Tuesday Tipday: Unnecessary Eyebrow Bullshit

I hope everyone had an awesome, warm weather filled weekend, because I have something very important to discuss with you.

You know, I try very hard to keep up with all the personal maintenance things that come up: cleaning the ear wax, mining the nose, keeping the teeth pearly, removing random whiskers, making sure my mustache fuzz doesn't make me look like a lazy transvestite...But this one really caught me off guard last night.

I was getting ready for bed and decided to clean up my eyebrows a bit. So, I'm plucking away and got something in the tweezers that I thought was lint or Tux fluff, because it was white. It was not lint. It was...wait for the horror...A GRAY EYEBROW HAIR.

What?! Just...Huh?

I mean...You know?

I'm only 36!!

Holy...Holy Damn Hell Fuck Shits!!

We know what's next, right? Gray nose hairs and then gray whiskers and then...A gray coochie. Oh, God yes! I cannot wait for the gray coochie!! That will be a banner day, y'all!!! And while I'm yelling in print, what's with the English language allowing two different spellings for gray/grey?!?! We needs rules, English Language! They keep us from devolving into anarchy!!

*sigh*

I was seconds away from shaving those betraying bastards off and going full-on Crawford by just drawing that shit in, when I calmed down.

I found some things online about gray eyebrow pencils and general info for looking good with gray hair. But lets all make note of my Tip: pluck the hell outta that shit! Unless you realize you have 120 eyebrow hairs and now 90 of them are gray, just get rid of it. Especially if your head, nose and sweet lady parts are mostly non-gray.

I feel better now. Go, my pretties! Enjoy your gray-free brows! Fly! Fly!!!

Humanity Gets Dumber: Example # 4,583

Have you heard about this? What the hell is the world coming to? I sincerely hope that no one who reads this blog is stupid and reckless enough to even consider this crap.



There, I'm off my high horse. Have a great weekend everybody! And no pouring booze into your eyes! REALLY!! Maybe just listen to some music and skip the drinking all together.

Are We Really This Fucked Up?

I tell you what, I learn something new and frustratingly sad every day, it seems. Have you guys heard of drunkorexia? Apparently a lot of young women are not eating during the day so they can go out after work and drink their asses off without gaining weight.

God. Really? They're that worried about gaining weight? And they need to drink that much...Every night? Sometimes I just need people to stop and think, but they almost never do. I hope anyone taking part in this craziness comes to their senses sooner rather than later.

Also? Drunkorexia is a fucked up word. If this unfortunate business has to be a real thing, can we at least get some kind of clinical terminology for it? Please?

Have you ever done anything that seriously jeopardized your health? What made you stop?