Thursday, December 18, 2008

The End of Things

I have no idea what to say to you guys anymore.

Could you possibly want to hear more about my being unemployed? Or about my boring days at home? Or HUBS and my boring nights at home?

This is why I post so infrequently: I'm boring. We don't socialize, we have no friends. The people I used to work with have proven they don't actually care because they don't bother to send a simple email (with the exception of two of them).

There was a brief moment, from January to December of 2005 where I was doing a lot of new and exciting things. Taking classes, traveling to places I'd never been, alone, and talking to new people and doing a lot of new stuff.

I want that back. I had tricked myself into thinking I was a tad outgoing and adventurous. Now, with two years of no practice, I'm back to the same old home-body, boring chick. Is it possible to love being at home too much? I think so.

I've become scared again. Every time I consider a real change, I chicken out. It never gets done. I'm complacent again. I hate it. I wear the same 5 t shirts and 3 pairs of pajama pants in the house. When I leave home I wear the same 3 sweaters and two pairs of pants. I am not inspired. I have no idea who I am or what I want anymore. Every bit of excitement in my past feels like a warm dream - something that never really happened.

I'm needing for things to be new and different again. I'll be back when I've made that happen. Until then, please check out my photoblog. I'll still be posting there, because when all else fails I still take pictures. Feel free to leave comments, the photos there are mighty lonely.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year


stljoie said...

Your pictures are wonderful. You are very talented.

SoMuchSugar said...

Oh darlin', if you are boring, I am just mud myself... I don't socialize anymore either; I am in the same exact social situation... Listen, it is good to write here, no matter if you just write you are bored or whatever!! I promise.

You can get that back, your 2005 stuff, I promise, it just takes doing it once, and then it gets easier every time... Just do it!! Go to a museum or a movie... I swear, it is hard the first time, but gets so fun...

That is the way to make things happen!! (And your job-situate WILL look up soon, it will... try to enjoy the holidays, the New Year, have FUN, things are going to look up!)

Sending xoxoxo your way... Kim

SoMuchSugar said...

HI!! Hope you are doing ok... Thanks for your notes!

I know what you mean about bj's (I still cannot ever even bring myself to write the whole word out). But I guess it takes practice, sadly, and also sadly, it takes a lot of detachment... I seriously try to think about other things very very hard during it, so as not to focus on it too much...

Hope everything's going ok for you, xoxoxo


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