Wow. There is nothing like a work sponsored happy hour with a three hour all-you-can-eat/drink special to bring out the best (worst) in co-workers. NOTHING!
Me and my boy set out late on Thursday so only had an hour and a half to get our $25 worth outta the deal. Not being much of a drinker myself, I ate my way out of another pair of pants. Meanwhile, my boy had 5 (totally different) martinis, 1 margarita and a beer. Can you imagine how stone cold drunk my boy was? Maybe you don't know enough about him yet. Let me relay an excerpt of our conversation as an example.
Me: "Oh my God. You are really drunk!"
My boy (whispering/slobbering in my ear): "I would like to make sweet loving fuck to you."
Me: "Unh hunh..."
Anyhoodle. My work buddies were there. AM came without her fiance' because he was an ass the night before and she didn't want to see his face while she was trying to have fun. My supervisor NM came, staked out a bar stool and didn't move all night. BFF AR and SW organized the shindig to raise money for us and brought a huge crowd of friends. Unfortunately they both found themselves getting bitched out by a bartender when a patron lost his dinner all over the floor, and went right back to drinking without hesitation. Oh, and that patron? The father of my good friend J, who had already mortified the poor girl when he changed pants in the middle of the room for all to see. Yay, drunk people are so much fun! Luckily, our NM heard some of the bitch-out and put Mr. Mean Bartender in his place. We all love our NM, she kicks ass without even trying!!
This particular bartender was a total asshat tiddyfuck. Yes. I said it. We all paid $25 to suck down as much food and drink as we could, right? Well, this assjack got pissed because people were taking too much food, according to him. Why was he paying attention? More importantly, who cares? If they paid their presidents they should be able to take as much food at a time as they want. The bar's job is simply to refill the food table. M'kay? And about not letting folks take more than one drink at a time? That, if nothing else, elects ken-doll bartender dude to the post of Supreme Bungholery. Yeah, that's it. Also, fuckface, next time the all-you-can-drink portion is 5 minutes next to done and people rush the bar to get their last orders in...DO NOT IGNORE THEM FOR THAT FULL FIVE MINUTES JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE APPARENTLY A LAZY SCHLONGHEAD. Are we clear, blondie? We should never do another event there.
In other news, Tux attacked me several times on Saturday night and then took to clawing/biting our feet as we tried to sleep. WTF!?!?! I guess the fact that we feed and house and play with that little fucker isn't enough for him. Any cat educated people out there know why a 7 month old kitten would do such a nasty, beastly thing? Even better, know how we can stop it?