Music Monday: I Freely Admit That I Didn't Watch The Emmys...

I loved Bridesmaids. Your dress? Not quite so much.


But! I have heard that some cool-ass people won. Including Melissa McCarthy, Peter Dinklage, Kyle Chandler and Margo Martindale. If you don't know who those people are...You should! They are awesome and/or on awesome shows. Check 'em out.

HUBS and I had another EXPANSION weekend, since we finally left the house early enough on Friday to go to the annual Forest Park Balloon Glow. We got stuck in horrendous pre-glow traffic the previous two years we tried to go. Last year we were actually in traffic four hours! By the time we got there it was clear there was no place to park and I had to turn frustratingly around and head home.



We were in the car by 4:30. Since most people weren't even off work yet, traffic was no problem and we even got to park right near the event. The actual glowing was amazing. I'd been twice before, in '98 and '99 I think, but I'd never been on the actual balloon field. I have to say, though, I do have some complaints about the evening. Let's make a list, shall we?

Things the Balloon Organizers Should Know That They Did Wrong

1) Remember how I said HUBS and I got there at 4:30? Well, the glowing doesn't start until about four hours later. I just knew there'd be entertainment for that huge amount of empty time. And yet, no. I mean, aside from the children's area with ponies, a climbing wall and bouncy house stuff, and a team of trampoliners. Seeing as how you have to get there ridiculously early to get in if you drive, next year there had damn well better be a few local bands, some belly dancers and fire eaters or something. Do you hear me?



2) HUBS had wanted to get Rally's before we headed in, but I was afraid any detour would land us in gridlock land, so I didn't stop until we hit the park. We ate at three different booths, spent around $40 and almost all the food was crap. One booth proclaimed to have Cajun delicacies, but their "jambalaya" consisted of half-cooked crunchy-ass white rice with some chicken and sausage chunks and a can of tomato paste. I had three or four bites before it started making me sick to my stomach because it was so nasty.

HUBS got their "crawfish etouffee" which looked so disgusting I could barely stand the sight of it. Being ever the trooper, HUBS finished both things because he was hungry and we'd paid actual, real money for them.



We then tried soft pretzels and cheese from Gus' Pretzels, a local place that's been around since 1920. I will never again, unless I've literally been starved for days, eat another Gus' pretzel.

You know the expression "What's up your butt?", well, I can now tell you that it's one of these pretzels. They were that hard, y'all! And cold. And the little cup of nacho cheese we got was cold, too. How the fuck does a business that's been around this long send out product like this to an event? All old, cold and hard as hell? Shame on you Gus! Shame!

We got burgers from a booth called Elvis' Place. They sucked, but at least the $7 funnel cake they made was rad. Jesus, Balloon People, make sure the highly expensive food is at least edible before you let these crazies in.

3) Last and not least, getting out of the park was a mess. Would it really be so difficult to have some cops around to direct traffic and the masses of walkers?



Phew! But, as with a lot of experiences that don't turn out much like you expect them to, at least now we know!

Now! Some music for your Monday night!

Music Monday: Post Oscar Pep!

This better conveys James Franco's expression for most of the Oscar show than any photo I could find. I am quite the artiste!

I used to be all about watching The Academy Awards when I was a kid. And not just the actual show either, nuh uh. I'd watch all the prep shows and the Barbara Walters Special and the pre-show and then the Oscars.

Now that I look back on it, no telecast ever registered as good or bad or exciting or boring. I was a kid, and as someone not even remotely involved in the industry, many would posit that I shouldn't have been interested at all at, say, eight-years-old. But, interested I was, so watch I did. Every year, it was a given.

I believe it was my Sophomore year of college when all that changed. I had to work or study, or something, so I decided to tape the event. When I tried to watch later that night, I realized that my VCR (I know! Remember those? Fuck, I'm old.) wasn't in prime condition anymore. The picture was wobbly and the audio was almost non-existent. No amount of 'tracking' could fix this.

I distinctly remember thinking Oh well, fuck it. And that was literally the last time I tried to watch an entire Oscarcast. This brings us to last night.

Now, we all knew it was possible that this little young-beautiful-actors-with-no-heretofore-seen-comedic-hosting-talent experiment could backfire, right? many of the reviews have praised Anne Hathaway and the obligatory opening host-in-nominated-movies pre-recorded madness, and blasted James Franco.

At first I felt like everyone else, Anne is working her butt off and James couldn't give less of a shit. He's nervous or stoned or bored or has decided (roughly five minutes into the show) that he's either above this bullshit or made the worst decision of his life and has decided to just let those feelings fly. But, I think we all may have missed the point.

James Franco did exactly what the hell James Franco meant to do last night, but none of us (not even the show's producers or his co-host) were in on the joke. Let's imagine that you were a solid actor who's won some recognition in TV and movies. Let's also say that, after a long string of co-starring movie roles, you decide to take a part on a soap opera to possibly showcase your performance art skills to a national, unknowing audience with a character that's named after you; and let's say that this is for a class at one of the two universities you currently attend.

Now, would it not be possibly the greatest performance art piece of all time, to take a gig hosting the majorist of award shows, pretend to be dead serious about it and then, when you get there, act like you're stoned/scared/would rather be having a colonoscopy non-anesthetized?

Someone hand James Franco his A+, already.

Anyway, here's something more upbeat for you!