And Now For Something Funny...

Well, we're still smack dab in the middle of some stray cat stress, and after hearing about all the horrible tsunami happenings, I have to say, don't a lot of us need a laugh?









Happy Friday!

Music Monday: Post Oscar Pep!

This better conveys James Franco's expression for most of the Oscar show than any photo I could find. I am quite the artiste!

I used to be all about watching The Academy Awards when I was a kid. And not just the actual show either, nuh uh. I'd watch all the prep shows and the Barbara Walters Special and the pre-show and then the Oscars.

Now that I look back on it, no telecast ever registered as good or bad or exciting or boring. I was a kid, and as someone not even remotely involved in the industry, many would posit that I shouldn't have been interested at all at, say, eight-years-old. But, interested I was, so watch I did. Every year, it was a given.

I believe it was my Sophomore year of college when all that changed. I had to work or study, or something, so I decided to tape the event. When I tried to watch later that night, I realized that my VCR (I know! Remember those? Fuck, I'm old.) wasn't in prime condition anymore. The picture was wobbly and the audio was almost non-existent. No amount of 'tracking' could fix this.

I distinctly remember thinking Oh well, fuck it. And that was literally the last time I tried to watch an entire Oscarcast. This brings us to last night.

Now, we all knew it was possible that this little young-beautiful-actors-with-no-heretofore-seen-comedic-hosting-talent experiment could backfire, right? many of the reviews have praised Anne Hathaway and the obligatory opening host-in-nominated-movies pre-recorded madness, and blasted James Franco.

At first I felt like everyone else, Anne is working her butt off and James couldn't give less of a shit. He's nervous or stoned or bored or has decided (roughly five minutes into the show) that he's either above this bullshit or made the worst decision of his life and has decided to just let those feelings fly. But, I think we all may have missed the point.

James Franco did exactly what the hell James Franco meant to do last night, but none of us (not even the show's producers or his co-host) were in on the joke. Let's imagine that you were a solid actor who's won some recognition in TV and movies. Let's also say that, after a long string of co-starring movie roles, you decide to take a part on a soap opera to possibly showcase your performance art skills to a national, unknowing audience with a character that's named after you; and let's say that this is for a class at one of the two universities you currently attend.

Now, would it not be possibly the greatest performance art piece of all time, to take a gig hosting the majorist of award shows, pretend to be dead serious about it and then, when you get there, act like you're stoned/scared/would rather be having a colonoscopy non-anesthetized?

Someone hand James Franco his A+, already.

Anyway, here's something more upbeat for you!

Television: The Best Ever Reason To Stay On Your Ass? Discuss...

My apologies for the dearth of posts this week. HUBS and I have undertaken a deck renovation project that was supposed to take one weekend but has instead lasted all freakin' week long. We are sorer and tireder (yeah, I made those up) than we thought we'd be, but we plan to finish (For Real!) tonight. Let's all pray we make it through.

So, we're several weeks into the new TV season now. I fully admit that I've become mighty jaded in my old TV viewing ways. It used to be that I was always excited about some new show or another, but now I've just been burned too many times by stuff that sounded good but turned out iffy.

Even when I spy something right up my sci-fi/fantasy/government conspiracy/ooh-I-like-that-actor alley, instead of thinking Wooo, I'm there baby! my mind can only work itself up to We'll see, fuckers. We'll see...

But! This doesn't mean I don't find at least a couple of shows to try out every year. Here's what I'm watching and what I think about the new crop of ass-planting entertainment.

1) The Event: As far as I'm concerned this is the only reason to watch TV on Monday nights. (Don't talk to me about How I Met Your Mother. I've watched it about 15 times across the past umpteen seasons and laughed a total of two times. That's just not good enough HIMYM. Not good enough at all.) The first episode didn't grab me immediately like Lost, Supernatural, The X-Files or 24, but they did make me want more and didn't irritate me a single time during the hour. It's growing on me; I like that I can figure some stuff out, but not everything. Thanks for surprising me, The Event.

2) Hawaii Five-0: HUBS is kinda crazy for this show, and I've never known him to like your standard issue cop drama. I've been watching it with him, but Lord knows why. Aside from the scenery and the fact that I'm glad Jin and Sharon have jobs again, it's not really doing anything for me.

3) Raising Hope: The only reason I watched this was because of all the good press it got, and that first ep was hilarious. The following shows haven't been quite as funny, but I'm enjoying the cast and where they're going with things. It's absolutely worth a look if you haven't seen it yet.

4) Undercovers: I want to love this show like I love a cool, fall day, but I just don't. And? I can't even explain why it's letting me down. A show staring black people that has nothing to do with them being black and also isn't an insipid half hour comedy? I should be eating this shit up! They get to be sexy, in love, funny, deadly, gorgeous and super skilled at wildly difficult things! But the show is still sorta boring! And yet I keep watching! Because I feel I have to!

5) Hellcats: Was anybody else expecting to hate everyone in this show, only to catch the repeat of the pilot and realize it doesn't make heads explode with bitchy teen drama mediocrity? That's what hit HUBS and I when we caught the show this week, totally by accident. I'll actually be looking for this one next week.

6) Outsourced: I've been watching this every week even though the pilot only made me laugh once. And I haven't been completely amused by any of the other episodes either. I think I'm watching it as a place-holder for the sublime Parks and Recreation. They better still be bringing my show back at mid-season. You hear me NBC?!

What fall shows have you hooked? Or semi-hooked, as the case may be?

Things We've Done Recently

We have had an interesting time of it lately. Here's what's been going on...



1)On the first Tuesday of this month, I noticed a opossum hanging out in our neighbor's driveway in the middle of the day. And it freaked me out, I thought that's all we need now, opossums running amok during the day. Well, by the same time the following day, that poor thing was dead. I guess it was sick and disoriented and that's why it was hanging out during daylight.

2) Almost two months to the day after this, I found another cat left in the road in front of our house. HUBS was at work, so I had to dig the grave myself. I don't think I'd ever really used a shovel before, and I was not very good at it. A lot of that had to do with it being hot and me being very sad. I named her Sheila and put her in the little dirt pile left after we got the tree in the front yard removed. Our neighbor, Fred, saw me digging and when he realized why got very upset. He puts out food and water for the strays like we do. When I said that someone must have hit her with their car her responded angrily with "Who! Who hit her!" and I appreciated his seeming desire to find the person and make them wish they had driven more carefully.

Then, two days later on Saturday, after a night of really hard, ridiculous raining, I went to put out food for the strays and found another kitten in the street. It was all very dramatic; me running through our flooded front walk, out into the rain and picking him up. He was wet and cold and already long gone. I brought him into the house and covered him in our doormat until HUBS could find a spot to bury him. I named him Stanley. RIP Sheila 9/3/09 and Stanley 9/5/09.


Boat. Not as big as you may have imagined.

3) That same day we went to Grafton, IL to see life-sized reproductions of Columbus' Pinta and Nina in dock. I was too upset about Stanley and Sheila to have a good time. Also, we went with his parents. They thought I was just tired. I realized that every time I've seen them this year has been on a day I was already in a crap-ass mood about something else. God only knows what they think is wrong with me!

4) With three cat deaths in two months we (me, HUBS and Fred) were starting to think it was time to get some of the strays adopted. Fred and I made calls to the Humane Society of MO, but they don't pick up strays. Animal control will give out humane cages to catch the animals, but a) they only give you one at a time, and that would take forever around here where we've got about 30 cats wandering our street; and b) if they don't have room for them after getting a clean bill of health, they still euthanize them. None of us wanted that, so we're leaving the cats alone. I still can't decide if that's really the right thing, though. Ideas?


Manny and the freakish eyes.

5) Life hasn't been all bad. For a brief period of time last week, we adopted a praying mantis that was hanging around our windows. HUBS named it Manny, which could be short for Manuela if it was a female. It was odd how responsive it was. More so than any other bug/insect I've seen. If you looked out the window at Manny, his head would immediately swivel to look at you. And if you moved around in the window you could actually see his eyes following you. HUBS looked up some mantis facts and found out they have 5 eyes, can see 60 feet and their heads turn 180 degrees. Freaky! After two days Manny moved on (we hope none of the kittens got him) and now we kinda miss the little freak.

6) During one of my many times at the window watching Manny, I accidentally saw him poop. Don't ask.

7) In a break from watching Everwood Season 2 or Friday Night Lights Season 3, I looked out to make sure no cats were in need anywhere. I found a baby opossum and a kitten eating the remainder of the food I'd put out that day. That damn kitten just couldn't leave well enough alone, and kept trying to play with the opossum's thick, ugly tail while it was eating. Opossum baby was coming real close to attacking the kitten because of it, so I stepped outside hoping to scare them off. Uh, you know they both just stood there and stared at me, right? For like a full two minutes, before opossum baby finally ran away. Baby animal crisis averted. See how brave I am when I can hide most of my body behind our front door?

8) Last Friday night, on our way to one of my bar reviews, we saw a opossum get run over by a car. Now, let me just say that I am no opossum fan. They are creepy, disgusting looking and I've heard they're pretty mean. But, I don't want to watch anything suffer, and Goddammit that thing suffered. It was horrible to see. I'll leave it at that.

9) With all this death-of-animals stuff going on, I asked my mom last week if she thought it was some kind of sign. She believes in that type of thing and so do I. I mean, I was starting to worry that God, The Universe, Whatever wasn't getting through to me about something so they were using dead animals to get me to notice what the fuck ever I need to notice. My mom didn't think so, and that really helped ease my mind. It might sound crazy, but there you go.

10) Speaking of my mom, we went to a job fair together last Wednesday with one of my aunts. Mom got laid off after her brother died back in April and hadn't really been looking for work much yet, but heard that the companies at this fair didn't need to see people with degrees, which was good for her. Unfortunately, she got some misinformation. But we still got our resumes to the company she was hoping to talk with. And, I got lots of goodies from the company tables at the fair. Thank you Brown Shoe Company, I've always wanted a tiny pomegranate lip balm!

11) I also spent a day last week trying to help my mom get her room organized. See, she's become quite the hoarder of paper; she's thrown very little away for the past 14years. Her bedroom is filled with bags, boxes and baskets of old bills and mail. How did this happen? Oh, that's easy; it's my bastard father's fault.

See, back in 1994 when he left her, he bought over $3,000 worth of crap for his new place on their shared credit card...And then filed for bankruptcy. So, for years and years they came after my mom for the money. For things she never bought or even saw. She has been afraid to throw anything away for fear that if she couldn't hide from them anymore she wouldn't have the proof that she never bought that crap and shouldn't have to pay for it.

That crap finally fell off her credit report in 2002, but she can't stop saving things. When I went into her room last week I realized that she even has papers under her pillow and comforter, under the bed, in the closet and in the laundry room. I didn't know how bad it was. So I decided to help her get things straight. I was there one day from 10am to almost 7pm and we cleared out three baskets filled with old bills, receipts and pay stubs dated 1995 to 1998. We have a long way to go.

12)Last Friday our house was almost eaten by a woodpecker. I heard this horrible noise that sounded like someone was trying to pick open our locks, looked out the window and saw nothing. The noise kept coming, and it was freaking out Tux, too. I looked out again and this time looked toward the top of the door and found the bird pecking away at the door frame. I beat on the door and got it to leave for a bit, but it came back to the same spot and tried to make a home. Finally the thing got tired and went someplace else. Is that crazy, or what?


Miller, on the left, with her sister Harris. Miller is currently the only stray that likes to have us pet her.

13) Again with the death. I woke up Monday afternoon (that's right, I'm unemployed and loving the freedom) and saw a dead bird on the sidewalk. One of our favorite strays, Miller, eventually came and picked it up. I hope the bird wasn't diseased, I would hate for Miller to get sick and not be able to help her.

14) Do not believe the hype about ladybugs. When I was burying Sheila, one landed on my arm and bit the shit out of me leaving a nasty little bump behind. I am not happy with you, ladybug!

15) We have a bar stool in a corner of our bedroom where I keep a favorite pair of shoes. I went to put them on Saturday and found a cricket up there with its...Aw hell, I'm gonna say it, poop. What is it with us and droppings?


I'll have a special paw gun made if I have to, Sebastian.

16) And...Just a few minutes ago, I watched one of the strays (we call her Sebastian) fight a pretty big snake...IN OUR FRONT YARD. It wasn't just in the front yard, either. It was dangerously close to the front door. Sebastian kept getting tired and walking away to lie down for a bit, and every time I hoped she'd come back with a tiny little gun and blow that snake away. I watched her for over a half hour, and then ran around putting glue boards (thank you, Orkin Man!) down near every basement window, the front door and two openings around the back door on our deck.

Can I just say, internet, I'm tired of nature, death and shit. Absolutely wiped.

Since I Need To Chill

I've made a decision about this here ol' blog o' mine. I'm going to try not to bitch every day. Considering the crap that's going on around here with my no-job-having-no-unemployment-getting-fucked-up-credit-card self, the (I hope) understandable temptation is to blog-bitch day in and day the fuck out. But...

I need some way to relax a bit. A way to push the world away and laugh again. And so do you, fair reader. So, I'll get back to bitching tomorrow (do I ever have a story to tell about today), but until then, enjoy this:

It's All Sunny Out

From when he bought me a rose, earlier this month.

Our heat keeps coming on so it must be ridonkulously cold outside, but it is sunny. And when it's cold I actually don't mind the sun.

HUBS and I managed to go to dinner at one of our favorite places on my birthday, A'mis. We had a temporarily free $100 placed in our pitiful account by the overdraft protection gods, and used about $38 bucks to get us my Bday dinner.

The whole day was good, actually. My friend TC (who still works at the company I left in January) took me out to lunch at a great Thai place downtown that we love, Sen. November 19 is both of our birthdays, so from the time we realized that way back in...crap...'99(?), we've celebrated together.

After lunch I walked around downtown and then Webster to take pictures. It was so peaceful. I always feel independent and tough when I do photo walks, don't ask me why. And? I got some great stuff. I had two cameras with me, the digital I carry every day and my Diana+. The Diana uses 120 film, I'll take it to be developed today, and by the time it comes in HUBS will be paid again and I can afford to pick it up. Yay!

I think I did some reading in between photo walking and HUBS getting home. The best part about unemployment is unlimited reading time. I'm considering putting a sidebar on my site that shows how much stuff I've read in the past few months. Internet! You'd be muy impressed!

After dinner we walked around Borders for about an hour, looking at things we wanted but could not get. Then we headed to Quick Trip for snacks. I've been having a serious blueberry muffin moment for the past month, and QT simply has the best ones. You know how the top of the muffin should get a bit crispy and have that overhang that in women with too-tight pants is known as a "muffin top"? Well, only a QT muffin has muffin-top down to perfection.

My other QT weakness? Their cappuccino. Oh. MY. GOD! So fucking good, people. When it gets cold I want one everyday. Problem is they are packed with calories, sugar...I had three last week and am trying to cut back. I actually got regular coffee with cinnamon hazelnut cream and just added a bit of their caramel macchiato. Not bad, but not the same. I can feel a weekend indulgence coming on.

We got back home, and had our snackage while watching a couple of episodes from Buffy season 5. I don't remember Riley being in so many eps this season.

Later, there was snuggling. And then we fell asleep.

Good day. A really good Birthday.

Happy Friday everybody!!