Thursday, March 02, 2006

Holy Fuck!

People, being stuck in traffic is no joke!! For an hour we literally DID NOT MOVE. I even left on time today. In fact, I skipped brushing my teeth so I could get on the road early. What, I ask you, did my commitment to getting to work on time get me? NOTHING!!! I leave at 7:50 am. I get to work at 9:40 am when this trip, with normal traffic, should have only taken about 25 minutes. AAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Of course, when I need to hear traffic on the radio there is none to be found...anywhere. I had to get to work to find out that the highway I was on was actually CLOSED DOWN, folks. This is why we had no movement for a solid hour. Granted, there was a bad accident. Granted, I'm lucky to not have been involved in that accident. But fuckity-fuck-fuck y'all! Look how damn-ass long it took me to get to work.

I made the mistake of leaving my car on for most of that time. I kept thinking "We're going to start moving soon, right? We have to start moving before long now. Don't we?" Oh, foolish little girl! How wrong I was. And I was so close to an exit, but I was in the fast lane and couldn't get over. No one would move! A few brave souls managed to maneuver themselves to the exit after backing up or driving over the grassy knoll between us and the exit. I was so proud of them. "Tell my mom I love her," I shouted after the escapees. "Send help," I pleaded. They didn't listen. Bastards.

I feared for awhile that we would never get out. In the year 2929 archaeologists would find me, fossilized, in my '98 Ford with my foot on the brake, hands on the wheel and mouth locked into a perma-scream. Upon my arrival at the j.o.b. I had a friend suggest that this should not have been excruciating at all, seeing as how I had a chance to relax as I sat hostage in my vehicle. Look everybody, right now I will tell you that after about 10 minutes of sitting in the same spot and staring at a viable exit I could not get to that the only thing that began to relax me was the idea of bitch-back-handing EVERYONE I could! Multiple times. For days to come.

I suppose that's the end of my rant. Now I need to go find cookies to soothe my soul and some sucker to punch.


Duane said...

You did NOT use fuckity-fuck-fuck in a sentence. ha ha ha

citygirl said...

Oh yes I did, duane. Yes I fucking did.



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