Thursday, October 28, 2010

Lazy Days Into Winter

You know when you get a song stuck in your head and can't stop humming it or singing to yourself? Even as you grow tired of repeating the same lines, you can't stop yourself; if you're awake, there it is, stalking the corners of your mind.

I've been having the same sensation for the past few weeks, but with a single quote that I've heard in two different places over the course of about a month.

"How you spend your days is how you spend your life."

Every time I sit on my ass and do nothing (even when nothing-doing is well-deserved, like after cleaning the living room windows and scrubbing the bathroom) it rings in my head like a school bell. It's become an automatic response, and I know why.

I have a history of wild and improbable ideas. Things I really, truly desire to try or just plain get done. But, I also have a magnificent history of letting the enormity of those ideas push me into ambition-less funks where nothing gets done because all I can think of is the impossible-seeming glory that'll result from the end product.

If you didn't already know, I'm screwy.

So I know this quote from, I believe, Annie Dillard is my mind's way of pushing me forward. And yet, as the words reverberate in my own mental voice, all I can seem to do is what needs to be done: empty the dishwasher, clean the windows, do the laundry, feed the cats, take a bath, pay bills, run books back to the library...

I don't want to leave this Earth only having done what I needed to. I want to finish my screenplay and build on my other ideas, write my books and get them published, sell my photographs, spiff up this blog even more, go to networking events and not vomit from fear beforehand, travel wildly and make money doing something I enjoy. You know, among other things.

I suppose I've made some small steps recently. Last week I signed up for a digital storytelling class that may lead to work (Paid? God, I hope paid.) with our local PBS station. Last night HUBS and I went mini-golfing in the dark. That may not sound like a big step, but I'd never been mini-golfing before and it was on my list of things to try. We had fun and I foresee us doing it again soon.

I want to know, how do you spend your days and how do you want to spend your days going forward?

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