Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Lord Chazbot and the Jingle Tags of Death

I am now officially 12 cats and one scary house away from being the crazy cat lady at the end of the block. I say this because Tux has been living at my place for 3 days and,'s kinda fun. Fuck.

My boy brought him over on Monday since he'd be spending most of the week at my place and we couldn't just leave little Tuxy alone all that time. Even though he jumps on the kitchen counter, the stove, and in the bathroom sink I like him. We've discovered Tux has 'Magic Hour' about twice a day. And aren't we lucky that it's right when we wake up and right when we want to go to sleep? This means he runs around like a demon spawn, jumps maniacally at our legs, tries to bum rush us and gnaws on our hands when we attempt to pet him. My boy thinks Magic Hour is oh so cute. I find it to be the most terrifying thing ever. Imagine a tiny little beast with claws and fangs and glowy eyes coming after you suddenly. All you hear is a slight 'jingle, jingle' and then...DEATH!

Just last night Tux did the most insane thing ever. We all know that cats hate being wet, right? I mean hate from the very depths of their kitty-crazed souls the being wet. So I'm in the shower. Minding my own, as it were, and listening for the death jingle. I heard nothing but the sound of running water. Drip. Drip. Dri...AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! That little sum'bitch jumped into the tub! My howler monkey-like wail scared him away and I stood stunned under the spray. I yelled at my boy to "keep that damn cat outta the bathroom!"

I took a crack at drying off in peace. Tux was sitting straight ahead and staring at me from across two rooms and a hallway. He was planning something. I could feel it. I look away for a moment to tend to my tootsies...AAACCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!! Tux morphed into Speed Racer and flung himself at my legs at the speed of light. I screamed so loud and fierce that my boy thought I was actually hurt. Let us note here that this did not make the man GET UP OFF THE BED to see if I was ok, though. Whatever. Much cursing ensued as I called the beastie every name I could think of and my boy laughed at my fear of a five pound pussy.

Having been through all this I only know one thing. Tonight, when my boy and I are far away at his place and Tux is alone in mine, I will miss him. Not much, but just enough.


miss tracey nolan said...

You're one of us now...MWAHAHAHAAHAA!!!

citygirl said...

Hey! No fair gloating!!


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