So, I never told you guys, but back in March Fi-ance and I had an incident. I got in the bed early one night while FI-ance was still in the office checking stuff out online. I stayed in bed a while, but couldn't sleep. I got up and went into the office and yelled, jokingly, "You lookin' at porn?" FI-ance got all flustered: "What, no. What?" I laughed, got on my computer for a bit and them went to bed again and finally slept.
The next night, we were both heading to sleep at the same time. We started talking and, I don't remember how it came up, but FI-ance revealed that he actually was looking at porn the night before. Now, let's understand something. I'm not a prude or unrealistic. We have in the past talked openly about his computer porn stash. Hell, I've even looked at it with him. And I've certainly seen my share of dirty pics on my own.
To find out that suddenly FI-ance was lying about his porn usage really hurt my feelings. Also? It immediately brought to mind a slippery-slope situation wherein FI-ance begins to lie about things that don't matter and then things that do. Frankly it kinda freaked me out that my boy, who is forthcoming in some many things (loving porn, past girlfriends, embarrassing situations, particularly rough times in the bathroom) would lie about something we've talked about so frequently. I was so hurt it actually made me cry, internet, which FI-ance won't know until he reads this.
I told him my issues with the lying. He apologized profusely and promised to never do it again. FI-ance also bought me flowers a couple days later as a continued apology, which is why the above picture is titled Because He Was A Dick.
Update: FI-ance saw the picture on my photoblog and protested the title. I suppose the title He Did a Dicky Thing would be more appropriate.
4 comments:
I, wife, regularly go to art nude photograpy sites and have drawn with groups of artists that utilize nude models. But I also enjoy erotica and porn. My husband and I enjoy porn with our private moments. I occasionally discover that he has been to porn sites. I occasionally masterbate alone and I assume he does also. I guess my point is we all have private alone moments in our lives and I don't think it is a betrayal. It's just human nature. He was probably just embarassed to be caught in what he thought was an alone moment.
You're totally right. FI-ance said that even though we talk about porn, for some reason in that moment he was embarassed that I "caught" him.
I feel bad for calling him a dick now that I remember this...
I keep thinking about that scene in Mo Better Blues where Denzel says "It's a dick thing. A D, I, C, K, thing." I totally see where you're coming from. Totally.
I know it's ok, that many people are ok with it, and you know I'm not a prude, that is for sure!! But damn, it would bother me so much (and especially the lying part!) I would just feel so weird & awful -- I couldn't help it.
I'm glad he bought you flowers but I hope he understands how you feel. Seems like it, he sounds so nice... But I hope you are feeling better!!
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