Tuesday, November 08, 2011
I've been chatting via email with another blogger about making and keeping friends, and how difficult it seems to be (for some of us, at least).
When I was a kid, I always had a couple of buddies I did things with: going roller skating or swimming, having sleep overs, heading to the movies, passing notes in class...But I was never one of those people with a gaggle of amigos surrounding me at all times. I was quiet, studious, lacking in confidence, overweight, well-mannered, four-eyed and frequently riddled with acne. Any one of those things could have knocked me out of cohort competition, but I suspect the combination was what really did me in.
I spent the occasional moment, as a young'n, wondering why more people didn't like me, but I was basically fine with having only one or two close friends. Now, of course, I've been without close friends who live nearby for several years.
It's odd. Even when I was young and thinking about friendship two things never occurred to me: completely changing who I was to fit in more and concern over my future ability to make friends. I guess it seemed like I'd always be able to run into someone somewhere who had things in common with me.
Creating and maintaining friendships is like money management, or brewing the perfect pot of coffee. No one teaches you that stuff. They all just assume you'll get it or that you'll ask the right questions and then they can help you. Clearly, it doesn't always work that way.
What have you learned about friendship since becoming an adult?