So, This Is What We've Come To?

Apparently it's cool now to take the year's most maligned song and do a parody of it for a post-Thanksgiving shopping extravaganza commercial. Of course the benefit of this is that everyone who's been paying even a little bit of attention will hear the ad and go, "Wait...Oh, wow! Look what they did there!" You know, like I did.

Genius advertising? Quite possibly.

Music Monday: Keep Your Husband Away From The Beard Trimmer!

See that man up there? That's HUBS. He'll be largely unrecognizable to most of you now, due to what he claims was an accident with his hair clippers. He walked into the bedroom late last night, took off his glasses and showed me this:



I don't know if you notice, but his eyebrows are basically just peach fuzz now. The damned fool ACCIDENTALLY SHAVED HIS FUCKING EYEBROWS OFF!! The lesson, ladies? Leave your husband alone with personal electrical appliances at your own embarrassing peril. Lucky for HUBS his glasses cover the area enough to make his mistake (fuck all) barely noticeable.

Now, as you contemplate the oddness of the situation, enjoy this video from Peter Bjorn and John:


This combination of song and images makes me feel like I'm living in an alternate universe. In a creepy yet fascinating way. Oh, yeah.

No, Do Not Take Our Simple Pleasures Away From Us!

We know this is Calvin & Hobbes, right?

So, now I'm supposed to believe that good news is as dangerous as bad news? No. Fuck you, medicine.

Recent Indignities

A young, pageant-winning Lady O. Photo from here.

Do you guys do Oprah? Did you catch the two day lovegasm with all the famous people in the stadium filled with fans? I'm not sure I liked it.

And, it's not that I don't like Oprah. I lurves me some Oprah. It's also not the fact that she had all the famous people come out and say how amazing she is; shit, she is amazing! I think it's just that, even if she really is friends with most of those glitterati and they really do capital-L-love love her, I couldn't tell it from many of them by watching those shows.

Now, I know the producers wanted things to go smoothly and be interesting, and for them not to all say the same damn stuff, but, for the most part, none of their words seemed to really come from the heart. They all read from the teleprompter and it didn't even (mostly) sound like their own words/feelings. Mostly? It all felt a bit canned. Oh well, today's last episode was preempted due to new tornadic activity, but I'll be up at 3 a.m. to watch the finale when it airs. We'll see if that hits an emotional touchstone for me.



Speedos? Really self-assured in our flabby old age, aren't we? Photo here.

In other news, this Ah-nold screwing-the-help stuff is killing me. How dare he! Right? And, how dare she! I mean, dammit, now I'll never be able to watch Terminator, Total Recall or Running Man without being slapped (figuratively, ahem) in the face by his errant Austrian adultering penis! Damn you, Ah-nold! Damn you for ruining some classic sci-fi! (And, you know, your family.)

Tuesday Tipday: Unnecessary Eyebrow Bullshit

I hope everyone had an awesome, warm weather filled weekend, because I have something very important to discuss with you.

You know, I try very hard to keep up with all the personal maintenance things that come up: cleaning the ear wax, mining the nose, keeping the teeth pearly, removing random whiskers, making sure my mustache fuzz doesn't make me look like a lazy transvestite...But this one really caught me off guard last night.

I was getting ready for bed and decided to clean up my eyebrows a bit. So, I'm plucking away and got something in the tweezers that I thought was lint or Tux fluff, because it was white. It was not lint. It was...wait for the horror...A GRAY EYEBROW HAIR.

What?! Just...Huh?

I mean...You know?

I'm only 36!!

Holy...Holy Damn Hell Fuck Shits!!

We know what's next, right? Gray nose hairs and then gray whiskers and then...A gray coochie. Oh, God yes! I cannot wait for the gray coochie!! That will be a banner day, y'all!!! And while I'm yelling in print, what's with the English language allowing two different spellings for gray/grey?!?! We needs rules, English Language! They keep us from devolving into anarchy!!

*sigh*

I was seconds away from shaving those betraying bastards off and going full-on Crawford by just drawing that shit in, when I calmed down.

I found some things online about gray eyebrow pencils and general info for looking good with gray hair. But lets all make note of my Tip: pluck the hell outta that shit! Unless you realize you have 120 eyebrow hairs and now 90 of them are gray, just get rid of it. Especially if your head, nose and sweet lady parts are mostly non-gray.

I feel better now. Go, my pretties! Enjoy your gray-free brows! Fly! Fly!!!

Are We Really This Fucked Up?

I tell you what, I learn something new and frustratingly sad every day, it seems. Have you guys heard of drunkorexia? Apparently a lot of young women are not eating during the day so they can go out after work and drink their asses off without gaining weight.

God. Really? They're that worried about gaining weight? And they need to drink that much...Every night? Sometimes I just need people to stop and think, but they almost never do. I hope anyone taking part in this craziness comes to their senses sooner rather than later.

Also? Drunkorexia is a fucked up word. If this unfortunate business has to be a real thing, can we at least get some kind of clinical terminology for it? Please?

Have you ever done anything that seriously jeopardized your health? What made you stop?