Incidents

So, I never told you guys, but back in March Fi-ance and I had an incident. I got in the bed early one night while FI-ance was still in the office checking stuff out online. I stayed in bed a while, but couldn't sleep. I got up and went into the office and yelled, jokingly, "You lookin' at porn?" FI-ance got all flustered: "What, no. What?" I laughed, got on my computer for a bit and them went to bed again and finally slept.

The next night, we were both heading to sleep at the same time. We started talking and, I don't remember how it came up, but FI-ance revealed that he actually was looking at porn the night before. Now, let's understand something. I'm not a prude or unrealistic. We have in the past talked openly about his computer porn stash. Hell, I've even looked at it with him. And I've certainly seen my share of dirty pics on my own.

To find out that suddenly FI-ance was lying about his porn usage really hurt my feelings. Also? It immediately brought to mind a slippery-slope situation wherein FI-ance begins to lie about things that don't matter and then things that do. Frankly it kinda freaked me out that my boy, who is forthcoming in some many things (loving porn, past girlfriends, embarrassing situations, particularly rough times in the bathroom) would lie about something we've talked about so frequently. I was so hurt it actually made me cry, internet, which FI-ance won't know until he reads this.

I told him my issues with the lying. He apologized profusely and promised to never do it again. FI-ance also bought me flowers a couple days later as a continued apology, which is why the above picture is titled Because He Was A Dick.

Update: FI-ance saw the picture on my photoblog and protested the title. I suppose the title He Did a Dicky Thing would be more appropriate.

Aw Yeah, Baby!

Thank the sweet Lord. After taking two days off because I just couldn't deal, I'm almost done with my website gig. Many of the last places I was assigned turned out to be closed for business, so instead of having 20 I'm down to about 13. Yea for the short life span of restaurants!!

Also on tap for this weekend: Ordering the wedding cake. The bakery has a bug up its ass about having us trek to their original location to sign the papers. It's at least a half hour away in a part of town that confuses and frustrates me because I'm not used to it. I'm going to try to get them to fax the contract to the location that's RIGHT DOWN THE DAMN STREET FROM US so FI-ance and I don't have to deal with that irritating drive again (we had to do it for the cake tasting a couple months ago).

As a side note, do you see the hair on the person in the picture? That's about the state of my coif right now because I'm completely afraid to touch it unless I'm putting my bald juice on. I'm due to get another relaxer in about a week and I really, really, really hope I don't end up more bald from it. Holy crap, you guys, it's a little bit scary.

Oh My God, Y'all!

I am exhausted. A few weeks ago I landed a part-time gig writing restaurant profiles and taking photos for a new website associated with a local news station. My deadline is this Sunday and I still have a ton to do. Why? I don't know...Maybe...MY OUTRAGEOUS LEVEL OF PROCRATINATION? This job requires lots of driving around, talking on the phone and dealing with strangers. None of which I am particularly thrilled about. And entering the info in the site's database? Unfortunately a lot like the crap I did at my previous full-time job. But, I AM FINALLY GETTING PAID TO WRITE AND TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS. How unreal is that? As much as I love that fact I still manage to complain all the way home. I've got like 15 or 20 places left to do (yeah, by Sunday night) and after working about five stressful hours yesterday, I am taking today off.

The best part of the job is that I could end up writing features for the website. When the producer first contacted me I gave him about ten story ideas. Internet, pray for me! I would really fucking like for this to lead to feature writing, AKA more money!!

Having some actual responsibilities for the past few weeks has been really strange. I've had to wake up at a decent hour, make tons of phone calls, put on non-pajama clothes and go places. I have found myself seriously missing lolling about searching for jobs online and, basically, not really doing anything. I spend so much time staring at my computer now that I've been neglecting my blog writing/reading. All I want to do after editing photos, writing profiles and entering database info is to stare into a tv or fashion magazine filled space. I haven't been on Facebook or LinkedIn and I had to skip a girls night get-together two Fridays ago.

But, I'm actually making some of my own money again. And for the first time in my life I'm getting that money as a writer and photographer. I'm tired, but basically pretty happy.

Coming Back From Baby Mama Last Week

FI-ance is wriggling in his passenger side seat as I drive. I notice that he's frolicking in his own nethers.

FI-ance: Sorry, sorry. My right ball's been bugging me all night.

Citygirl: What's it doing? Taunting you? Telling bad jokes?

FI-ance: Yeah, yeah...Cut it out. No, it just...moves.

Citygirl: You've been having a lot of trouble with your man bits lately. Are you wearing the right size underwear?

FI-ance: Well, yeah. They feel fine.

Citygirl: 'Cause you know, if I'm wearing the right size bra my boobies don't just go all over the place. They sorta stay where I put 'em.

FI-ance: You women have no idea, do you?

Citygirl: We sure as hell don't.

Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures

Some Good News

Remember last Saturday when I found out my hair was falling out? Well, the day wasn't all bad...Just mostly bad.

The first good thing? My hair stylist, who I'd never met before, thought I was 17. Seventeen, internet. That was amazing and made me giggle quite a bit.

Most importantly, though, I did go to my mom's place and try my dress on. It looks good. But since it's champagne I don't think my beloved purple hair clip will work with it. My mom zipped me into it but was afraid to zip it all the way. I think I might have a bit too much back fat for it. My mom suggested some all-over Spanx, which means officially everyone in the world must know about those things. I'm really against the whole restrictive clothing idea, but I broke down and bought one anyway.

By the way, the best thing that happened on Saturday was my mom giving me loads of straight up cash. I mean, more actual money than I've ever seen in my life. Since she's preoccupied with my grandmother and doesn't have much time for wedding shopping/planning she gave FI-ance and I some money to help out. We were able to finally get a photographer because of the windfall. Yay, Mommy!

I was also able to do something I haven't been able to do since I quit my job - go shopping and buy ANYTHING I wanted to. I got some wedding stuff: the Spanx, gold shoes, pens for the guest book, paper for my homemade invites and programs, shimmery nude nail polish, Laura Mercier lip gloss ($22, Holy God!!). But I also got some completely frivolous stuff. A couple of Michael Kors purses on ebay, two pairs of Lane Bryant jeans and some panties, Forever 21 jewelry, a Sephora shopping spree. The best part about this is that I spent around sixty bucks or less at each place. See? Even when I have dinero aplenty I still shop smart.

!!!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING EARTHQUAKES! OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING EARTHQUAKES! OH MY GOD WE'RE HAVING EARTHQUAKES!

Aces!

I went to get my hair done today and guess what? My hair is falling out! Yay! Because life doesn't suck enough now I'm flirting with my own version of male pattern baldness! I swear, could I have had a better Saturday? No...No I do not think so.

For the past two months or so I had noticed that it seemed like a lot of hair was coming out when I combed it. But I thought, maybe, it was just because I hadn't had a relaxer put in since January. Then, around this Thursday, I remember clearly saying to myself, "Self, I think my hair is falling out," not really thinking it was ACTUALLY FACTUALLY TRUE.

My stylist showed me the damage today. There is a semi-circle of semi-baldness filled with stubble on top of my head. She told me to get to a dermatologist right away, and said it could be stress from job-searching. She also made grand (and thankfully successful) efforts to hide my scalp under my new hairdo. And, to make all this even better, now I have to go to the doctor WITHOUT ANY INSURANCE so that I don't end up cue-balling it for my wedding in a couple months.

God Dammit People. What the fuck else is going to fall apart here?

Because Weddings Are Funner Than Job Searches

A big piece of this wedding puzzle has been solved, internet! I bought my wedding dress! From Nordstrom.com! In their plus sizes section! It was only 200 bucks! And my wonderful Godmommy is sending me a check for it!

Because I am girly, but wedding-indifferent, I have not tried it on yet. I've had it, still in its unopened box, for over a week. Does that make me weird?

At any rate. My plan is to go get my hair done tomorrow, then head to my mom's house to try it on and discuss accessory options. Also, my mom called last weekend and said she had something for me and something else entirely for me and FI-ance. I think this means money, although I'm not sure what she could be giving me alone. This should be interesting.

As I've said before my mom is terminally stressed. She works at a job where she is on her feet all day and then goes home to take care of my grandmother. Because of my g-mom's so-so, up-and-down health mom rarely leaves home to do anything but grocery shop. This is important because she will need something cool to wear to the wedding, and I really, really wanted her to wear the suit pictured above. I showed it to her ages ago, but since she couldn't make up her mind and wasn't sure and thought oh, maybe, now, NOW internet, it's not being sold anymore. We will have to get her out of the house and into a mall dressing room. Several of them, probably. It will doubtlessly turn out to be somewhat stressful since my lovely mom can almost never make up her mind.

I'm thinking now about how I'll do my hair and makeup for the wedding. I want it all to be pretty and simple since I'm doing it myself. I figure I'd get my hair did the day before in some wavy/curly style and then just do some combing and fluffing the next day. As far as makeup, I just really want to not look like a big greaseball for the wedding. I've been scouring wedding sites for ideas and they've only been marginally helpful. Martha Stewart and InStyle Weddings have been around for at least 10 years each and they only had a handful of ideas on their sites. Bitches...

I am especially in love with the 2nd pair of gold flats above and the feathered hair pin. I haven't gotten the shoes ($98! For flats! Fuck!) but I ran out last weekend and got that pin. Originally I didn't want any hair adornment since I plan on some fancy earrings (something like the ones pictured) but I saw it and got all giddy and heart-fluttery and knew it had to be mine.

Now all me and FI-ance need are a photographer, his attaire for the day and, yeah, someone to actually marry us!

About That Job...

It recently occurred to me that I never told you about the second interview I had with a local marketing company. Internet, that was two weeks ago, why didn't you remind me?

My first challenge with this was that it wasn't really an interview. It was a shadow day where you get to follow one of their people around to see what your day would be like if you started working for them. I needed to be there from 9am to 5pm. Do we recognize the problem yet? That's right, I haven't gotten up that early (much less stayed awake for that long and been away from home the whole time)since January 15! But whatever. I got up, put on my "interview" pants and a nice sweater. I got there on time and fairly alert for the un-Godly hour, and met up with my shadow buddy, Garth.

Let me just take the time to thank Garth for being nice, personable and not at all creepy or serial killer-like. Especially since we spent AN ASS-LONG time in your car together.

We had to drive over an hour to get to his sales territory in Where The Fuck, Illinois. Maybe you've been there? It's between a skanky pool of water along the side of the highway and a Super Walmart.

Anywho. Garth and I ran from one business to another, while I listened as he tried desperately to make some sales. It was depressing. Not just because the idea of sale, Sale, Selling! for a living makes me feel icky and bored, but because he only got two stinky sales. We went to maybe eight places and his daily goal is, get ready...Thirty or Forty!

I also have to say that, were I alone on this particular trip, there are several places I NEVER would have gone into. Like the pawn shop with the very obvious BULLET HOLE in the glass of the front door. And? When I got home I smelled bad. Like BO, old Fritos, wet dog and feet. Everything I was wearing had to be washed and/or aired out. Thank God my interview suit is washable.

Now, I'll admit that I wasn't crazy about the idea of doing business-to-business sales for an office supply company (yeah, it's that boring) going into this. But, I was willing to push through a few months of crap to possibly get to something creative like copywriting or coming up with marketing campaigns. Alas, such a trajectory is not possible with this particular company. They believe in promoting from within, but what's the prize you get for putting up with B2B bullshit? The best thing they could come up with? Learning their accounting practices and running your own branch office. Really, y'all? You mean one day, if I sell really, really hard, I'll get to sit in an office and do math all day? For reals? Gee...Thanks.

Photo above "I'm so unexcited, and I can't hide it."

Job Search Facts

1) If you've gotten to the point where you believe any job ad that says you can make "Thousands from home every day!", you need to step away from the computer and take a nap.

2) 50% of all job searchers will go insane before they find suitable employment. At least, this is how it feels.

3) When you've been sending resumes out for eight weeks and have only had two interviews, it can make you want to kill someone.

4) A job search that seems futile can lead to sleeplessness, too much sleeping, too much eating, not enough eating, too much sitting, not enough exercise, procrastination or insanity (see 2 & 3).

5) I'm tired of looking for work.

6) I'm also tired of being tired of looking for work. I mean, I get to sit at home all day. Why should I complain?

7) Yahoo! Hot Jobs is a suck-ass job search site. I type in "photography" and get five pages offering me work as a porn star.

8) Putting searches in feeds for google reader is the best thing in the world.

9) When you don't understand the title of the job, it may be a sign that you should not apply for it.

10) Likewise, if the job description makes you want to eat your own head, you might not be suitably built for it.

11) Cartoons, Oprah, repeats of Sandford and Son and any soap opera are death knells for a productive job search. Turn the damn tv off!

12) Would these HR people really be inundated with calls if they didn't post "NO CALLS PLEASE" on all their ads? Really? Douches...

13) If you look long enough without any decent leads you'll begin to feel useless and worthless.

14) While I understand that looking for work online is easier than leaving the house at 8:30am everyday and going from business to business filling out applications and begging to speak to someone with the power to hire you, it doesn't make the process any less assie (pronounced like "Lassie" without the L, meaning - like an ass).

15) Cartoons, Oprah, repeats of Sandford and Son and any soap opera are legitimate reasons to stop looking for work, recline and have a sandwich!

Photo curtesy of NBC's The Office, which is another good reason to stop job searching.

Purr Factor

I'm having quite the busy week.

Monday: First unemployed job interview. It was a marketing company. Did not get called back for the second interview. They can kiss my ass.

Tuesday: Snow storm. We got between 6 to 10 inches of snow in most of the St. Louis area. FI-ance didn't have to go to work. Nice day.

Wednesday: Court day for our suit against the previous owner of our house. We lost. FI-ance was angry for most of the day after that, I managed to calm him down (finally) with The Wire.

Thursday: Interview with a different marketing company. Did get called back for 2nd interview, which happens Monday. Yay! Hope! Begin scanning my 80 million polaroids and pictures from my Diana+.

Tomorrow: Call about paperwork to become offical creditors of roofer-who-was-paid-but-never-fixed-our-roof-and-then-filed-for-bankruptcy. Send resumes to more companies that will probably ignore me. Apply for unemployment, just in case. Sign contract for wedding/reception hall.

Saturday: Go to cake tasting for free wedding cake we will get for our wedding reception. Take photo from Martha Stewart Weddings of how I want cake to look. Try to relax or something.

Sunday: Go to local church to hear talk on "evil". Head to registry event at Macy's, get goody bag and sign up to win free things. Go to mom's after to show her all the ideas for wedding. Prepare for Monday's interview.

This may be the most busy I've ever been. Ever!

Here We Are

It's for real now. Friday, February 29 (yeah, that's this Friday) is my last pay day and last day for insurance. I still don't have a job, and today I made handy work of not being productive. I slept a lot.

On a positive note me and FI-ance have finally come close to finding a place to house our wedding/reception. We've got two tastings, one this week and one the next, in order to make our final decision. And, I've also given myself a deadline of this week to decide on a dress.

So, yeah, no pressure here.

On Tap For Today

1)Washing my hair and taking a shower. I got some of that Ojon stuff that people have been talking about for a couple of years. It's outrageously expensive, so I found a set of shampoo/conditioner/deep treatment stuff on ebay. My hope is that I will finally have found the thing that will totally help my hair recover from a horrendous hair cut (really more of a chopping)I had three years ago. My hair, which used to be fairly long and thick, is still a shortish, choppy mess that I can never quite style right. Pray for my hair, internet.

2)Doing job stuff. I'm not completely in an application mood yet so I'm starting off by checking out Facebook and working on my Variety magazine profile.

3)Watching Supernatural, taping LOST and eating pizza that someone will bring to me so I don't have to head out in our St. Louis ice storm. Yay!

This Is What Staying At Home Is Like?

First off internet, let me just tell my psyche to stop it. I've been having the most atrocious nightmares for the past week now. I can't remember all of them, but the highlights include: me having to kill vampires with a crew that gets picked off one by one and eventually I'm all alone and have to go hide in a tree; me getting a ride home from a friend's dad and having thousands of tiny white spiders crawl out of nowhere and cover me, I jump out of the car while it's moving and rip my clothes off in public; and, the most recent one, me in high school working on some major project and having somebody steal part of it right before I finish, it ends with me in the hospital after having a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah, stop jacking with me subconcious!

I will admit right now that I have not applied to as many places as I thought I would have by now. But, seeing as how I'm looking to finally get paid for writing or taking pictures I have applied to every musuem, gallery, ad agency, radio station and soon tv station I can think of. So far, nothing. I'm using Monster, Vault, Variety magazine and several local job engines. I'm running out of ideas and it scares me. I have two weeks until the money and insurance stops. I'm really afraid that I'll have to get another shitty office job that I'll hate and stay at too long so that we can keep paying bills and, I don't know, also afford one of the cheapest Netflix subscriptions there is.

Also, since the joy in my life never ever stops, I think my depression may be deepening because of this job stuff. I'm still taking my anti-crazy pills, but I've been sleeping A LOT. Like, 10-12 hours a day. I set my clock and just can't wake up. When I was working and found myself with a day off I'd automatically wake up around noon...Not anymore babe. And you'd think I'd get tired of sleeping, but no, not me apparently. It also just occured to me that I haven't had much of an appetite. And while I would love to lose some weight, depression is not really a valid solution for that issue.

I've found myself falling back into the soap opera trap. That is, for those who are unaware, where you arrange your days around certain afternoon entertainment. Now, since I'm sleeping all the time I usually miss All My Children, As The World Turns and One Life To Live. But, lucky me, I still get to check out The Young and the Restless, Guiding Light and General Hospital. And yes, that is all but two of the soaps currently still on the air. Thank God I don't have SoapNet or I'd be watching old episodes of Another World too.

I'm a sick, sick lady.

Photo "In Case Sarah Checks In" curtesy of superbirthdaysupply.com

Just A Little Bit Of Joy

While filling out a tedious job application just moments ago and getting really bored on page 3 of the thing, I saw a reverse Tux (meaning mostly black with white patches) crawling slowly through the yard next door. It made me smile a little.

I'll See You In Court!

You remember me saying that FI-ance and I had to go to court last Wednesday? It's house related, and considering the issues we've had since moving in that shouldn't be a surprise for you, really.

We're suing the previous owner of our house. See, one of the conditions of us buying this place from her was that she set us up with a new roof, which the home inspector dude said we'd need. So, she put up the money for it, signing a contract with a roofer and handing a check over to the title company. Around May of last year, when we hadn't heard from the roofer, I started calling the number on the contract. All it did was ring. No answering machine, no secretary, no voice mail. Not a good sign.

In October, after months of calling the roofer, the realtor and then having the realtor call the previous owner lady (POL), we decided to sue. We sent POL a certified letter saying we got bids from REAL roofers who could actually be contacted and told her that if she'd just fork over the money we'd consider things done. Instead of paying, she called the realtor, who then called me while I was on my way home from my former job and pissed me off by trying to tell me who we can or can't sue when realtor lady IS NOT a lawyer.

We also got a couple of calls from one of the partners in the roofing company we could never contact. So suddenly, after trying for months to reach this fucker, after word of suing goes around NOW he knows how to use the phone. Anyway, he gave FI-ance a sob story about his business partner ruining things and screwing up all the files and contracts and begged to do the work. FI-ance said no. He told him to pay us the money that POL gave him so we could call it a day. We then sent him a letter covering our terms, giving him a deadline and telling him to pay up by that date or we'd sue.

Guess what? He didn't pay us either. Even though he agreed to do so over the phone when he talked to FI-ance.

Now, since the only contract we had was between us and POL, we're suing her. And if she needs to sue the roofer to get her dough back...fine.

The catch in all this is that even though we sent the papers and money to the appropriate department to get POL served so that she'd know we were finally actually suing her, they were never served because, apparently, they never got the shit in the mail. GOD. DAMMIT. So we show up in court last week and ended up having to file for new papers to be made so that we can then get the new copies to the appropriate department AGAIN along with the money for serving costs AGAIN so we can go to court AGAIN in March. Crap.

Also, if we win (which we think we will), how do we make sure POL pays us in a timely fashion?

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Photo above: Endless Vortex of Anger

Where Are The Real Red Dogs?

I have a confession. In the past few months I've become addicted to a certain children's show. This light-hearted infotainment has become even more comforting for me in the past two weeks as I've become more susceptible to job-search related sadness. I love this show so much that I even submit to repeated viewings of the same episodes and often find myself unable to get the theme song out of my head. (Like Sunday. I sang that song to myself all freakin' day.)

Enter Clifford's Puppy Days. Thank God for PBS Kids.

Photo courtesy of Kids' CBC

And So Ends Another Interesting Week

Last week my bosses at work found someone to replace me. This is weird, mostly because Monday and Tuesday this week meant training newbie, AW (who actually had an internship there about a year and a half ago), and actually really liking her.

Tuesday also meant my going away party. That's right, I am now officially unemployed. There was no sense in me and AW working the exact same position for 6 weeks until my agreement ran out, so the big T was my last day at the-job-that-I-hated-for-so-long. Luckily the money will keep coming until the end of February and my insurance is good until then too. Can you guess how many doctor's appointments I made yesterday?

My supervisor SP made lemon bars for breakfast, TC took me out to lunch at a really nice buffet and my former supervisor NM made chocolate cake with "all my morsels" and cream cheese frosting. I'd wondered for a long time now how my last day party would look. It was very uneventful. There were no stories or tales of good times past, just eating and talking about random stuff, like...Crap, I don't even remember now.

Also, the Big Boss was in the office when we had my gathering but made no attempt to come into the conference room and say anything or even just eat cake. I must have really pissed him off because he usually feels the need to at least make a showing of fake support and good wishes. Oh, well.

Wednesday FI-ance and I had to go to court (more later on that) and yesterday I avoided job searching marvelously by cleaning the hell out of the house and putting away the Christmas decorations.

I've had two nervous breakdowns in the past week and a half. Last Wednesday I actually started crying at work and had to hide in the stairwell so no one would see me get all freaked out over not having a job. Then on Monday night when I got home I was depressed and overwhelmed and ate too much junk and ended up crying once at home and once at Steak n Shake around midnight.

Today I have managed to apply for about 5 jobs and find links to several more possibilities. Now I'm watching Family Guy and blogging.

Make no mistake, internet. This is really going to be a strange trip.

Whoa, Mama

In the interest of embracing full, radical change in the new year I did something completely terrifying on Friday. I quit my job.

Let's back track a bit, shall we?

I was called into a meeting with my department boss, MS and direct supervisor, SP. Now, MS is leaving in a few days and he has served as a good buffer to our department for the Big Boss, a man who is a bit unbalanced. Anyway, apparently I've been on BB's hit list since I had some issues with lateness a few months ago. The fear for MS and SP was that once MS left us there would be nothing keeping BB from making my working life HELL, and as a result SP's day-to-day as well.

MS wanted a frank conversation about what I felt about my job. I told them I didn't hate it (lie) but that I wasn't happy either. It's monotonous and everything becomes routine within a few minutes of learning how to do it. In short, I find it boring and frustrating that moving from the receptionist's desk didn't make me any happier with my job situation.

SP and MS said they figured that would be the answer. Then MS offered me something radical: he was willing to talk to the Big Boss and go to bat for me to have 6 weeks where I openly look for work and they openly look for someone to replace me. At the end of that time, if I don't have something new I'm out of work. And if they haven't found a replacement, too bad.

I thought about it for about 2 seconds. FI-ance has been bugging me for weeks. Prodding and pushing and fighting to get me to complete every step of the job hunt process. This would be a definite kick in the ass. So, I accepted. My last day is February 18, 2008.

I spent the weekend not sleeping well and having headaches and avoiding actually applying anywhere. I'll have to interview and put together a few acceptable outfits for said purpose. I've got searching and writing and thinking to do. And yes, the photo above shows how I feel right now. I'm scared and may have bitten off more than I can chew in SIX FUCKING WEEKS.

Wish me luck.

Clearly This Wasn't Well Thought Out

I've made a decision. There will be no more working on the day after Christmas for me. I'll put my request for time off in way early, like October early so that no one can say I didn't warn them. Because obviously, being at work on December 26 is total crap.

Usually I'm unmotivated, sure, but this is a whole new level of unmotivatedness. Granted, I've actually done a pretty good amount of work so far today, but I couldn't give less of a shit about any of it. So, never again internet. Never. Ever. Again. And in a blatant showing of my disregard for working the day after such a holy occasion, I've protested by wearing one of my socks inside out. Yeah. That'll show 'em.

_____________________________________________________________

By the way, I hope you all had a loverly Christmas!