Thank you. Thank you so much for talking so openly about your depression. This is something I know well; I've been in and out of counseling since I was 15. I've had the hopelessness, the fear, the self-destructive tendencies and wild mood swings. I've been angry at myself because I couldn't "just make myself better," and I've been angry at God and the Universe for the same reason. I was even, for a time, resigned to believing that I was simply meant to be miserable if for no other reason than to be a cautionary tale for others: HERE IS HOW NOT TO BE.
I know better now. I am better now. It took medication and serious counseling, though. I tried 3 drugs before hitting on one that did the trick. Drug A made me so sleepy I almost fell asleep driving home from work. Drug B caused bruises and welts on my arms and legs. Drug C just plain didn't do anything. Fuckers. Effexor is my med of choice. For the past two years I haven't thought about killing myself at all. Or considered my breath a waste of oxygen. Or cried myself to sleep while wishing I were someone else somewhere else. Life is good, finally, and I worked hard to earn this good life.
Again, thanks and continued success.