Here We Are

It's for real now. Friday, February 29 (yeah, that's this Friday) is my last pay day and last day for insurance. I still don't have a job, and today I made handy work of not being productive. I slept a lot.

On a positive note me and FI-ance have finally come close to finding a place to house our wedding/reception. We've got two tastings, one this week and one the next, in order to make our final decision. And, I've also given myself a deadline of this week to decide on a dress.

So, yeah, no pressure here.

On Tap For Today

1)Washing my hair and taking a shower. I got some of that Ojon stuff that people have been talking about for a couple of years. It's outrageously expensive, so I found a set of shampoo/conditioner/deep treatment stuff on ebay. My hope is that I will finally have found the thing that will totally help my hair recover from a horrendous hair cut (really more of a chopping)I had three years ago. My hair, which used to be fairly long and thick, is still a shortish, choppy mess that I can never quite style right. Pray for my hair, internet.

2)Doing job stuff. I'm not completely in an application mood yet so I'm starting off by checking out Facebook and working on my Variety magazine profile.

3)Watching Supernatural, taping LOST and eating pizza that someone will bring to me so I don't have to head out in our St. Louis ice storm. Yay!

This Is What Staying At Home Is Like?

First off internet, let me just tell my psyche to stop it. I've been having the most atrocious nightmares for the past week now. I can't remember all of them, but the highlights include: me having to kill vampires with a crew that gets picked off one by one and eventually I'm all alone and have to go hide in a tree; me getting a ride home from a friend's dad and having thousands of tiny white spiders crawl out of nowhere and cover me, I jump out of the car while it's moving and rip my clothes off in public; and, the most recent one, me in high school working on some major project and having somebody steal part of it right before I finish, it ends with me in the hospital after having a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah, stop jacking with me subconcious!

I will admit right now that I have not applied to as many places as I thought I would have by now. But, seeing as how I'm looking to finally get paid for writing or taking pictures I have applied to every musuem, gallery, ad agency, radio station and soon tv station I can think of. So far, nothing. I'm using Monster, Vault, Variety magazine and several local job engines. I'm running out of ideas and it scares me. I have two weeks until the money and insurance stops. I'm really afraid that I'll have to get another shitty office job that I'll hate and stay at too long so that we can keep paying bills and, I don't know, also afford one of the cheapest Netflix subscriptions there is.

Also, since the joy in my life never ever stops, I think my depression may be deepening because of this job stuff. I'm still taking my anti-crazy pills, but I've been sleeping A LOT. Like, 10-12 hours a day. I set my clock and just can't wake up. When I was working and found myself with a day off I'd automatically wake up around noon...Not anymore babe. And you'd think I'd get tired of sleeping, but no, not me apparently. It also just occured to me that I haven't had much of an appetite. And while I would love to lose some weight, depression is not really a valid solution for that issue.

I've found myself falling back into the soap opera trap. That is, for those who are unaware, where you arrange your days around certain afternoon entertainment. Now, since I'm sleeping all the time I usually miss All My Children, As The World Turns and One Life To Live. But, lucky me, I still get to check out The Young and the Restless, Guiding Light and General Hospital. And yes, that is all but two of the soaps currently still on the air. Thank God I don't have SoapNet or I'd be watching old episodes of Another World too.

I'm a sick, sick lady.

Photo "In Case Sarah Checks In" curtesy of superbirthdaysupply.com

Just A Little Bit Of Joy

While filling out a tedious job application just moments ago and getting really bored on page 3 of the thing, I saw a reverse Tux (meaning mostly black with white patches) crawling slowly through the yard next door. It made me smile a little.

I'll See You In Court!

You remember me saying that FI-ance and I had to go to court last Wednesday? It's house related, and considering the issues we've had since moving in that shouldn't be a surprise for you, really.

We're suing the previous owner of our house. See, one of the conditions of us buying this place from her was that she set us up with a new roof, which the home inspector dude said we'd need. So, she put up the money for it, signing a contract with a roofer and handing a check over to the title company. Around May of last year, when we hadn't heard from the roofer, I started calling the number on the contract. All it did was ring. No answering machine, no secretary, no voice mail. Not a good sign.

In October, after months of calling the roofer, the realtor and then having the realtor call the previous owner lady (POL), we decided to sue. We sent POL a certified letter saying we got bids from REAL roofers who could actually be contacted and told her that if she'd just fork over the money we'd consider things done. Instead of paying, she called the realtor, who then called me while I was on my way home from my former job and pissed me off by trying to tell me who we can or can't sue when realtor lady IS NOT a lawyer.

We also got a couple of calls from one of the partners in the roofing company we could never contact. So suddenly, after trying for months to reach this fucker, after word of suing goes around NOW he knows how to use the phone. Anyway, he gave FI-ance a sob story about his business partner ruining things and screwing up all the files and contracts and begged to do the work. FI-ance said no. He told him to pay us the money that POL gave him so we could call it a day. We then sent him a letter covering our terms, giving him a deadline and telling him to pay up by that date or we'd sue.

Guess what? He didn't pay us either. Even though he agreed to do so over the phone when he talked to FI-ance.

Now, since the only contract we had was between us and POL, we're suing her. And if she needs to sue the roofer to get her dough back...fine.

The catch in all this is that even though we sent the papers and money to the appropriate department to get POL served so that she'd know we were finally actually suing her, they were never served because, apparently, they never got the shit in the mail. GOD. DAMMIT. So we show up in court last week and ended up having to file for new papers to be made so that we can then get the new copies to the appropriate department AGAIN along with the money for serving costs AGAIN so we can go to court AGAIN in March. Crap.

Also, if we win (which we think we will), how do we make sure POL pays us in a timely fashion?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Photo above: Endless Vortex of Anger

Where Are The Real Red Dogs?

I have a confession. In the past few months I've become addicted to a certain children's show. This light-hearted infotainment has become even more comforting for me in the past two weeks as I've become more susceptible to job-search related sadness. I love this show so much that I even submit to repeated viewings of the same episodes and often find myself unable to get the theme song out of my head. (Like Sunday. I sang that song to myself all freakin' day.)

Enter Clifford's Puppy Days. Thank God for PBS Kids.

Photo courtesy of Kids' CBC

And So Ends Another Interesting Week

Last week my bosses at work found someone to replace me. This is weird, mostly because Monday and Tuesday this week meant training newbie, AW (who actually had an internship there about a year and a half ago), and actually really liking her.

Tuesday also meant my going away party. That's right, I am now officially unemployed. There was no sense in me and AW working the exact same position for 6 weeks until my agreement ran out, so the big T was my last day at the-job-that-I-hated-for-so-long. Luckily the money will keep coming until the end of February and my insurance is good until then too. Can you guess how many doctor's appointments I made yesterday?

My supervisor SP made lemon bars for breakfast, TC took me out to lunch at a really nice buffet and my former supervisor NM made chocolate cake with "all my morsels" and cream cheese frosting. I'd wondered for a long time now how my last day party would look. It was very uneventful. There were no stories or tales of good times past, just eating and talking about random stuff, like...Crap, I don't even remember now.

Also, the Big Boss was in the office when we had my gathering but made no attempt to come into the conference room and say anything or even just eat cake. I must have really pissed him off because he usually feels the need to at least make a showing of fake support and good wishes. Oh, well.

Wednesday FI-ance and I had to go to court (more later on that) and yesterday I avoided job searching marvelously by cleaning the hell out of the house and putting away the Christmas decorations.

I've had two nervous breakdowns in the past week and a half. Last Wednesday I actually started crying at work and had to hide in the stairwell so no one would see me get all freaked out over not having a job. Then on Monday night when I got home I was depressed and overwhelmed and ate too much junk and ended up crying once at home and once at Steak n Shake around midnight.

Today I have managed to apply for about 5 jobs and find links to several more possibilities. Now I'm watching Family Guy and blogging.

Make no mistake, internet. This is really going to be a strange trip.

Whoa, Mama

In the interest of embracing full, radical change in the new year I did something completely terrifying on Friday. I quit my job.

Let's back track a bit, shall we?

I was called into a meeting with my department boss, MS and direct supervisor, SP. Now, MS is leaving in a few days and he has served as a good buffer to our department for the Big Boss, a man who is a bit unbalanced. Anyway, apparently I've been on BB's hit list since I had some issues with lateness a few months ago. The fear for MS and SP was that once MS left us there would be nothing keeping BB from making my working life HELL, and as a result SP's day-to-day as well.

MS wanted a frank conversation about what I felt about my job. I told them I didn't hate it (lie) but that I wasn't happy either. It's monotonous and everything becomes routine within a few minutes of learning how to do it. In short, I find it boring and frustrating that moving from the receptionist's desk didn't make me any happier with my job situation.

SP and MS said they figured that would be the answer. Then MS offered me something radical: he was willing to talk to the Big Boss and go to bat for me to have 6 weeks where I openly look for work and they openly look for someone to replace me. At the end of that time, if I don't have something new I'm out of work. And if they haven't found a replacement, too bad.

I thought about it for about 2 seconds. FI-ance has been bugging me for weeks. Prodding and pushing and fighting to get me to complete every step of the job hunt process. This would be a definite kick in the ass. So, I accepted. My last day is February 18, 2008.

I spent the weekend not sleeping well and having headaches and avoiding actually applying anywhere. I'll have to interview and put together a few acceptable outfits for said purpose. I've got searching and writing and thinking to do. And yes, the photo above shows how I feel right now. I'm scared and may have bitten off more than I can chew in SIX FUCKING WEEKS.

Wish me luck.

Clearly This Wasn't Well Thought Out

I've made a decision. There will be no more working on the day after Christmas for me. I'll put my request for time off in way early, like October early so that no one can say I didn't warn them. Because obviously, being at work on December 26 is total crap.

Usually I'm unmotivated, sure, but this is a whole new level of unmotivatedness. Granted, I've actually done a pretty good amount of work so far today, but I couldn't give less of a shit about any of it. So, never again internet. Never. Ever. Again. And in a blatant showing of my disregard for working the day after such a holy occasion, I've protested by wearing one of my socks inside out. Yeah. That'll show 'em.

_____________________________________________________________

By the way, I hope you all had a loverly Christmas!

Toesies

citygirl: "I have this weird thing where when my toenails get to a certain length I don't have to clip them, I can just pull off the part of the nail that sticks out."

FI-ance: "Oh...What?"

citygirl: "See?" (showing off a newly pulled toenail to FIance)

FI-ance: "God! What the Hell is wrong with you?"

citygirl: "Huh? No, it's cool...Look!" (yet another nail presented and then dropped on the floor)

FI-ance: "Don't...My God, don't put them on the floor!"

citygirl: "Why not?"

FI-ance: "Why? I don't know, it's just disgusting, that's all."

citygirl: "So, this bothers you? All the things that you don't think about at all, like the bathtub being dirty or dishes piling up in the sink or dirty clothes spilling out of the laundry baskets or farting on me when we're lying down, and these little toenails that you can't even see bug you?"

FI-ance: "That's just different. Could you try, please, to put those in the trash can or at least leave them on the floor in the bathroom instead of the living room?"

citygirl: "What if I hide them under the couch? So that whenever we move there'll just be a huge pile of toenails falling out from this secret spot where they were once contained?"

FI-ance: "Honey..."

citygirl: "Wait! What if I figure out a way to keep them suspended in mid-air so you can always see and avoid them? Huh...Huh?"

FI-ance: "God. You have no soul."

Can you tell we had an interesting Friday?

Bitch Day

Oh, man. Sunday was not good to ol' citygirl.

I woke up after a late night of Buffy and Nip/Tuck watching with FI-ance right before 11am. Did the bathroom thing and then tried sleeping a little bit more. It wasn't happening and for some reason my mind did something it hasn't done in a long while: it began to dwell on all the crap in my life that's unfinished.

There are all these things I want to be better at, more ambitious about, that I started to tally up. Making friends, keeping friends, losing weight and keeping it off, decorating for Christmas, keeping the house clean, being more crafty, spending less money, finding a better job, getting my sideline jobs off the ground, cooking more often, finishing my screenplay...

I ended up getting out of bed crying around 11:30am. The rest of the day was mostly a wash. Random irritation and anger and crying. Even with FI-ance trying really hard to cheer me up, get me talking and help out. He was so desperate that he did two loads of laundry and emptied and loaded the dishwasher...WITHOUT BEING ASKED.

citygirl: "I'm just having a bitch day."

FI-ance: "But why? I don't think the store's closing (his phrase for my monthly lady time)."

citygirl: "That doesn't always have something to do with it."

FI-ance: "Man...That'd make it so much easier."

citygirl: "You ain't shittin' kitten."

Dammit, Cat!

The holidays are a joyous time, aren't they? Tinsel and bulbs and pretty lights and things all a-glitter.

I just have one question for you folks. How in the Hell do I keep my damn Tux cat away from the Christmas tree? In the past two weeks since we put that thing up he has tried to: eat it, climb it, push it over, pull it down, jump it and continues to remove ornaments at an alarming rate.

This just proves my theory: Tux really is the devil. And he hates Christmas and wants to destroy our holiday cheer.

Fluffy fucking devil...

Yeah, That's Not What I Wanted to Hear

So, internet. Remember when I was all freaked out about my review at work? Well, at the end of October when I got paid and saw that I had no raise I went to MS, my department boss, and asked about it. He told me he was waiting to put my review paperwork in until after I talked to my new supervisor and made a work plan for the year and he had seen it. I thought, ok, that sounds reasonable.

Well, we got paid again recently. I still had no raise for the year. I went to MS again on Tuesday to see what was up. You know what was up? I'm not getting a raise, that's what's up.

Two things really piss me straight the fuck off about this. One? It's like this past year never happened...to them. I, on the other hand have been subjected to dealing with the dregs of society on a daily basis, getting up at un-Godly hours for no good reason, volunteering at events that have me up at 6 fucking am on Saturday, filing when my back hurts and I get nothing extra in return for it. Two? MS, who I thought was a cool, smart guy of integrity, flat out lied to me. Yes, it was a lie of omission, but a lie none the less.

When I went into his office this week and was all "where's my raise?" he looked at me like I was a total idiot. The review was basically finalized with YOU NEED TO DO BETTER. I thought a lot of points in the review were bullshit. Which I explained in my written and signed rebuttle. I got a good work plan for the year together with my new supervisor and have been given some more interesting duties on an as-needed basis that I am actually excited about. none of this made a difference though. No more money for citygirl.

He said it was about the whole review. I asked why my rebuttle had no affect on this decision, he only responded that "well, everybody saw it." Most importantly, I asked why we didn't talk about this whole no raise thing during my review. His response? "Well, I guess it didn't come up." And then he stared at me like a fucking dolt.

Does anybody want to know why I didn't bring it up? Because, I figured since the review was kinda bad I'd only be getting a mere cost of living increase. So, no reason to really discuss that. It didn't occur to me that I'd get nothing at all.

Now, have you ever gotten totally shitty work news and then tried to resume working? Exactly, internet...Not. Fucking. Easy. I worked but I was so angry. Mostly at myself for even still working at this place after 9 Goddammed years.



Now the job search is on. FOR REAL.

Ummm...Meaty

FI-ance ate 3 whole Arby's Roast Beef Sammiches and 1 Arby's Ham Sammich last night. There is no doubt in my mind that I will wake up one day next to a 4-foot boner attached to a pile of cooked, sliced meat.

No. Doubt. At. All.

Eventfulness

Sat 11/17- The beginning of me and FI-ance's triple celebration week: our anniversary, my birthday and Tux's (that's right, the cat) birthday. We spent most of the morning and early afternoon driving and walking around Ellisville, Eureka and Kirkwood taking pictures of fall foliage. We got some really good shots. It's something I've never done before but really felt a pull for it this year. I used my Canon S3IS and my new lomo Diana+ medium format film camera. Getting used to not seeing how my shot will turn out after a little more than two years of digital shooting is taking some work!

After quick showers, we headed out to our local Funny Bone. We'd never been and hadn't heard of the guys but both comedy acts were really good. It felt oddly wonderful to laugh along with a group of strangers. There was a two drink minimum. I got a soda and a strawberry margarita. I'm not much of a drinker, but that thing (which came in a huge beer stein, by the by) was HELLA GOOD.

This may have been the most full day we've spent together since our first/second date.

Mon 11/19- This was my 33rd Birthday. And yes, I know that wasn't supposed to be capitalized but I'm leavin' it anyway! I share my birthday with my friend TC at work, so our department treated us to lunch at a favorite local Thai place, Sen. SOOOOOO GOOD. I believe they might have the best crab rangoon ever in the history of the universe. And the little fried corn patties? I'm dying just thinking about them...

FI-ance left work early so we could have a good long night out. I had no idea where I wanted to eat dinner. You know how you want to try something different, but desperately want to make sure you have something really fuckin' amazing to eat? That was me Monday night. FI-ance suggested The Cheesecake Factory and it immediately sounded perfect. We went all out: appetizer, two entrees (though mine was a salad), and a shared dessert of Key Lime Cheesecake. Between lunch and dinner I think this was the best-fed birthday I've ever had. Yea, food!

Post appetizer and pre-entree FI-ance gave me my Birthday/Anniversary gift. Oh God, internet. HE. DID. SO. GOOD. I got one of those "forever" necklaces with a trail of diamonds drizzling down the pendant. How many diamonds? Well, it took my mom to think of counting them on Wednesday, but there's SEVEN. As my grandmother remarked from across the room that same night, "I can see them from here...And I can't even see!"

Our absolute favorite movie theater is right near the CF, so we headed upstairs to see Beowulf. FI-ance and I both liked it, and after seeing it and reading a graphic novel version of the story that played a bit differently, we both want to read a more faithful translation to see how everything was originally written.

Wed 11/21- I took the day off work to go to my mom's early and get the cooking done. Usually what I do is head over in the evening and spend the night as we cook and watch bad cable tv. I wanted to change the tradition a bit by going to her place in the morning, then heading home in time for FI-ance to get back from work. I really wanted us to do our Christmas decorating that night, but of course there was a glitch. My driver's license expired on Monday. I didn't look at the little reminder they sent me until Thursday night and realized I needed my birth certificate. I ordered it online Friday (I could have just walked down to the records office at lunch, but, you know, why make things easy on myself?) and was stuck at home waiting for it to be delivered Wednesday morning...And afternoon. I talked to my mom and she relayed the info that I had a full 30 days to renew my license. What? Why didn't the card say that!? Here I was panicking and having FI-ance drive me around on Tuesday, when I could have been on my merry way. DMV suckers.

They finally delivered my birth certificate at about 3:30pm. I made it to the license place 45 minutes before they closed. One odd thing about me? I've always taken good license photos. I don't know how, but I do. Well, I did, anyway. because I was greeted this time by a newbie license photo-taker dude. On the first shot he took the pic while I was adjusting my bra strap. And the do-over? Fuck, my streak is over. I look like the first Black female serial killer in recorded history. And my head is HUGE! If the photo square was the size of a computer screen my head still wouldn't look appropriately proportioned. And my hair is fucked up, even though I did the best I could with it. Dammit. Now I've got seven fucking years with this retarded, scary-ass photo. Shitshit. SHIT.

Thanksgiving 11/22- I didn't leave mom's until 2:15 Thursday morning. FI-ance and I were running late to get back there for lunch, but we all got a surprise visit from my godmother when we got to mom's. After a couple hours we headed west for his family dinner. We finally got home about 1 am.

Black Friday 11/23- You don't think I actually got up at 2 am to go shopping, do you? Because I slept most of the day. And it was wonderful!

I hope everyone had a blast on Thanksgiving!!

What Happens When I'm Bored, Tired, Hungry and In A Pissy Mood?

I realize that the NBA playoffs and championship have no nickname. I don't like basketball, but let's be clear, the ballers deserve a nickname, don't they?

So, in an effort to do my part to support a game that bores the crap outta me, here is my list of possible names for said championship.

1) Ballathon!
2) Balltopia!
3) The Festival of Balls!
4) Superballs!
5) Ballorama!
6) Ball Fest!
7) Ballers Delight!
8) Hustleballs!
9) Ball Summit!

And last but not least, my favorite...

10) BALLS!

I do say. I'm quite creative when I know food is on the way.

Have a great weekend!!

All the News That's Fit to Print (Online)

- I think I have a repetitive stress injury. My right shoulder/arm has been bugging me for over two weeks. I've been getting these shooting muscle spasm-like pains that sometimes make my hand shake. It's weird, painful and irritating. At first I had neck issues there too, and figured I'd just "slept wrong" like I sometimes do. But while at work last Friday, I realized how much I reach and stretch and lift with my right arm, and I think that may be the problem. The way my desk is set up now there's more room for crap on the right so that's where I had to put everything. Since I'm still on the shit list for being late all the time I guess a worker's comp filing wouldn't be in my best interest, huh?

- We had a new couch delivered this weekend. What's insane is that it looked like it was basically the same size as my now retired Ikea couch when we were in the store, but once it was in the house we realized how absolutely massive it is. All the other furniture looks like it belongs in a doll house! We were afraid at first that the deliverin' men wouldn't be able to get it inside. They had no luck with the front door and the back doors are even smaller. THEY HAD TO TAKE OUR FRONT WINDOWS OUT. Really. It was quite a sight. Thank God we have a big picture window in the living room. Wanna know what makes me kinda sad? I bought that Ikea couch on a road trip to the Schaumberg, Illinois store with my mom. That $200 couch made my single-life living room an actual room. I was sad to see it go, especially since we put the frame outside (kept the cushions I just got covers for in March) and the poor thing has been rained on twice! I was really hoping someone would snatch it up before it got all natured on. Dammit. On a positive note, though, the new couch KICKS ABSOLUTE ASS! It's so plush and huge and comfy. We broke it in by eating special grilled cheese (swiss and cheddar cheese with fresh herbs) and watching the first season of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

- My stomach is bugging me again. I'm still using various digestive-helping foods to stave off major problems, but I don't think it's enough anymore. I am actually going to have to see that gasterointerologist about my tummy troubles. I hate making doctor's appointments. And going to new doctors is even worse. We'll see how it goes.

- Speaking of fresh herbs...I made homemade tomato soup last Monday and am still farting rosemary. I'm sorry internet, that was very sudden rude bathroom talk, but it has to be said. I see now that I need to be careful with the real rosemary. I made the mistake of putting some in my pasta for lunch yesterday and had the pleasure of then farting and burping rosemary. So, from now on we're talking like, four little leaves of the stuff and that's it. Otherwise someone is destined to die from the fumes.

- I have a dentist's appointment today. I've been going to the same dentist since I was literally a tiny kid. I'm well known throughout the practice for never having any cavities. I fear that this is about to change. About three months ago I noticed a small black depression on the side of one of my perfect teeth. It doesn't hurt and it hasn't gotten any bigger, but I think it must be the start of a cavity. Oh God! I hope this doesn't require any cutting, drilling or pulling. Fuckin' hormones changing my body chemistry...

One Friday, Not Long Ago

"I can't believe we're going to bed at 10:30 at night on a Friday."

"Yeah, I know. We're boring."

"But, we did have sex first."

"Yay! We're still cool!" (snore)

The Funniest Thing That Has Ever Happened to Someone Who Is Not Me

"Oh...Oh God! OH GOD!"

"FI-ance? What's going on?"

"I thought I stepped on an old grape so I picked it up."

"...And?"

"It wasn't a grape. It was more like..."

Silence
"Like...?"

"Cat poop."

(With bugged out eyes)"You mashed cat doody with your bare foot? And then touched it bare-handed? WAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAHAHAAA!!!"

Trying to Recap Heroes for FI-ance at Denny's Monday Night

"So, Nawhlins girl was walking with the little boy..."

"Micah"

"Yeah, him. And he was trying to get her to enjoy her powers. There was a guy on a skateboard doing crazy stuff and some guys playing basketball. One of them did that thing...You know."

"What thing?"

"You know. This (flipping hand motion)...Come on, this thingie (more flipping hand motion)."

"Uh...A 360 degree layup?"

"What? No! This (again with the hand) right here."

Silence.
"A...dunk? He dunked the ball?"

"Yeah!"

"What kind of Black person are you?"

"I'm throwing my hot coffee on you now..."