Monday, May 08, 2006

I Ate My Face Off

Have you ever eaten so much you thought you'd never eat again? It feels kinda good in the moment, but when the stuffing-face portion of the meal is over a sort of discomfort sets in. I had one of those weekends. How about you?

It started with Cinco de Mayo (of course). A giant $13 fishbowl strawberry margarita that I shared with my boy came first. We had to wait for a whole HOUR outside Arcelia's to get seated. Damn the drunken revelers trying to get their feed on! I'm pretty sure I saw a girl I went to high school with there. You know how it is, you think you've spotted someone you recognize so you eye them periodically. Then they get the sense that somebody's staring at them and you end up locking stares a few times. I didn't bother speaking to her. I have a policy: until I get my career/life together I don't converse with snooty bitches I used to know. I suppose you can guess we weren't friends during the way back, huh? I can say she looked significantly better than she did in school. This particular girl was popular, but oddly...mannish looking for a popular girl. But on this evening, 13 (OH MY DAMN!!!) years later she actually looked pretty. See how generous I am to the bitches?

After a mighty big load of recycling on Saturday my boy treated us to Burger King for a good deed done. We got Whopper Jr's which are just the perfect size I think. Have you tried their new fries? I really love the seasoning, but come on BK. Do you really have to make us work for our seasoned fries? No one else does. Did you figure the novelty would lead everyone to shake away madly to get that new taste sensation? Seriously, I do not go to the BK to prepare my own food. The only work I wanna do is getting ketchup (And why don't you have pumps/cups for that? Who hands out ketchup PACKETS to folks that eat in-house anymore? Guuuhhhhrrr.) and taking care of my drink. 'Kay?

We then took a brief trip to the mall. My boy was looking for a particular baseball cap and I convinced him to wander with me a bit. He didn't find his hat but was able to get two shirts off the Gap sell rack for a total of $16. I also struck gold with two summery tunics for the low, low price of $24. Woo HOOO! I love cheap clothes from moderately expensive places!!!

For dinner my boy wanted Chinese buffet. I didn't know of any good places for sure, so I lead him to a little spot not far from my house. We have the unfortunate tendency to both get bitchy, irritable and plain old mean when we're hungry. Seeing as my boy was starving and I was getting close, this was not a fun trip. He didn't like the looks of the place I led him to. Now I ask you, internet, what little neighborhood Chinese place EVER looks good, inside or out? He voiced his opinion, which seemed ridiculous to me, and suddenly turned toward my place. I said if he wanted to go back to the place across from the mall we could. 'Cept he'd turned in the wrong direction. I'd have to show him how to go ALLLLLLL THE WAY AROUND to get back. Wow, internet, I cannot describe in words just how much fucking fun THAT was. Jeez.

My boy is from a small town and has lived in small towns all his life until about a year and a half ago. Traffic drives him insane. Not just being in bad traffic, but more than, say, four other cars on the road, and he loses his shit. Never fails. Road work also gives him the low rages. So since we were out on a Saturday night in a good sized city in a high traffic part of town where the road was all tore up...guess what? THAT BOY O' MINE WAS NOT HAPPY. I was so glad when we finally got there and found a place to park and sat down and got some tasty food. Good Lord.

Sunday was interesting. Since the boy had paid for all our weekend meals so far I got our lunch at Red Robin. OMG internet! That shit was sooooo goooood! I needed to have the onion ring tower and the apple crisp for dessert, so I only ate half of my meal. I was quite proud of myself for that. Well, wouldn't you know it, I still ate so much that for the rest of the day I didn't need or want anymore food. I got a mild chocolate craving around 9 pm, but every time I thought about eating I felt kinda sick. And then right before bed around 1 am I got heartburn or indigestion or something related to the fact that I had eaten enough to feed a smallish nation ten hours prior. Peppermints saved the day.

I'd like to promise God and myself that I will never eat that much again. But you know me better than that, don't you internet?

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