Friday, July 09, 2010


How was your July 4th? I hope it was all awesome and shit, 'cause mine totally was, despite the oppressive heat, excessive sunshine, rainstorm, dust storm, sweaty, salty, excessive walkingness of it all.

HUBS and I were planning a nice trip across the river to Alton IL for their probably laid-back, small town 4th fest. Then on Sunday when I was looking for all the details, we realized they do all their celebratory stuff BEFORE Independence Day. Shitty small town! You have lost our business! Be ashamed, Alton!

HUBS was determined to do something, so he scrambled and stumbled upon the happenings in O'Fallon MO. For absolutely no money we could park at a local high school, take a shuttle to their ballpark/recplex/superfuncenter watch Toad the Wet Sprocket, Eve 6, Five for Fighting and then see fireworks.


Toad the Wet Sprocket. Rock stars don't wear underwear, so they were probably safe.

We got there in plenty of time to set up beach towels on the lawn for Toad, but as much as I love them they were not enough to make me un-notice the ridiculous heat. I can honestly say it liquefied my panties. I had no underwear left, people. There was, blissfully, the occasional light breeze, but that damn sun was beating down like a muthafucka. Luckily, I had an umbrella to shade my sensitive self.

That umbrella also came in handy because it rained like an angry bitch for about three hours; one of which we spent under the only non-food or game related shelter in the area with roughly 100 other fest-goers. I don't think I've ever been trapped outside in the rain before. I swear, new experiences all the time around here. Interesting.

Waiting for the rain to slow down. It was nice to not sit on the ground for a while.

After listening to the second band (under my umbrella), getting some very good carnie food (BBQ chicken nachos and funnel cake) and watching HUBS take a picnic bench nap, I decided to do another pre-total-darkness photo walk while band #3 was on.

Can I just say? When I got back a little boy had sat beside my spot and, really, I couldn't tell which of us smelled worse. My thought process went something like this: Ooh, he stinks. Wait, is No, that can't be me. I don't smell like that when I stink. But, my underwear did evaporate several hours ago and my lady bits have been soggy the whole time. When did that last happen? God only knows what effect that's had on my natural, delicate, sexy flower-like scent.

Anywho, it wasn't long before we moved to the main stage field for fireworks, which were amazing because they always are.

After a packed day of sitting, standing and a modest amount of walking I was not prepared for what happened next. Instead of taking the shuttle back to our car, we elected to walk back.

How this happened is not important. What you need to know is that it seemed like we were parked just around the corner and down the street, but we were not. We were actually parked around the corner and down 52 STREETS.

The walking was crazy-making. And to do it without panties on while not killing anyone in an outrageous fit of hot red rage was a special feat I am completely proud of.

Let's all be glad I didn't kill this woman. She probably wouldn't have deserved it.

For two days after that my hips hurt. I still have a heat rash on both arms and my neck and destroyed, poofy hair. I also believe the walking led to some kind of nerve damage in my right arm; it felt, for days, like it was itching from the inside, possibly from too much sudden exercise. The best part? It was all worth it.

Happy 4th, y'all!

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