Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Tuesday Tipday: How To Be A Dick
It's fairly easy to be beloved by all. I mean, aren't there enough tomes teaching us how to click with others or win friends and influence people?
If you really want to be original, you need to be daring. And if you want to be daring? Be a dick. Here's how.
How To Be A Dick
1) You are the most special of special people. Don't let anyone forget it. Especially people who've never met you before.
2) There's nothing wrong with interrupting people to correct their supposed knowledge in front of others. How else will they learn?
3) Why do people try to talk to you about their problems? How could they not know that your problems are much more problematic? You have so much to teach these plebeians about pain.
4) Small victories are for sissies. When some blow hard is going on about finishing the first chapter of his novel, feel free to feign interest. Gloating is for superstars and that, my friend, is you.
5) Don't return their call. Ever.
6) Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but honesty isn't. So, yeah, she totally looks fat in that and you can't be afraid to tell her. She shouldn't have asked if she didn't want to know.
7) You have wonderful taste. Go ahead and invite folks to dinner at that $100 a plate restaurant you love.
8) No, don't offer to pay for them. Yes, you're basically made of money, But if they couldn't afford the place they should not have come.
9) Yes, they're boring and badly dressed. But you can't deny them the pleasure of your company. You're too good looking and your suit costs too much money for that.
10) Crop-dusting keeps it away from you. What could be more important?