Thursday, August 03, 2006

I Am Awesome; Word To Ya Mutha

I have to admit, y'all, I'm feeling pretty cool today. On Monday I got word that I'll be writing film reviews for a smallish locally based national entertainment magazine. You're jealous, I know. The deep, dark green of envy is seeping through the internet at me. Don't deny it.

Payment is not an option right now, as I am trying to prove myself to them. Also, I'll be reviewing the crap-no-one-else-wants. But this is A-OK, internet. Because I HAVE AN OFFICIAL FILM RELATED JOB!

What else is happening. Oh yeah, we here in the Midwest had some horrible storms two weeks ago, right when it became unbearably hot. This of course knocked out power to about (I kid you not) 500,000 people. Including EVERYONE in my family. Auntie's Ro, Bev and Bonnie. Uncle's Jerry and James. And the capper, the best of less-than-healthy grandmother who lives with my heat averse mom. They were without power for NINE DAYS, internet! The boy and I went over last Wednesday with McDonald's, batteries, an extra flashlight and a new store of ice. Holy fuck, folks. It was so hot in there that my hair melted right off my head. I had to gather the hair puddle and put it in a cooler. And, yeah, they were living off ONE battery powered fan. That was roughly 3 inches round. I do not understand how my mom, who often becomes angry at tepid MALL temperatures, did not take to the streets and kill random people. The entire time I was there I felt like I'd died and gone straight to the blue blazes of HELL.

While I'm thinking about it. Why aren't there more battery powered fans? My power went out for eight hours with the storm, so the boy and I trekked to WalMart looking for relief. Do you know they only had 3 suitable fans left? All the same brand. Only one company sees fit to make fans that can be used during a massive black out in the middle of Hades? What the shit is that about?! I'm of the firm belief now that ALL FANS should have the OPTION of battery operation. I'm considering petitioning congress to make it, like, Fan Law #1 or something. We did not get any of those cool, relief bringing fans by the by. Some sweaty fat guys did. And you know I wanted to knife them, right?

Our only respite from the hothotheat? Two dink-ass hand held fans. The last ones in the camping department. Lest you think this was exceedingly helpful, know this: they could not stand up, they could not lay down, they resisted being braced between two objects and hung over a table top, they weren't happy about being held either. In short, we had to rig one (that's right: just. one) to the chain that starts the ceiling fan which hangs over my bed. Of course it wouldn't stay in place. It spun round and round like the devil. Effectively cooling...nothing.

Oh well, onward and upward, my peeps. At least I'll be getting lots of nice bylines for staying in cool, dark theaters. Yippy ki yay, fuckers.


miss tracey nolan said...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! The internet is proud of you!

Patrick J. Rodio said...

Hey, congrats. That's awesome.

citygirl said...

Thanks guys! I've got my first assignment tonight. Wish me luck!

miss tracey nolan said...

You don't need luck, you have drive and talent. I wish you FUN!

citygirl said...

Fuck yeah, ma! That's even betta!!!


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