelming? I do. I sit down with a set idea of what I want to read/do online. But, suddenly I've got 18 tabs open that are filled with things I have to read even though I didn't know they existed just moments before.



Oh well! On to linkage and happy weekends!

*Free, downloadable music mixes!

*If you were a reader of Sassy magazine as a teen or Jane as a young adult, you'll probably did this.

*Meet Madeline, she just moved to a part of the country where she doesn't know anyone.

*Make your ideas happen!

*Handy guides to help us navigate the good stuff online and apply tech tips to our lives.

*This movie was amazing and I'll be getting the soundtrack as soon as someone sells it on half.com.

*All the cool business, tech, social media and design news/tips you could want in one place.

*25 FREE calling cards until 9/23!

That's all from me for now, but tell me: Does the internet ever overwhelm you?

Consumer Warning: Useless Brassieres!

Photo

You know, we really should have known better. And by 'we' I mean me and about half of the women in my immediate family.

Imagine the scene: It was after midnight on a steamy Monday morning it late July. We all knew we should be heading for sleepy time, but decided to take one last click around the TV dial before lights out. What did we find? A segment on HSN promising a four-pack of comfortable yet supportive bras for even the biggest busted of us: the Ahh Bra. Oh, my. We are awake now.

I called my mom. What? Why did I call my mom? Because I wear a 40DD. Do you know how hard it is to find a bra that'll hoist my ladies appropriately and still feel all-day-long comfy? I'll tell you: IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

I needed to see if she saw it too, or if it was just a late night/early morning mirage; this magical bazoom master. PT saw it, and she was, like me, enthused but leery. After an hour of watching HSN models of varying bustage parading in front of us, we broke down. I went to my laptop and ordered a pack for each of us.

A week later, I had the much-lauded mammary manager in my hot little hands. And you know what? They were extremely comfortable and it was impossible to tell I was wearing a bra without looking down. Also? If you were looking at me, you wouldn't have been able to tell I was wearing a bra either, since my nipples still pointed south as I wore the thing.

I took PT her set to see what she thought, having already decided to return mine. The results were even worse for my poor mom: the bras smashed her boobies into a lumpy uni-boob.

And with that, WE WERE DONE!

So, lesson learned, my people! We listened to all those rabid fans who called in that night and paid no attention to the customer rating on the HSN website, which is only 2.4 stars out of five. Reading the reviews I can see the Ahh Bra is either love it or hate it. And while we didn't hate it we didn't love that shit either. I've already got plenty of bras that feel good but don't hold worth a damn. I don't need to spend 50 bucks on more of those.

Has anyone out there found a good, comfortable bra?

Music Monday: Happy Mother's Day!

Miller and a kitten in my bass drum.

I know I have to apologize for 'radio silence' a lot on this blog, but I want you all to know that I really do appreciate your reading, viewing, commenting and following. As much as I love the internet and blogging, I frequently need tech breaks to clear my head, watch a movie or, I don't know, read or some shit.

Did all the mothers and people with mothers they like enjoy Sunday's holiday? I certainly hope you did! HUBS and I took my mom out for BBQ at our absolute favorite place, Pappy's Smokehouse. We only spent 35 bucks and got a shit-ton of food! I love that!

PT had never been to this place before, but she really liked her food. We all ended up with leftovers, which is beyond awesome. HUBS and I were tired from some ghetto-living drama the night before so we only stayed at her place about an hour after getting back from dinner. (Some dork knuckle on the street behind us decided to fire off a shot gun. Not cool dork knuckle. Not cool at all.)

I regret that I left my mom's modest gift at home. You know how you mean to grab stuff on the way out the door, but manage to forget anyway? That's what happened. I got her a book and some supplies she can use in the computer class she's been taking, I figure I can take them to her this week, though.

In other news, Luanne was supposed to have her feeding tube taken out today. But, she got sick yesterday and didn't appear to eat or drink anything. She was really lethargic yesterday and today, though she did eat this morning when I brought food to her. So, we'll see. If you believe in praying for sick cats to get better, I'd love it if you could put a good word in for our little Luanne cat.

That's all for now. Enjoy this Sade video from the early '90s that has nothing to do with motherhood! Woooo!!!

Tuesday Tipday Wednesday: For Your Kitchen, Or, Home Ownership Can Drive You Batty

Monday's exhausting night led into an even more exhausting Tuesday. A two and a half hour nap was brought on by what can only be described as Home Repair Despair.

As I was feeding the stray cats that morning, a neighbor pointed out to me that (wait for it...) our gutters were falling down! Looks like last week's snow has melted and refrozen just enough to clog our gutters and then drag them down from the heft. The panicked anger that followed really cannot be described.

After I found someone to come out and do an estimate, I called PT to vent and broke down like the champ I am: crying hysterically, yelling, pacing the floor and barely speaking coherently from all the not-being-able-to-quite-catch-my-breath. Why so freaked out, you wonder? Well, last weekend I was setting about fulfilling 2011 goal #5, when I did the math and realized that after paying off all those credit card bills last fall, HUBS and I will still be behind (by $32.20) when the 401k money runs out.

This means that we will, once again, have negative cash left after paying all our bills. No money for groceries, toothpaste, cat food or entertainment. None. So, once the 401k train has left the station, we'll be fucked yet again. And now we have a home repair to attend to. I was hoping it would cost no more than $120, but I can deal with the $385 first estimate to replace all the gutters with stronger ones.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, on to today's tippy goodness. I told you last week how much I've come to lovelovelove Mad Hungry? Well, there's been one negative side effect: I think I'm addicted to cookbooks, because now I want every cookbook ever written. EVER.

I have spent countless hours since buying MH trolling Amazon for other cookbooks. I'm reading reviews and excerpts, comparing prices at other sellers and getting giddy from the thought of buying them. Now, since I haven't actually finished MH, I have been able to restrain myself and haven't bought a single thing. But, if chopping, peeling and measuring is your idea of a good time, today's tip comes courtesy of my current cookbook wish lists above and below.



So, what cookbooks do you love?

This Year I Will: 2011 Edition

Shakes relaxes with his body threaded through our TV antenna. Cats have such simple goals, don't they?

Yesterday you saw what I got done in 2010, now let's take a look at what I want to do in 2011. I tried to narrow the list down to things I could actually fully accomplish this year.

For instance, at first I put down 'publish a book', but that's not something that's really totally dependent on me (if I were trying to get it published through traditional means, anyway). So, I amended it to 'writing book proposals and sending them out', which is a goal I can complete this year, even if said books don't get published until 2013.

Well, then, off we go...

This Year I Will: 2011

1) Write another screenplay and enter it into at least one contest
2) Promote my blogs
3) Sell photos through at least one online agency
4) Write proposals for my book ideas and send them out
5) Create a workable budget
6) Travel more
7) Network
8) Grow my freelance career
9) Add 1,000 steps to my daily walking, to equal 6,000/day
10) Use pen tablet weekly
11) Try more new things
12) Watch less TV and do less meaningless internet roaming
13) Call PT more
14) Make the money to buy a car within two years
15) Promote past freelance work online
16) Figure out a way to organize our home library area and get more storage in this house
17) Keep track of family birthdays better and connect with family more
18) Work on becoming more sexual

There! I think that's it for me.

What do you plan to do in 2011?

How'd That Happen?

Saturday is Christmas. Which means next Saturday is 2011. How in the fuck did that happen already? I'm pretty sure I'm still 12 and hoping to stop getting zits within the next year...Right? No? What do you mean by that, exactly?

Oh, you mean I'm 36 and still have one Christmas gift to buy and about eight others to wrap? Dammit...

Well, you know how my mom and I were trying to figure out what to cook for Christmas dinner, since we've both decided we're tired of the stuff we've been making twice every year since 1994? We finally made a decision; we're not cooking. Nothing "special" anyway. No cooked-all-night dressing. No sweet potato pies. And I can honestly say I won't miss it.

The thing that'll really be odd, though, is that since we're looking at a combo of frozen rain and snow starting early on Friday, I likely won't be going to my mom's for Christmas Eve. That will be the first time, literally in my entire life, that I won't be with my mom the day before Christmas. She told me yesterday that she thinks I should just stay at home if the weather is bad, but I already feel neglectful.

And? And! I'm having end-of-year/beginning-of-year anxiety. I can never really find a good way to get myself to get things done. (Important, advance my station/happiness in life things. Not laundry type things; I do that shit all the time.)

I make To-Do lists, and do you know what happens? I do the stuff that doesn't scare me, every time. The really important things always get pushed back because they're not so easy and they freak me out and I'd rather avoid them. Even though I know avoidance has always gotten me nowhere.

Wow! I did not mean to be a downer when I started on this post. Apologies. Now enjoy a little levity via 1967...