Monday, June 05, 2006

Catch A Feller By His Toe

The boy and I settled into secure oneness long ago. Way back in December we made a pact and have stuck to it, going so far as to see each other mostly everyday and sleep together mostly every night. We're a we. A couple. A monogamous romantic unit. And a lot alike, but different enough to make it all interesting/confusing/worthwhile.

We first had sex in January. Does that seem like a long time to wait after 6 weeks of dating? Well, there were extenuating circumstances. I needed to fit myself with birth control, buy my first ever box of condoms and a nifty third barrier to babydom. He...ah, I remember it well. On our first date, back at my place, fooling around, he gave me the first sign that he was truly a good guy. Revealing very carefully the details of an accidental condom slip, my boy said (as I laid on top of him in my bed) that he needed one more test to be totally cleared of HIV. Just hearing those three letters made my heart stop, drop and roll into my stomach. I didn't show it, though. He was tall and cute and funny and smart and touching me and being honest with me. He had a safety ring imprinted on the back of his wallet, but wanted to know if I took the pill. I said no, so that was it. We knew we weren't having sex that night. No pressure of any kind. That was my second sign.

Last Wednesday, he found out he's completely clean. He'd like us to take more chances now. No condoms, just roll over in the middle of the night and fuck like mad then go back to sleep. I'm nervous. I don't want babies. He claims he doesn't either, but I can tell he really does. I've told him this and suppose I'll have to tell him again.

He wants my mouth to take him in. I don't know. I'm not as averse to the idea as I used to be. I love all of him. Penis, manhood, cock, johnson, hooha, meat, whatchamacallit included. Do I want him inside me there? This is so performance oriented that it's more intimidating than sex. Which I already have adequacy issues with. Do I do enough? Honey, he answers, you're wonderful. You do just what you need to. Which is what, really? Lay there? I'm glad it appears to be enough for him, but I don't want anybody getting bored.

Let's not forget reciprocation. I have a major issue that I, we, try not to dwell on in bed or elsewhere. I cannot come. The one time I was absolutely close to heaven I was alone and aided with a battery powered device, a month or so before we'd even met. I think I need more; more kissing, touching, hugging, talking, rubbing, sucking, whatever. I need more time. I need his hands to wander south...no, farther south. He doesn't like his hands in there, he told me so. However, he's willing to let his lips venture forth. Yes, I'd feel bad if he gave to me and all I did was take from him.

Adventure. That's what we need. I'll read the book I bought, we'll try something new. Maybe, if we have any more sexual luck, some hotel seduction in Vegas in one week will help.

4 comments:

Chloe said...

Hey Citygirl-

I've got loads of things to say on this subject, but I'll attempt brevity. First of all- I'm fairly orgasmic (from practicing all by myself for YEARS), but the hands-down the best I've ever had was from a man using his fingers 'down there'. If your boyfriend wants you to do something as intimate as go down on him (which is terrifying, but now that I'm more used to it I totally love it), then he should be willing to do something that isn't comfortable for him either. It sounds like he's okay with letting his tongue do the walking, this is also a source of some insanely intense orgasms, if you can let yourself relax enough to enjoy it. I highly recommend a little liquour first- lowers the inhibitions. There's a whole world you're missing out on....

citygirl said...

Thanks for the input Chloe. I have to admit that sometimes I feel like there's no hope. But then I have supersex dreams like the one I had last night and feel like I could come with the best of them. Here's hoping I reach my stride soon.

Queue said...

just a couple of things, First, unless you are seriously seriously committed a condom to totally necessary, if you are as long as every body continues to get tested, I, much to my sex ed bestest friend Cheeraz says, chucked the condoms about a year into our relationship (I married this guy - we are happily the parents of a two year old daughter- she wasn't EXACTLY planned...) if you just met the guy in January, i'd say hold off until a year, and see where your plans are going.
Head...
Now i have waviering feelings on this one, if you are willing ot have sex with out a condom, then I would assume the head thing shouldn't be an issue. If you aren't quite ready - tell him yo uneed to spend some time with his member and let your self enjoy the smell of him, look at him, start with that, and build...
now for the things you need - I can't stress enough how you should be honest and tell him. not during sex, but maybe before breakfast, when you got a spare hour to spend - or when you first wake up phrase it as "I had this dream that you..." or "I have this fantasy where you do XYZ to me for what felt like forever and then you..." touch your self absent mindedly while telling this story and I promise you he'll be ready to try it all on you by the time you finish...

good luck

citygirl said...

Queue, you should be a sex therapist!

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