As you've heard by now, I finally landed a job. It's not bad - I spend most of my days now packing boxes, or collating papers or mailing envelopes. But, that first day was rough.
I started last Tuesday, through one of the many temp agencies I'm signed with. The agency lady told me I'd be standing, so I wore my tennis shoes. I ended up truly standing for 6 hours and 45 minutes (my work day minus lunch and breaks). I was not fully prepared. And it wasn't just the standing that did me in.
At first I was kinda happy. I have a job! I thought as I folded boxes. As the day wore on, though, I started really thinking about how I was now, finally making a living. Assembling cardboard boxes? Collating papers and packets? Working on a conveyor belt?
At one point while we were packaging and shipping (expensive) products someone lost a mailing label and we all had to go through our trash bins. That was the final straw (along with my growing ankle and foot pain). All I could think then was This is it? This is my life now? This is the best I could do?
It was exactly the mindless, meaningless work I left my old job to get away from. Only this was way lower pay for even less meaning and I had to stand all day.
I could feel an angry cry coming on. I went home and tried to calm down. Way back in 2000 I used to meditate. So I got out my book and decided to try again. It felt good in the moment, but by the time HUBS got home with inquires about my day I was driven to one of my classic fits of anger and depression. Really, it was so lovely.
In the week and two days since then, I've been trying to focus on the positive: I have a job, I'll be getting paid every week, I have a reason to leave the house and wake up in the morning, the drive is only about 15 minutes each way, this job came along right when we were dangerously close to being totally out of credit...And not focus on the negatives.
OHMMMMMMMM....Serenity. I am bigger than this job....OHMMMMMMM
4 comments:
City girl - I've been reading you blog for a couple of years now. Don't let that job get you down!
Think of it this way. It's a job. Not your career. It's what you need to do to get the job that you want. Hang in there!
Yes you ARE bigger & better than this job... just remember, it's not your life, just a temporary thing, and it even comes with a paycheck! I'm sorry it's such drudgery though, you poor thing. Hope you are enjoying this holiday week my friend. Take it easy on yourself! xoxoxxox
You must get really tired of the same old pattern. The endless introspection, disappointment, depression...
How about changing it?
Why don't you start "acting as if" you're not totally self-centered and completely disappointed in yourself? It's sort of like pretending.
Why don't you try to be the best temp employee they've ever had, and through example try and persuade them to take you on full-time. Then while you have that job, you can start looking for a better job. In other words, stop being the pinball and start playing the pinball machine. Success might not be instantaneous, but the process is more interesting than all the damp hankies.
Did you ever stop and think how much fun it must be for HUBS to be married to you? Did you ever consider that you have a dry place to sleep and a warm place to shit and how very, very nice that is? And say thank you to HUBS for making it possible?
Jnine, Sugar thanks for your support! Neal...we'll get to you later.
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