How To Tell You've Watched A Bad Movie

I watch a lot of movies. But, every now and then I watch a movie and have no idea how I feel about it. Good movies are easy. Really bad movies are easy. But the ones in the middle? Those can be tough.

So, here's my list of 11 ways to tell a bad movie was just all up in your face.

11 Ways To Tell You've Watched A Bad Movie

1) You had no problem getting up in the middle to go to the bathroom and taking your sweet time in there.

2) You just left the theater. Wait, what was the movie about again?

3) It's opening weekend, and you were the only one in the theater.

4) You watched intently, but still felt confused during the whole thing.

5) You didn't care what happened to anyone in the movie.

6) You couldn't manage to laugh, cry or feel anxious/scared/thrilled about anything that went on during the film.

7) Whoever you went with talked to you the for the entire movie, and you didn't mind at all.

8) You spent the movie comparing plot points to other films that did them first, and better.

9) At least 25% of the audience got up during the movie and didn't come back.

10) After getting back from the bathroom you realize you missed a lot, but you can still follow the plot just fine.

11) Did you fall asleep? You don't remember?! Bad sign, my friend.

Tuesday Tip Day: Surviving The Suck Cluster

Julia's been there. We've ALL been there.

Sometimes life is pretty good. You like your job, you make good money, you have fun with your friends and stay healthy and happy.

But, you know, every now and then (or maybe more frequently than that) you feel fortunes turning against you. Everything seems off, wrong or downright bad and sad and hard to get through.

You know it when it happens.

You can tell it's coming.

You've hit what I like to call The Suck Cluster.

Unfortunately, I'm in one of these right now, and really? I've been in it since 2009. Sure, I've got a job that's going well now, so some of the pressure is off. But life has felt like a long bout of one-step-forward-two-steps-back for years.

Most recently? HUBS and I realized that our house is falling apart around us (rotten bathroom floor, rotten sill plate, flooding basement, screwed up kitchen...) and can no longer wait to be fixed. I'm having some mental issues that are affecting normal...marital functioning. My mom called me crying last week because her aunt (who she'd gotten very close to since my grandmother passed) is dying. And, on Friday, I fell down my basement stairs and needed x-rays and a few days of recovery to feel just somewhat back to normal.

Yeah, welcome to my Suck Cluster.

As with most things in life, what really matters is how you handle stuff when your own personal Suck Cluster comes calling. Here are some things that can help you navigate the tough times.

Surviving The Suck Cluster

1) Rest: You might be sad or depressed a lot from feeling the weight of the world on your shoulders. The best thing to do? NOTHING. Sleep later, nap when you need to, lay around and read, watch a funny movie...Do whatever you need to in order to relieve the pressure. If you're a control freak or simply like making plans and getting things done it'll probably be hard but you'll need to reign those tendencies in a bit to get through without wearing yourself out.

2) Do A Little Something: Whatever the issue (dying relative, illness, injury, house foundation that's rotting away under your feet...) you'll need to get something done or decided on a regular basis so you feel like you're taking care of things. For me that means seeing my therapist every two or three weeks, taking my meds, checking up on my mom and slowly re-tiling my new bathroom floor, among other things.

3) Talk: If you keep the suckiness bottled up inside it'll fester, I honestly believe that. This is what friends, therapists, spouses, parents and journals (no, those don't involve talking, but they work all the same) are for. Get all the crap that's happening and your feelings about it out so you can get on with your life. Ruminating does no one any good; it will stop numbers 1 & 2 in their tracks so that you simply can't make progress or relax. The last thing you need added to your Suck Cluster is a panic attack or worry-related sleep deprivation.

4) Release: Prepare yourself. There is no anger like the anger of a Suck Cluster. With every disappointment and bad thing that comes your way in quick succession, you WILL feel like the universe is piling on for no good reason. You're being punished. You've been forsaken. Whatever sentiment the anger is related to, you need to get that aggressive energy out before you explode all over someone who doesn't deserve it. Exercise, watch violent movies, cheer audibly as terrorists die...figure out what works and do it as often as possible.

5) Remember: If you're online a lot, and most of us are now, it can seem like you're the only one having any problems. Well, you're not. Never have been and never will be. Simply keeping that in mind can help with number 4.

YOU'RE NOT BEING PUNISHED OR TARGETED, YOU'RE JUST ALIVE. AND, WHEN YOU'RE ALIVE SHIT HAPPENS. SOMETIMES, ALL AT ONCE.

You'll deal. Because you can. Because you have to. Because, even if you don't know it, you WANT to.

What do you do when everything seems to go wrong at once?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Travel Alone

While I can admit that I don't exactly live for adventure, I have done some things in my day. Something I still count as a major accomplishment are the times, in 2005, that I braved my nerves, boarded airplanes and traveled to places I'd never before been...totally alone.

I didn't backpack through India, or do anything quite that impressive, but when it comes to doing new things we all have to start somewhere. Really, if someone as cynical, quiet and fear-filled as me can travel solo, so can you. If you've wanted to make a lone travel trek, but haven't been able to get up the nerve, here's what you need to know.

How To Travel Alone

1) Focus is helpful. My family took occasional vacations when I was a kid, but by the time I was 31, I still had a LONG list of places I wanted to see. When the whole world is an option (Or, really, the whole country. Traveling abroad cost more than I was willing to put on credit!), how do you narrow the possibilities down? I say, follow your hobbies. Something I'd always wanted to do was go to the Sundance Film Festival. So, my first solo trip was to Park City, Utah during the final weekend of the festival. Roger Ebert passed me on the street! I went to a party with Jennifer Jason Leigh!

If you enjoy yoga, find a retreat in a city you'd like to visit. Maybe you're a writer, if so, get thee to a conference. The best part about this method is that not only do you get to see new places, but you automatically surround yourself with people who share interests with you. And this makes some of the strangers in your midst EASIER TO TALK TO. Score!

2) Make yourself talk to strangers. I managed to socialize a bit at Sundance and during my trip to SXSW a couple of months later. But, mostly, I spent time exploring on my own because I'm good at being alone. I wanted to broaden my horizons, though. So, what did I do? I went to Las Vegas...and volunteered at the CineVegas Film Festival.

If there's a better way to connect with people who'll share your interests and force yourself to converse with them, I don't know what it is. During my seven-day-stay I got rides to and from my hotel from a former showgirl who'd become a real estate agent, went to a burlesque show with a director, his actor friend and another festival volunteer, and party hopped with yet another volunteer who hooked up with a now famous actor. I had an adventure! I'm sure it's possible to do that without hanging out with others, but it's probably not as much fun.

3) Be safe, not scared. I never would have had as much fun as I did had I not taken some chances. The key is simply to keep your wits about you, asses all situations/new people and don't be afraid to hurt someone's feelings if you believe you need to bail out. Some additional things to think about:

a) Keep your cell phone charged and handy. Maybe even put 911 on speed dial.
b) Ladies, if you need to carry a purse, make it one that closes fully and either fits snugly under your arm or allows you to carry it crossbody in front of you, so you always have an eye on it.
c) Consider a money belt. Withdraw the cash you'll need for the day and store it in a front pocket to eliminate the need to root around in your bag. Put your debit/credit card and a photocopy of your id in the money belt, and wear it under your clothes while you're out. This might be TMI, but I always put mine inside my pants and panties, that way if it comes unbuckled (never happened, by the way) it will stay snugly against my body and not fall out a pant leg.
d) Use common sense and trust your gut. No drinking more booze than you can handle or taking drinks from strangers who are not tending bar. Try not to walk around alone, at night in unpopulated areas. If you simple have to? Carry your keys/mace in your hand, ready to be used as a weapon if needed; walk speedily with your head up and with purpose. Folks will be less likely to mess with you if you look like you know where you're going and will take NO SHIT from random people.
e) Keep your car doors locked and don't roll non-driver windows down so much that someone could reach in and open a door on you.
f) Secure your hotel door. I braced mine with a chair, but that was before this or this.

That's it! Follow your passion to someplace cool, stay safe and have fun!

How have you traveled safely while alone?

Change Is Hard. Get Over It.

I broke out like gang busters the first two and a half weeks of this year. I made lists and plans and scheduled my days and got an article published on another website.

Then, last Wednesday hit. And I had a little panic attack over all the alerts that kept ringing on my phone telling me I needed to do this, that or the other thing. I managed to work on an essay I want to get published a bit on Friday, but that's been it.

I am in full avoidance mode.

Obviously, this isn't on purpose. I want to still be moving full-steam ahead. Instead, I spent over an hour on Twitter this afternoon. Since I was sick on Monday and had to really fight off a panic attack yesterday, I'm going to give myself a bit of a break on this.

I'll admit it, I almost had a full-on freak out about not getting more done. Luckily, before it took over I realized something:

ALL CHANGES THAT MATTER WILL BE HARD. I WILL FALTER FROM TIME TO TIME. GETTING BACK ON TRACK BY TRYING AGAIN IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.

We get so wrapped up (especially around the beginning of the year) in changing, doing, growing and moving that we tend to forget that the biggest part of change is forgiveness of self when we get discouraged and trying to keep going when we don't feel like it.

Why is this so hard to remember? A lot of us make plans for doing things differently, have a setback and then say fuck it and go back to business as usual. At least, I know I do.

I'm working on GETTING UP AGAIN WITHOUT PUTTING MYSELF DOWN FOR FALLING IN THE FIRST PLACE. So should you.

We're only human.

Change is hard.

We'll make mistakes.

Give yourself a break.

Keep trying.

What do you try to keep in mind when you have a setback?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Keep December From Sucking

Aw, yeah!

I have never had holiday anxiety. In fact, it's one of the few forms of anxiety I haven't dealt with. But, some people go crazy at this time of year trying to make everything perfect. And in their endless quest, they make December the suckiest time of year instead of the happiest.

Well, if this sounds like you, I've got some tips to help you out.

How To Keep December From Sucking

1) Perfect schmerfect. You know there's no such thing as perfection, right? Then why are you losing your mind over something you can never achieve? Not to mention the fact that everyone's idea of "perfect" will be different anyway, so no matter what you do something will be left out for someone. Think about this: if these people didn't like you they wouldn't be hanging out with you during the holidays. YOU DO NOT NEED TO IMPRESS THESE FOLKS. ALL THEY WANT IS TIME WITH YOU. Ok?

2) Rest, relax, repeat. Here's what I think most people really want from the holidays: time off from school or work and...wait for it...FUN. That's right. They want to catch up on their favorite magazines, clear out their Netflix cue and sleep until noon after staying up too late. Ask yourself how your friends and family can have fun watching you do your best impression of a whirling dervish as they try to relax. If they care about you, they probably can't. So, you know, calm the shit down already and enjoy yourself!

3) It's as easy as it looks. If you're used to running yourself ragged for Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Whatever perfection, you may literally not be able to relax about it. So, go nuts over something else. Sleep more, exercise more, watch more TV or throw yourself into learning a new language or an instrument. But, keep your obsessive behavior away from holiday planning.

4) But there's so much to do! There really isn't. Even if you haven't done a holiday related thing until December 15. The key here is knowing your limits. Not the limits you impose on yourself to get all the crap done you think you need done, but your actual holiday planning limits considering all the other stuff you do. And the answer to that, you ask?

5) No man is an island. Come on, you have a significant other or kids or friends, right? Make them do some of the things you want done. That party you're planning can turn into a pot-luck. Someone else can hang lights, buy the tree, make cookies, clean the bathroom, get a gift for your youngest daughter's former piano teacher, etcetera, etcetera. Get over the idea that nothing is done correctly unless you do it and every day will suck a lot less from now on.

How do you stay calm during the holidays?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Cook Like You Mean It

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Preparing meals at home can save you some serious money. I happen to enjoy cooking; trying new recipes and making new dishes out of whatever I have on hand. If you're sort of useless in the kitchen, but want to get the hang of something other than boiling water, you're in luck. Here's how to give good food.

How To Cook Like You Mean It

1) Begin at the beginning. If you only eat at home by opening a box of this or a can of that, you need to get a handle on some basics first. You can get a fancy how-to-cook book from the library and stress out over reading it. But, I think it would be better to watch others cook more than anything else. Find yourself a cooking show you can get into and tune in as often as possible.

2) Start slow. Some of the easiest ways to get comfortable with cooking is to get started with something super simple. Like sandwiches. If all you ever do is slap baloney on bread with mustard, try adding fancy lettuce, a new type of bread or another flavor of mustard. Getting something easy right will give the the courage to try even more new things.

3) Know what you like. One of the keys to creating a good meal is knowing what flavors go together. Whenever you eat out, take your desire to try new foods along and experiment with different flavors, textures and things you haven't had before. It can also be helpful to eat old favorites in new ways, as well. If you think McDonald's has the best burger, go out and try a burger at Red Robin. If you don't already have a handle on it, start a list of all the foods/flavors you like and add to it whenever you find something new.

4) Get those toes wet. Now that you know some stuff the only thing left to do is start cooking. As soon as your favorite chef makes something you like the thought of, that is also easy to prepare, take note. If you're nervous to jump right into making a full blown meal, that's OK. Instead of making the whole dish, try acing part of it: pasta sauce, gravy, grilled fish, cheese sauce...You can always refrigerate or freeze that bit of the dish until you feel ready to tackle the rest.

5) Jump on in. Hey, you mastered that pasta sauce, didn't you? Watch that episode as many times as needed and go ahead and figure out the rest of the meal. Keep in mind that you don't necessarily need a bunch of fancy tools to cook a good meal. You can also substitute some ingredients for others to get the same type of flavor. A quick Google of "what can I use instead of (insert ingredient here)" should take you to other options. And don't be afraid of short cuts. I never buy heavy cream, for instance, instead I use a can of milk and everything turns out fine.

6) Experiment some more. Once you get that first dish down, keep trying. Now might be a good time to get a cookbook that focuses on your favorite type of food and to add to your cooking show watching. Also, take the list of foods/flavors and use it to help you spruce up simple things or create your own things. Found out you like caramelized onions? Find a recipe and add them to that boxed mac 'n' cheese you plan to make.

As someone who makes up dishes a lot I can tell you that you'll get a great meal 95% of the time if you mix ingredients that you enjoy. (Within reason, of course. Chocolate and ketchup on anything would probably be a disaster, you know.) The other 5% of the time, you'll get a good meal. And there's nothing wrong with that!

7) Make your debut. An official dinner party isn't necessary, but letting someone else eat your creations is. To really get comfortable with cooking you'll need some feedback to see what's working or could use some work. Who knows? The person you cook for might be able to help broaden your horizons even more.

8) Keep on truckin'. The first time I tried brown rice I hated it. Hated it so much, in fact, that it took me over 10 years to try the stuff again. But, when I did? I loved it! Now I can't live without it in the cabinet. The message here is to keep trying. Maybe you won't get the appeal of kale the first time you use it. Look for a recipe that has a lot of other things you do like in it and give it another shot. If you still aren't hot on it after that, it's fine to let it go.

I know that's sort of a long list, but it's not that hard to fix a satisfying meal from scratch if you give it a bit of effort. Good luck!

How do you add special touches to simple foods?

Sunday Dinner: Multi Use Steak

Fall is prime comfort food time. Everything warm and gooey is good to eat when the weather gets chilly.

Last week I made steak. It's so easy to cook things exactly the same way, but a tiny bit of effort will usually get you something you want to eat again and again that's also different enough to keep you interested.

My easy-way steak includes a simple salt and peppering, maybe some onions and a good stint in the oven. But, I found an easy recipe in Real Simple that I was able to turn into something that I think was even better.

Multi Use Steak

1 steak
pineapple juice
low sodium soy sauce
salt & pepper
1 medium onion, sliced
1 green pepper, sliced
1 pound or more baby carrots, halved lengthwise
about a 1/4 cup butter or margarine
about a 1/4 cup whole wheat or regular flour
rice or pasta

Salt and pepper your steak and marinate it in equal parts soy sauce and pineapple juice, enough to at least cover the sides of the steak. Marinate for at least two hours, turning over half way through.

Bake, with juices, covered with foil on 350 degrees until done. For my medium sized steak it took 40 minutes.

Drain juices into sauce pan, add butter and heat on medium until melted. Stir in flour until you get a thick gravy. Cover and take off heat.

This can be eaten by itself with mashed potatoes, but you can get more creative. I sliced onion and green pepper and sauteed them with a bit of cooking spray until they began to caramalize. While that was cooking I roasted some baby carrots with olive oil, salt and pepper. Slice the steak thinly, add it to the skillet and you can pour this, with the gravy and carrots over cooked rice or pasta.

Or, (and this is how my husband ate it) you can add cheese sauce to the pepper/onion/steak mixture, put it on some hearty bread and have cheese steak sandwiches.

See? One steak easily gives us three different meal options. Not bad, huh?

What foods do you cook and reuse in different ways for multiple meals?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Care For Others Without Losing Your Mind

My mom cared for my grandmother for 10 years of her life. For the last eight of those years, they lived together.

The most important thing for P.T. was my grandmother. While that's completely understandable and commendable, it meant mom did things like go a whole day without eating, forgetting to take her blood pressure pills and skipping her own doctor's appointments.

In short, P.T. lost her mind.

If there's one thing I've learned in the six weeks I had to help HUBS while he was on medical leave, it's that the person you love may be sick, but if you devote all your time to them you'll lose yourself, neglect yourself and get bitter.

Here are my tips for staying sane when caring for loved ones.

How To Care For Others Without Losing Your Mind

1) Calm down. It's hard to be in pain. But I know that it's also incredibly difficult to watch someone else experience pain (especially if you love them and can't do anything to help them). Try to find constructive ways to release that anxiety. Scream into a pillow, punch a stuffed animal. Watch a reality show filled with stupid people (That's 99% of reality shows! You won't have trouble finding one!) and yell at the screen. Yessss...Better.

2) You matter, too. Get regular checkups. Take your medicine. Bathe, for God's sake. But! Don't just do the things you have to. If life is chock-a-block with responsibilities but no fun, you'll get miserable pretty damn fast. Find time to read your favorite magazines, work on your illustrations or have coffee with a friend. You'll be a better care-taker if you remember that your body and mind need nurturing too.

3) Don't fear boundaries. In order to get all this "me" time in between medication schedules, procedures and appointments, you might need to tell your patient that there are certain times of the day and/or week when you'll be doing your own thing. If taking a three hour bath while you drink wine and watch porn is the only thing that'll relax you, step up and let them know you need that time. You porn addicted winos, you.

4) Separate is not equal. If you're dealing with someone whose mental or physical functioning has dropped dramatically, it can be hard to separate them from their illness. Thereby making it easier to get mad when they do/say bone-headed things. Remember - they are not the illness. Now, if they constantly treat you like crap, that will need to be discussed. But, a bit of poor attitude is to be expected when a long-term debilitating condition sets in. Get mad at the condition and find a way to lighten the mood for both of you.

Are these steps easy? Not at all. Plus, it'll take some self-control not to fall back into a them-them-them mindset. But, as doing yoga and going to bed early have taught me as of late, you'll be glad you made the effort.

Have you ever cared for a sick family member or friend for a long period of time? Hit the comments and let us know how you coped.

Heal Thyself!

So, aside from trying to get better and help HUBS get better this past month, I've also been reading a book that was suggested to me by a reader of this blog (Thanks, Jeri!).

The Depression Cure was written by a doctor who created a drug-free program to help people kick their depression symptoms in the ass.

What I love most about the program is that everything is doable, inexpensive or free and based on some pretty simple ideas. Since we tend to close ourselves off from life when we're depressed, we end up making things worse because, guess what? We need to get some exercise, hang out with people, sleep a solid part of the night, go outside and see the sun and do things we enjoy so that we stop dwelling on our problems (perceived and real).

I haven't fully implemented all of his ideas, mostly because there's still a bit of upheaval around these parts, but I am happy about what I've been able to do so far.

1) I'm taking an omega 3 supplement because it's been shown to help with mood.

2) I've been using Breathe Right strips since Friday, and they have greatly helped my ability to sleep through the night. (With the exception of Monday night, when I was up for an hour and 40 minutes dealing with a bout of food poisoning. I'm done with you, Applebee's.)

3) Now that it's cooler outside, I've been spending a lot more time outside in the sun. Not purposely soaking up the sun, but not actively staying to the shadows when I'm outside, either.

4) With all our HUBS medical trips of the past few weeks, I've probably talked to more people this month than I have all summer. Even though doing so much of it was annoying at times, I know it's better than locking myself away in my cat-filled house on a daily basis.

5) I let HUBS talk me into swimming last week. His physical therapist said it would be good for his back and leg, and he found a place with a whirlpool, sauna and steam room to help with my congestion that we could try for free. And, you know what? I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was free. We went in the middle of the week at night so hardly anyone was there. The pool was a balmy 84 degrees so it didn't shock to get into or out of. The whirlpool without bubbles was to die for. You have my heart Jewish Community Center. You. Have. My. Heart.

6) I've become completely absorbed in the games on my phone. Ruminating is one thing that will make depression worse every time. I needed to get my mind off things and turned to my neglected game apps. It has worked tremendously. I even had HUBS futz with my phone to give me more storage space so I could add more games. I'm loving the freedom it's giving my brain!

I plan to do more as I feel better. Honestly, I feel like I have some control over my symptoms for the first time in my life. If nothing else, this program works just by giving me hope of being able to beat this thing. Plus, I'll have a nice list of steps I can take to make things better when I start to get down.

If you're battling the blues or full blown depression, I cannot say enough to recommend getting your hands on this book. I really believe it will help.

Do you have any tried and true methods for beating back the blues? I'd love to hear them, so share in the comments!

Tuesday Tipday: How To Look (Sorta) Good When You Feel Like Crap

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Well, well. I'm finally almost getting over my feeling of being exiled by illness. And while I'm no where near 100%, I am bolstered by a good bath and hair combing.

Why are those things so important? Because when you're sick, whether those are physical or mental blahs you're dealing with, it's easy to get mired in bed with ratty hair and dirty pajamas. Sometimes that's OK. But sometimes, you absolutely need to leave the house. And when that happens, you should try to look presentable enough that everyone you come into contact with doesn't frown upon seeing you and ask, "Do you want me to call someone for you?"

Here now? My tips to look less like the crap that you feel.

How To Look (Sorta) Good When You Feel Like Crap

1) Get up slowly. OK, so you have to be somewhere. If at all possible don't make this a first-thing-in-the-morning kind of appointment. In my experience, that will just make you angry. Shoot for an out-the-door time of 10 or 11 am. That way you can roll out of bed, relax for a bit and then ease yourself into presentability. Also? Don't pretend you'll be any more ready for leaving the house after noon. Give yourself too much time, and it will just get harder to be motivated. And you know it.

2) Some grooming is essential. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I am the most kempt person while ill. I am not. But when you need to show your face to the world, you gotta do something. If you can't get with brushing your teeth, eat something that smells good before you leave. Nobody can use their breath as a knockout weapon after having peppermint candy or a chocolate chip cookie.

Don't feel like combing your knotty mess of hair? This is what scarves, hats, ponytails and razors were invented for. Too tired to bathe? Clean the essentials. Yeah, those essentials. (Though I must say, a cap full of bleach in a hot-as-I-can-stand tub full of water always does wonders when I feel like shit.)

3) Eat. Something! Maybe you've been losing precious nutrients through no volition of your own during this time and you're a bit afraid of ingesting anything that will upset the delicate balance of your tummy. If you're going to keep your wits about you in the world at large, you'll need some food in you.

Saltines and Sierra Mist may not be exciting, but they'll stop you from fainting in Sears. So will a bit of white rice with sugar (no milk or butter unless your illness involves no intestinal difficulties...trust me if you haven't learned this lesson for yourself) or dry toast.

4) Decoration becomes you. Put on your best looking, non-confining clothes. Lip balm if you're a guy, lip gloss and blush (if you can stand it) for the ladies. Add big shades for your undoubtedly weary eyes and nice, but comfy, shoes. There! That wasn't so hard! Now, get out of the house and get your shit done so you can crawl back into bed as soon as possible.

Tuesday Tipday: How To Face Abundance That Isn't Yours

When I'm having a hard time, it's difficult for me to watch strangers be happy. I'm not proud of that, but there it is. I don't want other people to be miserable, but if I'm down I don't want to be a witness to their good fortune, either.

And, really? I don't think I'm alone in this. We all get jealous from time to time. Sometimes, when you're struggling with what you don't have, it's impossible to see anything else but what others do have. And it always seems like so much more than what you've got. There are a few things you can do to keep from losing your mind whenever you see someone with more (success, free time, money, fame, talent, joy, luck, classic cars...)of what you want.

How To Face Abundance That Isn't Yours

1) Focus: What's leading to the feelings of inadequacy? Facebook? Twitter? Monthly meetups with high school classmates? Give it a rest for a bit and concentrate on your life and whatever is working. Even if it's tiny. You finally finished that book of crossword puzzles! Your cat's gotten over her cold! The old man who stares at you while licking his lips wasn't on the bus today! Technically, I suppose this is what's commonly referred to as "gratitude", but I've decided I don't like that word. It sounds too lofty; like whatever you chose to spotlight had better be a major life-changer. Big stuff is fine, but since most of us only get little victories on a regular basis, those are the ones to focus on.

2) They don't have your stuff: For some reason this one's especially hard to remember. Here's the truth: just because you want to become a well-known and widely respected singer/songwriter doesn't mean that Taylor Swift got your mojo. Neither did John Mayer or Kanye West or anyone else who's doing what you want to be doing at a high level. While it's true that some people have more opportunities than others, everybody has their own juice. No one else has your money or your fame or your talent. They've made the most of what they were given and you have to do the same.

3) We never see the whole story: Another thing I'm not proud of is one of my jealousy coping mechanisms. Whenever I see someone my age or younger in a fabulous car, say a Bentley convertible, I invent bad stuff for their life. He lives in his car. His toddler son is a terror. He stole all the money he used to buy the car and will soon be caught and imprisoned...You get the picture. My point, though somewhat mean, is surprisingly valid. When you look at someone's Facebook page, do you know what they're sharing?

THE GOOD STUFF. ONLY THE GOOD STUFF!

No one is telling you about the toe they broke finishing that 25 mile marathon. They don't mention all the food they wasted trying to create the dish that won $10,000 in a recipe contest. Everyone's life is difficult in some way; they just don't make a habit of splashing those tribulations all over the internet. Remember that next time you're filled with envy.

Tuesday Tipday: How To Make Housework Less Horrible

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I don't know about you, but I find housework to be a necessary evil. Of course there's a momentary sense of accomplishment when I finally complete some chore or other. But, I'm always irritated by the fact that within a week all that hard work will need to be done again. Here are some tips to make the process less painful.

How To Make Housework Less Horrible

1) Make it enjoyable: Unless you find sweeping, dusting and baseboard cleaning relaxing, I know this might seem impossible. But! We have music for a reason, you know. Blast the most distracting, fun, dance-your-ass-off tunes, get in the mood to move and cleaning will go by faster than you know.

2) Make it necessary: Remember when you were a kid and your mom made you make your bed everyday before school to teach you about responsibility...or something? Stop that. If housework gives you fits, stop doing the things you don't have to do, or at least stop doing them so often. Don't move all your furniture to vacuum on a weekly basis; maybe do it once every two months. Ease up on yourself for God's sake!

3) Make it even(er): If your spouse and/or kids and/or long-term house guests aren't pulling their cleaning weight, it's time for that crap to end. Sit them down and tell them that you will no longer do everything. Make assignments that require them to take care of their duties on a regular rotation that you can both agree on. Then, let it go. Try to forget how you would do it as long as it gets done; otherwise you'll stress yourself out and might as well still be handling it yourself.

4) Make it slow: I know. It's hard to keep up with the little stuff with everything else going on. But, I also know what's it's like to let all the dusting, baseboard cleaning, window washing, laundry and furniture cat-hair de-fluffing go until it all needs doing at once. Pick a day, pick a thing, do that and only that and get on with your life. Then next week (day, month...year) do it again.

*What household chores do you hate?

*I cannot stand to vacuum. I feel like I'm dying when I do it, which is how HUBS ended up on vacuum duty as of two years ago.

Tuesday Tipday: How To Say No

...These women were unable to say no. You don't want to end up like them, in a bundle on the floor with your ass showing, do you?

If you look at a women's magazine in any given month, chances are you will come upon an article discussing how hard it is for women to say no to demands on their time by other people.

Not only have I never been one of these women, but I don't entirely understand them. Maybe it's because I don't have children or tons of family responsibilities, or maybe it's because a sometimes not so gentle undercurrent of depression runs through my everyday life. Either way, I'm pretty good at saying no.

So, for everyone who has trouble with it, here are some steps you can take to free yourself from the tyranny of yes.

How To Say No

1) Start with yourself. "No" seems so negative, doesn't it? You probably don't say it because you're afraid of hurting people's feelings or seeming selfish. The first key is to stop thinking about "no" in such negative terms. When you say NO to other people, what you're really doing is saying YES to yourself. If you're faced with a business offer or invitation, or asked for money you'd rather not give, think about what you need to do with the time, money, knowledge or whatever else has been asked of you. When you think of saying NO to others as simply saying YES to your own life, it's easier to realize it's not so bad.

2) Work up to it... If you really can't fathom turning down any request, you may need to ease yourself into it. Would you like to come to my Bachelorette finale viewing party? asks the woman at work you hate talking to in regards to a show you happen to also hate. Tell her you need to check your calendar, then when she asks again a few days later, thank her for the invitation and tell her you've got a family event that night. She doesn't need to know that "family event" is code for a long bath, delivered pizza and a Gilmore Girls marathon with your husband.

3) ...But don't coddle yourself. The white lie route will only get you so far. Plus, you can't do that forever. Eventually you're going to have to bust out the dreaded two letter word. Practice with those small, everyday questions if working up to no keeps you stuck in I'll-think-about-it land. Do you want fries with that? NO. Can I talk to you about our new credit protector plan? NO. Are you alright? NO. The sex was good last night, wasn't it? NO. You get the picture...

4) Stay positive. Remember that you're only saying no to say yes to your own needs. As a result, it's often a good idea to couch your response in as much positivity as you can, depending on the situation. Here's how this works. You get the question: We really need a new chair for this event. You've worked with us for a long time, would you like to take over? You think: The reason they need a new chair is because the stress of planning always drives the previous chair insane. I am too busy, important and happy to go crazy right now. You say: Wow, thanks for thinking of me, but, no. I really have too much going on to devote enough time to chairing the event. I'll certainly volunteer again, though! See? Easy!

Now go take that bath, eat that pizza and watch TV. You've earned it!

What do you have trouble saying no to?