Thursday, January 05, 2012

13 Things You Should Know

StateLibQld 1 132733 Two women reading on a verandah at Ingham, ca. 1894-1903 Photo

Let's get something out of the way immediately: I do not have an extensive catalog of life experience. I've never back-packed around the world alone, dated more than one guy at a time, survived a drug overdose or defeated a criminal mastermind.

Even still, I do have an interesting collection of knowledge from my time on the planet thus far. Without further ado, here's some stuff I think everyone should know.

13 Things You Should Know

1) Lady bugs are bitches. Ever been bitten by one? I have, and that shit hurts like a mutha fucka.

2) It's completely possible to forget how to ride a bike. After a couple of years not riding my bike I figured I could just hop on and glide away again...I could not.

3) You can lose a fairly significant portion of your hair and still not appear bald. It's all about careful combing, people.

4) Eating yourself into a shame coma isn't pleasant, but sometimes it is necessary.

5) There's nothing wrong with a day spent in bed, even when the days on either side of that day are filled with similar levels of do-nothing-ness.

6) You never have to say yes, but every now and then you should.

7) Multi-cat households are not automatically run by crazy people who fart loudly in front of strangers and pee in the sink. Why are people with loads of dogs seen as gentle, kind hearted folk, while people with lots of cats are deemed ready for the nut house?

8) Speaking of farting in front of strangers, sometimes you just have to. Say nothing and move on.

9) TV is awesome, but so is turning it off when you're not actually watching anything.

10) You can have acne, dry skin, oily skin and baby wrinkles all at once. The aging process? Somewhat alarming.

11) There's nothing wrong with paying for your groceries with a pile of change. It is money, after all. Just be a dear and count it out for the cashier, mmmkay?

12) You're not truly special until you manage to get a rock inside your sock while walking and wearing knee-high boots. Happens to me all the time. I blame the Weird Vortex that surrounds me.

13) You can burp and hiccup at the same time. But, be prepared; it'll either be outrageously loud or outrageously painful.

There you have it! Now, what do you think we should know?

6 comments:

Pamela said...

Very Funny! My kinda blog :0)

Blanche aka Dianne Hartshorn said...

Too funny. I love your writing

Citygirl said...

Pamela & Dianne: Thanks, guys! I keep coming up with new things I think everyone should know, so you'll probably see this feature again!

SoMuchSugar said...

I am queen of paying with lots of change! Sometimes you just got to do it.

D said...

If I link back to this post and thus your blog, can I quote #7 on my Facebook page?

It's SO true and I never sat down to really think about it! Such simple logic.

Citygirl said...

D: Link away, my friend! Isn't it odd how society has decided to view the two animal-loving camps differently?

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