A Little Bit Of Progress

You know what was nice about this weekend? What was nice about this weekend was that, for once, I didn't chicken out of a networking event. On Sunday night I went to a Girlfriend Circles meeting. There were two other women there and we had a good time talking about pets, parenting (even though none of us has kids), jobs and life in general. We even had to be kicked out of the cafe' where we met because we were still there a half hour after they'd closed.

It felt so freakin' good to talk to other women! In person! Even though we're basically strangers! We've already made plans to meetup again late next month. Isn't that cool? I might get some good friends out of this!

I think there was momentum left over from that meeting. I went to a screening for a movie I'm reviewing yesterday morning, and I talked to people! I even got a business card from one guy and sent him an email today.

EXPANSION and CONNECTION can be lovely things.

Friends In High Places

Debby, during our trip to Branson

My best friend Debby died seven years ago on a hailing, storm-ridden morning in Spring. Actually, I don't know if she considered me her best friend. We never talked about it or analyzed it, we just up and started doing everything together one day.

We worked at the same company. I was the newbie, and also the youngest non-intern there. She took me under her wing, asking me to do something with her during our off hours one day. It was so long ago now that I can't even remember what it was. But, it wasn't long before we were visiting new restaurants together, having pizza parties during the Golden Globes and gossiping about co-workers and bosses and people we didn't know. We took shopping road trips to Branson and Schaumberg, IL, went to movies on weekends, did concerts after work, pulled pranks on our office manager together and dissected the latest episodes of Gilmore Girls and The X-Files over extended coffee breaks.

I don't think I ever told Debby everything. Like about how lonely I'd been before we started hanging out. Or how I'd never been on a date and was a virgin. I certainly never mentioned that I'd always felt like a loser. But it really didn't matter. Because with Debby around everything was better. Brighter, happier, bolder, more interesting and exciting.

Debby was really quite different from me. She was a few years older (You'll think it's silly, but I never asked her age. Again, it didn't matter.) and the kind of outgoing, outspoken person that many people loved. (Unless they disliked her. Which was usually either because she'd put them in their place or was obviously liked by more people then they were.) She'd been around and done stuff and known people, which I hadn't.

She also had the kind of loud, addictive laugh that would stop the whole office and have our co-workers asking What? What's so funny? Tell me! Debby was also the best gift-giver I've ever known. Mention a thing once, briefly and in passing, and you were guaranteed to have it either on your birthday or at Christmas. Guaranteed.

Debby was not the only best friend I'd ever had. There were Danielle and Chiquita in grade school. Sara in high school. Emily in high school, college and a few years after college. I'd never quite had a friend like Debby, though, and I don't know if it'd be possible to have a friend that cool again. But, I'd like to try.

I'm now four years deep into my friend desert. After quitting the company where I met Debby, I was left with one friend from the old co-working gang who keeps in touch on a regular basis. We meet once a year for our shared birthday and email a few times beyond that. She's got three kids, a husband, a full time job, is running her own business on the side and doesn't even live in the same state as me. This is why we see each other once a year.

Emily found me on Facebook last year and we talk on the phone every month or so. Why don't we hang out? She's got a husband who works crazy hours and a rambunctious three-year-old...Oh, yeah, and in the past year she's moved from Boston to Chicago to a beach-side city in California. I still lay my head down in our hometown of St. Louis every night.

I need some girl talk. Some shopping trips and concert-going hijinks and female bonding sessions that begin with crying and end with raucous laughter. As nice as my family is, I need face time with other women who are not related to me.

If you're looking for the same thing, but are anxiety-ridden about trying to friend folks as an adult (like me), you should read the book I finished last week. MWF Seeking BFF by Rachel Bertsche. Rachel found herself in a new city without her network of besties around and decided to go on one friend date a week for a whole year. It took guts (Debby would approve), but it worked.

And when you're feeling weary and alone there's nothing better than knowing that someone walked the path before you and made it work.

Tuesday Tipday: Christen Your Year...Again!

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2011 was the first time I tried giving a year an overarching goal by christening it my year of EXPANSION.

Now, while I'll admit I didn't do much that folks would consider revolutionary, I did make steps. And steps are important. You don't get anywhere without them, even the tiny ones. So, for just a minute, I'd like to publicly congratulate myself for doing some stuff differently on occasion.

*pats self on back*
*laughs hysterically*
*does cartwheel...in head*
*applauds wildly*

OK! That was fun! You should try it, too, because I know you must have done something new, different or scary last year. Maybe you tried a new food, or visited a new city or went to a movie by yourself for the first time ever. Go ahead, take a minute and celebrate your ability to leave your comfort zone.

*envisions everyone celebrating themselves and is happy*

There. See? It's nice, right? Alright, now let's talk about what 2012 is going to be about. Since I'm still at the infant stages of EXPANSION, I'm actually going to be so bold as to add a goal instead of substituting EXPANSION for another one.

What's my added goal for 2012? CONNECTION. I've talked here and there about the loneliness of writing from home and my need for more buddies. And now, I'm going to make it a priority to get out of the house and actually talk to some people. Holy shit, you guys. My heart started racing just writing that. I'm gonna write it again...

I'M MAKING IT A PRIORITY TO TALK TO MORE PEOPLE. SPECIFICALLY IN THE HOPES OF MAKING MORE FRIENDS.

Egad! It's there for all the world to see! As with my efforts in EXPANSION, I'll tag each post with CONNECTION so you can follow my progress. This post will get a nice tag to that effect since HUBS and I went to an after church dinner meeting on Sunday. Turns out it wasn't quite what we expected, but we went. That was a big step for us loners!

So, how will you christen 2012?

Hump Day: The Revelation!

Welcome back, lovelies! I hope everyone had a fantastic Thanksgiving filled with food, fun and free time.

For the first time in over a decade, PT and I did not make our famous sweet potato pies. Mom just didn't feel like it. She also told me she didn't want to cook anything much, so I didn't go over on Thanksgiving Eve. Then, when HUBS and I got there the next night, she'd made everything we usually cook except for homemade dressing: candied yams, rolls, her mac-n-cheese and home-cooked veggies (corn on the cob and green beans with ham hocks).

Clearly she felt more like cooking then she let on.

HUBS and I spent the rest of the weekend eating leftovers, finishing up my birthday freebie food and watching movies. The beginning of this week was kind of dead; dreary, cold days that are good for sleeping late and lazing around, which is mostly what I did.

Today, though, was crisp and bright. I headed out to my local Panera Bread to get a small lunch and work on some writing ideas that have been twirling around the ol' noggin. It really was a nice time. I got some writing and reading done, including article ideas and a new screenplay that came out of watching Friends With Benefits this summer and finding it inadequate.



While I was flipping through my relatively new idea book I noticed something. All my previous entries were on Wednesdays. Then I looked through my to-do lists that I keep on my phone and noticed that quite a few of those were made for battling mid-week blues as well. Apparently, Wednesday and I have a love affair going on and I didn't even realize it!

Has this happened to anyone else? Where you've noticed that you get more done on a certain day of the week? I don't know what it is about hump day for me, but I've decided to go with it and declare it my ACTION DAY. The day when I'll jump into action every week, if not earlier.



Look at today. Aside from getting work done I even managed to work in some EXPANSION. I sat down next to a lady who was working on her laptop and we chatted a bit about the food, then did each other the favor of watching our things as we alternately took breaks or got up for coffee.

When she was about to leave I asked if she worked out of the restaurant a lot and when she said that she often did, I gave her my card and told her to call if she was planning to come over and wanted a friendly face to look after her things. She took it and then handed over one of her cards after I asked for it. So, yea! I might have a "work" buddy soon.

Hump Day is good!

Expansion Wednesday!

I did it again! I did something new and different last night; I went to a writer's group.

Remember last week, when I went to my first networking event? Well, I said I was going to another one this week, and though this wasn't strictly for networking it was nice to get out and get some EXPANSION accomplished.

I had signed up for another networking event, but when I was looking at Meetup.com, I saw that there was a writer's group having a meeting last night also. It sounded like there was going to be some good info dispensed, and part of the reason for the networking is to get to know other writers, so I opted for the writer's group.

It lasted for about two hours. Our leader is a business woman/consultant who's (obviously, I suppose) written some books on business and a bit of fiction. She reminds me of Amy Sedaris: tiny, fit, blond, tanned, talks a lot and kinda fast, and she likes to joke around.

They meet every two weeks and I believe I'll be going back. Afterwards I talked to one of the other writers who had come in late with a book on screenwriting. I was nervous to strike up a conversation, but I couldn't not talk to another person interested in writing movies, right?

EXPANSION, HO! (That's like "WESTWARD, HO" not expansion is a ho...Get it?)

Expansion Is Awesome!

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Look at me internet! I did something new and scary this week. Friends, I finally went to a networking event!

I know this may not sound like a big deal to many of you, but the idea of throwing myself into a room full of strangers and talking about myself is, horrifying? Alarming? Sweat-producing? Vomit-inducing? Yeah, all that and more, trust me.

I almost didn't go. The two previous nights I'd gone to bed past 2 a.m., so I was seriously sleep-deprived. I also needed a shower and was in an assy mood (because of the no sleep thing). But? But, I pulled myself together in a couple of hours and went anyway! Yes, dammit!

Every time I considered not going I felt really disappointed in myself. Which is a far cry from the other times I'd vaguely planned to go to a networking event and then crapped out on myself. Normally, I decide to stay home (sometimes for actual reasons, but mostly for chicken-shittery) and that's it. I ruminate over how I should have gone for about two minutes and then forget it.

This time, though, when I've been talking about EXPANSION this year and haven't actually done much of it, I could tell that I would really hold this not-going against myself. If I didn't go now, when the year is half over, I figured I never would. The very least I could do was go and see what happened, right? I figured if I got there and it was really an animalistic orgy I could always leave early.

Of course it wasn't that bad! It wasn't the most fun I'd ever had, or anything (due to the terror), but I didn't embarrass myself, either. So, Yay! Plus, I got some leads from a couple of the other networkers that could really help me out vis-a-vis more freelance work.

I'm planning, again and for real, to go to another event from a different networking group next Tuesday. I'll let you know how it turns out!

What was the last scary task you completed that you'd been meaning to do forever?

Music Monday On Tuesday! Music For Expansion

My apologies for not posting yesterday. I joined HUBS at his job for the day and forgot that their internet security settings block blogger. We didn't leave there until around 7:30 p.m., and then we headed out to St. Peters for dollar bowling and hot dogs at the Brunswick Zone XL.

I hope everyone had a great weekend that wasn't too cold or snowy or cabin-fevery. We got about eight inches of snow last Wednesday and then another two yesterday. Luckily, it didn't stick to the streets where I live, so it didn't really effect travel...though, we ended up not doing any of that anyway. We spent the day eating leftovers and watching the last three episodes of The Walking Dead, which (surprisingly) didn't stop me from going to sleep that night at all. Yay!



Now, about my EXPANSION project for the year. I had a breakthrough moment last Tuesday when I was shopping at PetCo. I always take a brief look at the cats they have up for adoption, and this time there was a woman and her toddler looking around also. She mentioned something to me about how all the cats seemed huge to her and we started chatting. We ended up talking for about 20 minutes as we wandered around the store to keep up with her roaming daughter. It was so much fun! And? She's also a photographer!

We're around the same age and seem to have plenty of things in common, and she even cursed while we were talking so I won't have to watch my sometime horrible potty mouth around her. We exchanged info and she friended me on Facebook Thursday. I cannot tell you how awesome it feels to connect with another photo chick. The big thing now will be staying in touch with her and actually having some face time now and then. We could go on photo walks, maybe, and stop for lunch or coffee. Yes! I am EXPANDING my life!