Happy Friday: Yes!

Finally! HUBS feels better, y'all! Monday night he was in excrutiating-almost-crying pain for a couple of hours, and then...Calm. Sudden, blissful calm. The pain isn't gone, but he's now able to sit for an hour, before he only had ten minutes in a chair until he needed to lay down. He can sit long enough to drive himself to work or play video games on his computer. He's almost like a normal person again, and I am so, so, sososo glad!

That is the best thing that happened this week. Now? Let's look around online...

1) Creative? A new study says you're probably kinda crazy, too.

2) Having trouble staying productive? Try napping.

3) Dammit Kathie Lee Gifford! Stop dropping puppies!

4) If you've ever wondered what atrocious names classmates are teasing your kids with, Babynamer can help you out. No one ever used Ada Potato on me. But I got "Yo, Adrienne!" all the time. Had to stop talking to a boy over it. Yes I did.

5) The Awl has a great list of 21 Lies Writers Tell Themselves.

Music Monday: It's In The Way You Use It

I love fall. I mean, love fall and its weather with a passion. I got the chance to drive around on Sunday and relax in the presence of pretty, pretty leaves. It was nice, and I hope you are all enjoying the cooler, more colorful days we're having.

HUBS is still in pain. He has now had two cortisone shots in his back and is taking some kind of muscle or nerve relaxant along with his pain meds. It's not helping. Plus, he had to go back to work as of today, where he had to stand in pain most of the day since sitting feels even worse.

I don't know what to do for him anymore and it hurts and makes me angry and sad and frustrated. As you can likely guess, it's doing wonders for my depression!

I mentioned before that I've been seeing a therapist again. On Saturday she suggested I talk to my doctor and go back on mood meds. Which made me cry. I'm not ashamed of taking drugs to feel more like a normal person, I just hoped I was done with that when I stopped taking Wellbutrin four years ago. But, considering the state of my unhappiness right now, and the fact that my therapist doesn't feel the tips in The Depression Cure alone can lift me to a normal level, I might as well.

Another thing screwing with my emotions? My stupid hair! To put it mildly, it's a 20 mule team cluster fuck up there. Oh, well. I'm going to keep trying new techniques to see if I can come out of this transition without going bald.

Enough of the pity party! Music!

I Am Not My Hair

Why is hair sometimes such an emotionally charged thing? Women are especially prone to worrying about this; since all men really have to deal with is the possibility of going bald, they do get it easier. But, women? We have a lot more to think about with regards to hair.

We worry ourselves over getting the right length, shape or color. Does it go with my skin tone? Does it make me look too old or too young? Does it look professional enough, or freeing enough? We endure mild forms of torture with a variety of chemicals and hot as hell tools to get it all just right. Or so we think.

Well, I am done. I stopped all the fussing with heat a few years ago. I simply got tired of trying. And now I've decided to stop with the chemicals. As of early this summer I stopped relaxing my hair, after 23 years of holding fast to unnaturally straight (for me) tresses.

For those of you who don't know, having your hair relaxed is no joke. That stuff is potent. If you leave relaxer on too long it can dissolve your hair or burn your skin. And yet, millions of women take the risk for kink-free strands.

We also blow dry or flat iron our hair into submission. And, many Black women will remember having their hair done in the kitchen as children with a hot comb. This was a metal comb that was sat on the open fire of a stove and then raked through the hair to straighten it. I know! It was insanely capable of burning the shit out of you if the person doing the combing wasn't really careful. Or if you moved. Oh, God. If you moved, forget about it!

My freshman year of college in 1993. Long before having to endure styling over bald spots.

My reasons for going natural were two-fold. In 2008 my hair fell out and it's never really recovered. I'm hoping that getting rid of the bi-monthly usage of harsh chemicals will help my hair finally grow back. (I did see a doctor who specializes in hair/scalp issues, by the way. None of the stuff he gave me helped.) Also? HUBS and I just couldn't afford the cost of upkeep anymore. It cost $50 every time I got my hair relaxed. Considering our previous financial situation, I actually started to feel guilty when I went to the salon. I was always thinking about the bills we could pay with that cash or the groceries we could buy.

The downside now? I'm embarrassed to say it, but I have no idea how to care for my natural hair texture or how to style it in this weird in-between stage. And I have no idea what to do with it once it's fully natural.

I was never good at futzing with my hair anyway. I've never had the arm strength for all that hands-over-head stuff that creative styling requires. Now? Thank God I own a lot of scarves, headbands and bobby pins, because I'm in some combination of those things daily.

So I'm waiting. Waiting for my hair to normalize. Waiting to figure out a way to look polished with whatever my kinky/curly hair will turn into when all the relaxer has grown out. Waiting for a new freedom that I wish I'd been brave enough to dive into ages ago.

Music Monday: Bait & Switch

Rudy doesn't believe this either.

Well, well, well...Look who's shown up again on a Monday. These continue to be some of the most trying times HUBS and myself have had.

Luckily, my health issues are basically cleared up, and we're experiencing the kind of financial relief that can only be understood by anyone who's been unburdened of several thousands of dollars in debt.

But...

But, HUBS is still pretty bad off. He had an MRI last week and we found out he's got a bulging disk and another disk that about to bulge. He's been in tremendous pain for a full month and nothing has helped him get back to work or fix the problem enough so that he can live normally. Not the physical therapy, or the major pain medication, or the cortisone shot he had last Thursday which was directed right at his bad disks.

Actually, about that shot. The orthopedist told us it should take up to 48 hours for it to kick in and HUBS to experience some relief. He called the doc this morning, since, clearly, that didn't happen. What did the doctor tell him this time? That it could take up to a full week for the cortisone to work.

You know what? If that was the maximum amount of time for him to get back to some semblance of normal, why did he not tell us that before, during or immediately after HUBS got the shot? On top of that, this doctor apparently makes it a policy to never take people off work for injuries like this. So, now HUBS is using sick days to cover his time off, because if the doc won't sign off on staying at home worker's comp won't pay for it.

I SMELL A CONSPIRACY! WORKER'S COMP SENT US TO THIS DOCTOR FOR TREATMENT, WHO JUST HAPPENS TO NOT REMOVE PEOPLE FROM WORK DUTIES. MEANING, HE'S EFFECTIVELY SAVING THE WORKER'S COMP PEOPLE MONEY. REGARDLESS OF WHETHER OR NOT IT'S A GOOD MOVE FOR THE PATIENT TO GO BACK TO WORK.

Yeah, I said it! I'm on to you medical conspiracy fuckers!

Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest! Let's listen to some music now, I need to calm down...

Heal Thyself!

So, aside from trying to get better and help HUBS get better this past month, I've also been reading a book that was suggested to me by a reader of this blog (Thanks, Jeri!).

The Depression Cure was written by a doctor who created a drug-free program to help people kick their depression symptoms in the ass.

What I love most about the program is that everything is doable, inexpensive or free and based on some pretty simple ideas. Since we tend to close ourselves off from life when we're depressed, we end up making things worse because, guess what? We need to get some exercise, hang out with people, sleep a solid part of the night, go outside and see the sun and do things we enjoy so that we stop dwelling on our problems (perceived and real).

I haven't fully implemented all of his ideas, mostly because there's still a bit of upheaval around these parts, but I am happy about what I've been able to do so far.

1) I'm taking an omega 3 supplement because it's been shown to help with mood.

2) I've been using Breathe Right strips since Friday, and they have greatly helped my ability to sleep through the night. (With the exception of Monday night, when I was up for an hour and 40 minutes dealing with a bout of food poisoning. I'm done with you, Applebee's.)

3) Now that it's cooler outside, I've been spending a lot more time outside in the sun. Not purposely soaking up the sun, but not actively staying to the shadows when I'm outside, either.

4) With all our HUBS medical trips of the past few weeks, I've probably talked to more people this month than I have all summer. Even though doing so much of it was annoying at times, I know it's better than locking myself away in my cat-filled house on a daily basis.

5) I let HUBS talk me into swimming last week. His physical therapist said it would be good for his back and leg, and he found a place with a whirlpool, sauna and steam room to help with my congestion that we could try for free. And, you know what? I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was free. We went in the middle of the week at night so hardly anyone was there. The pool was a balmy 84 degrees so it didn't shock to get into or out of. The whirlpool without bubbles was to die for. You have my heart Jewish Community Center. You. Have. My. Heart.

6) I've become completely absorbed in the games on my phone. Ruminating is one thing that will make depression worse every time. I needed to get my mind off things and turned to my neglected game apps. It has worked tremendously. I even had HUBS futz with my phone to give me more storage space so I could add more games. I'm loving the freedom it's giving my brain!

I plan to do more as I feel better. Honestly, I feel like I have some control over my symptoms for the first time in my life. If nothing else, this program works just by giving me hope of being able to beat this thing. Plus, I'll have a nice list of steps I can take to make things better when I start to get down.

If you're battling the blues or full blown depression, I cannot say enough to recommend getting your hands on this book. I really believe it will help.

Do you have any tried and true methods for beating back the blues? I'd love to hear them, so share in the comments!

Happy Friday: Normalcy Is A Tricky Thing

HUBS and I are both sick. I have some sort of sinus infection that I've been battling for a month, while HUBS hurt his back last month and has been in so much pain for the past two weeks that he's been on worker's comp leave for almost the whole time and will likely have at least another week off.

As you might remember, I'm not currently working. But when I do, I work at home. Driving long distances in rush hour traffic are no longer a part of my DNA. HUBS' injury has lead to an amount of (almost) daily driving that has been unprecedented in my life for the past four years.

And, since I'm semi-sleep deprived and completely unused to driving a lot, this has been a difficult time. HUBS is cranky 'cause he's in pain and no one really knows what's causing the pain. I'm cranky 'cause I'm essentially running errands every day and I've been congested for a month and I'm not sleeping enough.

Blah.

I say all this to explain my light posting and attention to all your blogs as of late. I plan to go to the doctor some time next week, which will hopefully cure at least some of my issues and lead to a clearer head and more internet time.

Plus! We do have good news. HUBS' excellently supportive parents have generously relieved us of a tremendous amount of financial responsibility. So, we have some breathing room that we need to plan out lest we end up in a ridiculous amount of money trouble again. Which is causing tiny panic attacks every time I think about it, but I suppose I'll get over that soon.

Enough about my crap! Let's see what I've been missing online...

1) Babies belong to gangs now? I'm horrified...And filled with laughter.

2) Sports fans will likely go nutty over this exhaustive list of every team logo ever. They even cover rugby!

3) Planning a fall trip to Copenhagen but never been abroad before? Here's a great list of all the things you'll need to keep in mind. There are two more parts if you want more help.

4)I've been in a forced foggy-headed internet vacation for most of two weeks, but if you're feeling overwhelmed by online life you shouldn't fear tuning out for a bit. 12 Most gives you some inspiration for shutting down and living off line.

5) If you're trying to eat healthy, this list of the Top 10 Superfoods could help you out.

Phew! This was a lot of interneting for one day. Now I need a nap. Have a great weekend, everyone!

10 Things I Don't Understand

Hey! Someone else looks like crap with messy hair just like me! Good to know...

There are some things about life which I have little or no understanding of. Here's my list.

10 Things I Don't Understand About Life

1) Messy hair: It looks fine on other people (usually). But, if I have a single hair out of place, I am guaranteed to look like a homicidal crack head. Isn't it nice to know what doesn't work for you?

2) Giving the finger: Sure, I've done it a couple of times in righteous anger. But, it just felt kinda...Meh. Since what I really want to do when I flip someone off is yell or smack them upside the head with a large metal serving spoon, the finger just doesn't feel like enough. So, I don't do it.

3) Thong underwear: These, ostensibly, became all the rage to remove ladies' panty lines. Can I tell you something? When I was still working downtown and saw well-dressed career women all the time, a LOT of them had thong panty lines. And there is nothing more hideous than a constant reminder of a stranger's ass crack. I am pro-granny panty. All the way.

4) Sunscreen: Now, before you begin to silently judge me, you should know that I of course wear sunscreen. But, I also hate it with a fierce passion. I'm sure there's some $45,000 bottle of the stuff out there that makes you feel fresh and glowy and sophisticated. I only buy the drugstore variety, so I turn into a sticky hobo within an hour of putting the stuff on. Dammit, sun!

5) Iced coffee: Just disgusting. If coffee's not hot, what's the point? I will sit under a fan on full blast if need be to have my piping morning cuppa. Yes I will.

6) Piercings: Earrings? Sure. A dainty diamond stud in the nose? OK, fine. But bones and bars and ear lobe extenders? No. And, you're not even an original anymore, hun. Take it out, stitch it up and move on.

7) Politics: Oh, I vote. Lots of people went through a lot of trouble, including dying, so my black female ass could have a say. The problem? I find it impossible to believe 99% of what anyone on either side (or in the middle) tells me. I think most of them just want the power of being elected. And the rest of them will soon be corrupted by all the games they need to play to get anything accomplished. As you might imagine, I usually leave my polling place feeling vaguely icky and praying I made a choice that won't send us into Armageddon.

8) Fashion magazines that refuse to acknowledge the fact that most women can't, and wouldn't even if they could, pay $70 for eyeshadow: Show some cheap shit, already! And? Stop pretending you have a story on high/low fashion when your "low" is a pair of $189 pants. You know what? Nevermind. You keep acting like fools and I'll keep not reading and yelling Fuck you Vogue! when I pass a newsstand.

9) Ugly-cute animals: Notice we don't ascribe this dichotomy to people? That's because ugly-cute doesn't exist. Can you really not love your ugly-ass dog if you don't insist it's cute? Well, shame on you, I say. Shame!

10) Low rise pants: Haven't we all seen enough butt crack beginnings in our lives? Haven't we?!

What things about modern life do you not understand?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Look (Sorta) Good When You Feel Like Crap

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Well, well. I'm finally almost getting over my feeling of being exiled by illness. And while I'm no where near 100%, I am bolstered by a good bath and hair combing.

Why are those things so important? Because when you're sick, whether those are physical or mental blahs you're dealing with, it's easy to get mired in bed with ratty hair and dirty pajamas. Sometimes that's OK. But sometimes, you absolutely need to leave the house. And when that happens, you should try to look presentable enough that everyone you come into contact with doesn't frown upon seeing you and ask, "Do you want me to call someone for you?"

Here now? My tips to look less like the crap that you feel.

How To Look (Sorta) Good When You Feel Like Crap

1) Get up slowly. OK, so you have to be somewhere. If at all possible don't make this a first-thing-in-the-morning kind of appointment. In my experience, that will just make you angry. Shoot for an out-the-door time of 10 or 11 am. That way you can roll out of bed, relax for a bit and then ease yourself into presentability. Also? Don't pretend you'll be any more ready for leaving the house after noon. Give yourself too much time, and it will just get harder to be motivated. And you know it.

2) Some grooming is essential. Look, I'm not going to pretend that I am the most kempt person while ill. I am not. But when you need to show your face to the world, you gotta do something. If you can't get with brushing your teeth, eat something that smells good before you leave. Nobody can use their breath as a knockout weapon after having peppermint candy or a chocolate chip cookie.

Don't feel like combing your knotty mess of hair? This is what scarves, hats, ponytails and razors were invented for. Too tired to bathe? Clean the essentials. Yeah, those essentials. (Though I must say, a cap full of bleach in a hot-as-I-can-stand tub full of water always does wonders when I feel like shit.)

3) Eat. Something! Maybe you've been losing precious nutrients through no volition of your own during this time and you're a bit afraid of ingesting anything that will upset the delicate balance of your tummy. If you're going to keep your wits about you in the world at large, you'll need some food in you.

Saltines and Sierra Mist may not be exciting, but they'll stop you from fainting in Sears. So will a bit of white rice with sugar (no milk or butter unless your illness involves no intestinal difficulties...trust me if you haven't learned this lesson for yourself) or dry toast.

4) Decoration becomes you. Put on your best looking, non-confining clothes. Lip balm if you're a guy, lip gloss and blush (if you can stand it) for the ladies. Add big shades for your undoubtedly weary eyes and nice, but comfy, shoes. There! That wasn't so hard! Now, get out of the house and get your shit done so you can crawl back into bed as soon as possible.

Happy Friday: Sorta Kinda

People? I am not having a good week. I'm sick, sleep deprived, achy, irritable and tired of things that should be simple turning drastically more difficult (and more expensive). So, in order to DO MY OPPOSITE, let's not go into too many details, OK? Here's what went right this week...

1) I finally had work done on my car so I could get my tags renewed.
2) When my horn shorted out and wouldn't stop honking, a nice apartment manager named Jessie helped me and even called her maintenance men in from lunch to look at my car.
3) I have not died from whatever cold/allergy/demon sinus infection I've gotten.
4) I started reading The Depression Cure and think I can integrate the changes into my life.
5) I wrote a cool blog post while trapped at the mechanics yesterday, it'll post next week.
6) Also while getting my car fixed? I solved my glitchy phone issues. At least for now.
7) We're getting a steady stream of sensible rain today, plus it's not hellishly hot. I really appreciate that!

Now! Internet awesome!

1) Maybe The Pomodoro Technique can help us "eliminate the anxiety of time."

2) The Scale of the Universe 2 is a website created by two 14 year old twins. And if you want to see how big you are in relation to the St. Louis Arch, a shrew, a twip and a lot of other stuff massive or massively tiny, you'll love it. I was trapped on here for half an hour Wednesday. But! It's OK! You learn things!

3) The wonderful weirdness that is Retronaut has skeletons of our favorite cartoon characters.

4) It's possible I'm behind the curve on this one, but I just found 12 Most. The site has great lists that'll help you learn stuff in business, media and lifestyle categories.

5) Finally, if you've started storing files in the cloud, Techlicious has a safer way to do it.

That's all for me, lovelies. I'm going to go get the tags for my car and try to exercise some before collapsing into a wickedly tired heap. Have a great weekend!

What's gone right for you this week?

Music Monday: Changing Things

This weekend was pretty low key, but I did do something essential on Saturday: I went to see a new therapist.

Six free sessions were made possible by HUBS' insurance company and their employee assistance program. I also made an appointment for free financial counseling that'll take place over the phone Wednesday. I'm not sure the money man will be able to tell me anything I don't already know, but it's worth a shot.

The therapist had some good starting suggestions, and until my next appointment my homework is to look into the things she suggested. And, that includes a visit to a homeopathic store to see if any natural stuff can alleviate my depression symptoms.

So, it's all worth a try, right?

Now, some new music for you!

Happy Friday! Trying To Live My Own Lessons

Mom before me, in January of '72.

Boy, did I ever get smacked in the face with my own theories this week. My mom, who I've been worried about since she got laid off right after my uncle died in spring 2009, finally got a job on Wednesday. She starts work tonight.

And? I'm jealous.

I know! I just talked about this on Tuesday. PT did not get my job. Her getting a job does not mean that there is one less job for me. I have some good stuff going on. I woke up at 4:44 this morning because I couldn't breathe (that's not the good thing; anyway, I think I have a sinus infection) and ended up applying for two jobs online and filling out two applications that had been sitting around for a week.

So, I need to let you know that PT getting herself a job really does make me happy and less worried. But I happen to also be completely envious. She's applied for exactly two jobs in her three years of unemployment and she nailed the second one. I've put my name in the race for, what must be, a couple of hundred jobs and aside from two short temp gigs...Nothing.

PT will be leaving for work soon, I have to call and wish her luck, so here are some internet wanderings for your enjoyment this weekend.

1)If you're interested in continuing your education, Mashable has a list of ways to do it online.

2) Brain Pickings has had some interesting articles on sleep and why it's good for every aspect of our lives.

3) Margaret Atwood has 10 honest rules for writing fiction. This list is great for all the writers out there (in here).

4) Lifehacker has the scoop on a web app that'll let you license your Instagram pics.

5) And for a little comedy, Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney is not impressed and Expendables 2 stars before they were famous.

Enjoy the weekend, lovelies!

Will I Ever Be OK With This?

My left hip is bothering me. It doesn't hurt or anything. It's just really fucking fat.

It's true. My left hip is fatter than my right hip. I know most of us live in bodies without complete symmetry, and I've dealt with this in other ways, but I still find this utterly annoying.

For some reason, this hip thing bugs me more than having one foot (I can never remember which) bigger than the other and a right boob that's heavier than the left. And I don't know why. It's almost like it's a symbol; a sign of something bigger and nastier in my brain.

This discontent isn't just about me losing 20 pounds, gaining back five and having it all, apparently, go to my left hip. No, I don't think so. It's about how I let myself go and kept myself there; way on the other side of the weight I want to be. How I started to back away, slipped and have stayed, cowering, on a rocky cliff. I'm hanging on for dear life to something I don't want. Again.

I've never been crazy about my body. That's not true. I probably didn't think much about it when I was five or six. But, that was before. Before I noticed that girls were supposed to be thin so they could be pretty. Pretty so they could liked. Liked so they could be popular and happy and successful. You know, before.

Before I saw Tamara in the second grade and how all the boys looked at her and talked about her all the time. And before I saw how the other girls asked about her hair and clothes and talked about her all the time. No one talked about me. I was chubby and kinda tall for my age, so if anyone talked about me it was because they wanted help with their math homework.

I don't blame Tamara for any of this. She was just being her thin, popular, really pretty self. The issues weren't immediate, anyway. There was just a realization that stayed with me. A realization that was there two years later when I got glasses, and two years after that when I started to get acne and...

BOOM! There's the problem.

I started exercising, but it wasn't like before, This wasn't roller skating in the park, swimming at the community pool or playing racquetball. Those were for fun. This exercise was work. I exercised to lose weight. I wanted to lose weight so people would pay attention and finally, fuck finally, like me.

They call it "working out" for a reason; if you don't like it, it's torture. And since it felt like torture, it didn't help. I didn't lose weight, I got bigger. I spent high school trying to be alright with being big, shy, acne-ridden and four-eyed. I wore long tops and stretch pants. I rocked short skirts with tights to try hiding my fat knees. Meanwhile I had to order a men's letter jacket and have my marching band uniform specially fit for me, all while yelling at my gym teacher, I'm just not athletic!

College was different. I lost weight; I wasn't thin, but after losing 60 pounds, I was finally not fat. I worked out every day. Sometimes twice a day or at 3 a.m. so I could always fit it in. I also cut way back on what I ate; and binged around the corners of my restrictive diet and crazy workout schedule. I never got any more popular, but I kept that weight off for years. Then, suddenly it seems, I was 35 and heavier than I'd ever been. And now I'm 37, a little bit lighter again, but with one super-fat hip.

One super-fat hip that shows me what a failure I've been my whole life every time my arm accidentally brushes against it. My left hip? That's my inadequacy in what feels like every area of life.

What I wonder now is if I will ever be OK. Not just with my supremely imperfect body, but with my imperfect life. Will I ever reach that pinnacle of human awareness where I can fully enjoy where I am while striving for something better?

Or will I always want more so bad that it hurts too hard to even try actually working for more?

Will something more or better always seem like it's for someone else and not me?

I don't know anything right now. Since I'm rounding the corner to 40, I'm not sure if that's freeing or terrifying.

Have any of you reached a point where you're fine with your imperfect bodies? How did you get there?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Face Abundance That Isn't Yours

When I'm having a hard time, it's difficult for me to watch strangers be happy. I'm not proud of that, but there it is. I don't want other people to be miserable, but if I'm down I don't want to be a witness to their good fortune, either.

And, really? I don't think I'm alone in this. We all get jealous from time to time. Sometimes, when you're struggling with what you don't have, it's impossible to see anything else but what others do have. And it always seems like so much more than what you've got. There are a few things you can do to keep from losing your mind whenever you see someone with more (success, free time, money, fame, talent, joy, luck, classic cars...)of what you want.

How To Face Abundance That Isn't Yours

1) Focus: What's leading to the feelings of inadequacy? Facebook? Twitter? Monthly meetups with high school classmates? Give it a rest for a bit and concentrate on your life and whatever is working. Even if it's tiny. You finally finished that book of crossword puzzles! Your cat's gotten over her cold! The old man who stares at you while licking his lips wasn't on the bus today! Technically, I suppose this is what's commonly referred to as "gratitude", but I've decided I don't like that word. It sounds too lofty; like whatever you chose to spotlight had better be a major life-changer. Big stuff is fine, but since most of us only get little victories on a regular basis, those are the ones to focus on.

2) They don't have your stuff: For some reason this one's especially hard to remember. Here's the truth: just because you want to become a well-known and widely respected singer/songwriter doesn't mean that Taylor Swift got your mojo. Neither did John Mayer or Kanye West or anyone else who's doing what you want to be doing at a high level. While it's true that some people have more opportunities than others, everybody has their own juice. No one else has your money or your fame or your talent. They've made the most of what they were given and you have to do the same.

3) We never see the whole story: Another thing I'm not proud of is one of my jealousy coping mechanisms. Whenever I see someone my age or younger in a fabulous car, say a Bentley convertible, I invent bad stuff for their life. He lives in his car. His toddler son is a terror. He stole all the money he used to buy the car and will soon be caught and imprisoned...You get the picture. My point, though somewhat mean, is surprisingly valid. When you look at someone's Facebook page, do you know what they're sharing?

THE GOOD STUFF. ONLY THE GOOD STUFF!

No one is telling you about the toe they broke finishing that 25 mile marathon. They don't mention all the food they wasted trying to create the dish that won $10,000 in a recipe contest. Everyone's life is difficult in some way; they just don't make a habit of splashing those tribulations all over the internet. Remember that next time you're filled with envy.

Music Monday: Just Me?

Is it my imagination, or is time passing by faster? I woke up today with a firm plan to accomplish amazing things, was quickly derailed by a mental paralysis unique to those of us dealing with strained financial issues, and saw my day fly by completely without my noticing. Now I'm in a rush to get anything at all done before nightfall catches me by surprise.

Oh, well. We all have our crosses...

Tuesday Tipday: How To Make Housework Less Horrible

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I don't know about you, but I find housework to be a necessary evil. Of course there's a momentary sense of accomplishment when I finally complete some chore or other. But, I'm always irritated by the fact that within a week all that hard work will need to be done again. Here are some tips to make the process less painful.

How To Make Housework Less Horrible

1) Make it enjoyable: Unless you find sweeping, dusting and baseboard cleaning relaxing, I know this might seem impossible. But! We have music for a reason, you know. Blast the most distracting, fun, dance-your-ass-off tunes, get in the mood to move and cleaning will go by faster than you know.

2) Make it necessary: Remember when you were a kid and your mom made you make your bed everyday before school to teach you about responsibility...or something? Stop that. If housework gives you fits, stop doing the things you don't have to do, or at least stop doing them so often. Don't move all your furniture to vacuum on a weekly basis; maybe do it once every two months. Ease up on yourself for God's sake!

3) Make it even(er): If your spouse and/or kids and/or long-term house guests aren't pulling their cleaning weight, it's time for that crap to end. Sit them down and tell them that you will no longer do everything. Make assignments that require them to take care of their duties on a regular rotation that you can both agree on. Then, let it go. Try to forget how you would do it as long as it gets done; otherwise you'll stress yourself out and might as well still be handling it yourself.

4) Make it slow: I know. It's hard to keep up with the little stuff with everything else going on. But, I also know what's it's like to let all the dusting, baseboard cleaning, window washing, laundry and furniture cat-hair de-fluffing go until it all needs doing at once. Pick a day, pick a thing, do that and only that and get on with your life. Then next week (day, month...year) do it again.

*What household chores do you hate?

*I cannot stand to vacuum. I feel like I'm dying when I do it, which is how HUBS ended up on vacuum duty as of two years ago.

Happy Friday: Better Times

It's entirely possible that the weather will actually be nice this weekend. I didn't even need the A/C on today until after 2 pm! I am very happy about this, people! HUBS has been very stressed getting ready for the school year to start next week (he's been working 10 or more hours a day for two weeks), and we both need to get out a bit.

I've had a very productive day. I applied for three jobs, evaluated my freelance rates and exercised. I like days like this, when I get real stuff done all day long.

Well, I hope you've got something nice planned this weekend. But, if not, here's some things to help keep you happy indoors.

1) Make this weekend body positive.

2) In time for the tail end of Olympic fever, I bring you the Olympic Scrunchies tumblr and this Smart Money article on the true cost of getting to the games.

3) Ever wondered what cats get up to when we let them outside? Check out the Kitty Cams Project.

4) Boredom might be good for your creativity. Who knew?

5) Wild author and advice columnist Cheryl Strayed talks about writing, reading and learning.

I Entered A Contest

If you head over to the Cottonelle Facebook page and click on Name It in their timeline, you can enter to win some cool prizes. Just like I did!

TV You Should Be Watching

Isn't television a frequently wonderful thing? I've always been a TV lover, and since HUBS and I are currently people of modest means, most of our nights are spent in front of a weekly television series discussing the vagaries of human motivation. Or, sometimes just laughing our asses off. But, you know, either way it's fun!

We've come upon some shows recently that I would be remiss not to discuss with you. They are all funny and thought provoking, and I think you'll like them.

1) Veep

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I like Julia Louis-Dreyfus, so I had decent hopes for Veep. Who knew it would turn out to be one of the more surprising new shows in years? As you can likely guess by the title, she plays a US Vice President. And she just happens to be dealing with a distant daughter, scheming lawmakers, a president who doesn't much respect her, a pregnancy scare and her own struggles to push her political agenda while under intense media scrutiny. I know, it sounds hilarious! Actually, that's one of the things we loved about the show; it manages to be truly funny while still dealing with insider political stuff very realistically. The first season has finished showing, but you can watch it on HBO GO. Favorite Line: "I am going to throw up a leg."



2) Girls

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I freely admit that Girls is one of those shows where I initially thought Great, just what we need. Another young-pretty-white-people-in-New York show. How could we ever get enough of those! But, I kept hearing about it and when we decided to give it a try we sort of hated most of the main characters...and found them fascinating. Creator/writer/producer/star Lena Dunham has given us the most confused, self-absorbed group of fuck-ups who still manage to be watchable that I've ever seen. They are brutally aware of their friends' foibles while being blind to their own. They also constantly get themselves into funny bits of odd trouble that you simply can't look away from. In short? They're young, stupid and human. I enjoy Girls a LOT more than my young-pretty-white-people-in-New York barometer should allow me to, which is a huge testament to the joys that lie herein. This is also over for the year; watch on HBO GO. Or, wait until the first season DVD comes out. Favorite Line: "I know all the dick moves, OK? Don't be a dick."



3) Episodes

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Episodes is, by far, one of the funniest shows that's come along in recent years. If you haven't heard already, Matt LeBlanc (yeah, Joey from Friends) stars as an uber-douchey version of himself in this show about the making of a sitcom. We get a view of the unbelievably hard work that goes into making even the most mediocre of TV shows, all while providing steady laughs when the characters inevitably blow up their own lives. This one's still playing on Showtime for a few weeks, but there's a whole first season available on DVD for you to catch up on. Favorite Line: "Well, I guess things did get kinda blowy and sucky."



What shows do you look forward to every week?

Tuesday Tipday: How To Say No

...These women were unable to say no. You don't want to end up like them, in a bundle on the floor with your ass showing, do you?

If you look at a women's magazine in any given month, chances are you will come upon an article discussing how hard it is for women to say no to demands on their time by other people.

Not only have I never been one of these women, but I don't entirely understand them. Maybe it's because I don't have children or tons of family responsibilities, or maybe it's because a sometimes not so gentle undercurrent of depression runs through my everyday life. Either way, I'm pretty good at saying no.

So, for everyone who has trouble with it, here are some steps you can take to free yourself from the tyranny of yes.

How To Say No

1) Start with yourself. "No" seems so negative, doesn't it? You probably don't say it because you're afraid of hurting people's feelings or seeming selfish. The first key is to stop thinking about "no" in such negative terms. When you say NO to other people, what you're really doing is saying YES to yourself. If you're faced with a business offer or invitation, or asked for money you'd rather not give, think about what you need to do with the time, money, knowledge or whatever else has been asked of you. When you think of saying NO to others as simply saying YES to your own life, it's easier to realize it's not so bad.

2) Work up to it... If you really can't fathom turning down any request, you may need to ease yourself into it. Would you like to come to my Bachelorette finale viewing party? asks the woman at work you hate talking to in regards to a show you happen to also hate. Tell her you need to check your calendar, then when she asks again a few days later, thank her for the invitation and tell her you've got a family event that night. She doesn't need to know that "family event" is code for a long bath, delivered pizza and a Gilmore Girls marathon with your husband.

3) ...But don't coddle yourself. The white lie route will only get you so far. Plus, you can't do that forever. Eventually you're going to have to bust out the dreaded two letter word. Practice with those small, everyday questions if working up to no keeps you stuck in I'll-think-about-it land. Do you want fries with that? NO. Can I talk to you about our new credit protector plan? NO. Are you alright? NO. The sex was good last night, wasn't it? NO. You get the picture...

4) Stay positive. Remember that you're only saying no to say yes to your own needs. As a result, it's often a good idea to couch your response in as much positivity as you can, depending on the situation. Here's how this works. You get the question: We really need a new chair for this event. You've worked with us for a long time, would you like to take over? You think: The reason they need a new chair is because the stress of planning always drives the previous chair insane. I am too busy, important and happy to go crazy right now. You say: Wow, thanks for thinking of me, but, no. I really have too much going on to devote enough time to chairing the event. I'll certainly volunteer again, though! See? Easy!

Now go take that bath, eat that pizza and watch TV. You've earned it!

What do you have trouble saying no to?

Happy Friday: Relax Into It

Well, I've had a pretty productive day. An allergy attack woke me up around 6:30 this morning, and since I was congested enough to not be able to breathe while laying down, I sat at my desk and worked on a story that's been percolating in my brain for the past couple of weeks.

I've also cooked tonight's dinner, done some laundry and cleaned up cat barf, so, yea for getting stuff out of the way!

HUBS and I, as usual, are plan-less for the weekend. But, I hope to do a lot of reading, writing and get out of the house to somewhere interesting. Now, let's look into some internet things!

1) Wanna animate your photos?

2) Get help meeting goals and moving forward in life with the Unstuck app and their remarkably helpful blog.

3) I am newly obsessed with the Giant Pants of the '30s tumblr.

4) What the most successful people do before breakfast can help you plan your day.

5) Triposo is a travel guide for your cell phone/tablet that has over 8000 destinations. Phew!

There! Now go relax, already!