Monday, January 23, 2006

Dooce

Thank you. Thank you so much for talking so openly about your depression. This is something I know well; I've been in and out of counseling since I was 15. I've had the hopelessness, the fear, the self-destructive tendencies and wild mood swings. I've been angry at myself because I couldn't "just make myself better," and I've been angry at God and the Universe for the same reason. I was even, for a time, resigned to believing that I was simply meant to be miserable if for no other reason than to be a cautionary tale for others: HERE IS HOW NOT TO BE.

I know better now. I am better now. It took medication and serious counseling, though. I tried 3 drugs before hitting on one that did the trick. Drug A made me so sleepy I almost fell asleep driving home from work. Drug B caused bruises and welts on my arms and legs. Drug C just plain didn't do anything. Fuckers. Effexor is my med of choice. For the past two years I haven't thought about killing myself at all. Or considered my breath a waste of oxygen. Or cried myself to sleep while wishing I were someone else somewhere else. Life is good, finally, and I worked hard to earn this good life.

Again, thanks and continued success.

Sincerely
citygirl

4 comments:

pnut said...

Wow. I'm glad you're doing better. I've never checked out your blog before but have seen you comment on SK's blog from time to time. I loved your MMM...post! I read some of your other stuff and almost had to run to the bathroom here at work to cool off! Thanks!
Another Mid-Westerner

citygirl said...

Hey, thanks so much pnut! I had gotten away from some of the steamier writings, but will probably start up again soon. I'm waiting for the mood to hit me again. Glad you enjoyed it. Come again!

Anonymous said...

There are quite a few people interested in hearing more of your steamier tales. Pinging St. Louis Bloggers has generated much local interest.
-St. Louisan

citygirl said...

I was just glad to find a local community of bloggers. I've become addicted to reading blogs, but can only hear about so many New Yorkers exciting lives. Long live midwestern bloggers!

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