Inspiration

I know we're in the grips of bitter, winter weather right now (St. Louis got up to 7 inches of snow last night and there were wind gusts of up to 40mph Thursday) but this picture seems hopeful to me. Anyhoo...when I'm in the dumps, suffering from severe ennui or just plain depressed, I sometimes need a pick-me-up.

There are lots of things that work for this: eating salty foods, eating sweets, sleeping, watching soap operas (my life will never be that messy) or drowning my sorrows in a good fashion mag (hello, Lucky). But, really, my favorite way to feel better is to read a good quote. I've got two quote books, but I find them all the time, in magazines, movies, tv shows and online. So I've got scraps of paper all over the place with helpful sayings on them.

Here, for you, are some of my favorites.




There, have a good weekend.

Internet Anonymity Strikes Again

A few weeks ago I asked for advice. A guy named Neal, who's never commented on my blog before, popped up with some choice words for me. I tried to find out a little bit about Neal, but his profile is private so who knows what the dude is all about. But, he does not seem to like me.

Anyway, he's now commented twice on my blog and I think he's way off about a lot of stuff. You can read his words after this post and this one, but below I've highlighted (in italics) some of the things he said and why I think he's wrong. Let's go.

That precious image you've carried of yourself all these many years, the gay, fun-loving life, the social whirl, being admired for your accomplishments, being the center of attention, having it all revolve around you . . . And now confronted by the reality of being 35 and it ain't nothin' like that.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Neal, you obviously don't know as much about me as you think you do. I have absolutely never been a part of any social whirl or the center of attention to anyone but my mom when I was a kid. Nothing has ever "revolved around" me and I've never been anything, admittedly, but slightly above average in most respects. I've always been firmly sure of my reality in this world, which doesn't mean I can't change it. We're not working with a caste system here.

Nope, sorry, not true. That's the fourteen-year-old speaking, the child who's convinced the world revolves around her dreams.

So, because I have dreams that makes me a child? God, you're pretentious. Congratulations on apparently not having any hopes or goals for your own life, Neal. Too bad the rest of us can't be as mature as you and not want anything. If I thought the world revolved around my dreams I'd be in relentless, bloody, damn-everyone-else pursuit of them every minute of everyday. Is anyone with the desire to move beyond their current station in life a mindless child, too? I guess all the homeless people should just give up now, huh?

You're certainly not "the ultimate Jill of All Trades," so maybe you should stop saying that to yourself.

Guess what? You don't get to tell me, or anyone else, how to define themselves. I may not be famous, but I'm a fucking good writer and photographer and I do get paid for it. I'm also a painter, chef, baker, driver, listener, joke teller, collage artist and expert maker of bathing paraphernalia. Dispute all those if you wish, but you don't know me, so you can't.

Remember when you were wide-eyed and fresh and 21? You should have married a doctor, or maybe Sergi Brin or some other dork destined to be a billionaire. A little late for that, now, huh?

I don't even know what you mean here. I shouldn't have gone to college? I shouldn't attempt to do fun, interesting, enjoyable things with my life? I should have married young, spit out a bunch of kids and lived off someone else for my whole life? How dare you suggest that that's the end all be all of what I'm good for. Again, you don't know me.

I notice that when I got a job you didn't comment on that post. I guess there was too much honest joy in that one for you. By the way, I had been looking for literally any job I could get for several months by the time you suggested it. I'd applied at every store in the mall, Borders, WalMart, Best Buy and Target among others. I knew I needed any gig that would bring in any extra money. I'm not an idiot.

You also mentioned that I was "self-centered". Who else should I be centered on when I write this blog? There's no indication anywhere on the page that it's going to be about politics, global warming, world hunger, world peace, celebrity meltdowns or how everyone can analyze their handwriting. This blog is essentially my diary. Sorry, but that means it's about me and the people in my immediate circle.

This space is for me to look at what I do, don't do, think, don't think and the reasons behind it all. And, who else is going to have my best interest at heart 100% of the time no matter when or where I am? Me. Basically, my blog my rules. If you don't like my introspection feel free to leave my house.

Didn't That Go Too Fast?

Well, I hope everyone had a truly wonderful, restful, celebratory end of 2009/beginning of 2010. What did you do, internet? Here's what HUBS and I have been up to:



As you know I got a job during the second week of December. We went out for sushi the following week to celebrate at Miso, a place in a relatively chi chi area known as Clayton. It was SO. FREAKING. GOOD. Unfortunately, my job ended last Monday. They ran out of work so all the new temps were put on "standby" for whenever they get more work in again. I feel kinda good that I actually got an extra day's pay out of them, though. See, the previous Friday they had told everyone else not to come in Monday, but since I'd worked hard enough to get put in the mail room I didn't hear that announcement and came in. They did need me in the mail room, so I worked a day more than the other temps. The mail room supervisor told me that as soon as they got more stuff in they'd call me. Until then, I've been applying for everything else I can. So, it sucks but I don't feel horrible about it.



Look at that first picture. Those, my friends, are homemade - from absolute scratch - biscuits that I made on Christmas morning. HUBS and I were supposed to leave for the 2 hour trip to his folks that morning, but they postponed the festivities until Saturday because of the insane amount of snow and ice they were getting on Christmas day.

Suddenly our day was leisurely and filled with free time. I was hit with a biscuit craving and we didn't have any of the frozen ones I like, so I got off my ass and made some from scratch. Yay! They got a bit crispy on the bottom on account of me never having made biscuits before and rolling them out a bit too thin, but I did a pretty good job with them. I even used Christmas cookie cutters to make them festive. I'm so damn cool.

I got a lot done between C Eve and C Morning. You can see the fruits of the night before in the second shot. I made dough ornaments for HUBS' parents as our gift to them. I got these fancy cookie cutters from Williams-Sonoma to cut them and then used some glitter glue to decorate. I ended up with about 18 ornaments total. And, they really liked the gift.

Here's where things get interesting. The weekend after Christmas our furnace reached its last leg. So, for a week now we've been living in below-normal-temps-for-the-inside-of-a-house conditions. We bit the bullet and bought a new one on New Year's Eve. Luckily we got 6 months same-as-cash financing so we have no payments on it until the end of that period. Before that time's up we'll get a small loan to pay the thing off. Also, since it's way more efficient than our old one we'll get a nice tax credit and save some money on our monthly bill and they're installing it right now. YAY!!!



Also on New Year's Eve, we bought this car right here. Except our red is a deeper, metallic red. I know this seems like an impractical thing to do on only one income, but HUBS' lease was up on his car and he managed to get a brand new, safer, cooler one for only about $20 a month more. Again we bought at just the right time, we got a no payments for three months deal. That's right, you guys, for three months we can use that money to pay off some bills. YESSSS!!!

After picking up the car we went to dinner (less than $10 for both of us; I am silly with coupons!) and a movie (yup, I had coupons for that too). I was even wearing makeup! All day! And I do admit I felt quite spiffy.

I have to say, I'm feeling pretty good and overall productive right now. I've realized that I feel too overwhelmed when I take on projects in big blocks of time. So, I'm doing things more "here and there" now. Instead of look-for-work-look-for-work-look-for-work for hours on end I look for jobs for a bit and then work on a freelance story a bit and then goof off a bit and so on. It's my first day working like this officially, but so far, so good.

Tell me your Christmas and New Year's stories!

There's A Bug In My Bubble Wrap

As you've heard by now, I finally landed a job. It's not bad - I spend most of my days now packing boxes, or collating papers or mailing envelopes. But, that first day was rough.

I started last Tuesday, through one of the many temp agencies I'm signed with. The agency lady told me I'd be standing, so I wore my tennis shoes. I ended up truly standing for 6 hours and 45 minutes (my work day minus lunch and breaks). I was not fully prepared. And it wasn't just the standing that did me in.

At first I was kinda happy. I have a job! I thought as I folded boxes. As the day wore on, though, I started really thinking about how I was now, finally making a living. Assembling cardboard boxes? Collating papers and packets? Working on a conveyor belt?

At one point while we were packaging and shipping (expensive) products someone lost a mailing label and we all had to go through our trash bins. That was the final straw (along with my growing ankle and foot pain). All I could think then was This is it? This is my life now? This is the best I could do?

It was exactly the mindless, meaningless work I left my old job to get away from. Only this was way lower pay for even less meaning and I had to stand all day.

I could feel an angry cry coming on. I went home and tried to calm down. Way back in 2000 I used to meditate. So I got out my book and decided to try again. It felt good in the moment, but by the time HUBS got home with inquires about my day I was driven to one of my classic fits of anger and depression. Really, it was so lovely.

In the week and two days since then, I've been trying to focus on the positive: I have a job, I'll be getting paid every week, I have a reason to leave the house and wake up in the morning, the drive is only about 15 minutes each way, this job came along right when we were dangerously close to being totally out of credit...And not focus on the negatives.

OHMMMMMMMM....Serenity. I am bigger than this job....OHMMMMMMM

I Got A Job! I Got A Job! I Got A Job!

I'm looking forward to getting on the highway to go to a place that will pay me to be there. Yeeeee!

Thank you JESUS! I just got the call today, from one of the staffing agencies I signed up with. I'll be doing some mail room/stuffing envelopes/packing/unpacking stuff. I get to wear jeans and t-shirts and I start tomorrow at 8am. It's $7.50 an hour, so this plus the freelance stuff is almost like a real salary. I don't know how long it's going to last but let's all pray that it lasts as long as I need it to, ok?

Thank God!!!!!!

Oh, That's What's Doing It

It's like there's a road I know I should be on, but I can't fucking find it for the life of me.

I've been having a lot of trouble with HUBS not helping with little things around the house. Sometime between my birthday and Thanksgiving (which was a week to the day after my birthday) I had a sudden attack of annoyance anger over HUBS not loading or unloading the dishwasher.

There wasn't a ton of yelling, but I was about to go to bed when the irritation took over again. HUBS was already in bed, laying peacefully in the dark, when I strode in and started berating him. He seemed to be a bit confused and didn't say much in response other than "I'll try to do better." I know that isn't true, but that's not really the point here.

During my cooling off period on the couch moments later I had a major realization: HUBS was never much for little household chores, not even once we bought the house. And yet, since I've been unemployed, the fact that he won't do this type of stuff without prompting really fucking bothers me. We've argued about this A LOT in the past year and a half, I'd say.

Finally, I realize why. I FEEL LIKE A HOUSEWIFE. Now, I've got nothing against housewives, but it was never my goal to be one. I wanted to be an astronomer when I was nine years old. I watched my mom sleep and eat her way through her housewifery because she spent most of my childhood depressed (I didn't find this out until sometime in college, by the way). This is not the way my life at 35 was supposed to be, God dammit.

Dishes and laundry and dusting were never supposed to make up the bulk of my day. I was supposed to do things. Go places. Make friends and have business to attend to. Not spend all day going from internet surfing to folding underwear to job searching to napping to planning dinner to waiting impatiently for my husband to come home because he's all I have.

How do I get out of this, and stop yelling at HUBS, without getting a job (since that seems unlikely anytime soon at this point)? Ideas? Suggestions from the internet? Hope? Any fucking hope at all...?

Just Today...

I hit my left boob on a door, banged my left shoulder on a corner and cut my hand on a door jamb. Dammit, I'm clumsy.

Really...?

Holy crap, you guys. It's raining again! I thought we were done with this stuff for at least a month, after having it rain for the ENTIRE MONTH OF OCTOBER.

HUBS and I went to a movie showing at The St. Louis International Film Festival last night. It was at one of our antique theaters (above) with character and only one screen. We had to stand out in the cold, blustery rain for a half an hour because a director Q & A was still going on inside and the audience from the previous film was just hanging around. Angry-making! Thank God I had an umbrella and was at least wearing a sweater and jacket, but we both needed scarves and gloves and winter coats for that shit.

Also, HUBS is a wizard...

Well...Ok

Yup. It's pretty obvious to me now - I think I'm depressed again. And I don't mean that random depression that comes when you think about something upsetting and then goes on its way when you watch your favorite tv show. I'm talking about the real, lasting depression that had me on Effexor for about five years.

Other than my anger/rage issues, I've also been feeling really overwhelmed. Even though I know in reality I barely do anything. I have three stories to write every week for my one freelance gig and two stories a month for the other gig. But...But I often feel like I have no time to do what I want or need to. There's this constant nagging in my brain to do a huge list of things, and thinking about this list makes me tired, saps whatever little energy I have and leads to me not wanting to do anything. So, often, I don't.

Last week during a moment of bright, shining clarity when I woke up in the middle of the night, I had a realization. What did I realize? I'm bored. That's right, I'm bored with my main source of income, writing bar/club reviews for an entertainment website.

I'm tired of the running around and the low pay and not getting reimbursed for the cash I spend on food and drink and having to put these excursions on my credit cards and racking up more debt and never knowing when I'll get paid or how much they'll decide to give me when I do.

This week, for instance, I'm doing a special on pies for Thanksgiving. The last time I did one of these holiday themed specials my pay was knocked down to $50 instead of my usual $100 because I didn't talk about enough different things. So, this time I asked my editor how many places I'd need to visit to get my usual fee. He said eight. One piece of pie from eight separate restaurants. Do you know how much running around that is? And how much money spending that is? For only 100 fucking dollars? Shit, I am tired.

And no matter how many jobs I apply for, I just can't keep up that hopeful feeling I had briefly that something with full-time money is around the corner. Just. Can't. Do it. I actually had another interview on Wednesday last week. During the interview the woman revealed that I would only get, at most, $7.75 an hour for this job. I'd wanted $10, which I thought was reasonable and already really, really shitty. It was a front desk job at a local YMCA; haven't heard from her and don't think I got this one either. Even though I have eight years experience handling front desk stuff.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be good for anymore. This whole process is demoralizing.

Hate.

October!

Dammit, October! Stop raining all the time, already. It's depressing. And makes my basement wet. And makes it hard to drive to my job interview in Belleville, IL. A place I know nothing about other that it's a half hour drive into another state. Yeah, October, it was real sweet how you didn't even start raining today until I left the house for my interview. Nice work, October!

STOP IT!!

Ok, I Can Breathe Now

This plant is currently unbloomed (of course), but the photo fits my lighter, more hopeful mood.

I got the results of the second blood test for my liver issue on Monday. My enzyme level has gone down to 72, which is still too high but a lot better than 153. It's looking more and more, to me anyway, that it's just because I was sick. The nurse I talked to last Friday said that could be the reason.

Even so, I've been ordered not to drink alcohol until after my check up on December 30, when my doc will take more blood and redo the test again to see if it's gone down more. I am fine with that. I told my editor at the online magazine where I do bar reviews what was going on, and I was so glad he didn't freak out about me not being able to drink.

Also, I am glad that it no longer looks like I might have something seriously wrong with me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the way, I had a job interview for a part-time receptionist job a couple of weeks ago that I did not get. I had to talk to two people that day, and I think the second one saw through my I'd-love-to-stay-here-a-long-time-in-this-position bullshit (they were looking for someone to do part-time for about a year and then move to full time permanently).

And, that's sorta ok. In fact, it's real ok, because I've just applied for three writing jobs that could be very cool. And I've got an interview for one tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Hmmm...I Feel Better

Could it be because the sun is shining but it's still chilly outside?

Methinks so...

Fit

I wish the title of this post referred to my firm inner thighs and tight abs, but unfortunately I'm talking about the kind of fit you have instead of are.

For a while earlier this year I was having a lot of these, throwing things and yelling and such. I had one again last night. This time, though, I hit HUBS in the stomach and when he said "Hey, what the fuck?" and backed away I threw a bag of crackers at him. Dammit.

Why did I get so upset? He'd just come home, right before 9pm, after saying he'd be home at 5:30 and then saying he'd really be home at 7:30. I had just finished eating without him (I hadn't had anything but toast all day; I tried to eat soup after I found out about the liver thing, but I think I was too worried to eat. So, after getting sick to my stomach I took about a 4 hour nap.).

I was mad that even though I'd called him and told him about the medical stuff, he didn't seem worried, or to care that I was worried. I was really hoping that he'd be home early so I could talk to him and be comforted and such. Plus? My computer keeps crashing and had just done so. So I wasn't able to get started on the story I'd been procrastinating on, like I'd wanted to.

It was one of those feelings like nothing is ever going to be right again. We literally never have any money for anything other than bills anymore, and are dangerously close to having no credit left either. We even had to take a cash advance from one of my cards last week to avoid getting overdraft fees in our checking account and to have some money for something. I really just can't seem to find a job. I put in four applications for retail places on Monday and no one has even called.

Nothing feels right. And, yeah, I was taking some undeservered stuff out on HUBS when I hit him, but I also feel like he hasn't been caring for me like he should. We've talked about this at least 3 times since I've been sick this month. I know he's been working insane hours to make overtime money for us, but when I was sick he still had to be asked and told to do things for me.

I mean, I got dizzy everytime I bent over and I still had to request that he do a little laundry. Do you realize how hard it is to go down a flight of stairs (to the basement) when you're weak and dizzy? He wouldn't so much as load the dishwasher without my prompting. Until I yelled at him. Got angry and told him to "help me dammit!"

Do you know he wouldn't even go get me a hamburger? Just a plain McDonald's hamburger. He didn't come out and say no, it was more like "Well, let's just wait and see after I finish this and we can go together blah blah blah." Fuck, I didn't feel like leaving the house. Basically, after a hard, long week at work he was finally getting to goof off online like he likes to and didn't want to deal with me (which he actually said to me, though not in so many words) when I asked him a whopping 4 hours later why he didn't just go get me a God damn burger already? Oh, and I happened to confront him about this when we were finally on the way to getting my burger, after I'd been hungry for, yes, FOUR HOURS.

I don't think I'm being outrageous here, to expect a little care from my husband when I get ill. Especially since I literally do everything for him when he's sick, and he gets sick A LOT. I even stuck by him when he got some flu-like thing a few months after we got together, when he thought he, wait for it...MIGHT HAVE AIDS. Yeah, and honestly, I think he deserved to get hit a little, though not for everything I hit him for.

This no-job-no-money-no-credit pressure is too much after 22 months of unemployment. I think we need counseling.

What The Fuck Now?

So, my doctor's office called today about the blood work I had done yesterday. Something's wrong with my liver. There's some enzyme that's supposed to be at 40, but my level is something like 153. I have to go in for more blood work tomorrow.

I'm a little bit scared.

Oh, Thank God

After getting the flu suddenly the day after my mom's birthday about two weeks ago, I finally feel a bit like a real person again.

I was fine on Tuesday. But as soon as I woke up Wednesday I had severe body aches, a roaring headache and dizziness. Do you know how unpleasant it is to get dizzy every time you bend down or stand up. It makes doing pretty much everything really hard. And a bit dangerous.

Also not good for someone who makes a scant living reviewing food? I could eat, but very little tasted right. There were three options with food: tasting basically ok, tasting like an old tree stump or tasting like something that might make me vomit. Even now, there are some things I kinda can't stand the idea of. Milk, oatmeal and ice cream being the prominent three of those things.

On the up side, I have lost weight. I tried to put on my favorite jeans (size 22) yesterday and they slid right off without me unbuttoning or unzipping them. So, yea for the flu?*

I started exercising again yesterday, but totally by accident. I went to the mall to drop off some job applications and pick up a few more. Therefore I ended up doing a lot of walking. Which totally wore me out for the rest of the day. I'm still sorta fatigued, which I hate. I did manage to do 30 minutes of toning/light walking today, so hopefully that'll help. I'm also going to the doc tomorrow for a check up, maybe he can tell me what else I can do to fully kick this thing.

Unfortunately we have other sick beings in our house, too. But I'll let you in on those tomorrow.

*By the by, my skin after a bout of fever? Excellent!

This Is It

It's go time, people. Here's my weight loss plan:

1) Exercise everyday, with a goal of 30 min a day (I will be counting housework and errand running-especially those days when I spend 3 hours walking around Wal-Mart or the grocery store)
2) Eat three meals and two snacks a day
3) Stop eating at 10pm (unless it's fruit, I'm giving myself that)
4) Stop eating when I'm full
5) Fast food no more than 2x a week, with goal of 1x a week or less

That's all I've come up with so far, but I think that's a good start. I've successfully exercised 4 days in a row this week. Monday I did 15 min of step aerobics. It was a pitiful endeavor, but I kept moving. Tuesday I did 30 min of toning exercises. Wednesday was a 1/2 hour walk that made me cry I was so tired during it. And Thursday I spent an insane amount of time at Wal-Mart and the grocery store. This included parking farther away than usual, lugging 2 giant kitty litter containers and 3 gallons of bleach, and taking several trips to and from the car to get everything in the house. I totally think that counts, especially since I held my stomach in and kept my glutes tight the whole time.

My ultimate goal is to lose a pound a week for the next 53 weeks, so that by this time next year I'll be back in a size 14/16. That may sound huge to a lot of people, but I work at that size. And, even when I was exercising my ass off everyday (two hour workouts daily) I only got down to a size 12. I'm hoping this endeavor will be more manageable and still allow me to stop getting winded from taking a shower.

Well, there, it's all public now. Help me, you guys!

So, Um...Yeah. Not Good, Citygirl...

Eating delectable food like this for work probably isn't helping much.

I just got back from the doctor. I had really convinced myself that I was holding at 245 pounds. Unfortunately I've finally topped 250. I now weigh 253 pounds. Shit.

I'm not gonna say stuff's really going to change now. I've said that so many times in the past few years and I can just never get off my ass and do anything. Actually I don't know what I'm saying or planning or anything. I'm just disgusted with myself.

Blah.

Have You Noticed...?

Joy

The days are cooler and shorter.
The leaves are beginning to fall.
Hot chocolate suddenly seems like a good idea again.
Yay!

Things We've Done Recently

We have had an interesting time of it lately. Here's what's been going on...



1)On the first Tuesday of this month, I noticed a opossum hanging out in our neighbor's driveway in the middle of the day. And it freaked me out, I thought that's all we need now, opossums running amok during the day. Well, by the same time the following day, that poor thing was dead. I guess it was sick and disoriented and that's why it was hanging out during daylight.

2) Almost two months to the day after this, I found another cat left in the road in front of our house. HUBS was at work, so I had to dig the grave myself. I don't think I'd ever really used a shovel before, and I was not very good at it. A lot of that had to do with it being hot and me being very sad. I named her Sheila and put her in the little dirt pile left after we got the tree in the front yard removed. Our neighbor, Fred, saw me digging and when he realized why got very upset. He puts out food and water for the strays like we do. When I said that someone must have hit her with their car her responded angrily with "Who! Who hit her!" and I appreciated his seeming desire to find the person and make them wish they had driven more carefully.

Then, two days later on Saturday, after a night of really hard, ridiculous raining, I went to put out food for the strays and found another kitten in the street. It was all very dramatic; me running through our flooded front walk, out into the rain and picking him up. He was wet and cold and already long gone. I brought him into the house and covered him in our doormat until HUBS could find a spot to bury him. I named him Stanley. RIP Sheila 9/3/09 and Stanley 9/5/09.


Boat. Not as big as you may have imagined.

3) That same day we went to Grafton, IL to see life-sized reproductions of Columbus' Pinta and Nina in dock. I was too upset about Stanley and Sheila to have a good time. Also, we went with his parents. They thought I was just tired. I realized that every time I've seen them this year has been on a day I was already in a crap-ass mood about something else. God only knows what they think is wrong with me!

4) With three cat deaths in two months we (me, HUBS and Fred) were starting to think it was time to get some of the strays adopted. Fred and I made calls to the Humane Society of MO, but they don't pick up strays. Animal control will give out humane cages to catch the animals, but a) they only give you one at a time, and that would take forever around here where we've got about 30 cats wandering our street; and b) if they don't have room for them after getting a clean bill of health, they still euthanize them. None of us wanted that, so we're leaving the cats alone. I still can't decide if that's really the right thing, though. Ideas?


Manny and the freakish eyes.

5) Life hasn't been all bad. For a brief period of time last week, we adopted a praying mantis that was hanging around our windows. HUBS named it Manny, which could be short for Manuela if it was a female. It was odd how responsive it was. More so than any other bug/insect I've seen. If you looked out the window at Manny, his head would immediately swivel to look at you. And if you moved around in the window you could actually see his eyes following you. HUBS looked up some mantis facts and found out they have 5 eyes, can see 60 feet and their heads turn 180 degrees. Freaky! After two days Manny moved on (we hope none of the kittens got him) and now we kinda miss the little freak.

6) During one of my many times at the window watching Manny, I accidentally saw him poop. Don't ask.

7) In a break from watching Everwood Season 2 or Friday Night Lights Season 3, I looked out to make sure no cats were in need anywhere. I found a baby opossum and a kitten eating the remainder of the food I'd put out that day. That damn kitten just couldn't leave well enough alone, and kept trying to play with the opossum's thick, ugly tail while it was eating. Opossum baby was coming real close to attacking the kitten because of it, so I stepped outside hoping to scare them off. Uh, you know they both just stood there and stared at me, right? For like a full two minutes, before opossum baby finally ran away. Baby animal crisis averted. See how brave I am when I can hide most of my body behind our front door?

8) Last Friday night, on our way to one of my bar reviews, we saw a opossum get run over by a car. Now, let me just say that I am no opossum fan. They are creepy, disgusting looking and I've heard they're pretty mean. But, I don't want to watch anything suffer, and Goddammit that thing suffered. It was horrible to see. I'll leave it at that.

9) With all this death-of-animals stuff going on, I asked my mom last week if she thought it was some kind of sign. She believes in that type of thing and so do I. I mean, I was starting to worry that God, The Universe, Whatever wasn't getting through to me about something so they were using dead animals to get me to notice what the fuck ever I need to notice. My mom didn't think so, and that really helped ease my mind. It might sound crazy, but there you go.

10) Speaking of my mom, we went to a job fair together last Wednesday with one of my aunts. Mom got laid off after her brother died back in April and hadn't really been looking for work much yet, but heard that the companies at this fair didn't need to see people with degrees, which was good for her. Unfortunately, she got some misinformation. But we still got our resumes to the company she was hoping to talk with. And, I got lots of goodies from the company tables at the fair. Thank you Brown Shoe Company, I've always wanted a tiny pomegranate lip balm!

11) I also spent a day last week trying to help my mom get her room organized. See, she's become quite the hoarder of paper; she's thrown very little away for the past 14years. Her bedroom is filled with bags, boxes and baskets of old bills and mail. How did this happen? Oh, that's easy; it's my bastard father's fault.

See, back in 1994 when he left her, he bought over $3,000 worth of crap for his new place on their shared credit card...And then filed for bankruptcy. So, for years and years they came after my mom for the money. For things she never bought or even saw. She has been afraid to throw anything away for fear that if she couldn't hide from them anymore she wouldn't have the proof that she never bought that crap and shouldn't have to pay for it.

That crap finally fell off her credit report in 2002, but she can't stop saving things. When I went into her room last week I realized that she even has papers under her pillow and comforter, under the bed, in the closet and in the laundry room. I didn't know how bad it was. So I decided to help her get things straight. I was there one day from 10am to almost 7pm and we cleared out three baskets filled with old bills, receipts and pay stubs dated 1995 to 1998. We have a long way to go.

12)Last Friday our house was almost eaten by a woodpecker. I heard this horrible noise that sounded like someone was trying to pick open our locks, looked out the window and saw nothing. The noise kept coming, and it was freaking out Tux, too. I looked out again and this time looked toward the top of the door and found the bird pecking away at the door frame. I beat on the door and got it to leave for a bit, but it came back to the same spot and tried to make a home. Finally the thing got tired and went someplace else. Is that crazy, or what?


Miller, on the left, with her sister Harris. Miller is currently the only stray that likes to have us pet her.

13) Again with the death. I woke up Monday afternoon (that's right, I'm unemployed and loving the freedom) and saw a dead bird on the sidewalk. One of our favorite strays, Miller, eventually came and picked it up. I hope the bird wasn't diseased, I would hate for Miller to get sick and not be able to help her.

14) Do not believe the hype about ladybugs. When I was burying Sheila, one landed on my arm and bit the shit out of me leaving a nasty little bump behind. I am not happy with you, ladybug!

15) We have a bar stool in a corner of our bedroom where I keep a favorite pair of shoes. I went to put them on Saturday and found a cricket up there with its...Aw hell, I'm gonna say it, poop. What is it with us and droppings?


I'll have a special paw gun made if I have to, Sebastian.

16) And...Just a few minutes ago, I watched one of the strays (we call her Sebastian) fight a pretty big snake...IN OUR FRONT YARD. It wasn't just in the front yard, either. It was dangerously close to the front door. Sebastian kept getting tired and walking away to lie down for a bit, and every time I hoped she'd come back with a tiny little gun and blow that snake away. I watched her for over a half hour, and then ran around putting glue boards (thank you, Orkin Man!) down near every basement window, the front door and two openings around the back door on our deck.

Can I just say, internet, I'm tired of nature, death and shit. Absolutely wiped.

Splendored Thing

Puppy love...But not in the truest since of the phrase.

Back during Hell Week '09, when I helped HUBS finish an insane amount of work at his job the week before school started, I took a little break one time and sat my tired ass down at a teacher's desk to rest. I looked around her space a bit and came on a note written for her by a student last school year.

Here, for you now, the awesomeness that was the letter she had taped to a filing cabinet:

"You are like a sweet apple in a tree. When I sad (not a typo, this kid was only like 8 years old when he wrote this) you comfort me. Trust me I've seen your heart. Mrs. K you are a work of art. You are so pretty I can't close my eyes. And just like my mother you haven't told any lies."

She's so pretty that the boy can't close his eyes, y'all! Lordy, somebody's passions run deep already!